I'm tired of being disowned by my own race - Interracial dating

[just_a_potato]

This will be a fairly short mytake compared to my others and more resembles a rant of my frustrations. As you all know the protests have seemed to reach it's peak, and with all the stresses that are surrounding me like the BLM movement and this pandemic along with academics, I just want to be with my boyfriend and even that is becoming a stressor for me! Many of my black friends, family, people I look up to criticise me for dating someone out of my race. At first I thought it was just some joke "hahah yeah, I'm the family member who doesn't date just black men" or "so funny I'm the only one with a white boyfriend" but then they all started to tell me things that are blatantly inappropriate and not just them. I've had people argue that I'm destroying my roots with "white sinister blood" before but that's the internet, I already expect that.

But unfortunately the people of my everyday life are saying it too

Friends I thought who are actually my friends told me I'm whitewashed, not a real black person and that I'm too ashamed to date my own race, that I'm desperate. I've even had my very close cousin call me a traitor and I haven't talked to her since.

Not only are these comments racist as shit they show that no one respects me or my romantic decisions, how is my love life their fucking issue? Even though I tell myself this sometimes all of it gets to me.

"Maybe this really isn't the right thing?"

"Am I just fetishizing him like they say, am I desperate?"

"When everything goes back to normal will people harass my boyfriend whenever we're together, or me or BOTH of us??"

It overwelms me and makes my heartache, I go into a mini panic but I always try and remember just how much he means to me, call it puppy love if you'd like but I've never felt so much for someone else's life over mine before, and when I think of that fact I don't doubt myself so much anymore...

If you judge people for dating someone who doesn't look like you, fuck off

You don't have the god damn right to tell someone who to love, sex, orientation and race shouldn't be a driving factor for why you want two people to not be together. It should be their chemistry, if they have personalities conflicting or if one is using and harming the other. If you are that kind of person stop for one minute and use your head. If you still have your close minded thinking bringing you to say shitty things to interracial couples you are better off just keeping that damn mouth of yours shut because they don't want to hear it.

For the people in this kind of relationship

As long as you love the person you are with for them what you have isn't wrong and you shouldn't feel guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed at any point in time for that relationship whether it's from the outside or your partner themself. Realize that life is fucking tough and there will always be someone being a total shithead who just wants to ruin anything, don't let said shithead crumble down what you've took time to build up. Thank you everyone for taking the time to read this, I will leave anonymity on but please just think before you post what you are thinking on my my take. Cheers.

[AmandaYVR]

I've only just found out (on gag) that this is a big point of contention in the black community. A black guy on here told me some of you consider it "genocide" to date outside your race. This is really, really sad (and pathetic.) I support you, girl. You are the better, more evolved person. You and I will get a lot of hate for this but it doesn't mean we're wrong. This whole concept of diluting a race disgusts me. The United States and Canada were built on the boldest, bravest frontier people. It is families and individual egos who seek to carry on their lineage and look a certain way. It makes them feel stronger and more united, and like when they're gone a piece of them will live on. That's all true, but there are advantages to diversity as well. Gene diversification is superior.

I've dated and married outside my race and will continue to find people of many nationalities attractive. I'm about as white looking as you can get yet most of my closest friends and loved ones are darker skinned than me. And this is not a fetish thing. My husband eventually admitted that his parents did prefer he stay within their race. Uh, so would mine, I'm sure. But mine never said a word. They welcomed him and said, "We trust your judgement." That's how it should be done. Not being exclusionary.

You do you, girl. Do not cave under this peer pressure. With their attitude, they are propagating hate and segregation. You are propagating love and looking beyond exterior superficialities. Interracial is the only logical, peaceable future.

[just_a_potato]

Thank you I needed to find something like this today 💖

[AmandaYVR]

You're welcome. Stay strong.

[Unit1]

Very well said Ms. Amanda!
Except for one tiny little thing...

"Interracial is the only logical, peaceable future."

Nein. Date/Marry whoever you want. Inside or outside races. That's the only logical, peaceable future of relationships.

