For the men who avoid marriage because of the power it would give the woman, is that a sign that these men are controlling?

Question

Many men think that women have all the power once they get married, so they tend to avoid getting married so as to not give women that amount of power. Should women leave these men who have this mindset? Isn't this a red flag that the guy has control issues?

DextroShade · Accepted Answer

Marriage is simply a bad deal for men due to the corrupt misandrist family court systems and the fact that most modern women are utterly unsuitable for marriage due to extremely high rates of obesity, promiscuity, single motherhood, entitlement, and narcissism.

Let me give you a scenario that has actually happened to men: A man marries a woman and she has a kid. The husband signs the birth certificate because he assumes it's his. He later finds out that she has been cheating on him with her ex, DNA tests the kid, and finds out it's not his. He confronts her about, and justifiably gets angry and yells at her for being a cheating whore who cucked him. Divorce proceedings get initiated and she accuses him of being abusive because he yelled at her. The man-hating judge agrees ge abusive even though he never laid a hand on her and orders him to pay alimony even though she cheated. Furthermore, because it's his name on the birth certificate he has to pay child support for another man's kid! Other guys see this sort of thing happen to guys they know and start thinking twice about marriage. Men talk too ladies, even if we don't do so as much as you do.

imtiaz45 · Accepted Answer

Men who avoid marriage solely because they fear the power it might grant their partner can indeed signal controlling tendencies. Their reluctance stems from a desire to maintain dominance rather than fostering equality in a relationship. Such behavior reflects a deep-seated insecurity about sharing power and autonomy with a partner. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and cooperation, not on one-sided power dynamics. These men may benefit from introspection and understanding that true partnership involves shared decision-making and trust, rather than seeking to control the other person's autonomy and agency.

Crimsyjo · Accepted Answer

I don't think there is one reason that can be given for why a man - or woman- chooses not to marry. And if he is a controlling person then marriage is not going to alter that. If a woman does want to get married and the man doesn't then this is going to ultimately cause a breakdown of the relationship. For a long time marriage was seen as a sign of love. So a man that won't commit must not love his woman enough. I think marriage is not seen as holding the same bonding level of commitment as it once did and women look for much more deeper signs of love from their man now. Trust, loyalty, dependency. And maybe some men also see marriage as an unnecessary contract that they shouldn't have to sign in order to prove their love and worth.

So no, to answer the question, it is not a sign of a man's fear of losing control. But it does have a reason. One by which it is wise for the woman to ask about and either agree or disagree with.

wiltingrosepetal · Accepted Answer

Marriage to the modern man is equivalent to walking alone at night to the modern woman. We hear horror stories of how people can turn those situations into hell. Women stealing the income of a man, taking away his kids, is a pretty scary risk to take.

They wait so they can assure the woman they're with is good and honest before settling down. Marriage can be a tool to ruin a man's life. Men don't avoid it because they're controlling, they avoid it so they won't be controlled. Crucial difference.

Finchie40 · Answer

The thing is there should be no control from either side what so ever , setting boundaries with each other Yes , but boundaries aren’t control , boundaries are set for the both of you to keep the both of you on the same page with things so the relationship and love continues to grow between the both of you. Sadly Most modern day women don’t know how to follow boundaries , she wants her man to follow them , but sadly she doesn’t’ , most females assume it’s ok for her to do things but not ok for her man to do things , when her man points out to her that she isn’t following the boundaries they set together , she automatically blows up and starts accusing him of being insecure and saying things like you don’t trust me blah blah blah , I have honestly witnessed and experienced this unfold before my eyes a shit ton of times. And sadly women are to blame. In most cases. It’s her way or no way , most females today have very selfish mindsets that think she. is entitled to do whatever she wants , that she was put on Earth to be catered to , If her man fails at any of these , she automatically plays a victim and acts like her man is this horrible person , when sadly she is the horrible person because she only thinks about what is best for her. Most women today are the main reason for divorce , So that’s why most men don’t want to get married , on his eyes he is signing is freedom away to be with a girl that will eventually become selfish and ruin his life. Most females don’t understand commitment like men do, that’s why most divorces are initiated by women these days. Most women think the grass is greener on the other side and think she deserves to be treated like a Princess at all times and not really giving a fuck about how her partner feels. How dare her husband forget to take out the trash after he worked 60 hours of work , How dare can she get her nails dirty? I am not saying all women do this and I am not saying all men are saints but sadly statistics show women are the leading causes of divorces these days. Because most women today have very selfish mindsets , I blame social media for a lot of it. Another reason men don’t want marriage as well

ManOnFire · Answer

The women will end up leaving them anyway, and has nothing to do with power but opportunity. Women choose new or different men when there is some kind of 'better' opportunity in it for them.

