How do you prepare to attend a funeral knowing it's your final goodbye?

Question

I hate funerals. Always have. Always will. They are 10x worse when you're close to the person. I honestly don't know how I'm gonna be able to get through it without having a full on breakdown.

snowboarder720 · Accepted Answer

Losing someone you love or feel very close to is literally the worst feeling anyone can ever go through.
I’ve lived through A LOT of bad days. Losing my brother in law was by far the worst day of my entire life and it took months and months of non stop crying for me to realize that I couldn’t live like that everyday anymore. It’s VERY important to never forget them. Cherish the memories that you have with them and protect everything that you have of theirs. Those will always be important. Have friends and family around to talk to because they will always care about you and your well being during this painful process. I’d suggest seeking a professional therapist because grief and loss is a very very serious thing it’s important to treat it like a serious mental illness.
It’s literally the worst pain ever. After you’ve run out of tears it definitely gets better and you’ll learn how to cope with it. The best way I can describe it, grief from loss comes in waves 🌊. It’ll be chill one day and then it’ll hit you very hard the next day. When you’ve finally stopped crying you’ll understand that it’s okay to cry and remember they are still watching over you and want you to be happy no matter what.

I honestly wish nothing but good things for you and my deepest condolences.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

It's getting very very close for me to have to go through this
I think the best way for me to deal with it is to be honest about it and accept it it is reality
It's a part of life it's a part of living I believe they are going to move on in life I cannot be sad about that I cannot be sad about anything not unless I wanted to be selfish and only think about me and they are leaving me that's the only thing I could be sad about it's a Time To Remember it is a Time you think back everything that you could have said and done but you didn't so do it today because tomorrow or the next day or the next day they move on to a brand new life you have to be happy for that thank you for asking this question the way that you asked it because I felt just like you are feeling as I read your question but I have to accept it it's a part of life and they get to move on and I thank God for that I have to thank God and I have to thank them for allowing me to be a part of their life so yes I will prepare myself by accepting it because it is the truth that's all we ever asked for in life

If you need somebody to talk to you can send me a message if you like to

SaoirseS · Accepted Answer

I don't know too many people who don't dread or outright hate funerals, other than those of us who arrange and facilitate them several times a week.
Funerals, as well as grieving, are for the living. There is nothing anyone can do for the deceased's mortal remains other than care for them and conduct their final commitment. Funerals also have a subtle way of reminding us of our own mortality, and that of those around us.
I have no easy answer for you other than if you break down, just let it happen. Nobody is going to hold it against you. There's a good chance others will as well, and some may be having a harder time of it than you, and may need your comfort as well. Look out for each other.
Services can be dreary, or they can be upbeat and positive. If nothing else, remember what your loved one meant to you, and how he or she made a positive impact on your life.
In time you will get better, and there's always help if you need it.
My thoughts are with you.

Tiptoetamm · Accepted Answer

I let myself seel the emotions. But I also want to celebrate their life. I try my best to hold myself together because I know that my loved one wouldn't want me to put my life on hold because they passed away. I recently attended a memorial for my old sponsor for NA and it was a very sad day she was 50 died during a surgery to remove lump from her lung she had first stage lung cancer. Her son noticed I was upset. He came up to me said she's in a better place not suffering. He hugged me. I know he's right we had a couple cups of coffee and talked about the wonderful things she did for others. She was a beautiful person. I miss her very much

melanieeeB · Answer

Take someone with you, someone you trust and who is going to be there for you

honeynut-scenarios · Answer

Cry as much as you can before you go so you literally have no tears left. Also, know that it’s okay to grieve however you need. My grandmas passing hit me like a train. I sobbed when I initially found out, and the entire time during her ‘Celebration of life’ service. She was sick for a while, but nothing could prepare me for her death. The most comforting thing I’ve found is knowing she’s still with me. Its been 5 years, but I still talk to her when I’m driving, and hold my hand out in the passenger seat for her to hold.

TheorionMage · Answer

Think of it as the Deceased as just 'moving away temporarily' for an indefinite time.

The Sentience you befriended which once inhabited that deceased 'meat' body is a conscious vibrant energy and as Einstein proved..."energy and matter ARE interchangeable and NEITHER can be either created NOR destroyed". They STILL exist, but in another state.

A state that eventually YOU TOO will become... and you may possibly re-connect with THEIR Sentience (Soul) over time.