[Diversity_Hire]

What a wonderful comment @AmandaYVR

@just_a_potato it's absolutely disheartening that you have to deal with this, especially from those you care about. I just wish you continued strength.

[Levin]

Just to tie this into the broader current context.

The problem with what is happening is that it's probably not the right way forward.

The problem is, *people* are shitty, discriminatory and racist.

If the shoe was on the other foot, and other races were in the ascendancy, then the same thing would have happened, I have no doubt about it.

So white shaming is one thing. Maybe it's necessary for 'healing'. But it's not really a constructive way forward to make people feel bad for something that actually, directly wasn't their responsibility. I wasn't a slaver! My ancestors were poor peasants like anyone else!

But racism is a real issue in society. It needs some real constructive attention. People also need to take responsibility for their own behaviour. It's one thing saying I'm being discriminated against, which is true, but still, one still must take one's life into one's own hands, irrespective of the awry forces that are in opposition!

Sorry I didn't directly answer your question, but I hope it is still somewhat relevant!

[Hannahm67]

So disclaimer I have never been attracted to someone outside of my race before, and my knowledge comes from white women with black men but I am studying psychology. What I have found with this combo is that every time I have been able to talk with the women they won't normally say it but I can come to the conclusion that they are with them because of either what's known as "daddy issues" or they view black men as almost beasts or animals and it like they are taming them.

Both of these stem from racism because its both about black men being lesser than white people and that they are doing something wrong or risky and get off on the rush that it gives them. it's like Nobel women in the past sleeping with peasants.

It seems like for you its for the right reasons. Maybe I am speaking about something I don't understand but it seems like the culture in black communities seems to drive a larger amount of the men to be really toxic and treat women as sex objects. Which is also a growing problem in the white communities in cities also.

The only real advice I can give is separate yourself from assholes in life and when looking for a partner find someone who you like spending time with rather than someone you like to sleep with since down the road lust will fade so you need to get along without sex.

[na2398]

Girl, you nailed it. Recently, I was chatting with a girl hither and she scorned me because I am an Indian and prefer dating white women regardless of their ethnicity. I mean, my colour shouldn't matter as long as I love the other person genuinely.

[Jjpayne]

I totally think there is nothing wrong with interracial relationships.
In fact, you want some comfort fuel that's morgan Freeman and diane keaton posing as a interracial couple in movie which is a really beautiful one called something like 5 flights up which I really recommend you see to encourage you. I've personally witnessed coworkers in an interracial relationship and members of my church married. I would think we are at a place where that push for dating same races no longer exists but some just lack the open mindedness... Stay strong! These are the moments that turn you from a child into an adult. Stand up for your rights and your believes. While they may not like it, later on they will respect you for making a strong stance.

[just_a_potato]

Thank you so much Jjpayne you are so awesome 💜💗💜

[Jjpayne]

Awe shucks... Now you are making me blush ☺

[AlienParasite]

Oooh potato :C

It's sad that beign so young you have to face these people who hate couples of different races.

You love who you love. As long as you are fine in the relationship and there's no abuse from any of the parts, it's ok, don't listen to hate.

However, I imagine it's disappointing not to be able to count with the support of some relatives and friends.

But know that I, and probably most people out there, will support your right to be with a white, a black, a latino, an Asian, or any kind of potato your roots go crazy for!

[just_a_potato]

Thank you my stud heart is just alittle more happy now 💗

[I-C3_ME]

First of I'm glady u could let it all out of your system, second of all... WTF, not to u you seem cool but your friends and family. Have they no chill? From the way u type, it's clear to me that u love this man a lot and it would be a big mistake to end things with him.

Like u said, it's not their business and their opinions don't matter, if they don't approve then fine. But your heart does approve and that's what matters rn. Plus if it helps, i (and a whole bunch of other people) also approve.

Now about stress, have u talked about this with him? Just so that he understands your feelings, (this will probably lead to many hugs/cuddles so win win yk).

