What should I do, tell him or just leave it as it is because walking away isn't an option?

[Anonymous]

Almost a year ago I befriend a married man shortly after it turned into an affair. I know that this was wrong on both of our behalfs but at the time it started I was trying to get over someone and didn't want to fall in love with anyone and at the time I knew that an affair with a happily married man wouldn’t go anywhere. I am far from a stupid woman I know he will never leave his wife and he knows I would never ask him too. The problem is I feel as if I am growing emotional attached to this man. A conversation came up the other evening about why we liked having sex with each other and we both admitted there was more than just sex involved. We just didn’t make it clear what the other reasons are because I said I wouldn’t say. As for the affair to start with it was just casual conversations about when we could meet up with no one knowing. Guidelines where set up early no texting when he was at home or when I was with a guy friend, always use safe sex with anyone else no calling or texting when he was having family time. He wasn’t to come near my house. However lately none of that matters normally it’s a given I can’t talk to him after he gets off work because he has to go home but the other night he stayed out late he was actually 2 hours late getting home because of this. He has been asking a lot of questions about who else I am seeing. We talk about future planes, not future planes together but about where our life is going. He is ready for retirement in a few years and I am finishing up with college and looking forward to entering into a very rewarding career field. ? Also the other night he said I shouldn't be having sex with anyone else and I made the comment if he gave it up more often I would happily not be with anyone else He has a very busy job? he made the comment buy a toy. LOL He has been picking me up and dropping me off at my house. Up until the other day we had never kissed not because we talked about it and decided we didn't want to kiss because it was emotional We just never did I normally don't kiss anyone. But the other day I went to kiss him and stopped myself but he kissed me in return.

I know now I am emotionally attached, and don’t want to break it off for any reason but I don't know if I should tell him this or just leave it as it is. I mean I am sure that it is clear I am starting to care, before I hardly text him at all and now that’s all I do. Even on weekends, maybe once or twice and he don't mind. He has said stuff about things I have posted on my Facebook does this mean he looks to see what I post? Sometimes not all the time he will text me when he wakes up and sometimes he don’t text at all until he goes into work. This is perfectly fine with me. I don’t want to change anything between us but should I tell him how I am feeling or should I try to withdraw myself some?

I mean personally I feel that he feels the same way, am I wrong for thinking this?

[Anonymous]

break it off.

this isn't just the two of you, this is a lot more people. My dad cheated on my mom and now I have a half sibling I keep a secret so my family can stay together. Hell I ended up going to counseling and now have abandonment issues I've recently decided to face.

you said he has no intention of leaving his wife and you said he was a happily married man. The key word is happily. I'm going to bag on your right now and say that you are very dumb. Your wrote that you are 'far from stupid' but this proves how blind AND stupid AND selfish you are. To get over someone you could have found someone else who is single.

Sex is all about hormones and chemicals released from the brain. Regardless of no kissing, no texting, no cuddling, sh*t sneaks up on you. Morals are tossed aside when for the moment you have obtained satisfaction which means your brain would release bonding chemicals.

You are not only hurting yourself but you are hurting dozens and sooner or later they will find out.

I can not exaggerate enough how selfish the reason is for cheating is most of the time. Your reason for agreeing to pair up with a married man is just so infuriating. You're reason is not a plausible excuse for 'oh but then I agreed because of I wanted to get over someone'. no. he's married. he has been marked. he has pledged to be with someone and you think he'll be faithful to you? How do you know if he just don't do the same too you in the future?

What is your future with someone who won't leave his wife? To be his fourth or twenty-seventh all the time? Regardless men and women want to be first to someone they care about immensely. You are being hidden and used (him as well) because this is a secret. It's immoral, selfish, inconsiderate, and extremely unhealthy.

would you be okay if your husband was off with some other woman? do you think it's okay? After all this time in investing and being happy or faking it (as I don't believe any happy good man would cheat) he's off putting his junk in another woman's trunk? Doesn't that make you mad and neglected?

so in short, yes you are in the wrong and an of the enemy of women.

[Opinion Owner]

i would assume you'd already know the answer but you're just trying to find a third party to justify your heartless acts of passion so you can blame your conscious on them. for misdirecting you

[Asker]

i didn't ask you if I was wrong, I asked if I should tell him how I feel or if I should distance myself because breaking it off isn't an answer for me. yes it was wrong all together to get with a married man but oh well it already happended that's her problem not mine. and he don't sleep with her or anyone else just me ...

[Asker]

I am sorry you had to keep a secreat about a 1/2 sibling, and I am sorry what your father did caused you issues. But his children have nothing to do with this. I never said I want him to leave his wife because I don't. and his children are from his first marriage well besides the youngest one. I am not saying I want to take him away from her because I don't I know it would never work out for either of us. I just don't know if I should tell him how I feel

[Opinion Owner]

okay, I am sorry that I just blew up at you. just when I read this I get flash backs and I get so infuriated. but honestly you should tell him. it's going to eat you up till your crumple. His children and his wife are very much involved because he is lying to them.

think about it though, if you tell him how is that going to help the situation? it's better to distant yourself because you honestly don't want her to hunt you down now do you if you stay close? if you text him a lot she'll

[Opinion Owner]

find out eventually. people are very snoopy when insecure and they will justify it by thinking they'll find maybe nothing or become obsessed by it. if he starts falling for you then that's even a bigger mess. you might not want him to leave his family and he might not want that either now, but in the future people's opinion about everything changes.

