Have you ever felt like you’re losing yourself? How did you heal from it?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I lost our 2nd baby at the end of march after 5months of pregnancy. My husband starting working again and he moved on. I’m sure he feels sad too, but he’s strong somehow. I’m not. I have an appointment with a therapist in the summer (waiting list).

I’m being a bad wife right now. I’m reconsidering everything; my job, my future, my life choices, my daily routine, even my marriage. I won’t leave my husband, but I’m feeling unhappy being attached right now. I’d rather travel, meet new people and start new hobbies. I need new experiences to focus on. I feel like I’d help me heal. But that’s not an option. I have another child to take care of, a partner to be reckoned with and no money to do so.

I don’t know how to deal with this grief. I’m not happy anymore, I feel lonely, I fantasize about being single and carefree again. I don't know how to keep smiling and being happy for everyone. So many people are expecting in our environment and it’s killing me.

I don’t do my house chores properly anymore, I’m sleeping so much but I keep being tired, im a bad wife to my hubby and lately I sometimes need a glass to be able to be emotional (not weekly, I have this under control). But I don't know how to move on. I’m stuck. So therefore my question:

What is your story? Did you ever felt like you were losing yourself? How did you fix it? Or what are you doing right now to heal?

[SueShe]

I am so sorry for your loss and I cannot begin to imagine what you must have felt and the despair that you and your husband had to go through after losing your unborn baby.

I am no doctor but you seem to go through some of the stages of postpartum depression.

Not being a mother myself, I do not know what those signs are but it appears to be what you seem to experience. You seem to fall into a depressive state where you question everything and everyone and what your purpose in life is. You have your other child that is a lifeline for you and this lifeline is what is keeping you from drowning even more.

It is urgent that you get the professional help right away and not just in Summer.

What you can do is prepare a list of items you find you are challenged with and next to each item, you bring up a solution that is achievable. Take one step at a time and work one item at a time and do not rush or hurry. You would only fail if you concentrate on too many things simultaneously.

I wish you and your family all the best.

I am fortunate that I never experienced that I would lose myself but I am sure this would happen if I had a traumatic experience like yours.

[bobby_bush_eater]

I cannot imagine your loss but it sounds like you're grieving. It's perfectly normal. Your husband I'm sure is just putting on a brave face for the family and trying to return to normal. The reality no matter his pain is it is physically impossible for him to match yours.

My story is far less dramatic. Its from military service, I worked a night shift for a long time. I contributed to "things". I quickly became desensitized and didn't care what I was doing. My sleep schedule was insane, I was somewhat depressed and very anxious. After 3 consecutive years I began planning on what would be next for me because I knew it couldn't be this. I started by finding what was in my life I didn't like (the military was on top) and what I wanted for myself besides money.

This led me to a long plan of which I have mostly completed. I finished my degrees and exited the military properly. I have distanced myself from that past but I never forget it. In the end that trial was an experience for growth for me. I have called it the best decision I ever hated and Lord knows I hated it by the end.

My story is trivial compared to yours. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family come through this better for the future. Don't be too hard on yourself you're going to get through it but this takes time. Don't give up and don't be overly rash, small steps. Also getting out of bed and being somewhat active could be a good start. Occupy yourself, find some kind of enjoyment or distraction. I hope therapy helps too.

[Staximus]

You need to talk to a doctor and psychologist about postpartum depression. You have a child to take care of, you can't just abandon your other child. Time to get a hold of yourself. If you can't do that, seek help. Abandoning your child, leaving your husband, being single, and fucking off your responsibilities is not the answer to your problems.

[ArrowheadSW]

Any chance of getting into therapy earlier? How about teleconferencing therapy? Just an idea.

[KrakenAttackin]

You need to get a grip on your emotions and not destroy your marriage and punish your husband (and child). Men will destroy their own happiness for their families. Women will destroy their families to seek "happiness".

I understand that emotions hit women harder than men, but you have to take control of them.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Stop being a bad wife.
If you're lonely, spend time with your husband, child, and friends.
You can't let loss make you hate attachment or your mind will break.