How I ruined my long distance relationship: 5 things I did!

[DiegoO]

Before this MyTake, I wrote another one pointing out the flaws of my ex (5 red flags). This one is an insight of how I contributed to the fall of the relation.

⚠️The LDR ended years ago. It lasted 3 years.

It was December 2013 when I met her in a chatroom. I was 23 at the time, she was 22. I instantly felt a deep conection with her, and she with me. It was insane for both.

Two months later after we met, we decided to have a LDR. I was in college (my second year), she was also starting college. We were two college students. Everything was going apparently great, until...

1. I CHEATED ON HER ONLINE

That was among the worst decisions I made in my life.

Why in the world I did that? I failed to express my concerns and be totally honest with how I was feeling with our relation.

*Concerns: "Four months has passed since we met and we haven't made a video call. She doesn't seem to care neither, is this for real or she is playing with me?".

*The laptop I used was failing, my celphone was an old model celphone. I had to go to cyber caffes (popular in those times) and chat with her.

*She never mentioned video call from day 1 of the LDR, neither after my laptop was repared and I had a continous internet conection.

*Much after I cheated and confessed we did video calls.

2. SEXUAL EXPECTATIONS THAT CLASHED WITH REALITY:

I PREASURED HER SOMETIMES

They clashed and my expectations cracked. She confessed (my now ex):

"I am virgin". It surprised me and is not something I cared for.

Virgin, not virgin. I don't give any value to that, but I understood her more, so I decided to take it slow.

Everything was going well, but I couldn't figure out how our relation was gonna last without at least virtual sex. I am still very sexual, back then I was even more, but she wasn't (for reasons I don't fully comprehend up to this day).

My sexual expectations were scrambling. Yes, I preasured her. I didn't want to cheat, but I neither wanted a sexless relation. It was wrong, however it didn't lasted. I felt emotionally empty and stop forcing that aspect of the relation. I gave in to porn, and on ocassions, to cheating on her with different women's, online.

3. I STAYED BLIND TO HOW HER MENTAL STATE WAS DAMAGING ME

From the times we were just getting to know each other, I noticed an unresonable jealousy from her part, also a deep insecurity that was notorious in the sexual sphere. I told myself I wasn't gonna be her therapist, but that I was gonna support her like a boyfriend. I did that, I also encouraged her to seek for therapy.

I did that without realizing how her mental state was detrimental for me.

Her needs were others and my expectations didn't match with hers. She didn't wanted me as a partner, she wanted a partner, any partner. She wanted to feel loved and not alone.

4. I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW I WAS HARMING HER EMOTIONALLY

I had my expectation as a priority to keep up the relationship with her, the problem was that we weren't seeking for the same needs. While I was looking for a romantic relationship: sexual in nature, she was looking for a romantic relation: asexual in nature.

Her romantic needs didn't aligned with mine. In my effort to make the relation sexual in nature, I was affecting her. She was virgin at the time. Accordingly she never had any sexual experience online, neither. Obviously those differences created tension and they made her feel a lot of stress, since she didn't want to step in into something she wasn't sure of.

The relation it self didn't have a sure future, so of course, she felt stressed, insecure with the relation; with her role as my girlfriend, and of what I wanted. Although she also had concerns about us been an interracial couple in Spain. In other words, she wasn't feeling comfortable with the relation itself. I wasn't concious of how my desires were her burdens.

5. I WAS A TOXIC OPTIMIST

The optimism I developed was contagious. My ex thought we were gonna see each other more sooner than later. I also believed it, knowing that I wasn't near to end college, that I wasn't gonna abandone college for her, that I couldn't work part time because my mother health condition was in decay. If it wasn'r for that toxic optimism I wouldn't agree to have a "serious" LDR. Both of us agree it was gonna be serious. I think since then, I refused to believe my life condition and top priorities weren't going in accordance with the present and future of the relation. We had a time difference of 7-8 hours, we also had familly and academical responsabilities.

Our optimism did more harm than good.

✔️Thanks for reading the MyTake. I hope it was insightful for you.

[VIVANT]

I think you both sounded perfectly healthy it felt off bc as you say, you had very difficult needs. But shutter if you had the wrong heeds or the wrong ficus just wrong for each other. Some people are extremely sexual otters barely at all if at all some are heavily romantic some hardly at all, if at all and anything in between. I think you csn gwce some diff like 40/60 if you can find footing in the middle but you guys sounded like 90/10 with no needing ground. It can be difficult to assess it’s not gonna work when you really like each other. For me I never understood you could like or love someone but not get along. Until I experienced it that is. I think you summed things up real well. Your next relationship should be more suited to you both as a result ♥️

[OlderAndWiser]

And now you are older and wiser. These relationships are not "mistakes" as long as you learn your lessons and become a better person as a result. You are doing well.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO, mi amigo!