They MUST 'go away' but they ARE NOT 'gone'.
Their 'meat suit' WILL recycle despite embalming or cremation in due time~ <3

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

This is definitely one for @saoirses. For me I’ve been to far too many funerals of friends and family. Friends ones are harder to deal with. I really just let myself do as I feel, if I cry, then I cry. i really don’t hide my emotions at times. Other times I hold it together until home then toast them with a bottle of their favourite drink and then lose it. Male sure you have some hankies, if wearing make up, take some touch up stuff. Don’t worry about being open and letting your emotions show,

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

First, sorry for your loss🙏
There really is no way to prepare..
And breaking down is okay, just shows how much love you had for that person...
I didn't break down at my husband's funeral, because I felt I had to be strong for my girls who were only 15 and 17, but I sure broke down at the cemetery with the casket ready to be lowered into the ground and the finality of it... But just try to remember:

Anonymous · Answer

I used to cry a lot not for a death but for another cause

After several days of crying (inconsolably crying)
The following days I would feel sad without being able to shed a tear , it felt worse actually but I guess I was all cried out until some time would pass again and I was able to cry again.. it would feel good again to let out the hurt..

So from that experience (it would be different for you) as all people are not the same and circumstances are different..

Perhaps you could let it all out now and don’t hold anything in just cry all you need to do that maybe when it’s the time for the funeral.. you are just sad without tears left and when they return you won’t be in public.

Im sorry for your loss. May they Rest In Peace🌸🙏😔

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

The important thing to remember is, you are attending out of respect for the person who died, and those who are left behind and If you breakdown, then you breakdown. Nobody is going to judge you or think any less of you for it.
I had to hold everything together when my dad passed to be strong for my mum, but I visit the gravestone every couple of weeks. That is what helps me cope.

I feel for you, I really do.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

Have you thought about thought about having a friend text you during intermissions to offer emotional support or wearing a heirloom or friendship bracelet or religious bracelet that you can cling to for emotional support? One thing I do when I’m stressed or tired is I will take supplements - cause they boost my pain tolerance for 1-8 hours so that I feel less pain when I’m confronted with repetitive tasks that usually cause muscle aches. I’m not saying to take drugs but for me, turmeric and legal medicinal mushrooms like Reishi or lions mane which you buy on Amazon can help.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

All I can say is just pray about things I've lost so much family including my mom since 1996 I finally broke down at my uncle's funeral and nearly killed me that funeral it was rough he was only 61 years old. 1996-2014 really hit hard at home I lost my mom on 11/10/2003 at age 58 yes so young yet.

Crepe_tart · Answer

Same, but I think it's better to go than not to go at all. But I would go with someone who can light my heart. When my grandpa passed away, I encountered my cousins whom I haven't seen in such long time and we talked with each other and hanged a little bit. And it got me thinking that maybe may grandpa was happy that we got to see each other again and that instead of grieving for the loss we were remembering him and remembering good memories with him.

PeterCruz · Answer

Come to terms with the fact life is ongoing, it’s not a milestone based experience.

Every moment is new, and the funeral itself is included. Know that you can go back in time ever, but you can appreciate everything that person was, and what they meant to you. Then move forward with the grief or joy that they made you feel. It’s real, but so is life. At least you’re feeling something and life is right there in your hands. Then use that feeling in what you do going forward

readyplayer215 · Answer

its ok to breakdown, its surreal i been through it more times then most. dont forget to get some air and walk away if you have to, just to gather yourself. my heart goes out to you in this difficult time and condolences to you

Honesttguy · Answer

Accepting that we all die seems to help, i can walk next on dead person and feel no different as if its rainy day or something.
I remember it was rainy day and people were to scared to look at him, i stopped paid respect.
Death affects people deeply, makes u work onyourself.

Mantinziza · Answer

The fact that your there, shows an abundance of respect for the person who, is in the coffin. It doesn't matter what your wearing, how you mourn, or anything in between.

You are there, which shows respect unto itself, any one that thinks that you need to show respect to the "living" at said "funeral", is a greedy narcissistic asshole. Its not about the living, its about who is about to be put into the ground. kudos for being there and thats all that matters.

VanillaSalt · Answer

I love the feeling. Especially when their close. It’s terrible their gone but everyone dies. It’s bittersweet remembering the feelings they gave you. The feeling of loss is by far the strongest feeling I’ve felt and it reminds me it’s great to be alive.

Guslove · Answer

Hey I’m going to my second one in the last couple months. My cousin and his wife were our neighbors they both died together from carbon monoxide poisoning a few months ago. Now his dad just passed away yesterday we’ve lost 3 people in a short amount of time. I’m always in a frame of mind there in a better place and you will see them again when it’s your turn.😊😊

Twalli · Answer

The way I see it, the more hurt you feel from a funereal comes from a lot of good memories with that person. You're sad that you can't create any more good memories. So the sadder you feel, the better memories you have with them. Focus on the good memories, not on the fact that you can't create anymore. View it more as a celebration of a life, rather than a dirge or memorial of a life that is there no longer.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

As for me I actually stopped attending funerals & when it comes to remembering people I want to remember them how I want to remember them & I want to remember the good times & not the bad as well as sad.

LemonsAsks · Answer

Me and my dad joke about his death on the occasion. but I've been dealing with the thought of him as a dead man for 10 years now. Just recently he started thinking he might go for real, he feels it ya know? so if anything make sure if they are still living tell them they have value. Tell them why. And talk about life experiences. Not all of life needs to be happy all the time, crying helps.

