How to Get Over Someone You Never Really Had

In my opinion getting over someone you never actually had is harder than getting over a break-up.

Why?

Cause at least with someone you were in a relationship with, you have memories and the satisfaction that they were yours at some point. You lived it, you experienced the relationship, the bad and the good, the pain and the happiness.

But...When it comes to people we wanted but we never got to emotinally taste them

All we have are the thoughts of how it could have been.

These are the steps of how to get over someone you never really had.

1. Understand that the idea of him/her looks always better from the actual reality.

How to Get Over Someone You Never Really Had

You've made a lot of scenarios in your mind about him/her,but sadly it's all just a fantasy.Of course some of the things you thought may be true,I’m not saying you are wrong about everything...

But you really can't know.

You haven't lived with that person,you don't have expirience with that person.You fell in love with the idea of him/her not actually them. You fell in love with the potential of you as a couple,with your fantasy of what you could have been.

2. Stop being jealous.

How to Get Over Someone You Never Really Had

You see him or her being with others,having fun or doing crazy shit. And you just want to go and attack everyone that touches your 'man'/'girl'. Let's be honest here people...HE/SHE ISN'T YOURS.

I know it hurts to hear it,and it hurts even more knowing that it's truth but it's the sad reality.

You have to understand that he/she does not belong to you,you two aren't together and sadly-thankfully there isn't a law that you can just copyright soeone because you want them.

So fight your feelings,think your logic and stop being jealous.

3. Clear up your feelings.

How to Get Over Someone You Never Really Had

Like I said in step 1,many of the feelings that you think you have are just illusions. Clear your mind and clear out your feelings. Believe me when I say that there is a big possibility that after this clear out,you may even get over him/her,because you realize that your imagination doesn't match the reality.

4. Take time to yourself.

How to Get Over Someone You Never Really Had

You need to get both physical and emotional distance from that person. The more you think about him/her, the harder it is to forget it. It's just how things work. You two weren't meant to be,at lest not for now. Cry as hard as you need to,eat as much ice cream as you want,scream to your pillow if you need to. GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM. And when you are done pull yourself together and stop caring,move on.

-END.

AngelicSin


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Most Helpful Guys

  • This hit home for me.
    Long story short, there was a girl I really liked, we hit it off immediately, we seemed perfect for each other, but she was seeing someone else. She led me on, whether out of attention seeking, or uncertainty I don't know. But ended up going with him.
    I wondered to myself "why?" for a long time.
    I went through phases: Mad at him, mad at her, mad at the world, mad at myself, finally a form of acceptance (Or complacence more accurately).
    I hated him, he was a complete and utter joke, and half my size.
    Anytime I see his face, I sincerely want to put his head through a wall, the piece of sh*t. Pretty sure if I ever meet him in person, it will take every ounce of my willpower not to severely injure him.
    Anytime I see her face, I get a strange mixture of caring, yearning, sadness, and absolute detestation.

    She ruined me.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • This is a really original take. This happens more often than we think. It's similar to people who die who we had a really ambivalent relationship with. It's the loss of the possibility that hurts. The fact that you're not even in the running or not anymore, but could have been if fate played you different cards. One thing that struck me about your writing though is that you do, on some level, have an emotional relationship with that person. Someone once told me that if there is that strong of a connection, and the fantasies are that vivid, there was reciprocation there that you may not have noticed. I had a relationship like that when I was in my early teenage years. For years, I didn't acknowledge it at as real relationship because it wasn't official/ I didn't have a title, but we talked, we had spent time together, and there were constant signs that there was something going on.
    I say don't give up yet. If the connection is that strong, you should evaluate it further. Maybe this person represents something your life needs. And while it's not good to put all your eggs in one basket, don't lose your vision. I've met up with friends I've thought were long lost, and yet they showed up again. If you need distance, then distance yourself but don't squash a goal that might actually come to fruition at some point.

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    • find this answer to be the most complex out of them all. no offence to all others.
      But that line "Someone once told me that if there is that strong of a connection, and the fantasies are that vivid, there was reciprocation there that you may not have noticed" really got to me.
      It's strange how I noticed this girl and I got this vibe I don't really know how to define. that first sighting turns into a bit more and more, but you still do not have the courage to approach.
      And at times I do wonder why it hurts so much when I don't really know the person other than seeing her around and thinking "god she's stunningly and perfectly beautiful". And the hurt is like something unreal for someone you don't know that way.
      Looking back at it & at the glances she threw at me from time to time (that were not that normal) + what you've said about reciprocation... it might be that her vibe and desire is already connecting with my desire on a subconscious level and thus the feelings

    • Show All
    • @looneymalooney Right this way, sir

    • hmmm... actually you accept messages from followings only, so that means you will have to follow me. sorry for that :)

  • Whatever you do and however you do it, just do it because the more you hold on to and harbor the feelings, the more you hurt yourself. Good Take.

