Is it bad to talk to guys at bars when I have a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend doesn't drink and so I end up going out with my friends w/o him sometimes. A bar is a bar... people talk... guys come up to me a lot and try to strike up a conversation. Is it bad if I talk to them? I feel like it would be so rude to just ignore them because I have a boyfriend. I don't initiate conversation with other guys, but I mean if they come up to me... how do I handle it?

Yes

No

Other

[Theguyoverthere]

This is why I don't seriously date a lot of girls out there.I never consider relationships with girls who go to bars because the last thing I need to have on my mind is a girl throwing away her money, health, and potentially our relationship weekend after weekend.

Guys are looking to hook up at bars. Have that in your mind for each and every guy that approaches you. They want to hook up. They are not interested in what you do for a living. They are not interested in what you do for fun. They don't care who your friends are. They see a girl drinking and an opportunity to hook up and play their hunting games. Plus a lot of guys are very desperate. They'll buy you drinks with the pure intention of wanting you drunker to make it easier for them. The chances of a relationship coming out of a bar are rare. Even if you find someone at a bar to go to bars with, then you gotta deal with more people approaching you at the bar and him probably getting annoyed resulting in more fights. People have clouded judgment from drinking. Then you got the really nasty people who want to spike something special in your drink. They are out there.

By 25+ hopefully you are tired of the bar scene.

[Asker]

ha yeah, hopefully I am. I don't think I like it as much as I think I do... esp now that I'm dating someone. so does that mean you won't date anyone who drinks either?

[Theguyoverthere]

Not unless it looked like it was a problem.

[ErroWorld]

To respond to Theguyoverthere: Incidentally, my last two relationships came out of bars...they both lasted at least 6 months.

The bar scene is appropriate for all ages. I would argue that with age & maturity (i.e. below 25) comes a security that theguyoverthere doesn't seem to display. You need to be able to trust your girl to be able to fend off these desperate guys. Jealousy is not healthy for a relationship, even if it makes it exciting. it won't last long if you can't trust each other.

[ErroWorld]

So, I think it's fine to keep talking to them, but don't flirt. I would casually converse, but find some way to slip in something like, "oh, well my boyfriend says..."

[Asker]

hmm OK. yeah, that's a good point.

[Theguyoverthere]

At 21 I can see why you're stance is the way it is.

At my age, people like me are tired of the bar scene. We've seen it all. Cops finding people passed out in cars, fights breaking out, smashing windows, people cheating, etc.

I don't see anything appropriate about toxifying my body with alcohol, risking DWI's, and surrounding myself with people who are willing to hook up with strangers they do not know. This isn't the typical "trust your girlfriend being hit on in the grocery store" deal.

[ryanontario]

its only rude if your leading them on then rejecting them later on in the conversation by mentioning you have a boyfriend . if its clear that your just being friendly and out having a good time then some chating shouldn't be an issue

[cazza3]

Other, I have no idea. I have the same problem as does practically every woman in a relationship. If you don't talk to them you're a stuck up bitch and if you do then you're a prick-tease, attention loving whore. Basically you can't win but does it really matter what some random guys think. What does matter is what does your boyfriend think cause mine just laughs. One thing I have found somewhat useful is my engagement ring. If a guy comes upto me I smile and just hold my hand up but if I have a single friend I introduce them. I think as long as you don't leave it too long into the conversation to mention your boyfriend or take drinks off a guy you should be ok

[Asker]

ohhh that's a good idea. I do have a ring I could wear

[cazza3]

I said somewhat useful as it also attracts slimeballs who love nothing more than "the challenge " of a taken woman and telling them to f*** off just seems to encourage them more so be warned

[Asker]

ohh interesting... yuck!

[cazza3]

I live in Ireland and our whole lives are centered around the pub and most guys are very friendly and will talk to anyone simply because we're talkers. Its really only the odd few that are slimy, thankfully

[Asker]

hahaha aw that's awesome. I'm so going there!

[Tamikaze]

Guys strike up conversations in bars mainly because they hope it will lead to more. Not sure what you are doing that is making it so easy for them to talk to you. I do not look at guys or look them in the eyes or pretty much do anything other than talk to my friends and relax when I am out, so most guys unless they are hardcore players will not approach me. Not making eye contact is a big signal that you are not interested or not available.

So, I don't think it is bad to talk to a guy but I think it is misleading to them and the way to avoid being rude would be to avoid being particularly easy to talk to in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Talking is fine. Flirting is wrong. Sometimes dudes at the bar have girlfriends too, but are just wanting to chat with someone while their buddy is in the pisser. But if he's coming on to you, try to get it across that you're taken.

[Asker]

hmm okay. good point

[Anonymous]

I say go ahead and talk to them. I'm sure your man knows what bars are all about, and since he's still not coming with you, that must mean he's okay with it.