[DiegoO]

Thanks for answering. 👍

[Chikky]

I'm so sad it didn't have a happy ending, wish you both the best in your life decisions

[TruthBringer]

I would like to compliment you for self-reflecting and acknowledging your mistakes. As others have pointed out, LDRs are a complete waste of time. So I hope you will stay away from them and try your luck with a local person. They are actually more beneficial for women than for men. It’s free and constant validation from someone they don’t even have to be intimate with (on a physical level that is). And the fact your ex jumped into another LDR goes to show that it’s more about the attention/validation rather than the person themselves (this was in my case aswel). So she “loves” the other person just as much as she “loved” you.

As someone who knows how it is to be a in LDR, I can summarize them as the following: LDRs bring more pain than joy. You spend more time longing than enjoying. There is virtually nothing you cannot do in a local relationship that you can do in a long-distance relationship. I've made more memories in 1 month in my local relationship than I did in my 1.5 years of a long-distance relationship. There is a reason why it doesn't last for most people. While people spend time apart and longing for each other, I'm actually spending time with my girlfriend regularly, be able to save money, be there on holidays and important events, do fun stuff spontaneously and do all the other small things (like going to the mall, movies, etc.). Good luck doing those things in a LDR. Especially those who don't have a solid plan to close the distance asap.

So why am I saying all of this? To give you more validation that the end of that LDR is in your favor and that you should not regret it being over. Because in the end, you deserve to have someone who is there for you and have a real relationship rather than a pseudo one. Because LDRs are more often than not nothing more than pseudo-relationships.

[DiegoO]

I agree for the most part. I wouldn't call them pseudo-relationships. A relationship exist because of emotional bonds and a sentiment. It can appear in the least expected place, under the least expected situation. Personally, despite not been able to go further with the relation, I still treasure what I had, knowing that the only thing certain is what I felt while it lasted. I believe that applies even in conventional relationships.

Would I seek for a LDR again? No, not even if I had the facility to take it to the next level. The LDR I experienced helped me affirm the excepticism I had towards serious LDR ( I had non-serious LDR), before steping in one.

Did I wasted my time with my ex (yes, I consider her my ex)? No, I gain a wisdom I didn't have.

I can only understand a one time experience with a serious LDR. Honestly, I scratch my head with those who keeps putting their hopes on online dating. My ex, went for it again and yeah, she met the guy in person, and the relation still failed.

Don't get me wrong, LDR manifest how far our romantic feelings can go. It doesn't mean that they are sustainable or even functional. From day one, serious gaps starts to appear in those relationships. I don't recomend them at all. They can genuinly florish, but not healthy, and not for long. Is like a plant trying to develop and survive in an inert soil.

[TruthBringer]

With all due respect, it is ingenuine to not call LDRs pseudo-relationships considering many of them don't have the chance to materialize. It may not be in your case, but for many they have never even met in person or managed to close the distance. It is definitely not to be compared with normal relationships that HAVE materialized. And by "materialize" I'm talking about seeing each other, touching each other. Nothing and I repeat, NOTHING beats face-to-face and physical interaction. Hence why so many businessdeals are formed by going through the hassle of traveling abroad and not done by a simple Skype call. Because Skype calls don't bring crucial factors that face-to-face interactions do.

So LDRs would become nothing but "penpals" in the digital age convincing each other they "love" each other without even having to touch one another. It truly is no different from friendships other than a 'deeper' bond if you think about it. You and I consider our previous LDR partners as exes, but in my case, it doesn't even come near my current relationship where my girl lives nearby and will soon move in with me as I continue my training abroad.

Online dating, with all its flaws pushed to the side, is fine as long as both parties are within each other's proximity and are willing to meet up with each other. Much better than online dating that will eventually become a redundant LDR. Like I said, your ex cares more about the attention/validation than she does about the person. Hence why she has no issues jumping from one virtual dick to another.

[DiegoO]

Different opinions. I am not changing mine. Your view is more conservative, I respect that. For me LDR are complex.

If people can "love" a god they never have seen, what makes you think we actually can't develop that feeling for someone we only see trough cam? Then, again, it doesn't mean LDR are healthy. I never met in person my ex, but I consider her my ex since what I felt for her was genuine. What she felt for me is irelevant at this point. You can't know for sure what someone else feels for you.