[Asker]

I understand why you first come off the way you did, its nothing I wasn't expecting. I know what is going on between us is wrong, at first I really was just about sex on both of our parts. but I feel as if we are getting closer. I worry that I am getting my hopes up for something I know will never have. I don't want to ruin his family but if their was room for me then it was ruined before I come along. I know she has asked why we texxt so much I don't know what he told her she looked it up on their accoun

[Asker]

Could we have already changed what it is we want, I mean as his actions he is acting as if he cares a little more than he should be careing for someone in his situation. I don't want to lose him, I fear if I tell him how I feel if he don't feel the same it will scare him off. but a year is that too soon to say how I feel? I know the whole sistuation is f***ed up, but its too late to walk away.

[Opinion Owner]

it's never too late to walk away, unless you are having his child, then well wow, you suck.

Look, are you willing to share him with his woman? if you are not asking him to leave her then you're hoping for a polygamist relationship. can you be with a man who's whole family probably hates you? (i'm pretty sure they'l pretend to be polite, but that hurts a lot)

you think he'll leave? if you leaves then that means he's just going to look for another thing to shove his d*** in.

[Opinion Owner]

he'll find your replacement, I trust. if you don't give him the ultimatum then his family will.

[Asker]

No I am not having his child due to he shoots blankx and I can't have children. LONG STORY ON MY PART. His family don't need to know, I don't want to be in a relationship with him. your miss understanding I just want to know if I should tell him how much I care... I don't want nothing to do with his family that's not my thing.. I don't want to be in that part of his life id much rather be a secret.

[Asker]

do I think he will leave who me or her? I would never ask him to leave her I don't want him to leave her.. do I think he would leave me we ain't together so he really couldn't leave me he could not talk to me but no I don't see that happeing.. and am I willing to share him with his wife, I don't care what he does with his wife he is the one asking me who I am with. but yes id be willing to share him with her..

[Opinion Owner]

Okay. Well since your in it yes you should tell him. Yep. Tell him.

[bruvleigh]

at no point during your entire speach did you actually mention his wife, or the fact that your destroying a family or the fact that he sounds A LOT older than you or that the more that you are seeing him the creepier it sounds.

You shouldn't be with him, the guy is an arrsehole, you might not agree but he has to be if he's shagging you instead of his wife.

and you are a horrible selfish person, how DARE you do this with a married man. His poor wife does not deserve this and his kids certainly dont

get over your own stupid and selfish feelings and split with him, be a bit mature and have some f***ing self control he is not yours to sleep with or start any sort of relationship with

[Asker]

lol... just because he is married don't mean he belongs to someone else. if he was happy at home he would have never been looking else where. his kids have nothing to do with it, their all grown. if she don't know its because she don't want to know. people can tell when their partner is cheating. I am a horrible selfish person but I am not the one married. again you must have been cheated on too

[Primrose]

well...he's married. He pledged to be with her and to be faithful. virtually he does belong to her and she belongs to him. it was a mutual vow they took not to god really but to each other.

the fact that his kids are grown kinda grosses me out how old he is, though if you're into that I'm kinda wondering if you have daddy issues. (usually that's why women go for older men but not all the time but usually.)

not everyone who answers has been cheated on. it's more moral code over anything

[Asker]

it can gross you out, and no I don't have daddy issues as you say I just like older men. if he was looking else where to have needs meet then there was an issue before I came along. I will not say it is all on him for what we started because what went from an inesent friendship turned into more quickly on both parts. I really don't even know how. you can hate me and say I'm selfish that's fine with me

[bruvleigh]

yeh I've been cheated on, doesn't make me LESS qualified to talk about this only MORE. And how is she just supposed to KNOW, mind reading doesn't exist yet I'm afraid.

Married = belongs to someone else DUUH

And grown kids? that's surely more awekward.

Yeh some guys don't have there needs met, but its the d***heads that don't bother to ask their wife about it and go to some random girl young enough to be his own daughter.

[DanAG]

Are you seriously asking for advice on how to tear a family apart and ruin people's lives? Well the only thing you are going to get are lectures for being such an immature selfish little brat who doesn't give a crap about anyone but yourself. There is only one thing for you to do. That's to break it off and take a very hard look at yourself and get your priorities straightened out.

You know the worst thing about this? You act like it's nothing. You act like you have no conscience whatsoever and truly don't get that you are doing anything wrong.

[Asker]

I don't want to tear his family apart, I would never ask him to leave his wife because I don't want to take her place. all I was wantng to know was if I should tell him how I feel about him now. I said I get that its wrong, but no I don't regreat it at all. And no I will not break it off.. if that makes me selfish I guess I'm selfish. ill take it you been cheated on and taking your issues out on me.

[DanAG]

You are like talking to a brick wall. Every comment you make says you totally don't get it. No, I've never been cheated on. No this isn't about whether you ask him to leave his wife or not. It's about right and wrong. But you just don't get it. No point arguing with a brick wall. I had to say something though - because it was the right thing to do - but you won't get that either. Good luck in life, you're going to need it. Because you have a very rough road ahead of you.