Seriously, though, the only time I ~wouldn't~ accompany my girlfriend someplace like that is if it's specifically labeled a "girls' night" and my presence would be a buzz kill. I do worry a little bit. I mean, my girl knows to keep an eye on her drinks and make sure nobody slips her anything, but you can't be 100% vigilant all of the time.

[Asker]

hm yeah, he frequently labels a lot of the activities I do as girls night... it's like he doesn't want to go! sad. I just have lots of girl friends and not many guy friends.

[stubbsy]

You would come across as rude if you didn't talk, because if they get to deep in the convo, you can always mention, your boyfriend, this will either make them cut the convo short or accept your not available and just choose to enjoy your company, its always happening, not every guy wants to get in your knickers, so never ignore a guy, this would come across as stuck up and your end up with a reputation as "stuck up" there's no harm in talking, its what bars are far,x

[Asker]

alright, thanks!

[cun7n1nja]

I agree with this. If a guy doesn't back down after the boyfriend talk or chill and just enjoy a legit friendly conversation, that's when I'd find a way to cut things short or avoid him if necessary, and probably stick closer to a smallish cluster [2-4] of my friends/people I know and am friendly with socially. Just so I'm not leaving openings for him to continue 'spitting game' at me, lol. I'm super friendly, I love talking to strangers and meeting new people. Naturally some are men.

[Asker]

yeah, some say "yeah right" if I tell them I have a boyfriend. it's very awkward

[cun7n1nja]

But I know how to maintain what both a guy I'm with, and I, consider appropriate boundaries for those situations. I don't flirt. I AM warm and friendly, that's just my nature. Until I have reason not to be, like I already described. I also have close male friends that I may run into and hang out with at the bar, or male friends that are mutual to both of us. Or hell, when my ex's brother and their/our friends would be there and my ex was working or whatever, I'd chill with them.

[cun7n1nja]

@QA: LOL, that's when I'd be like, 'well, believe it dude. =] I'm enjoying our conversation [if I am of course], but I'm also respectful of him and think we should cut this short if you can't take my word for it and just talk/hang out like friends' or something to that effect. Maybe even suggest he ask anyone in the bar that knows me [point out a random handful of friends or acquaintances around the room] if I'm seeing someone, because they'd all give the same answer. But shouldn't come to that.

[Asker]

hahaha okay. thanks!

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Honestly you know what bar scenes are about, some people come for socializing but a lot of guys come to hopefully take a girl home or get a number in the very least. If your not approaching these guys then just let them know your taken. Oh and don't accept drinks from guys its an invitation to conversation.

[Asker]

hmmm okay. good point. yeah, I don't start conversations with these guys. they are super aggressive where I am (college town). I just don't want to upset him! but I can't keep them away lol. that sounds horrible. he just doesn't go out with me all the time... he should so he can keep the other guys away!

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Even so, he seems like he's not the type of guy to go out & do the barhopping so, take it into consideration if that's what your doing every weekend.

[Asker]

yeah, he doesn't really like to go out. he doesn't drink at all. I actually haven't gone out much since we've been dating... but he's REALLY busy. I see him like once a week... so when he has too much work I go out.

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Understandable.

[Asker]

yeah, it works lol

[parkway]

It should be assumed that all women at bars have a man.

I see nothing wrong with a woman going out with the girls to have a good time. Sitting there like a bump on a log is boring, stupid and a waste of time. Have fun.

[Asker]

aw thanks. I'm definitely not going to bars alone!

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

If you're just talking friendly? Nope. If you're flirting with them? Yep.

[Luopio27]

WORD

[rubyjeanculyer]

depends on what you mean by talk. flirting & leading them on is not right even though plenty of girls do it to get drinks & attention. if its just talking then its fine

[Asker]

okiedokie. sounds good.

[HonestAverageGuy]

You should bring up your boyfriend within 5 minutes of conversation. Otherwise it can lead to a lot of confusion.

[Asker]

hmmm okay. thanks you so much! so that's not weird or rude?

[HonestAverageGuy]

Depends what city you are in and the context of the conversation.

[Asker]

hmm okay. good point. college town... not a big city

[Luopio27]

its OK as long as you don't give false signals or lead someone else on. make it clear you have your romeo.

[Anonymous]

Do you tell your boyfriend that you talk to other guys, you know so your not rude? And what if the table was turned, say he went out with his friends somewhere and women came up to him and talked to him, would you care?

[justme20]

no its not bad at all. You can talk to the opposite gender and be friends with them

[justme20]

just talk to them regularly like you would do any other time. If they ask if you have a guy be honest or somewhere add your boyfriends name

[Asker]

hmm okay. sounds good. some of them don't believe me when I say I have a bf

[justme20]

well you don't have anything to prove to them. You did the right thing by telling them. Whether they believe it or not is up to them

[Anonymous]

yes, I think it's bad

[Anonymous]

I don't see why it would be