Being a horrible person and becoming self aware?

[Anonymous]

Lately I've been becoming self aware. I realize that I am truly a horrible person. I have done things so horrible that some people believe that others like me should be killed. I don't think they are wrong. I should probably be dead for the things I've done.

I was told I can change but I don't think I can. I think there is something wrong with me, I think I was born incorrect and sick or evil and it's only getting worse with time. I'm afraid that without help I will seriously harm people but nobody has taken me seriously when I try to tell them how I think. I try not to blame them it's a lot harder to deal with someone like me over someone who's suicidal. I feel like that has been talked about in more recent times and is having less of a stigma.

what I deal with is still a much more taboo thing that nobody knows how to handle. I'm not sure what to do but soon I'm supposed to maybe move out and get my own car and while I'd like to be excited I'm a little afraid of what I'll do when I'm on my own as I still can't help but think daily how much easier it'll be to follow through with the fantasies i have of harming people once I have that much more independence and privacy

Any advice on what to do would be really appreciated.

[melanieeeB]

You can always change and do some work. Maybe also change with the help of a professional.

But honestly, if your age is correct, I think that you're just a teen overreacting and seeing things way too dramatic

[JordanianNumetal]

Do it to people that you are certain deserve it at the very least. Not to innocent people that dont deserve it because its easier.
You will eventually get caught, probably sooner than you think just judging by the sounds of who your targets would. People weigh a lot and start to stink real fast after they are dead.
Later in life you start to understand the depth of what you did to people, takes time to think in prison you have lots.

[SlothySlob]

You mustn't expect and demand others to fix your problems.
You know what's wrong with you and you know what you wish to be. You have somewhere to work from, which means you know what you have to improve.

Stop waiting on others and work on yourself step by step.

[riverrat3]

Do you have anyone to talk with, if not I will listen