It's gonna take a long time to undo the damage
And I know that I'm not supposed to resort to the last option. It's Over. but I just can't help it. It breaks my heart when you do not come. Every month I think of the different ways that we'll spend time together when you do. My brain gets shorter on oxygen each day until so to cope with that stress I go to bed daydreaming of you and of all the memories you gave me.
It can't be over. There is no over. You have decided that you will do whatever it takes to be with me. Not a damn thing in this world will change that. I just need my brain to be sold on that idea. Last time you missed a complete month. Then you showed up a week later. The same thing has happened again. Just when I thought I could put all my fears away and finally confide in a man. You blew it. Am I supposed to call out for you and hope for the best? Now I must again fight those recurring thoughts. "Maybe he noticed something about you that he didn't like." "Maybe he simply gave up." "Maybe he wasn't coming here for you." How am I supposed to fight them? When you keep giving me reason to believe in them. And I know that you have work And I know that you have school And I know that you have to take the highway And I know that sometimes life just gets in the way And I know that you are trying!
I don't feel important to you. I used to be at the top of your world. The moment you made me feel less than is when you lost me.
It's wrong of me to say all of this. I remember how good you make me feel inside. You listen to my words. You make me feel like a lady. Children adore you. Truly a God-fearing man. Everything I prayed for and so much more. I SHOULD SHUT MY MOUTH AND BE GRATEFUL. TAKE WHAT I CAN.
He takes the highway just to come and see me. He finds me in the midst of the crowds. He chooses to love me regardless of my imperfections.
Deep down inside I grow more and more disappointed. I have decided to open up my heart to you. This is the time where we should be growing our relationship. Sitting together, having meaningful conversations. Today was the perfect opportunity. I was sitting next to air, kept my conversations in my head and laughed alone. I should feel secure in this relationship but when I want you to be here. You aren't. I get less attached to you as the days go on. I don't know when you'll show up or if you ever will.
What do I say to a man who can not wait to call me his girlfriend? What do you have that they don't?
There's a fire in you that I can't put out. It illuminates my soul. When I'm with you I feel everything in the world stops. There's just the two of us.