Disclaimer: By bad guy, I mean any guy that isn't an entitled, nice guy/incel and may or may not have bad behavioural tendencies.
We've all heard it;
"I'm such a nice guy, I don't know why women only date bad guys!"
You just have to browse the sub-reddit, /r/niceguys, to realise how nice the self declared 'nice guys' are. But for the guys out there who really don't understand why girls date "bad" guys, I thought I'd share my own experiences of why.
They weren't bad to begin with
When you see your crush break up with a 'bad guy' and you find out he treated her badly, it's highly unlikely she started a relationship with him, whilst he was treating her badly. Poor treatment often comes gradually but in the beginning they're very charming. If a guy is abusing a girl and she's still with him, it's not because she's stupid or that women enjoy being treated badly, it's because they're trapped in a cycle of abuse that's hard to break.
They don't sit from afar crushing on a girl, they go for her. They don't sit there feeling sorry for themselves, acting like some kind of victim. I like confidence in a guy, but there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance and if you date the latter, things don't always work out. I am not saying that shy guys don't get girls, but personally, I find it difficult to converse with a shy guy.
If a guy is abusing a girl and she's still with him, it's not because she's stupid or that women enjoy being treated badly...
You view them as 'bad guys'
because it's not you with the girl. If you're bitter, you're going to find flaws in the guy she's dating or view yourself as the better choice. I've dated guys who could be viewed as a 'bad guy' to others due to their reputation, but they have treated me perfectly well behind closed doors, so just because you think they're a bad guy, doesn't mean they're bad or are treating the girl badly.
They're not sickly sweet or too nice
This may sound absolutely ridiculous, but I have dated guys who put me on a pedestal and totally forget about themselves and their own lives. They become a 'lost puppy' that will say yes to absolutely everything you say and never stand up for their own beliefs. Soon you start feeling like you're looking after your boyfriend like he's your kid or he's more like a servant (which makes a guy vulnerable to be taken advantage of). Instead of the relationship being 50/50 where you both come to a decision, it's an imbalanced relationship where the guy is just agreeing with everything you choose and it becomes irritating. You want to converse through things, see things from their point of view, learn about them so how can you do that when he moulds into a clone of you? The relationship gets boring fast. When they say 'treat them mean, keep them keen', it doesn't mean actually being nasty, it means being able to live your own life, having time away and standing up for your own beliefs. No-one wants to date a sheep!
just because you think they're a bad guy, doesn't mean they're bad or are treating the girl badly.
They're not entitled or blame others
The extreme version of 'nice guys' (incel) seem to have an entitled attitude, that they're entitled to a woman for the slightest thing they do and act like they're such a great guy. 'Bad guys' are secure in themselves and don't blame other men for why they couldn't get a woman. They shrug it off, accept there's no spark and move on. They might think they're a catch, but they wouldn't get angry if a girl turns them down.
If you're finding yourself telling yourself that you're such a nice guy and girls aren't dating you because you're such a nice guy, maybe there's a lot more involved rather than just you being 'so nice' that's causing girls to not be interested. You can't change others, you can only change yourself so don't fall into the trap of blaming the world for your problems, make changes in your own life if you want to see change.