What is your “unpopular opinion” about weddings?

Question

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

I once heard a comedian say “The scary thing about marriage these days is that 50% of them…. last forever.”😂😂😂

But in seriousness…. People commit to having them WAY too fast. I’ll always be shocked that some people can determine that they think they’ll be compatible for a lifetime with someone they’ve been dating for single-digit years. I guess there’s a bit of a hurry involved if you’re shooting for kids, but I’m still like “how the hell are we supposed to know in our 20s and 30s if we can stand to be with someone in our 70s and 80s?”

If it weren’t for her health issues the last few years, I’m sure my lady and I would be married by now, after 17+ years together. I’m not averse to marriage conceptually…. i just feel like there’s a social, and even personal, validation people seek from it, like “I made it! I found a spouse, no one can ever call me a loser!”, haha, so decisions get made hastily and not always for the right reasons. Honestly, I feel the same way about having kids…. it seems like some people look at it like adopting a puppy, not a lifestyle-altering decision of the utmost consequence, for you and for the kid.

But back to weddings…. i can’t even tell you how many female co-workers of my girlfriend’s have harassed her, ever since only like two or three years into the relationship, like “giiiiiirrrrrrrrllllllllll, you better tell that man to put a ring on your finger, or to get to steppin’!”

First off, mind your own fucking business, lmao. Secondly, now, with the benefit of hindsight, I see how many of THOSE women have met a guy, dated, got engaged, got married, had a kid, started fighting, got divorced, started dating someone else, got engaged, got married, etc…. some of these people are on Marriage #3 already.

Shit, a guy who used to work for me, the first day I talked to him he unleashed his whole marriage drama on me, going through this really nasty divorce, lawyers involved, the wife was, to have him tell it, “taking him to the cleaners”…. within the same year he tells me “I’m dating my ex-wife again” lmfao, so all other humans can definitely spare me the relationship advice and pressure to act🤦‍♂️ “Most people” in society think or say “you should do X, Y, or Z”, and it’s important to always remember that “most people” are fucking idiots who you shouldn’t look to for life guidance🙄😂

So I guess the short version of the answer is: “people are having weddings without really knowing for sure if it’s a good bet”, and spending WAYYYYYYY too much money on a one-day event. Then they get divorced a few years later often largely due to stress over finances. Probably would be better to drop that $50-100K on a down payment on a house or keep as emergency savings, but instead, let’s invite a bunch of friends, and some distant relatives we don’t care that much about but it’d be rude to exclude them, have a very pedestrian catered meal served, and just start this marriage off in the hole financially. Makes no sense to me.

And I hate to finger-point, but it’s not usually the guy who wants the big grandiose event, we just rent a monkey suit and show up, the wedding is all about the bride. We’ve prepping women for this “big day” since the high school prom, it’s just shared with the other girls at their school. But it’s the girl’s day: a whole dress-buying ordeal, getting her hair done, nails done, and everyone makes a big deal out of her, and other than a few “well, don’t YOU look handsome in your tuxedo!” comments, the guy is more of an accessory. And this is all fine, I guess, in a vacuum, I don’t begrudge anyone a good time…. but when you get to the cost of a wedding…. holy smokes…. think before you spend.

Just ran across my buddy’s painted sand dollar wedding favor from 2016. That buddy is today divorced, living in his sister’s basement, landscaping for a living, no longer able to even afford a cellphone, paying for two daughters he can’t afford, still being demanded to come over and care for the ex-wife’s property for the sake of their kids, he’s up to $1,500 that I’ve lent him to stay afloat (that I already know I’ll never see again, but I can’t let my boy struggle to that level), and the divorce is largely because it was discovered he had a heart problem and needed a pacemaker, which made is wife afraid to have sex with him (other than one time to produce daughter #2), and it was all downhill from there. But so much for “in sickness and health”, eh?

So…. marriage…. obviously a dice roll, but that is what it is. But blowing the bank on an extravagant wedding when you aren’t wealthy is absolutely nuts to me.

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

Drake songs don't belong at weddings, frank Sinatra should be completely off limits the second something happens, the bride and groom should both have speeches prepared no longer than 4 minutes and if it takes longer than 3 years to pay off easily, you're overspending a lot.

Also, you don't need to go on a crazy photoshoot. A wedding day shouldn't be work, it should be the payoff. You say your vows in front of a priest and family, eat food, party and drink.

And all weddings should take place in fall.

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

I didn't want a big wedding. I wanted to elope or have a quiet ceremony at the courthouse with a couple of witnesses. But the man I married wanted a big affair, and so did everyone else. So, I went along with it, but I was so glad when it was over.

If I got married again, I'd do it quietly, no fuss, and go on a nice vacation afterward. I'd take the money that would have gone toward all the wedding stuff and make extra payments on the mortgage. I'm less of a people-pleaser now, and I would stand my ground.

In this economy, with housing and rent prices the way they are, it's foolish to have a big, expensive wedding. When basic needs are barely able to be met, an elaborate, one-day bash is completely unjustifiable.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

I don’t believe it’s fair to create unreasonable demands for the guests. I would have a wedding in a local venue and a destination post wedding event at a cheap place only for immediate family.

AviatorTom · Answer

Why do we need to get dressed up for a wedding? It's a celebration, a party. We should be able to wear whatever we want.

MrOracle · Answer

My side job is being a mobile DJ. I have performed at hundreds of weddings, from small and simple to huge and extravagant. In my considerable experience, the smaller and/or simpler the wedding, the happier the bride and groom are, and likely the more successful the marriage.

