Newsflash: The Only Person Keeping You In The Friendzone Is YOU!

[CHARismatic110]

You meet someone, you're interested in them, the feelings aren't reciprocated, and boom, say hello to the friendzone. Regardless of what you think, we've ALL been there. Rejection absolutely sucks. If I had to rank it, I'd say it's probably top 5 for worst feelings. But guess what, it happens. What happens after that, is totally up to you.

I need you guys to make sure you read this next part very carefully, okay? Pay attention. YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO STAY FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE THAT REJECTS YOU. Get it? Got it? Good. I think where people make their mistake is in thinking that by sticking around, they can change the person's mind. As if by continuing to be their friend, it will magically make them have feelings. I mean it's not impossible, but it seldom ever works out that way. You can't try to manipulate your way into a relationship. It usually only makes things worse. You end up becoming bitter and pessimistic as a result.

I can tell you from experience that it can be very unhealthy to try to stay friends with someone that doesn't return your feelings. It's kind of hard to get over it when you're constantly talking to them, or hanging out with them. It's not fair to put yourself through that. And it's not fair of them to expect you to. Most people will understand, mostly because it cuts down on awkwardness for them as well. If you're ever in an situation where the person is pushing for you to remain friends, if that isn't what you want, then you damn well better say it.

What I'm trying to tell you guys is that you don't have to settle. No one said that you had to set up shop in the friendzone. No one said that you had to stay there forever. Hell, no one said that you had to stay for 5 minutes! You find out that feelings aren't reciprocated, then you get the hell out of dodge. Rejection is something that happens to all of us. Don't let it turn you into a sourpass that sits on a website bashing the opposite sex all day. You're better than that. Be better than that.

#CHARismaticOut ✌

[BubbleBoy69]

I don't think most men actively stay in the friendzone hoping the girl will come around. What usually happens is the girl deceptively gives false signals to the guy that if he sticks around for her then maybe she'll consider giving him a chance or some girls just keep flaking on them and coming up with excuses as to why they can't go out at that particularly time. If women were honest and said "Hey, thanks for the offer but i'm not attracted to you like that", men would cut their loses. However, many times women don't like to lose "male friends" especially if they are very useful to them, and will string the guy along with false hope.

For example - A guy could ask a girl out. She gives an excuse on why she can't go out right now, maybe due to classes or whatever and he respects that.. Stays friends with her longer than he has to and tries again until he eventually figures out she is never going to go for him.

Some girls actively hide the fact they have a boyfriend. Flirt with men and use them for validation or some other reason. They then spring i have boyfriend on the guy when he ask her out.

The notion men never make a move and just hope the girl would ask them out is a female behavior of projection. See women often wait for men they like to ask them out, men do not have that luxury.

[JohnDoe3000]

This is why huys need to learn to be firm and skeptical: one excuse without an alternative being offered is suspect, two is reason to break contact. If she's flakey call her out on it or break contact.

[CHARismatic110]

@JohnDoe3000 is exactly right. If it was a guy friends that was being flaky I'm sure you'd have no problems calling him out. So do the same to her. Stop always looking for ways to blame the female in the situation and take some responsibility.

[BubbleBoy69]

@JohnDoe3000 This is a trait young men learn as they get older. Many young men are blinded when their young and media that women lie less than men. Hence, why so many men are all to eager to believe (with no evidence) that she got raped for example.

Now as a man gets older and start noticing behavior, they eventually learn how to spot it and not tolerate it.

As for @CHARismatic110 lying is still a shitty thing to do which women should hold responsible for. It's like someone sold you a car but did not tell you it was stolen then the blame not only falls on you but the person who lied to you. Again women need to stop always blaming men and realize while men are partly responsible they are as well. Take some responsibility.

[BubbleBoy69]

"Hence, why so many men are all to eager to believe (with no evidence) that she got raped for example."

To clarify on this. We live in a society which tends to influence us at a young age that women are innocent and more honest than men. Hence, many people will believe the words of a woman even if she has no evidence to support her claims.

[JohnDoe3000]

@BubbleBoy69

Yeah, when you're a father figure to a boy it's your duty to tell them about the not-so-nice aspects of dating/women/people as well.

[MrMafioso]

So true. Just happened to me but finally I learned to let go.

[YellowCactus]

@BubbleBoy69 "However, many times women don't like to lose "male friends" especially if they are very useful to them, and will string the guy along with false hope."

I think this comes mostly under sexual attraction and the guys who constantly "rewards" women by helping them and making their lives easier. Of course they gonna keep such guys by their side to just help them and for nothing more.

[snowangle]

Agreed. I've been rejected by male friends before and most of the time, it was fairly easy to be like "well, he's not interested. Oh well, he's still fun to hang with!" And I stayed friends with them not because I was settling, but because I appreciated them for who they are and didn't hold any hard feelings about them not liking me. But that's just me; I love having platonic guy friends. I still respect people who can't bring themselves to stay friends with someone they have feelings for, so long as it's not out of spite.