4 types of men avoid marriage:
The ones who only want to live a life of casual sex
The ones who saw their own parents' marriage not make it, or seeing their mom put their dad through the ringer in a divorce
Ones who are scared of making that lifelong commitment
And guys who are just being careful not to make a mistake with a woman who will use and then leave him.

You have to try to understand and empathize where men are coming from.

blueonblack22 · Answer

You are conflating two different problems:

Western male aversion to marriage is most often very aligned with what @DextroShade said. It’s not about “control”. It’s fear of being devastated if things don’t work out. Men have a lot more to lose compared to women if the marriage goes south.
Control freak men exist. But there are plenty of red flags that women mistake as “true love” with these guys. They often mistake these men as masculine because just because the guy wants to fight any man who glances at his woman for longer than a split second (different story if he’s aggressively hitting on her). Also given he’s always calling the shots that seems masculine as well. But that’s actually deep seated extreme insecurity.

Next time post a question about male aversion to marriage and then post a separate question about controlling men. Conflating the two issues makes no sense.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Is that the reason the man actually gave or is that just an assumption? I think it makes a difference, substantially, in my response. If he said that, verbatim, then I'd say what assurances such as a prenuptial agreement can be drafted to address those concerns, then see if they are still there.

I wouldn't be quick to just assume ANY man who isn't rushing to marriage has control issues. I'd also say there's a difference between avoiding marriage (active choice) and just not rushing into one (more of a passive decision due to lack of compelling reasons to do so). Maybe he's still trying to determine if she brings enough to the table to warrant a lifelong commitment (or not) and the secondary effects that come with it.

sawno · Answer

No, it just means they have no faith in the court system. The issue is that women can leave whenever they wish trough no fault of their own and they get screwed over by the courts to pay for it. If the system had been balanced to where the guy had a guarantee he would not be ordered his belongings or income away if she decided to leave trough no fault of his own men would be more open to it.

I asked a question regarding this a while ago, the only people who wanted to exclusively marry in the current system are women which is very telling. A bit more than half of the men willing to marry would only do so in a system where no fault divorce didn't exist.

Would you have married in the old style of marriage?

Quogha · Answer

I don’t believe it’s a control thing. I think it’s a trust thing. Divorce can ruin a person. When you get married, you’re risking divorce. A person may shy away from marriage if they’ve had past relationships where their partner gave them a reason to withhold trust. We are shaped by our life experiences. A trustworthy partner may never get the trust needed to enter a marriage by a partner if that partner has the inability to trust someone due to their past.

Anonymous · Answer

Listen to any females reading this, if you ASSUME that guys and men are scared of marriage, many of us aren’t. Sure there are guys and men who want to act like playboys. But marriage doesn’t benefit men, women love the power of divorce, to take his money, to take the kids and ruin his life. It’s one thing if a man cheats or he’s lazy and refuses to work. It’s another when a guy is sweet, caring, great father, great husband and she’s like nahhh I can do better…women like that deserve to be punished by God for hurting good men. I don’t care if any bat shit crazy feminist extremist femcel reads this. Feminism will collapse one day and a lot of women will eventually age and regret the decisions they made as they talk to their pet dog Roofus to absorb the emotional pain they feel. Women today also come from broken homes, daddy issues, following crap on superficial shows, her toxic friends advice and much much more. What I just say, no girl, no woman has the balls to say this.

JacobJordan · Answer

What do you mean think? All a woman has to do is say she isn't happy and the courts will give her half the mans possessions, money and the kids. I didn't marry in the US purely because of the divorce laws hell no. If I get divorced my stuff is MINE. She can have what she came in with. Marriage in the US is the worst mistake a man can make especially with a modern woman.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I think any men or women who would think that a marriage has anything to do with power are a little deluded.
Of all the reasons I can think of why a man may not want to marry and for all the shared opinions from friends , family and colleagues on the subject power has never featured. Marriage could never be about power , it’s a union. Sure controlling men or women could prevent or end a marriage but marriage is not about surrendering control

Flatmanlewis · Answer

I think this is overly simplified. There are probably lots of reasons a man would avoid marriage. Seems like quite a leap to assign a flaw to that. It may be the right choice for them for their own reasoning. I also think “most” is probably not true. Most men I know over 30 are married.

RavVid · Answer

That's up to them - I don't care. I am just not accepting a 50% probability of being unilaterally divorced at 8 years.

Is it controlling of me to not sign a poor phone deal? If that is just being sensible why wouldn't I apply that sense to a marriage contract?