PJH359 · Answer

Find strength in numbers. Attend such a traumatic but necessary event with other family members or friends. Grieve but share positive stories, the good times, laughter etc. The day shall pass.

Randy888 · Answer

I did not go to my dads funeral. my family left me at the house. I did not want to see his dead lifeless body. I sometimes wish i went but i was afraid of traumatizing myself.

megabamse · Answer

I get dressed, bring with me tissues to wipe my face and nose and just power trough it. If i cry i cry, it's a funeral, not a party. It's expected to have all sorts of emotional reactions

Squaresquirrel · Answer

Funerals are for the living, it's not for the dead, that's why I hate them and whenever I can I skip them. The dead is dead, they won't care.

Sour-rose · Answer

Dress the part, don't say shit you don't need to say, once it's over, say what you need to say... and the day has passed.

DownIndaDumpz · Answer

I don't. don't see the point. If you're gone you're gone. Don't see the point of going to a funeral. I jus accept they're dead and move on. We all gotta die eventually, nothing you can do about it.. it's a natural part of life we all must face... it is what it is... Deaths don't bother me

innerman · Answer

preparing for a final goodbye sounds closure to me and i feel like its never worked for anyone. Yes we hv to hv funerals but the hole in your heart and pain wnt go away. I rather hide in the bush and cry alone

TyLeeAndPink · Answer

I don't. I just... go. And I feel numb, until the end when I realize that they really are gone. Then I cry and I don't stop for several hours.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I went to a place where we spent time and said goodbyes alone. That helps. Before or after.

nik4play · Answer

You treat it as saying goodbye. What you need to do moving forward is to remember the laughs the good times etc, just be strong, draw off your friends and think whom you lost wouldn't want you to feel bad or awkward in anyway

AviatorTom · Answer

The purpose of a funeral is to show respect for the person who died, and support for their family and friends. It's not "your final goodbye" to the dead person... that happened the last time you saw them alive.

DaveToo · Answer

I've been to too many. It doesn't get any easier, whether it's a classmate, your own child, or your wife.

douride2 · Answer

I can't do it. I go but I'm never prepared for the final goodbye.

TexasRed95 · Answer

I just go and dress for the occasion. It really hasn't affected me much so far and I have been to several.

AndrésC64 · Answer

I'm not good at it. I usually check out emotionally just so that I don't break down. I know that's not a good idea but that's what I do.

Biya21 · Answer

being very serious and try my best to avoid as much people as i can be, because it's hard for me to express feelings when i am sad or in pain.

Anonymous · Answer

you have to remember that person will live on in your heart and their soul is in heaven and their spirit is watching over you. and yes there is a soul i've seen it and was shocked each time i did. your loved ones will always be with you especially in your heart. and you're not alone i hate funerals too. it's always hard and it hurts each time

Adam1978 · Answer

It's not, the final good bye was when they were alive. You can say as many goodbye them dead as you want. On the funeral, in your mind, near their grave etc.

driven159 · Answer

That is why I am not having a funeral when I die, I am not going to have people say how wonderful I was after I am dead

Hennessy_A · Answer

Remember good times and think positive I lost a few people in my life and it really touched me so I understand

CubaPirate · Answer

Try to concentrate on happy and fun memories and try to make it a celebration of their life rather than a morose final goodbye.

EnglishEuropean · Answer

I don't know, where a dark suit I guess. Take plenty of tissues.

Zolly99999 · Answer

I always try to think of the good times I had with that person... It's the only thing I have

UniquelyBasic · Answer

I just let go and let myself grieve naturally and I dont try to fight it.

ticonderoga2 · Answer

As Yogi Berra says, if you don't attend no one will attend yours. I don't care really. I show up to them, not all, but it's sad as fuck. I really don't care if anyone makes a funeral for me.

Jessegirl1998 · Answer

Just pay my respects. Sometime laugh tell jokes about what they did. Yeah I laugh at funerals.

shaysh87 · Answer

I cry it all prior to the funeral. So I don’t make a huge scene

kitkills · Answer

Just forget they were a person in your life. Or try. Pretend you have no idea who they are. That's the best I can do, I actually enjoy funerals.

genericname85 · Answer

i don't really "prepare". i just get into formal clothing.

thedumb1XD · Answer

I just have a somber expression and later just cries my eyes out 🥺🥺🥺

In_Trance · Answer

The reality is, you don't know it is in fact your final goodbye

noohair · Answer

As long as you remember, there is a connection.

Topdogg91 · Answer

Funerals are plus of rememberence.

jimmy2 · Answer

You have to just go and do I

collie22 · Answer

cry lots

flirtatiousgirl · Answer

İ so pain

How do you prepare to attend a funeral knowing it's your final goodbye?

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