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What Guys Said 38

  • It remind me a lot of this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOIMcbP0FCI

    And I very much agree that this is often more difficult or at least more complicated than actually breaking up. There's so many hopes and dreams of what could have been, while in a relationship you already know what it was.

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  • first i like aj lee pic lol
    second its harder cause of the questions "what if"
    u regret not doing anything about it
    but with someone u broke up with u have already seen their ugly side.

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  • I don’t get it. There’s nothing to “get over” you never had them...

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    • They were a friend. You wanted more. It never materialized. It hurts. But I agree that growing apart due to situations neither can control is far worse. You want something to blame. Yet, it's everyone and no one's fault.

      Much harder than when you can point to a single act of betrayal, and blame the other. There, you at least feel vindication. Or, if you feel it's your own fault, you can at least rationalize some form of penance.

      When it's simply time, money, distance, and cultural barriers that overcome you, there's no vindication not redemption. Nothing to satisfy that longing for meaningful closure.

    • *nor redemption

      Autocorrect

  • Very good advice. Talking to other girls also really worked for me, but I get over stuff like this very rapidly anyway.

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  • Yes, I'm sure that people with delusions have a hard time letting go of them.

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  • great mytake, insightful with sound advice

    I've been through this myself so can empathize, pining for said girl caused me an incredible amount of angst.

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  • You can't miss something you never had, only get obsessed by it.

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  • well let me go over the times i fell in love

    1st kindergarten
    2nd 1st grade
    3rd 4th grade
    4th 7th grade
    5th 8th grade
    6th 9th grade
    7th 10th grade

    how many of those crushes became my girlfriend - one :-D
    this list includes only major crushes, ones that lasted several months, sometimes years even. i had multiple minor crushes too.

    in my opinion the best way to get over crush is to find a new crush. easier said than done, but can happen.

    or you can just go tell that person. then you get a yes or no and either way, you can get over the "crush" phase

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  • I think about it all the time. Even though she was way out of my league, I couldn't help but wonder why the other guys had that I didn't.

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  • AngelicSin, were you just listening to the 1970 Linda Ronstadt song "Long Long Time"?

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  • This doesn't really help me get over Keira Metz because my idea of her is exactly how she is

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  • This is how I feel about a certain crush. I just feel like it's too late now.

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  • I have to learn that too. Always make that same mistake

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  • Well, this is so true.
    Some of you don't understand because you haven't been in this kind of situation and I hope you never will. I have. I'm still there. We had things, we even had sex. But in short: She " didn't feel the same lik me". And I'm a small wreck now.
    I see her at parties, on facebook (through friends) with other guys, having fun... and I'm being a stupid jealous 3-year old. The best thing about this is THAT I KNOW that I'm destroying myself and making my own head spin with illusions and all sorts of bad stuff.
    I can't help it.
    The things you write help. One needs to face reality HARD. But still... it also depends on the person and I'm not " the Spartan" when it comes to matters of the heart.
    Anyway, to all my brothers and sisters out there facing this problem now: all the best. You can always drop me a note if you wish to talk about this. I'm al about helping out if I can.

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  • Its not a question i could answer properly , because i have had this problem myself. A couple i knew , when my wife was alive we use to make a 4 some going out to different places. But then he disappeared from the marriage , been having affair with a girl at work. Which left her on her own, my wife kept asking her round and i could feel myself thinking things that i shouldn't. Then the wife was diagnoised with cancer. So we ended up sitting together while the wife had her treatment , we talked about her ex , plus other stuff. I was beginning to have romantic ideas. But she a close friend she's more like a sister.
    Then the day came she said had found someone new, i was devastated. She married this chap and at the wedding we kissed and she said i was waiting for you to do this a long time ago.
    I just couldn't hurt the wife like that, its alright to dream about things but life never like that...

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  • Why would I need to get over someone if I've never had them

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  • It's difficult but sleep and playing the games will sort out the best solution for me lol

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  • The headline made me laugh

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  • Good take.

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  • great advice I've had to learn this for myself.

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  • Haven't really been there, but... interesting.

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  • Nice indeed.

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  • I don't know guys

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  • This did kinda help.

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  • Nice take.

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  • Love yourself

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  • Thank you.

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  • Find someone who crushes on you

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  • Intriguing myTake

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  • I can't

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What Girls Said 23

  • MOVE ON!
    Exactly!

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  • For me, I just needed closure. I was in love with this boy from age 11, until I was around 24/25. So half of my life up to that point was spent having feelings for him. I left my country (and him) at age 18 though, so even though we're oceans apart, my heart was pretty much still at his mercy. Imagine that. When I came back home, I arranged a small reunion with the friends that I knew. One of them knew him, and at that time we had started talking on facebook again and at some point I told him that I was not over him yet. So I invited him to the reunion. After the reunion, I returned to the country I was living in. But we still talked sometimes. Finally, I asked him whether he ever had feelings for me (because I never really knew and that not knowing was what made me cling on to it and think about all the "what if's"). He diplomatically told me the names of our schoolmates that he ever had a crush on while we were in school, and my name wasn't there. Whether he lied or told the truth, I don't know. But I got the answer that I needed, and I got closure. I was able to move on.

