Rebound relationships aren't always a bad thing!

[Hurlyburly]

I kinda feel bored so I decided to share my very first myTake 😅 I apologize for all the grammar mistakes this one might have.

Rebound relationships, as in relationships that start before one or both partners are over their latest breakup, are usually frowned upon at. I've seen on multiple occasions people, who get into these to be called selfish and cold-hearted since they'd be using their new partner as a substitute for the one they had lost.

My current relationship kind of started out like that. Me and my boyfriend were close friends and he'd seen multiple past partners of mine come and go over the years. We were both secretly attracted to each other but were too shy to admit it. Then, just a few months after my last breakup (and after his best friend talked into him for weeks) he finally made a move on me.

I was over at his place to watch a movie together since I couldn't bear to be alone at home and he, without any warning spontaneously kissed me and asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. It took me a couple minutes to even realize what just happened. I was still deeply hurt from my breakup and from the relationship itself but I was way too afraid to lose him if I'd told him to wait for me to be ready. Therefore I said yes and this way, from one moment to another, we had went from being friends to become a couple.

My heart wasn't fully his yet though. This had led to me, for the first year of us being a couple, feeling torn apart between feeling love sick and feeling guilty towards him for not being able to fully return his feelings although I cannot deny that I deeply cared for him. I was afraid to confess to him that I was still suffering and walked around with a fake smile on my face for months. I can tell you, it is a really weird feeling to wake up in tears because of a dream with your ex and find yourself lying next to your partner.

But, a rebound doesn't always have to remain one. Now, 4,5 years later we are still a couple and I can say that I've grown to love him with all my heart. He helped me to get through a lot of shit that went down in my life during this time and I do not know if I'd be able to endure it without him.

[Shadowlegend39]

I'll be honest, as I read this post my feelings changed dramatically from feeling pity for your partner, anger about how to entered the relationship but then I felt defensive about all the judgement ( I'm guilty too) but once I read the whole thing one thought came to mind -- it's your love story. That might sound childish and naive but some of us are looking for THAT relationship, that one that ends up being our long lasting, stable relationship that we can't imagine losing now we have it, and the thing is, they all start in the most unique ways. How it starts and what it becomes is completely our unique story, it's not for anyone else to pick apart and judge. 9 times out of 10 sure, relationships that start this way can get ugly and in the end people feel bitter and angry and think why would you even consider doing this to someone, but this is that 1 in 10 time where it grew to become something beautiful and real. And who determines whether it's "real" and good and fulfilling? You guys, you and your partner. SO if it is a healthy, stable, honest and fulfilling relationship now and you're both aware of how it started and how you have grown together then all the happiness to you.

[lumos]

This is very true. And I think this applies to almost all types of human relationships. There's really no right or wrong way to go about these things. What matters most is that people try their best to be honest with each other; so no manipulation, hiding of information or going behind people's backs. It's so easy to be black and white and say "this is wrong, this is right, there's no in-between". But humans aren't black and white, and human relationships especially aren't.
And even if a rebound relationship ends up not working out, well, at the very least the people involved probably learned something about themselves, what they want, what they expect, how to cope, and how they should face a potential future breakup. Some people learn by doing. No matter how many times you tell them "you shouldn't do this, you'll end up hurt", they might not believe you until they've tried. Or, they might even prove you wrong.

[almondcake]

Its a lovely story and its nice to know its a happy ending but Im more honest than most people on here lol you said yourself you have grown to love him , that sounds more like you two are a couple a family and it sounds like family closeness and you missed out on the skipping heartbeats and not being able to sleep because you was so in love part. But dont panic I think that makes for a more stable relationship for you without all that drama lol so I wish you both luck and happiness

[Hurlyburly]

Thank you. And yes I agree that I kind of missed out on the infatuation part.

[almondcake]

But its good your happy and in a stable relationship ☺

[almondcake]

Thank you for the mho ☺

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

You are right on this and excellently illustrated all the points.
Naturally, in your experience you had the change and evolution of feelings that most people sadly don't experience.
That's what made sure your relationship flourished healthily in my opinion.