A pseudo-relationship is a fake relationship.
A relationship can only be fake if the intention of having it is not real, or honest. That doesn't limit itself to the virtual world. So, by my part, the relationship was real. Evidently for my ex it was pseudo because she taught I had another girl (that's why months after the breakup, she started liking another guy and met him in person).

*Her jealousy was notorious.

[TruthBringer]

@DiegoO The way you look at it is the same as I do. You have to know that when I say that LDRs are pseudo-relationships, that doesn't mean that whatever we felt about our exes or the way we saw the relationship are fake. It simply means the foundation of the relationship itself makes it a pseudo one, not the intentions of those who genuinely try to make it work. Because yes, you CAN have a strong connection with someone you've not met in person. Shit, I myself know this very fact because I've been through the same thing you did. I'm simply saying that a relationship that hasn't materialized isn't truly a relationship. Because you may connect in terms of personality, ideas, etc. But you haven't on a physical level (chemistry). It's pretty much the same principle as a marriage that hasn't been consumated yet, which is seen as a peudo-marriage until consummated.

So as much as I agree with you that for the both of us, it was a true relationship, I simply won't deny the logic of LDRs not conforming to the conditions of what truly makes a relationship a relationship. It however is and will always be better than close-relationships where both parties touch each other, but have no feelings for one another.

The way I see it, at least for myself, my feelings and intentions towards my long distance ex were genuine and real. They simply happen to be misplaced. I now have feelings for my current girlfriend (who lives 15 min away) and also have long-term plans with. It is TOTALLY different compared to my LDR. It's just not to be compared. I'm sure that if you also find that special someone who lives close to you, who you can build and have long-term plans with, you will know what I'm talking about.

[DiegoO]

I get you. Pseudo, as to incomplete. In that sense I agree. The relationship was pseudo because we didn't had a complete notion of each other. Lol, I am not gonna contradict that. In fact, I knew LDR were very distant from face to face relationships. Is why my ex and I agreed on been honest, from the moment any of us started liking someone IRL. We also set a limit of years, which naturally reach to an end (3 years).

Now, the breakup itself affected me, but what disturbed my process of moving on, was her choice of liking someone online, a few months after we breakup (because she taught I was seen someone in person), and the fact she told me that "a year later". Like I said, she met the guy in person afterwards (she told me everything).

When she confessed that she found someone, I said to myself, ok, cool, she found someone "in person". It surprised me that she went one more time online, looking for a partner. From there I reach to the conclusion that she wasn't really into me, she was into the idea of having a partner.

Long story, but yes, LDR are pseudo in the aspect of how much you can know and grow with someone.

[TruthBringer]

@DiegoO You got that right. It seems she indeed liked the idea of having a relationship and that there is someone there for her just to fall back to whenever it's convenient for her. Exactly like my long distance ex. It's good that you got to learn that she wasn't into you, but rather just the idea of having someone. And that someone can be anyone, not like she would care. THat's a hard truth I had to swallow back then with my ex. As much as it may stifle the progress of moving on, you should actually look at it from a different angle. It is actually something that should HELP you move on. And the reason for that is that it gives you closure. at least you now know where you stood and are standing in that person's life. Despite having wasted your own feelings on them (like I did), at least you get to learn to accept that loss and move on knowing you have given your best and had better intentions than she did.

In the end, she has to suffer for her own consequences. The thing about us men is that we love idealistically while women love opportunistically. Hence why men are the actual romantic ones. This romance and love a man could give will often cause his own suffering. But we men know how to rise from the ashes like a phoenix while women often just "move on" to someone else while remaining in the same state they were when you left them. So they don't make progress in actual self-development. They just try to bandage their issues with a new relationship. But sadly for them, it will more often than not backfire at them. And you've seen it happen to your LDR ex as her new long distance "relationship" failed aswel. So now she is desperately trying to fill the void yet again with some other bloke instead of trying to fix this void (which causes her to NEED to be in a "relationship) in a healthy manner.

[TruthBringer]

So my friend, you should be glad to have gotten rid of a serial dater. These people are among the weakest as they don't know how to be conent by themselves. While I spent time mourning and hurting over my past relationship, had to learn how to be happy by myself, loving myself and building myself (mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually), both my exes remained stagnant and have become overweight and depressed. While my progress allowed me to move on with life and find a much better person to share it with.

Not sure if you're still in contact with this girl, if that's the case, break it. Otherwise you will remain stagnant like she is. Don't allow yourself to be pulled down. You don't owe her anything anymore. You only owe it to yourself to move on and eventually find someone better. Not to forget to mention that this is pretty much female nature at its finest. Once you get to learn female nature, you also learn how to accept and deal with it. Never invest more than they do. That's a mistake that I had to learn the hard way and one that had caused me great suffering some years ago.