The huge and complicated weddings and almost always full of drama and status-obsessed people fighting over every perceived slight and it's miserable. I imagine the bill is even more miserable. I give those marriages very little chance of success.

quickquesocheese · Answer

ever heard about envelope fee? its popular in the country where i live. but essentialy you have to pay about 40-100 $ to attend the wedding ( the money usualy goes towards the bride and groom being able to pay for the wedding) its one thing that will make me get incredibly angry. if you can't afford to have your wedding, then dont. dont have your friends and family have to pay for you to be able to go see you on your happiest day. i will not attend a wedding if im asked about an envelope fee.

FarAway12 · Answer

Weddings and marriage in general, in my humble opinion, are unnecessary. People spend way too much money on their weddings. A dress alone is a few thousand dollars, and for what? You wear it once and never touch it again. Brides turn into balls of anxiety. The men usually have no say in their wedding. Sometimes, the parents make all the decisions for the bride and groom as a way to fulfill their own fantasy which isn't fair. I believe a union of people should be done privately. Get eloped at the court house and if after you want a small reception, then fine. Invite only your closest friends and family members. You don't need to invite the whole damn world.

thegreenyogi · Answer

They are not necessary if true happiness is what you're looking for. And most people who choose to get married these days they do it mostly to be at the center of attention for one day and have a big party all for themselves. Don't get me wrong. A wedding if for love is a very romantic idea but it doesn't mean that if you don't marry your love that you share with another person is not as worthy or stable as that of a married couple.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

I HATE HATE HATE CHILD-FREE WEDDINGS!

The bride and groom must be respectful and mindful to allowed their guess to bring their children along. My ex friend had a child free wedding. My husband and I didn't care at all we made the choice to bring our cute little angels along with us. The bride made a huge big scene when my little boy wanted to join in a picture while my husband and I we were having fun dancing in the dance floor.

Unit1 · Answer

They're a scam

Anonymous · Answer

Theyre boring and uncreative. Every wedding is the same and every dress and suit is the same. I feel like people forget that you can do whatever you want for a wedding. The only thing thats for real is the marriage license. Enough with walking doen the aisle boring bs and the alter sh**.

BCRanger10 · Answer

You can easily... EASILY ... have a beautiful wedding, reception, and honeymoon for less than $10,000 total. I know this because my wife and I spent a grand total of $8,000. Give or take.

rachel776 · Answer

i always wonder when i see these knock-down, drag out divorces full of screaming and hatred, what do you think of your $100,000 wedding now?

Simslover92 · Answer

You don't need to spend a lot of money to get married. That money could go towards the honeymoon or a house.

DrPepper12 · Answer

That big weddings are even necessary. What a waste of money and time!!

That kids somehow belong at weddings. It's TOTALLY up to the couple so STFU!

That the dress of tatted brides should cover them - YES!

Nikki1989 · Answer

Weddings can be cheap and simple ceremonies.

Maybeyoutoo · Answer

Weddings should only be between a man and a woman. Because there are only two genders and only opposite sexes can marry each other. At least that's how it should be.

MittParekh15 · Answer

Both families spending big money for showoff or a necessary formality to be on the same level with the peers

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

That it doesn't have to be super grand, like inviting lots of people.

Likes2drive · Answer

Spending all that money on a memory when it could go towards a down payment on a house instead when you could just elope or have a small ceremony

Anpu23 · Answer

That the state needs to get out of the marriage business all together and return it to a religious ceremony.

Dinklex3 · Answer

Waste of money. Better to put your money towards honey moon instead.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

It's a waste of time. Tens of thousands for a sheet of paper that means nothing, especially for men in most cases.

JSkye · Answer

Weddings can (and likely should) be small affairs between a few close friends and family

electromagnetic · Answer

Spending thousands doesn't mean your marriage is going to last until death.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Unless insanely wealthy, people who spend the equivalent of a house downpayment on a wedding are stupid.

admles · Answer

Small, inexpensive is the way to go. If your partner insists on a massive wedding, that's a red flag.

Anonymous · Answer

That you don’t have to invite your whole family or friends

Kelly6 · Answer

@itsmeirem To me weddings are mostly waste of money, including jewelry or diamond ring

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

People waste far too much money on it. Treat it like a standard birthday day and be happy with that.

jackieistired · Answer

They should give to-go containers for all the food left over

Vegasrunner · Answer

They are the best place to meet desperate women.

blondfrog · Answer

That it's narcissistic since they male it all about themselves

MrGSpotHer · Answer

Why people make such a big over it, like it's more of reason to show off with a big wedding

power_wolf · Answer

I think it's a commonly accepted fact that they are a trap for men

T0ny98 · Answer

That the wedding is for the girl not the man

Celticwolf78 · Answer

It cost to much money and it's just a paper saying that you are legally together

NathanDavis · Answer

stop getting me to sing on them...

Agape93 · Answer

They're expensive wastes of time and money

exitseven · Answer

They cost way too much money.

Radiate143 · Answer

Big weddings are a good idea.

Tim2nice · Answer

They benefit women

jamesgoldman · Answer

I prefer divorce by nature of the business

Jennz6 · Answer

The pregnant Bride 👰‍♀️

ayana_0 · Answer

That big weddings are unnecessary.

Anonymous · Answer

Wedding party is silly

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

they’re a waste of money

EnjoytheDay777 · Answer

You don't need hundreds of people

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

We can have weddings without marriage papers

MasterKS · Answer

Its a license for sex! LOL

TheCaller · Answer

Weddings are unnecessary

robocop666 · Answer

boring to everyone no speeches please

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

DON'T HAVE ONE

legalboxers · Answer

everything

What is your “unpopular opinion” about weddings?

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