And all she said was, "I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me."
It was a rejection. She even added that she wasn't attracted to me, which, based on her body language, was immensely difficult for her to say. I could tell she was prepared to heap on the conciliatory compliments after this rejection; she was all ready to go on a gushing five-minute monologue about how great I am. With the inevitable caveat that I just wasn't for her, of course.
I had to turn around and actually comfort her. I really did. She was tearing up, as if she'd just told me she backed over my favorite puppy with her car. I had to hold her hand and smile and say "really, it's okay, I'll be fine." She didn't believe me, though, and in point of fact, I actually found it extremely insulting. But then, I realized that everyone's self-image and self-esteem is so horrifically low these days, that rejection really can feel like the end of the world. To some, I suppose.
Rejection stings. There's really nothing you can do about that. But seriously, get the hell over it. It happens. This is the world of humanity, where everyone's tastes and preferences are different, where one's idea of the ideal partner is another's absolute nightmare. If you're not into me, I'm not about to go crawl into a hole and wish I was dead and frankly, I don't want to date anyone who's that petrified of rejection, either. Have some self-respect. Have some confidence. Realize your self-worth and value.
Ladies, I don't need to be coddled if you're rejecting me. I'm not saying you should be rude or offensive; I'm not saying I want to see this dismissive and obnoxious gesture-
-but I am saying I can handle it. I would expect you to be able to do the same, if I voiced a rejection in the same way. Though I imagine hearing "I'm just not attracted to you" is harder to hear for women, and something I'd hesitate to say, even if it was true. I don't mean women have more fragile egos but I think in society, it's much more difficult for a woman to be seen as unattractive as opposed to a man.
At any rate, this is just a friendly PSA to all you prospective girlfriends of me (wow, that's a shitty sentence): I'll be okay. I promise. I'm not going to go on a bender and slit my wrists because you don't want to see me anymore. Honestly, this is what teenagers do; at my age, I assume we've all grown out of that, and grown into far stronger, far more stable egos. Yeah, when relationships and the concept of love are fresh and new, those first rejections really do hurt. A lot.
But we grow up, do we not? We get a better idea of who we are, what we want, and who we want to be with. We realize that we're not perfect, that nobody is, that rejection is a part of life. You won't get certain jobs, you won't get that story published, you won't be elected to the town council. Someone you really like might not reciprocate. But you'll get up the next morning and go about your business, and time will bring new things, new opportunities.
We all need to be a lot stronger when it comes to personal interactions with others. Let me add one final thought: In an age where people are "communicating" through screens more and more, their actual communication skills are eroding quickly and as a direct result, dealing with people on a face-to-face basis becomes harder and more stressful. In short, maybe we're so insecure because we hide behind screens far, far too often.
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