I get that arguments can erupt and things can be said out of anger. And though I know women aren’t the easiest creatures to live with, even if we start an argument ourselves out of nothing (which we have created down to a science), there are some things that guys should never spit out in the heat of the moment.
Arguing is one thing, and perhaps bringing up problems that she’s inflicted might be your defense mechanism, and please – in no way do I think it’s one-sided. I’d offer a “Sure-fire ways to really hurt your man” Take, but I’m not a guy so I can’t give 100% to that. Perhaps a guy out there might want to do a counter take to mine to let women know what sorts of things are off-limits to say to men.
Auntie Ozanne's "Don'ts" to Keep in Mind When You're Scrapping with Your Woman
(I thought this picture said it all. She's got a look on her face as if she's thinking, "Oh no.. he did NOT just say that to me.")
1. Don’t criticize her body. If it’s in you to snarl a comment that she’s put on weight, her boobs aren’t big enough, or you happen to hate her dangly inner labia, well then *owch*, that is something you can’t exactly take back because you’ve made a crude observation about something about her own personal body and not so readily changeable (if she could at all). Weight takes a long time and hard work to lose, bigger boobs cost good money to enhance, and how would you feel if your girl felt inclined to tell you that maybe your genitals needed to be snipped for some improvement? Just please don’t do it. It’s abhorrently hurtful and kills part of your girl’s spirit. Kill, meaning, it doesn’t come back. It’s dead. She will forever hear those words out of your mouth in her mind and get hurt all over again when she thinks of it. No apology afterward makes this better - ever.
2. Don’t put her mother down. Even if her mom is a psycho, to bring her mom in to the argument by laying on insults about her is a personal shot at your girlfriend too. This is the woman that raised her, taught her how to be the woman you supposedly love, and even if Mommie Dearest has got problems, it’s for your girlfriend to identify and speak about, not anyone else. Mother-daughter relationships can be necessary and of value to your girlfriend even if their relationship seems toxic. It’s off-limits to cut down her mom even if the argument is about her mom. State some facts that you know about, but to chime in with personal insults is not okay. This is especially not okay when her mom is otherwise a good mom but just has some typcial-annoying-mom traits that every girl knows about her own mother. No mom is perfect, and most of us cherish our moms even when they are annoying sometimes. Our moms are the second most important person in our lives, next to you. We treasure their support even if we are a bit bratty as daughters to know this. You should remind us of that, not hurt the situation.
3. Don’t bring up personal and potentially embarrassing things she does. This is touchy, because though you should be able to, such as telling her something like she has bad breath or that she doesn’t know how to wipe her ass properly (something you might have noticed when you give her oral sex), the timing during a fight can be the worst thing you could do. These are very sensitive subjects to bring up and should be reserved for times when there is no threat to how you feel about her. During an argument, saying it out of anger is humiliating. If you’re in a scrap because she’s angry that you always lose the car keys, bring up her skid marks as your defense is not playing fair in the argument and things like that should be handled at a much better time in a much more sensitive way. Most women want to be seen as creatures of beauty, and to be notified that we have something going on with us on par with a female gorilla makes us feel as if we must be trolls.
4. Don’t say you’re not sure if you even love her anymore. This goes for the times when she manages to choke out an, “I-still-love-you,” and your response might be, “Well, I don’t love you right now,” or you don’t respond to it at all, leaving her in a lurch. This is a rotten feeling for a woman. It’s her way of trying to calm rough waters. For you to crush her feelings of love by either telling her you don’t have any love for her anymore, you don’t love her at the moment, or even that you hate her are terrible ways to respond to this. Love is too important of an emotion to play around with words about. Be mad all you want, but unless you actually do mean that you do not love her anymore and your argument is the start of your breakup then never say this. Know the difference between feeling overwhelmed with anger as opposed to outright hate or loss of love. You can still argue and love each other, and if this happens, words matter. Fight through your anger to at least say, “I love you too...that’s why I’m so mad.”
5. Don’t let her cry alone. I know we must sound like total babies, but at any age, if we are hurt, especially by the man we love, going off to cry is not the same as a man choosing to storm out of the house to go work in the garage. Men do this to cool off and be alone. Women want to feel like she’s worth being chased, and in the end, soothed. This means when she starts to sob, it’s a really bad time to stomp out of the room and leave her alone when the one thing she really wants is for you to charge over to her, grab her, and hold her. Even if she resists a hug, don't leave her. Ask her what she wants you to do. If she barks at you, "nothing!" - you know that means something. So think about it. Stay with her during her outburst and this means don't look at your phone or get sidetracked by something else. This also means not going to bed angry or sad. If you’re lying in bed and can hear her sniffling, do you know what goes through our heads? Everything. When you claim that you’re tired and don’t want to talk, we lie there thinking that you might not love us, care enough to soothe us before sleeping, and we have cinematics running through our minds that will keep us awake and worried because we can’t relax. The best thing to do is at least find it in you to roll over to her, kiss her goodnight, tell her you still love her and things will be okay. (Then...give her some sex.)