There was ONE exception where I stayed friends with a guy I was in love with hoping that he would develop feelings for me. It was very painful and I don't recommend it, but it was my choice and I knew exactly what I was doing to myself (never did I blame him for not liking me back). And it actually ended up working out; we dated for 2 years. BUT this is the exception, not the rule.

[CHARismatic110]

Right. Like there are times where staying friends is super beneficial because you get a great friend out of it. And other times it's better to just cut ties. Every situation is different. What I've noticed is that most guys will stick around with the idea that that will make her change her mind. And when she doesn't, they become so bitter and hateful. towards women as a whole.

And yeah, I've also stayed when I should've gone and I don't recommend it either.

[Tony1974]

CHARismaticOUt... Easy for you to say as a woman. Are you a feminist? IF so.. how many men have you asked out? How many times have you been rejected? How many times have you stayed in the friendzone thinking.. hoping.. wishing they will recognize what a great friend and possible lover you could be? The truth is we need to let go of our self-delusions and face reality.

I become friends with certain ladies to learn who they are BEFORE making a move because most of the time women put on fronts about who they are and what they are about. I put them in the friendzone to see what they are about. I shit test them like they shit test me. I say what's good for the goose is good for the gander. As an older man who didn't have much luck with the ladies as a younger man all I can say is what comes around goes around. The truth of the matter is women need to bring far more to the table these days than just the golden p@ssy... sex is important but it's only a small component to a relationship. Stay true to yourself and you will never fail.

[CHARismatic110]

I have been the first to show interest in a guy on more than one occasion and I've been rejected every time. I've stayed friends with someone because he wanted me to and hoping that he'd magically have feelings for me. And I broke myself in the process. Like I said I above, I have experience in this. Guys are not the only ones that go through this. I'm not into playing games with people. Life is too short.

[Tony1974]

"I have been the first to show interest in a guy on more than one occasion and I've been rejected every time." Showing interest is not asking out. Once rejected, you need to cease and desist at once otherwise you're a creep. Can women be creeps though? I think that's only reserved for men...

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

I agree with the friend zone shit, although a lot of guys and girls do believe in that shit. I'll get that out of the ways... But let's talk about those bold points

True, I think there's 2 different things. The kind where you become friends with a chick in hoping to be with a girl and the kind where you are friends with a girl and then become attracted to her. We should probably separate the 2. Since you're talking about the former, let's point out the inconsistency. Yeah, no one if forcing me to stay friends, but don't chicks always complain about how guys are only talking to them to have sex with them and shit? I think most guys are more complex than that than to shove off a human that rejected them solely for the fact that they rejected them. Sure, I shot my shot, but It might be just me, but seems a little hypocritical, doesn't it?

Now, here's the question I always ask people on here when they want to ask people out, especially friends. Are they friends because you like her or do you like her because you're friends? Because, despite people taking a shot, if you are actually friends, shooting your shot and whiffing into the friend zone shouldn't mean the end of the friendship. In that case, you're admitting you weren't really friends to begin with and literally wasted your time solely to get a girl. In a case in which you can stay friends afterwards, at least, to me, shows that neither of us created an artificial friendship and that, despite her not being attracted to me, at least the shit we actually did was fun and liked her for her personality and looks and I liked her for the right reasons and not willing to toss her to the side like a cheap tent

I'm pretty sure I rambled and that was arguably the least coherent thing I've written on here, but fuck it 😂

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

Fuck, definitely misread the last half... My b 👍

[CHARismatic110]

What the hell bruh lol? Shooting shots? What the what? The bold print said that you aren't obligated to stay. You're more than welcome to. If y'all had a genuine friendship and feelings were developed then it's harder to let it go. I've been there. But it also gets messier the closers the friendship was and unfortunately it usually ends up ending anyway.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

lol! I said I misread basically half this take 😂

Also
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php

[CHARismatic110]

Lol gotta love urban dictionary. And read slowly next time, punk!

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

Reading's for losers! 😛

https://www.reactiongifs.com/r/y23Q27K.gif

[CHARismatic110]

You're gonna marry a bookworm just for that lol

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

Hey, 1 of us has to be the adult in the relationship and I think we know who it isn't 😂😂😂

[CHARismatic110]

Lmaooo oh for sureeee

[Library]

https://ci.memecdn.com/699/1758699.jpg It's a waste of time too. I don't understand people who become "JUST FRIENDS" with people who they know they are attracted to and stay friends with them hoping that someday they would go out with them. Like can't y'all start out as acquaintances or something? I think it's a pretty shitty thing to do to somebody like be their friend and stop being their friend once you find out they're not interested. Those are fake friends. And to share something else: girlempowered.files.wordpress.com/.../b03.jpg

[CHARismatic110]

Lmao yeah. It gets messy after awhile. That's why it helps to be upfront with how you feel right away. Don't sit around holding onto feelings secretly willing the person to figure it out. Tell them. If they don't feel the same abs you can't handle being around them, then put yourself first and let it go.