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  • I’ve experienced this before too. And I thought I was stupid to feel this way about someone I never had any physical involvement with. I was hurting and missing someone that I never had a relationship with. It made no sense to me.

    He was a guy at my job. So quiet and mysterious. We spoke to each other a few times but he was always a gentleman; if we were going into the same room he would hold the door open for me, if we were crossing paths on the stairwell, he would step aside and let me pass. He even bought a bag of chips for me one day for my lunch; I didn’t ask him to. He just offered me a bag when he already had one of his own. And a few times I caught him looking at me, but when I would try to make eye contact, he would look away really fast.

    Without trying to or realizing it, I fell for this guy... hard. I denied and denied my feelings until one day I just said to myself "D@mn! I like this guy... a lot." And it was silly because like I said, there was no physical involvement or relations between us.

    And the biggest twist to this was that he was white. He was the first white guy I've ever crushed on in my 30 years of life. And please let me say—I have nothing at all against white guys.

    But yea, this article made me feel better knowing that it’s possible to hurt over loosing something you never really had.

    And now, I don't know what hurts worse--letting my fear and insecurities keep me from getting to know him, or the fact that I will never see this guy again. I think it's one in the same, really. 🖤

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  • Most of the people who come to me for psychic and tarot readings, life coaching, relationship guidance, are focused on someone they do not know and have not really been in a proper relationship with. Either it was a one night stand and did not lead to more like they hoped for, or the person is a so called LDR that the have never met! All dreamers. If they could turn it off and focus on something more realistic and positive they would, but they cannot, so it is no good telling them to.

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  • Hmmm, interesting take. I have actually had to do this when I was younger (early teens) crushing on an older guy at school 😂😂😂... So this all makes a lot of sense and I agree! It's just so hard when you're in that little bubble creating an entire dream world. You have to be really headstrong to be able to pull yourself back to reality. Anyway, good Take!!

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  • I disagree with this take. All you can do is hopelessly wait for your feelings for them to disappear. It may take a few years, but hey, there's nothing else you can do.

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  • i think what makes it hard is there is no break up. when you break up you know its done. if you never were together there is no clear ending.

    but i disagreee your feelings must be fake. you can have strong connection with a person without being in a relationship and it can be requited. l there are reasons other than delusion or non reciprocation that people have feelings for those they are not with. life can get in the way.

    anyhow relationship or no, the BEST way to get over and move on, in my opinion, is get a clear IT CAN NOT HAPPEN BETWEEN US. this makes it quite simple. its ambiguity that ruins people.

    i never understand all the wishy washy behavior surrounding getting clearly rejected. then its over and lie is waiting. yes it stings but then its finished.

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  • I think he liked me. I liked him. I'll see him again in two months. And at the moment, I am eating a bagel with Oreo cream cheese. It is amazing.

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  • Bloody hell - I've never liked anyone who didn't like me. As far as I am concerned, the rest are gay (this belief is good for my ego). Why bother allowing yourself to get attached to someone who didn't choose you to be with in the end? Maybe I'm weird, maybe I am some imposter from the planet Whathefoo pretending to be human, I really didn't think this was a thing. If someone doesn't try to get with me, then they didn't like me that way amd that's the end of the story. Even Tom Hardy would be dead to me if he didn't try it on with me - I wouldn't pine over him. He wouldn't be worth it.

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  • I'm sorry, but for me breaking and unrequited loved always sucked.

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  • Seems like good advice but I can’t really imagine needing help getting over someone I never even had.

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  • I relate on a very deep level just by reading the question. I didn't read the thing tho.

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  • Good take.

    @suitandtie I'm tagging you again because it's how I do.

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  • remove them from your life completely ignore them forever until you’re over it

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  • Nice Take

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  • Amazing

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  • Nice take

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  • Take a vacation to clear your head.

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  • I know this is stupid but I had and I`m still having a hard time getting over my ex. I`m almost eighteen, and we broke up when I was sixteen. We cut off all contact and we haven`t spoken since. The relationship was toxic. He was possessive, jealous... all the things you described. I think he liked the idea of me, and I of him. Still, after nearly three years, I`m still sad and missing the idea of him. Away from all the drama and problems, there was something there. I don`t know how to explain it. Maybe just a first love? I don`t know. I have never felt this way towards a boy.

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  • I kind of had this similar situation. My ex was a senior about to leave for college and we dated for a month (he asked me out) in that month he never held hands with me, asked me on a date, or had a first kiss because he refused and after many arguements about this he broke up with me.

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  • I think it's a little concerning when people fall in love with someone they never actually dated. I just think they have mental health issues and potential stalker vibes - #2 kind of confirms that when you say about wanting to attack anyone who touches them. :s And wanting to 'copyright' them... oh dear.

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  • Every guy i ever liked and pursued didn't wanna be with me so its hard dealing with it. thanks for this take !

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  • It's very difficult indeed. Very nice mytake.

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