Love at First Sight Does Not Exist!

OlderAndWiser u
Love at first sight does not exist!

The first time I saw her, she walked into my clinic with a friend. She looked like an angel. She was about 5’ 2” tall and she had blonde hair, blue eyes, and a light and clear complexion. She had an extremely cute face and her voice was very sweet. I had an urge to put my arms around her and kiss her. I wanted to take her home and make her mine. I "knew" that I was in love with her and I wanted her in my life forever. I was in love!

NO!!! I was not in love. Not really. I was in heat! I had been a few months since I had broken up with my last girlfriend and I was sexually frustrated. What I really wanted with the dream angel was to take her home, remove those clothes, have sex until sunrise the next morning, and have her fill the emptiness in my life.

I actually did have the encounter with the dream angel and I did feel an overwhelming attraction to her. It was quite profound; I still remember it quite vividly and it occurred almost 40 years ago. However, even when it happened, I knew that it was not love but simply lust. And . . . I was 24 years old, I knew that she was only 17 years old, and we know where that leads! I had enough sense and self-control to not act on my feelings but to simply admire her from a distance.

Love at First Sight Does Not Exist!

I sometimes grimace or smirk internally when I hear people talk about “love at first sight.” How can you possibly “love” someone when you don’t know them? Seriously, you don't know whether that girl is sweeter than honey or a psycho bitch from Hell! Ladies, you don't know whether that guy is your dreams come true or your nightmares come true!

Maybe the problem here is that we need to define what it means to “fall in love.”

Love at First Sight Does Not Exist!

For me, falling in love means that you know a person very well in many ways. You know what they are like when they are happy, sad, sick, depressed, worried, angry, etc. You know what they like and dislike. You know how well they can compromise to resolve disagreement. You know how compassionate they are, how much they are capable of giving. You know what they are like when you have an argument and you know how they behave when everything is going their way. You know their favorite movie and their favorite food. You know they hate brussel sprouts. You know that they dream of travelling to Fiji. You know that they want three children and you are confident that they will be a good parent when that time eventually comes.

With all of that knowledge and experience with this person, you want them in your life now and indefinitely into the future. You have tremendous affection for them and you want to be the one who helps them to realize their dreams and aspirations. You want to be the one on the sideline cheering when they reach their pinnacles. You want to be the one they search for when they need a friend. You care about their happiness so much that, if their happiness depended on you leaving their life, you would reluctantly do it; you would be overwhelmed with grief, but you would leave them if that is what it took to make them happy.

You can't truly love someone when all you know about them is how they look. All you can really feel at that point is lust. If you think you love them at first sight, you are probably desperate to find someone to fill a need in your life and you want this person to be the one. That means that you don't have feelings for them as an individual but only for what they might be able to do for you. Should that be called "love?"

Love at First Sight Does Not Exist!

Thinking that you love someone who you just met is probably just an attempt to latch on to that person and keep them in your life because they fulfill your fantasy. People who are looking for someone to fulfill a fantasy are not eager to help their partner achieve the potential and dreams that the partner has but are more interested in forcing the partner into the role that they have created in their head for their fantasy partner. Relationships that begin like this usually become contentious very quickly and abruptly end.

It is possible (not likely, but possible) to have a relationship that began as “love at first sight” and to have it develop into a truly loving relationship. This requires time, shared experiences, getting to know each other, and all the other things that make relationships work. If it does ultimately work, it doesn’t prove that “love at first sight” really exists. It only proves that, occasionally, what begins as a purely physical attraction can develop into a relationship.

Do you still believe in "love at first sight?"

Love at First Sight Does Not Exist!
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