[matheus_mb]

Well, I think that there are different cases that demand different actions. I'm still friends with the last girl who rejected me, it doesn't interfere in my moving on process and things aren't awkward (I even told her that I'd act as if the conversation we had when I asked her out had never happned). I respect her answer and I don't wanna change her mind since we can't force anyone to like us as more than friends.

I agree though that for many people it might be a problem and more energic actions must be taken (like not communicating for a while) and then the things you said can be really helpful. The truth is that we all have to let it go, but different methods will be effective for different people. I didn't need to cut contact, many people need it though.

[CHARismatic110]

Yup. I agree with pretty much everything you said.

[Browneye57]

Absolutely correct. The poor guys don't have a clue - they've been told all their life if they just treat you like gold eventually you might give them some attention. NOT!

YOU CANNOT NEGOTIATE ATTRACTION OR DESIRE. PERIOD.

It's either hell yes or hell no. This wishy washy mamby-pamby bullshit is for the birds.

If a girl is hot for you she'll break every rule in the book to get with you. If not, she'll make up a new rule every day on why she can't.

The FZ guys are what we call beta orbiters. A lot of girls keep them around for validation and to do stuff for them. The guys allow themselves to be manipulated this way. They tend to be emotionally weak men. Women hate that, just no respect.

A lot of the time the girls don't even realize they're doing it, they're just being friendly and polite - don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But they have ZERO interest in a sexual way. LIke EEEEWWWWWW. LOL.

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah I don't agree with the keeping them around for validation thing. I've seen that with my own eyes. It's painful to watch.

[Browneye57]

Evidently about half the women on the online dating thing are just looking for validation. Their profile will just hang there for like, years. They go on and on about how they're not gonna settle, with a grocery list of manly requirements, but not a peep about what they bring to a relationship. We call it the golden-vagina syndrome. :)

If they're at all attractive (most aren't) they have more than enough guys contacting them. It bolsters their self SMV image far beyond reason.

[JohnDoe3000]

It's only hell yes or hell no once the guy makes a move. Before then there's so many chicks who think "cosmo/mom/my friends taught me you have to play hard to get because guys like the chase".

[FatherJack]

I agree , these guys make a rod for their own back , just break off & forget them , ironically a woman will respect a man MORE for doing this !!

[YellowCactus]

@Browneye57 "The poor guys don't have a clue - they've been told all their life if they just treat you like gold eventually you might give them some attention. NOT!"

Welcome in today's society.

[Afro-dite9]

Lmao it's such a cawinky you take on this topic eight now @charismatic110 . There is this dude who is kinda friend zoning me right now and I'm not even interested like one tiny bit😂😂 I think he is taking my friendly and open personality as a flirtatious thing. But if I was into him damnnnnn I'd feel like shit😂 I keep trying to hint to him that I don't like him like that, but he is the real MVP of not reading in between the lines. he's curving me harder than constipation right now, I just sit there and laugh. But overall good take, good take sexy 👋💥🍑👌😘

[CHARismatic110]

Lmaooo he'll get it eventually. And you keep smackin my ass and you'll get more than you bargained for! 😏

[Afro-dite9]

https://imgur.com/kiCvA3w oh is that so @charismatic110 ? Mwahahahaaaa

[CisScum]

I think we should stop using the word friendzone tbh, since when has it been bad to just be friends with the opposite gender? Everyone shows the "friendzone" to be in such a negative light but why? You can always get close to her and maybe get with one of her friends. Or the fact that sexual attraction can pop up at any point in a friendship, sometimes girls or guys just need more time to figure out if there is any attraction at all. I'm not saying everyone has to be friends with everyone they get rejected by but there's positives to being "friendzoned" and sometimes you cannot help being "friendzoned" if she just isn't interested in you at all. Friendship shouldn't be shown in a negative light.

[CHARismatic110]

Friendship should definitely not be shown in a negative light. I'm not saying that people can't stay friends, I'm saying that they shouldn't feel obligated too.

[CisScum]

Ya I understand that because nobody has to be friends with anyone, that is their choice. But just shedding some light on being friends with the opposite sex.

[CHARismatic110]

I mean, I agree with some of what you said.

[Amuro]

Hmmm so are you saying unrequited love is good? The only positive to getting friendzoned is when you kick that friend out of your life.

