You're sitting at a wedding and the preacher starts to talk about that common topic for wedding sermons: The Two Become One. That's when you start daydreaming, thinking about that waitress at the taco joint who you'd really like to bang, or that cute guy in your biology lab who you'd really like to use for your next biology field study. Why in the hell do they always talk about that topic? What's it mean?
There are Bible references that can help Christians understand this idea, but religious beliefs are not necessary to see what is important is these words. Before you enter a relationship, meeting your own needs is the most important priority in your life. At a minimum, you must have food, water, shelter, and clothing. A car that is in good condition wouldn't be a bad addition to this list. Oh yeah, and how about some sex at least every now and then?
Well, most of these needs can be met without entering into a close interpersonal relationship, but for most of us, sex requires finding a willing partner (except for the minority who will pay someone to have sex.) Finding a willing partner tonight might be as easy as going to the local bar about an hour before closing time and finding someone lonely and desperate enough to not be too choosy.
That approach might get you laid tonight, but your partner for the evening probably isn't going to be a dependable source of sex in the future. How can we find a long term fix for that problem? Find a partner for a relationship . . . and that probably isn't going to be the person you met in the bar at 1 AM last week.
So your friends introduce you to a few eligible guys or girls, and maybe you click with one of them. You have a first date and they seem like a good, decent person, they're somewhat attractive, and have no obvious mental illness. Your second date goes rather well, and so does the third and fourth date. Three months later, you're living together at the corner of Easy Street and Got-It-Made Boulevard. You are getting all of your needs met, your partner isn't demanding and gives you freedom without a leash. What could go wrong?
Two months later, Mr. Right or Miss Perfect announce that they are moving out at the end of the week. WHAT????? Everything was perfect; why are they screwing it up?
I'll tell you why. Because everything you've done in this relationship was about you and your needs. You never inquired about your partner's needs or, if you asked, you never did anything to indicate that the discussion had, in fact, occurred. You never thought about the relationship from your partner's perspetive. Why were they dating you? Why did they agree to live together? What needs did they hope to have fulfilled?
You know what their needs were, right? Food, water, shelter, clothing, a car in good condition, and sex. You know this because they're human and they're similar to you.
Sit down before you read this next part. That person with their head on the opposite end of the pillow every morning is not a person; they are an alien from another planet, morphed to look human but very different from you. You were fooled into thinking that you knew what they wanted but you didn't know, because you didn't ask.
What was their incentive to enter the relationship with you? Did you ever ask yourself that question?
Okay, the title of this take is something about "The Two Become One." Before you started the relationship, you had your needs and he or she had their needs. When the two become one, that means that you begin acting like the relationship is more important than you, individually. Your partner's needs are just as important as your needs. Your partner feels the same way. Before the relationship, you were two separate and distinct individuals, but now the relationship has emerged as the dominant entity.
A relationship is an enviroment where you should be doing selfless acts on a regular basis. I'm not talking about one of those made-for-TV movies where the husband takes a bullet to save the wife. No, I'm talking about selfess acts in your everyday life. They want Italian food tonight and if you see any more pasta, you're going to barf, but you go for Italian because that's what they want. You don't like country music but they want to go to the Florida-Georgia Line concert, so you go, too!
So, if you think you are ready for a mature relationship, you need to remember two points:
1. Talk to your partner about their expectations and what they want from the relationship. Don't assume anything, because you are dealing with the opposite sex.
2. If momma bear ain't happy, in't nobody else gonna be happy; if your partner isn't happy in the relationship, you will ultimately pay the price. Stop thinking about what you need and what he or she needs. Everything should become what "we" need.
If you're not ready for this concept or you think this is just for girls and PW'ed guys, you're not right . . . but that's okay. It just means you're not ready for a serious relationship. If you don't understand now, you will after you have a real relationship.
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