How Not to Be a Cheater (Page 2)

[normalice]

i think people who want to cheat are going to (assuming the opportunity arises) and are not looking for advice on how not to, or reasons to not do so. Whereas people who don't want to cheat simply won't.

[Anonymous]

You seem to think that men cheat for the same reasons as women.

Generally speaking, men don't usually cheat to try and fix things or because they are unhappy, or most of the reasons you mentioned. Women do.
Men will have sex with another female because they are offered sex and it's just another activity which is enjoyable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9Q7jjMlH88

[Ozanne]

Can you provide a link, opening the video doesn't work.

[Opinion Owner]

https:// www.youtube.com/watch? v=G9Q7jjMlH88

Remove spaces

[Anonymous]

What about when you aren't getting any sex at home. Your partner has totally cut you off. But you love your partner... but tired of being neglected. And you've talked to them till you're blue in the face.

[BertMacklinFBI]

there is another solution than cheating to that isn't there, doing it the right way because cheating isn't the right way. unless complicated things are involved like children etc then more thought needs to go into it.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree... but you would be surprised how much this happens.

[meatballs21]

Break up with them. It's not going to get better and they've already killed the relationship by denying you love anyway.

[Ozanne]

I agree with @Meatballs21 - if one of you is losing out on a very huge component in your relationship which is intimacy then what are you doing? You're being friends. I understand that there is love there, even attraction, but this is about as important as the decision on whether or not to have children together. If you can see yourselves living like this for the rest of your lives, then I'm sure you'll be able to know your limitations, but no one ever said that staying together at the expense of sexual happiness had to happen either. I had a similar situation with an ex, who didn't want sex anymore, I was aching for it and more and more, my emotional needs began to stray - not my sexual needs. All of that was affecting my emotional connection to him too. When I found that the emotions I had for him were waning, and they were increasing easily with other men, I knew I might have the capability to cheat, therefore I told him so and left him.

[Ozanne]

I very badly wanted sex with him, but being denied sex over and over with no entertainment to improve or get counselling, sort of left me feeling like I had no choice. I either get what I need in this relationship but after recognizing how badly my emotions were starting to dwindle, it was the best move to tell him this to save him and me going through extreme hurt from cheating. In the end, I didn't even end up with anyone for a while - it was the scary possibility that I could have right then near the tail of our relationship, and I refused to be a cheater. Best to end it with better intentions, I thought.

[Opinion Owner]

So he never cared about your needs? How did he take it when you left him?

[Ozanne]

Well, it was a break-up and obviously really hard on us. We had lived together for three years, and he had spend over six months sleeping in our spare bedroom it just got that bad. The intimacy was terrible in all ways. We weren't married and he used to reject the idea that I was even the last person he might be with in his life, so there's more to this story than I am telling you (I could write a book on it actually, because there was a lot of messed up stuff from him being an adult survivor of child sexual abuse). We were friends on a "deep caring level" for about five months before even having sex, and that is an eternity for me to not have sex that long after meeting someone and being involved with him.

Anyway, no, he always put his needs above mine citing he was still dealing with his problems and they trumped anything I felt. I couldn't refute that. But the longer it went on, I had to remind him that I was in this relationship too and my needs mattered just as much.

[Ozanne]

Near the end I was starting to find my emotional needs were quickly finding attention to other men who simply said hello to me and looked at me the right way. I felt good for the first time that someone might have wanted me. After a long time of this going on, I realized that if I go it alone, I WILL be able to attract a man and have the relationship I want that included some sex, because I kept fearing that if I left him I'd lose my best friend. Some best friend. The break up was bad, but in the end I realized I made the right choice. I told him this had nothing to do with my insensitivity about his healing, and encouraged him to find peace some day. But as a 33 year old who desperately needed more, if he loved me as he said he did, he would let me go find the life I wanted with a partner who was on the same page as me when it came to all the important stuff - which includes having a sex life.

