Boyfriend gets mad because I can't hear him on the phone. HELP! :(

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are long distance now. We have been for 3 months and will be for about 6 more months. We talk every single day on the phone, but the problem is I can never hear him well. I don't know if it's him mumbling (although I can hear him well most of the time), or my phone, or me being deaf lol. I just feel like I often can't hear and ask him to repeat. Today he got really upset and said something like "Ahh I am so pissed. You can never hear me and I hate repeating myself all the time." To which I said that it's not like I'm doin it on purpose. He calmed down but still sounded mad for the rest of the convo. He also said that it's just really frustrating that our only way of communication is such a pain in the ass. I don't know what to do, it's frustrating for both of us, and I feel helpless. I really think it's the way he talks because I don't have that problem with others on the phone. But I can't tell him that cause he is 100% convinced it's my sh*tty phone providers, since I also get a lot of dropped calls. What can I do to help this situation? Do you think he really is pissed at me directly, or just at the situation? I mean I know it's frustrating, but this is something I really have no control over :/ I am just so upset cause I don't know how to make our communication better, and I don't want him to get so fed up that he leaves me :( Help!

[ilovelegs]

I feel for you. :( He could get pissed at you directly because of the situation so it's something you have to change if you want to keep him since the phone seems to be your main method of communication. There are other ways to communicate besides the phone you know. First you need to consider how good you hear your friends in person as compared to how others seem to hear them. Pay attention to how good you can follow a conversation as compared to your friends, like in school, over the PA system, etc. How about how you hear the TV or radio compared to others, etc. Next, get their opinion on how they understand your boyfriend? Do you think you hear good on the phone with talking to anyone else? If you KNOW it's because of your sh*tty phone or service provider than of course that's the reason. Can't you supplement your communications by the use of texting, emails, Facebook, online chat, etc? From the location you usually talk with your boyfriend are you getting a good signal or a poor one? That would make a big difference and that has to do with your provider or where you live... and only maybe because of a poor or very cheap phone. Do you put the amplifier on your phone to high volume? If all these things I mentioned seem positive to you then it must be in his voice. Maybe he does mumble a lot so make sure to ask your friends about how they hear him. Also, his voice may not be one that carries very good in person and on the phone... like he has a soft voice and/or doesn't enunciate his words very clearly. I think I said enough here for you to know where to place the blame. Now you need to correct the culprit or improvise ways around it by using other means of communications besides just the phone. Talk in person about this and see if the two of you can come to some kind of understanding that will work out good for both of you. So get to the bottom of this ASAP! No need to let this destroy an otherwise good relationship. Good luck! :)

[madhatters4]

maybe try Skype.

that said I remember in college people dealing with long distance relationship while their boyfriend/girlfriend was studying abroad it seemed to me that most issues stemmed from the people just being frustrated that they were dealing and going through the stress of it and that stress and frustration manifested in fights about things that were either insignificant or really just a factor of stress...

so maybe just say something along the lines of look I know this situation is stressful, nto getting to see each, dealign with the phone issues. I thnk we need our convos to be positive and happy because it is the only contact we have with each other. so maybe we can just practice some patience

[Anonymous]

My grandparents fight all the time because my grandmother can't hear my grandfather. Then he yells: HEARRRRRRRRR MEEEEEEEEEEEEE and then takes a nap in haste.

[Asker]

LOL that made me laugh, thanks for the comic relief :) However, it doesn't help my situation :( I really don't know what to do, and I don't want him to break up with me over this :(((