NathanDavis · Answer

how much YouTube have you been watching lately... lol

DJB72 · Answer

It's not that those guys are seeking power. Most of them have already been hurt, and in the US system they can be left destitute by supposed "equality" of "maintenance payments" for an ex wife's lifestyle and child support that the ex wife has no obligation to prove is being used for the child.

I understand why guys may be reticent to engage in marriage without a prenup.

SolitarySolace · Answer

Men don’t want to get married because they know the risks outweigh the benefits. They’re sick of the happy wife happy life mantra. They don’t want to commit themselves into something that can be easily broken through use of no fault divorce laws where he still loses his money and resources to the woman. How does any of that make men controlling?

Friendlybro79 · Answer

It just means there might be different reasons why. For some it's cause many states reward women over men in divorce and that can turn off many men. For others they're just not ready yet. There could also be some that just don't want to be married. There could be others that I can't think of.

Anonymous · Answer

Men who avoid marriage don't want to sign a binding contract which if either party breaks it, he loses half of his assets, his family, and so on.

I'm married, but I'm also married to a small town conservative girl who values the vowes we made the same way I do. Not like these women who leave because "I'm just not happy" or "I'm bored"

RossyBoi · Answer

Marriage is worse than a prison sentence because life actually means life. Evil men and women will use marriage as a weapon to entrap, control, manipulate and abuse their spouse.

Some people are trapped with an abusive spouse for 60+ years, they have no money to escape, and sometimes their only way of escape is death. :(

Anonymous · Answer

If women were the ones being constantly fucked over they wouldn't want to get married either and I wouldn't blame them.

Besides, many men still get women pregnant and mothers have all control over the kid as well. They even have complete control of the kid lives or dies.

Lionman95 · Answer

No it´s a sign of insecurity and fear of taking risks. It´s a sign that he´s not ready for a relationship and is a person you shouldn´t date.

RebelinSteel · Answer

No it just points to someone that is a tad stupid, it’s also mainly a false image from social media crap.

genericname85 · Answer

well MAYBE women have too much power over men nowadays and that's why men avoid it. but you can keep framing everything men do in a light that makes women look better. I don't know if that'll help you understand anything tho.

TaureanBull81 · Answer

It's not about control issues at all. Women initiate 70% of divorces whereby men lose majority of their resources in the process. So marriage today doesn't serve men well for various reasons.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Sure it's control... men are trying to control NOT having her gun to his head and the government's boot on his neck.

Demonatrix · Answer

A marriage should be a 50/50 partnership between the two, unless they have a mutual agreement between them as to what they both need.

Kelly6 · Answer

If the women gets power, how are men controlling? im not a fan of this new power thing. why can’t it be like before , 50/50.

Hanrej · Answer

Hold on... Not willing to be controlled is equal to being controlling? That is the most manipulative thing I've ever heard. It's like you don't think men should get to have a choice of their own.

Nikki1989 · Answer

It is a sign of insecurity and weakness.

serious_miss419 · Answer

Those men are intimidated by marriage because they will fail at being a good husband. So they shift the blame onto this big idea that they’ll lose everything.

slatyb · Answer

Perhaps. It's certainly a sign that they aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer.

loveslongnails · Answer

Men avoid marriage because they don't see much benefit from it, especially if they don't want kids.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I don't mind Dominant women

Unit1 · Answer

Are you serious? Self-preservation is now controlling?

FunkyMonkee · Answer

If anything, it's a sign that men don't wanna be fucked over!

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

For the women who demand marriage because of the power it would give the them, is that a sign that these women are controlling?

handsomelad70 · Answer

Women today have most of the power in marriage, which is a reason a lot of lads avoid it.

shortster · Answer

I would think that it is more about trust issues than control issues. 🤷

nawtee_me · Answer

Anyone that doesn’t want to let go of some sort of power is controlling.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Men avoid marriage now a days because most women aren't worthy of that title

Enginn · Answer

What power does it give? I would still have the power even if im married.

Jennz6 · Answer

You are correct

WhitneySnow · Answer

That’s a huge red flag

Kykiono1 · Answer

If you are a feminist yes. Otherwise no

Anonymous · Answer

Depends if she scan be trusted with power

austinbooth · Answer

I think it is

jimmy2 · Answer

Yes they are

For the men who avoid marriage because of the power it would give the woman, is that a sign that these men are controlling?

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I don't mind Dominant women

Why do men let their wives control the marriage?

For the men who avoid marriage because of the power it would give the woman, is that a sign that these men are controlling?

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I don't mind Dominant women

Why do men let their wives control the marriage?

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