[confusedone14]

Porn is the answer, you exchanged vows with the Woman you deeply love and care about, maybe she feels that the romance and spark has gone so reignite the flame :)

[meatballs21]

@ConfusedOne Porn was my answer for the best part of five years. It is NOT a substitute for the real loss of intimacy in a relationship. I couldn't believe that I was going to be stuck with just porn for the rest of my life, and both the first time I started having interest in other women again and the first time I had sex again after ending my relationship, I realized just what a huge mistake it would have been to have stayed.

[Jan77]

As someone who has battled the temptation to cheat, I think porn only makes the problem worse. Focus on the relationship & let the sex come as a result of the healthy relationship, even if that takes time. I have an unusually high sex drive, so sympathize, BUT beware of anything that basically equates to "having sex with yourself", unless you want to make the relationship problems worse. Communicate a lot, being gently honest about your feelings & needs (describing them mostly in the context of"when this does /doesn't happen I feel... never in an accusing way that blames them for your feelings) & concentrate on discerning & meeting your partner's needs. Court them! Make yourself more available, & somehow carve out a lot of time to be together. Hopefully that will have an impact.

[Ozanne]

Great advice @Jan77 I totally agree :)

[PiuBelloAmante]

... getting cheated on sucks...
thanks for righting this, i wish you didn't have to, i wish people just knew... not to do these things

[Anonymous]

If you have to be taught how to not cheat, you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

[HookingSwan]

Another great take that ALL should read. This is exactly why it's wrong to cheat. We should start refering the questions about it to here :)

[GreatnessPersonified]

Seriously?
I thought it was, "don't stick your penis in another woman's pooter."

[Ozanne]

No, it's also don't spread your pool cues for a pair of balls.

[chrisbigman]

Um... don't sleep with someone else while in a relationship with someone, whether it's you or that someone else.

[TravisG]

This is a helpful topic. I think every person in a relationship or who wants a relationship should read this.

[Tomsta]

How not to be a cheater:

- Don't cheat

/end topic

Why would anyone cheat anyway, they are your boyfriend. girlfriend for a reason why risk loosing it all

[Rissyanne]

So you would be willing to go the rest of your life without sex?

[Tomsta]

Yes cos i would love my girlfriend

[Phoenix98]

Uh use common sense or as it's known as today, not so common sense and well just don't lol.

[Redken]

I'm that cheater that feels like lighting my sac on fire the next morning

[jacquesvol]

How Not to Be a Cheater?

Simple: other women are either friends or co-workers.

[Moose2coolvargas]

Must clear cookies, must clear history

[jacquesvol]

Huh? Because I forgot to mention "members of the family"?

My bad.

[Ozanne]

"How Not to Be a Cheater?
Simple: other women are either friends or co-workers."

LOL Perfect :) yes

[Tarvold]

This is all bullshit. There's only one way to guarantee not cheating - have more than enough sex with your partner regularly.

[LightsOff]

And here we have the perfect example of a person who doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions, and prefer to blame his wrongdoings on other people.

[Tarvold]

Maybe. Or maybe I have just come to accept the facts of human sexuality.

[Anonymous]

she's probably an expert at cheating because she's been cheated on so often.
Sounds like she's ultra bitter and man hating to me.

[Anita_467]

You realise that throughout the myTake, she never specified whether the person considering cheating and the partner's gender right? This is directed to anyone who feels like cheating on their partner - man or woman.

[Opinion Owner]

@Anita_467 You realize it doesn't matter because it was written by a woman right?

[PeterPanho]

We need a manual on this? Really? Is this how much America is fucked up? And also, it's written by a woman for a women. Makes sense.

[diarrhea]

How to not be a cheater: don't cheat. Thank you.

[PeterPanho]

this article was written by a female and i think this speaks for itself. it's like writing an article how to shit in a toilette.

[Geist]

Ways to not cheat:
(1) Don't.

[Anonymous]

really true take on things.. this has calmed me a bit as im going through this with my cheating boyfriend..

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

Once is a mistake, twice is a choice.