[yucychan]

I'm glad that everything turned out fine for you and your current boyfriend.
But I have to disagree with you on this one. I think rebound relationships are unhealthy for both parties. I feel you should have waited until you are ready. If your close friend (now your bf) loves you, he wouldn't mind waiting. He's already waited so long, so I don't think he would mind a few more weeks or months. I think he is just concerned that if he doesn't make a move on you soon, other guys will. And he couldn't bear to see you going through another heartbreak with another guy.
Never had a good impression of rebound relationships. And it's not only because one party tends to compare the other with his/her previous ex. But it's also because you don't give yourself enough time to truly heal. Don't your boyfriend deserves your utmost love and attention? Seeing you torn between your ex and your boyfriend; feeling guilty at that point in time is like torturing yourself. It's as if you don't love nor respect yourself enough by putting yourself in that situation.

[Factshurt90]

Being upfront with your "rebound" is a definite plus. I have my ex on my mind and I know it will take someone new to remove him. I just don't want anyone rn! I want my peace and quiet!! A proper distraction is best and rebounds are excellent at restoring that lack of confidence the loss of a relationship may cause. Sometimes its nice to know you are still cute, loveable and liked. Honestly is BEST in these situations. Please just let people know you are kindov a mess and needing comfort. What they agree to is honestly on them at that point.🤷‍♀️

[Rangers]

It's kinda like shooting with your eyes closed, sure, you may hit the target. Sure, it's possible, but you're almost guaranteed to miss. From what I hear, rebound relationships rarely help, one needs to realize that they don't need the person anymore, only then can they move on, not by deceiving and using someone else.

[Docnomania]

I completely disagree on the grounds that it shows a general lack of remorse for the loss of something you held as valued for a long period of time.

[Hurlyburly]

Why should someone feel remorseful about being broken up with? I'm not talking about cheating.

[Docnomania]

If you dont miss the bond that you had with someone, you should never have been with them in the first place.

You need to process the loss as with any loss of something you held dear to you.
Without processing that, you're bringing those issues with you to the next relationship.

[Hurlyburly]

Being sad and missing something isn't the same as feeling remorseful 😅 but yes I agree.

[Docnomania]

If you were broken up with, then no
Not much in ways of remorse unless you did something to cause the other to break it off

Its a very situational thing, but even so, i still believe you should deal with the loss regardless
If you dont, it could potentially cause problems when you try to bond with another

[DDpsy]

The probablity of things working out are almost zero but that does not mean it can't sometimes happen. That said the guy still had to put up with with some of the nastiest shit one can experience in a relationship for one year.

[Hurlyburly]

What exactly did he have to put up with? I've told him about this year's later and he said that he didn't notice anything. I'm a good actor I guess

[DDpsy]

... or maybe he is the one that is the great actor and he just took it "like a man" because that is what one does. If he has any awareness he felt it no doubt about it.

[Hurlyburly]

I think I know him a little bit better than you do. If he'd notice something he'd ask right away. He's not really the type of person who keeps stuff to himself.

[DDpsy]

Well, I guess he was one of the few lucky ones then. Doesn't change much the fact that most guys should avoid this position like the plague..

[TacosRAwesome]

I think that as long as both know that it is a rebound it is not bad. However the person for whom it is a rebound should let the other person go if they're still constantly thinking about their ex months later.

[Meditatingsquirrel79]

I rebounded with my 8 times. Yup. Finally after moving to Austin, she kicked me out. By saying to her, "You're lazy." For Real.

[lernulo]

Im happy for you, it's true that most of things about love aren't linear, and rebound relations aren't an exception.
In the end, is your heart who must decide.

[Smegskull]

Cool anecdote. You have shifted the statistic 0.0001%. unfortunately upon reassessment rebound relationships are still an exploitative bad idea.
Keep at it though eventually you'll move the needle enough to assuage your gilt.

[lollyacctwo]

I love this! Totally my situation now. Would you be able to PM me? I need some good advice?

[Vesta]

rebound relationships, are ALWAYS a bad thing

don't try to make it a good thing, just cause you WANT to

[Wowgirl30q]

Best way to get over one man is to get under another

[bamesjond0069]

This is the kind of advice that only a completely immoral person would give.

[Wowgirl30q]

@bamesjond0069 white trash and all😀

[Torari]

I wouldn't get into a rebound relationship. Thats just not fair to the other.
But i've had plenty of rebound sex. And yes, it does help. A lot.