How to Build Your Confidence When You Lack It (From Someone Who's Had Theirs Destroyed)

I'm not sure if I am even qualified to give this advice. I used to be so confident in myself, at least I thought I was but one thing after another destroyed it. In high school, (and this isn't just some girl falsely complaining about how everyone did not like her in school story) I went through a lot. I heard so many negative things about me, not to mention some people's behavior towards me was odd and noticeable.

There ended up being a lot of girls that did not like me at all, that included a hell of a lot that didn't even know me, especially around my junior/senior year. They didn't have classes with me or anything. I knew some guys more than likely thought I was ugly (there will always be someone who thinks your'e ugly), I heard so much shit from girls and guys. It was ridiculous to the point where freshman/ sophomore girls did not like me. I knew because I saw their behavior and I heard them talking about me in gym before, Ex. I walked past a group of them and heard ".... skinny girls can't fight". Another, whilst me standing at my gym locker and her on the other end(thinking I couldn't hear her) said "I don't like her", nodded at me and when asked why came up with some bogus excuse "... she's always staring at me". (which was false because every time I looked up, I would see her looking my way) I am sure she probably did not like me because this guy she knew, who was well liked around our age mentioned how he found me attractive and she said "she's like 14".

It gets better, at the very start of my junior/senior year, I missed the first 3 days and came back to people I knew sarcastically saying "I thought you got hit by a bus". Apparently a group of girls went around telling people that; the same girls who happened to be in my English class and would later question each other as to why I kept sitting next to this particular guy in class, where there was an empty seat.

I heard a girl say upon me entering school one morning, "she's ugly as a bitch". Not sure if it was an attempt to get the guy with her to agree or what but thankfully he didn't play into it and his reply was "she looks better than you". I wore a body-con dress for senior breakfast pics and came downstairs for class and heard underclassmen (girls) say "she doesn't have the body". I was an honor student and at a ceremony we had for class ranking, I placed 9th out of 10. Which I wasn't surprised about, but after I got up there and the 8th and 7th were called up, the girls who I knew from either class or other ways said "at least we didn't get 9th" to which the other replied "right".

You see in high school I did not like how I looked for the most part, and I'm pretty sure at one point or another I had body dysmorphia, I was confident in the fact that I knew I was smart and it would be hard for people to top it. I was also more into being myself then trying to fit in.

Things weren't all bad but as Vivian from Pretty Woman once said "The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?". It wasn't just a few bad things but a bunch and I heard them so often that I started to think maybe something was wrong with me. I was nice, smart, my guy friends stated I was pretty without me asking. I treated everyone nicely, I did not get it. A lot of the hate stemmed from how people perceived me, how I looked and the fact that guys in grades below me found me attractive (not to mention my friend being pretty and similar to me and no one being shitty like that to her, though they might not have seen her as direct competition because she was asian). I think my seeming unbothered/ indifferent to things probably had something to do with it also.

Here are some good things I've heard

"skinny minnie got a body" (from younger guy when I wore a crop top and shorts to a school trip to an amusement park)

"You definitely look pretty, I should have took you to prom" (this guy who I went to school with, and I'm guessing a teacher told him to ask me but he didn't, when she saw us she said "see I told you")

"does she need a date to prom?" (the nephew of a family friend who did my hair for prom)

"she's pretty" (this girl in one of my classes)

"hey cutie" (this guy who saw me in the hall with my girl friend he knew, and asked her about me)

There was a bit of light in there but I spent so much time letting people's comments affect me and it wasn't because I was 'weak' or anything, it's just that I heard so much negative that it outweighed the bit of good that was there. Not to mention my mother, her sister and her daughters that tried to project their insecurities onto me.

1. Tell yourself everyday how special you are, go through all the good things that you love about yourself

2. Don't hold weight to others opinions of you. When you live off their compliments you die from the criticism

3. There is nothing wrong with you, that's what others want you to believe so that you don't see your own potential

4. Dress in what makes you feel attractive/sexy/etc.

5. Eliminate negative thoughts. when you start to think of the bad replace it with good thoughts

6. When all else fails, fake it till you make it

If you have haters, then you must be doing something right

How to Build Your Confidence When You Lack It (From Someone Who's Had Theirs Destroyed)

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