Life is hard true, but it's a little less hard when u got someone like this to watch your back. I know and believe u are both (gonna be) ok, i hope your mind realises this soon so u stop stressing.

Anyways he's a keeper, have an awesome day & i hope this makes u (or anyone) smile abit.

[just_a_potato]

Thank you so much for all your comments they give me motivation, I don't want to bring up those kind of things because I feel he'll think I'm being silly. Well I know he wouldn't say that upright but that's just how I think, also he lives about an hour away from me so I won't be able to see him until quarantine is over :/ thanks again for your support it makes me feel like I matter.

[zagor]

That's strange, I've dated women of other ethnicities before and I've never gotten comments like that. Some funny looks from people I didn't know, sure, but no one has ever verbalized it. And I can't imagine my friends saying something like what you describe. Maybe some of my distant relatives might have an issue with it but I doubt they would say anything to my face.

[just_a_potato]

That's how it should be, I guess the people I'm around just aren't good people

[Andres77]

I've dated just about every race except Indian and that's just because I didn't know any.

I applaud your courage. Family and friends should be supportive, if they fall right into racism to judge you then you know they don't love you. I'm sorry to hear that.

Your heart is yours. If you don't follow it you won't feel whole. Race in romance is really irrelevant. It's a matter of the heart. It all depends on the individual.

Good luck

[Unit1]

Misery loves company. Don't give them any of yours. Or they may be jealous to see you succeed. Either way means you are on the right track.

Yeah, their miserable company is HUGE but that doesn't mean it's popular for the right things or for any beneficial reasons. Tell a man the holy ghost has impregnated his wife while he was dreaming and he'll foolishly believe it. Same story applies here - They talk trash into you but that tells much more about them than it does about you :)

[yenofed840]

Did you think ever what you really want and why are allowing others to decide about you

[just_a_potato]

What do you mean? Can you explain more in depth

[yenofed840]

You can choose what you want and it is question of your life that where you want to live. You have right things to do. But as you said your family members do not like that what do you want. I just want to say one thing is take your parents away from all people and talk to them what you want means you want to live with boyfriend or you want to get marry him. Because they are afraid what if something went between you and boyfriend. Here is not question of race or enthicity.
first confirm everything about your boyfriend, is he ready to live with you, Will he keep you safe or you will adjust with him easily etc. You want to stay with him, Will he stay with you whole life?
Everything will happen in your Favour if you talk with your Father and mother about it. Do not worry what other people will say. People have no right to tell your what is right or wrong.

[Jessie91331]

I've been hit, called names, told I'm a useless slut and race traitor cuz I got with a black guy.

[just_a_potato]

That's terrible

[Jessie91331]

I agree, just a lot of jerks out there

[HOAAH]

My race was upset at me for marrying outside my race too. I don't care, it's my life.

[Agape93]

What the hell? Screw them, hon. You be with whom you want. That’s your right

[Liam_Hayden]

Anyone who calls you a traitor for dating outside your race is a racist and is not worthy of any consideration.

[not329446]

I don't dislike people of any color. Interracial is just wrong. Tigers don't fuck lions. Hippos don't fuck the water buffalo. So why should a chink want to fuck a kraut? Whatever your race is there is no shortage of mates. Why stir shit and deliberately cause problems for children.

[just_a_potato]

How can you say you don't dislike people of color and then go on about how interracial is wrong? It sounds like you are being passive aggressive. I don't know how my relationship has to do with lions and tigers. Please explain to me.

[zagor]

You seem to confuse species with human races. Cocker Spaniels DO fuck beagles...

[0112358]

Just tell them you’re out there in the front lines committing white genocide while the alt right tries to stop you while they do what, post shade on Twitter?

anyway hope you two stay happy.

[just_a_potato]

I'm sorry but I'm a tad bit confused, explain your opinion? Also thank you

[888theGreat]

So what is best thing about dating a white guy?

[just_a_potato]

What do you mean by that, like what are the benefits or upsides?

[COMMODOREII]

Opens your eyes to those who are racist right? 😎

[Anonymous]

He’s good looking