[Tanuron]

I never really understood the whole friendzone thing and still dont really. I personally never felt like im in the "friendzone", but then again I never had feelings for anyone that wasent reciprocated + whats wrong with just being friends with people? Not to mention again, if someone dosent have feelings for you while you do, worst thing you could do is try to change their mind, best way to change peoples mind is to never try anyway. No point that your life should pause or stop either, just do your own thing and move on with your life.

[FingerDancer]

OP.. I agree with you 100%
Some guys are in the friend zone because their cameltoe gets in the way of telling the girl how he REALLY feels about her, so rather than sacrifice her friendship by getting rejected, he stays friends. (or what he thinks is friends)

Just my opinion

[CHARismatic110]

And they're miserable. Instead of doing something about it.

[brocklee]

There are different reasons for the "friend zone". Sometimes a person is simply not available, but have an attraction. They tend to set up "backups" and place them in storage in the friend zone for future potential use.

So, if there is no attraction on one side, that is a hopeless case of friend zone. If attraction is present on both sides, but circumstances by the involved party put you in friend zone, you have a slightly better chance. But only when their relationship goes south.

It is best for the available side with romantic intentions to avoid all cases.

[HeWhoPonders]

This is the first friend zone take written by a girl that didn't make my eyes roll so hard they shot out the back of my head. "What I'm trying to tell you guys is that you don't have to settle." Very inspiring of you to say that in an age where us guys are borderline encouraged to settle and/or lower our standards. Loved every bit of this take. Well done.

[CHARismatic110]

Lol thank you!

[PrincessofNohr]

This is on point. I had a guy who I had "friendzoned" (though I much prefer to just say "turned down") who I had been friends with for a while, but I thought we could keep being friends. It was a huge mistake, because it got awkward and messy to the point where I had to break off all contact. I unintentionally led him on, but I honestly believed that he had his feelings in check. Call me an optimist, or just naive. That said, it's a lesson learned and not a mistake i'll make again.

[CHARismatic110]

Right. It can get messy real quick. And most times it's unintentional. I'm sorry that you went through that.

[PrincessofNohr]

Thanks, but luckily it worked out fine. Haven't heard from him since, and apparently he's doing good. It was a burden off my shoulders, too.

[CHARismatic110]

Well that's good

[Bluemax]

I wrote a mytake about this subject, but spoke to the rejector and the rejected. Perhaps you'd like to check it out, CHAR.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11240-not-another-friend-zone-take

[CHARismatic110]

Will do

[ThisDudeHere]

This is obvious. People aren't put in the friendzone, they go there themselves. If you are romantically interested in them while they are not, it's up to you how your relationship develops from there on.

[CHARismatic110]

Look around you. It's obviously not that obvious.

[Maik567]

I think the funniest thing is that most of the guys who complain about the "friendzone" are not actually even in the friendzone, they are in the "I really wish this dude would stop hitting on me" zone.

[CHARismatic110]

Lol seriously

[Amuro]

Exactly that's why if you reject me we're not friends anymore.

[CHARismatic110]

Pretty much.

[This_is_my_username]

Praise da lawd Jesus Christ can I get a amen. Yas I can! Hallelujah.

You bring tears to mah eyes ❤️❤️❤️❤️☺️🎉 Dis is awesome sauce. I like this.

[CHARismatic110]

Lmao, thank you pretty!

[19MK34]

What if every single girl you display any interest in rejects you? Are you supposed to just swear off all women forever?

[CHARismatic110]

No. You shouldn't. But you should take a step back and maybe try see why it keeps ending up that way.

[19MK34]

Because I'm short, scrawny and ugly obviously lol. But really I'd argue if women are offering friendship but nothing romantic guys who are in a similar position to me should probably just take that as its better than nothing.

[CHARismatic110]

Sure, as long as you aren't settling. If you have feelings and she doesn't but she's cool with being friends, make sure that you're cool with just being friends too before accepting that. Don't just accept because "it's better than nothing" lol.

[19MK34]

Okay, well if a woman ever wants to be my friend I'll make sure to tell her to get lost then :)

[CHARismatic110]

Lol hey, if that's how you feel then...

[snowangle]

LOL a bit dramatic, aren't we?

[Hidden_P]

Very good take. But, friend zoning, dedication and abandonment worked for my boyfriend! Lol

[CHARismatic110]

Lol. Do tell!

[Hidden_P]

Not through public viewing. It's a very private story the details.

[CHARismatic110]

Oh ok. Fair enough.

[Marinepilot]

I always said, "Fuck you very much. Your loss bitch, have a nice life". Walk away
and treat them like a leper.

[CHARismatic110]

Lol well damn

[Marinepilot]

That's the way I am. Sometimes the women who rejected me expressed interest later on.
I usually asked, "If I'm good enough now, why wasn't I first asked you out?" They usually
hem and haw and usually give some stupid ass reply. I did use some of them for sex, but most I rejected.