Relationships

The Perfect Girl (Thoughts of a 19-year old)

I keep finding questions on this site along the lines of: What's your ideal girl? What personality traits should they have? Or what do men really find attractive?, and it's really a tough question. First of all, everyone's different of course; but even for me, it's hard to really put my finger on it.

I mean, I don't really care all that much about looks. I don't like tattoos and I don't like obesity, but other than that all that really matters there is that she's hygienic and healthy (and I do mean that.) It's important for a person to take care of their body, but that's a given, right?

No, the bulk of my attraction (and I suspect for most people) is going to come from a girl's personality. And then the question becomes: well, what? And that's still complicated, it really varies from person to person. Everyone has their own idiosyncrasies, and often-times it is only as you get to know a person (or start to fall for them) that certain traits of theirs start to become endearing!

But having said that, there are some standard personality traits that really make me like a girl and want to be in a relationship with her right off the bat. So, here's my list:

Friendliness

I mean this in two senses.

First, it would mean the world if she were my close friend before we were dating, so we would have a very concrete bond beforehand. Strong friendships that don't require anything more, if one chooses, lead to the best strong, self-sufficient romantic relationships in my opinion.

Second, it would be fantastic if she were an overall nice and friendly person to people. You know, swearing at a minimum, always treating people with decency and kindness, and just all the things that one thinks of when they think of friendliness. It doesn't have to be over the top, but just there.

Intelligence

I also mean this in two senses.

First, I think it would be fantastic if at school she was a student that worked hard and was pretty smart. From experience, intelligence creates deeper personalities, higher standards of humor and else, and if they don't overload themselves, a happier and cooler human being.

Second, I think it would be fantastic if she was cautious. –if she thought before she did things and didn't act recklessly. In other words, self-control is great. It also shows the guy, if she is interested in a relationship with a guy, that she has thought before the decision to be with him and hence is more meaningful. (That one minute possible reason for this being a good thing; there are plenty more.)

Equality

I would want this girl to believe that she is my equal in every way. What I mean by that is this: Some people believe in gender roles like that men are supposed to be strong, always take care of the needs of his woman, always pay the bill, be the one in charge, and watch over their woman; while women are supposed to be over-emotional, over-romantic, needy, being catered to, and pay back their man sexually. I hate this so much.

Ideally, I'd have it be that the girl and the boy are complete equals (as previously stated.) If the man wants to treat the woman, he might pay for one thing. If the woman wants to treat the man, she might pay for another. If someone is feeling kind one day, s/he might get the door, etc.

But overall there would be nothing that one person has to do for the other because of their gender. What happens should happen because of affection, care, or love, and nothing else.

Confidence

I would want the girl to be confident. Both she and I should be able to start conversations without becoming a nervous wreck and we should trust each other enough to not live in fear of judgement all the time. Friendship would help with that. But as a general rule, people are more inclined to spend time with people who demonstrate that they want to spend time with them. That's not to say she can't have a bad day once in a while; being there for your partner is an important thing. But she should be able to stand on her own two legs in general.

But to be clear, an attractive girl is confident in the sense that they don't feel limited and are able to stand on their own when they need to, but not to the extent that they are never able to let their guard down and be vulnerable with their partner or are so 'confident' that they don't listen to others and do whatever they want just because they can despite their peers' or their partner's protest (unless there's an actual reason.) In other words, they shouldn't let 'confidence' become arrogance and they should still be able to have a sensitive side; that's what makes people human. And in the relationship, vulnerability is just as important and confidence. I think if there's a solid foundation of trust, some vulnerability among partners goes a long way and can really solidify a bond.

Modesty

I'd want her not to want to wear clothes that reveal to much, speak too sexually, or act too sexually. I understand that's too much to ask for some people, but it's a bit thing to people like me. Sexual stuff can wait until a few years of a relationship have passed in my book at least.

And today's society leads to people spending a lot of time analyzing their appearance and trying to look attractive, which often gets mixed up with being as promiscuous as possible. People seem to associate beauty with the amount of cleavage shown sometimes, rather than an art in itself. I hate that, and while I know and like quite a few people who show more skin than I'd like ideally, I would strongly prefer that they didn't. I don't think it does much good except to attract people sexually, and I don't think that leads to much but attracting the kinds of people a lot of girls want to avoid anyway. Plus, it's also a peer pressure thing.

Liking Me

It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyways, it would be cool if they liked me too.

So what do you guys think? Do you like my list? Do you think I can find people like that? Anything you want to add? Anything you don't like? (I love getting comments in case you can't already tell!)

The Perfect Girl (Thoughts of a 19-year old)
The Perfect Girl (Thoughts of a 19-year old)
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