[DiegoO]

Hmmm, I moved on not that long ago, it was a tedious process. I honestly wish her the best (no negative feelings inbetween). We have each other on one social media, but don't chat. The last time we did, was months ago (after an entire year). It seems like she dessactivated her account lately, I am not sure, but I personally don't have any problem with keeping in touch with her. I don't feel anything romantic for her neither, however, whatever comes up. It was a LDR so I don't think is a big deal to still be in touch with she.

[TruthBringer]

Late reply I know. Even though I differ in opinion whether one should keep their ex in their contacts or social media, regardless of it being long distance, or if there are feelings involved or not. What's most important is that you're able to move on properly. I know that I wouldn't have able to move on fully from my LDR-ex if I kept her on my social media or talked to her once in a while. Then again, that's just me (and for many others). But hey, if it truly works for you, do your thing mate. As long as you're not bothered anymore by what's passed, because life is too short for that

[DiegoO]

No problem.

Yeah, I realized life is to short and that romantic relationships are for the most part, unstable.

[Miristheiss]

Long Distance Relationship.

What a waste of time.
I am flabbergasted so many out there think they can do these.

If you do not live in the same place and cannot see each other regularly then what is the point? Things will end eventually.

If 2 people have to live in different places... break up.

Your long distance relationship was "ruined" because it was a long distance relationship. Just think of all of the girls you could have dated and spent REAL time with during that 3 years of utter waste.

[DiegoO]

I am not sure if you heard of toxic optimism before. That's exactly what happened to me at that time, and yeah, lol, I believed we were gonna make it trough.

What surprised me is that she had the guts to start another LDR, after our relation ended (according to what she told me the last time we stayed in contact). The guy lived much, much near to her (in her same country). Although they met in person, the relation didn't last long.

If I used my common sense I wouldn't even consider having a LDR, but I decided to take the risk.

[MedAsianGirl]

@Miristheiss Long-distance relationships are not always a waste of time. It's better than completely nothing.

I learned so much about myself by just dating (online/long-distance) 5 guys. Not even being in a relationship with any of them.

I learned more about my personality, and what I like/dislike about guys. I feel like I'm much better at interacting with guys too.

I agree that LDRs are not good for real commitments. But, you get to have emotional growth (and maybe virtual physical growth) if you really put into much effort in the LDR.

And I believe growths of any kind will help with the next real relationships in reality!

[DiegoO]

@MedAsianGirl I agree. I learned enough from it. 😅

[ObscuredBeyond]

Mine is a bit easier to explain:

1. I underestimated Pooh.
2. I overestimated her dedication to me. I wanted her and me to endure Hong Kong-gate, and find a way to be together in the end, and f*k the ChiComms and their VPN crackdowns.

I believed what her and I had was worth making sacrifices for. To face the world, if only the end result would be that we lived or died holding hands for real, and not just over Skype.

But the minute things started to get difficult... she ran away. I wanted her and me to be like Snow Girl and Zhong Kui against corrupt rulers who fancy themselves as gods. But that was not who she was. I had to learn the hard way that she lacked the most important ingredient: a fighting spirit.

[ObscuredBeyond]

No matter what the Wallflowers said, driving it home with one headlight is not a simple task.

[DiegoO]

Lol, wth.

[ObscuredBeyond]

At this stage in world politics, don't try to date Chinese women. Long story short. Turning you into the Great Gatsby is least of the CCP's cruelty.

[wysiwyg2525]

First off she is no virigin. 2 you need update your thing gs stay current. 3. porn is not cheating or flirting with others. I guarantee you you were not the only guy she was chatting with. Loom long distance relationship never work. It's best that you end things and look for someone in the current place your in. Never regret anything and keep moving on. It's ok to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. There many women out there. So happy hunting.

[DiegoO]

I did mention it all ended 4 years ago. The MyTake was only an insight of my mistakes in the relation.

[DiegoO]

Mistake and wrong choice*

[MrOracle]

"How I ruined my long distance relationship:"

You got into one. That was a huge mistake. LDRs are a waste of time. People who are married and deeply committed to each other have about a 10% chance of being successful if they're apart for 120 days or more. People who have less commitment have a considerably worse chance of success.

DATE LOCALLY. GO OUTSIDE AND MEET PEOPLE IN PERSON IN YOUR AREA. That's the only way you'll even have a chance of success.

[DiegoO]

Yeah, that's clear for me. The MyTake was only an insight of how I complicated things. It will actually be the last one related to my experience with LDR.

[MrOracle]

Glad to hear you learned the lesson. Everyone seems to have to give an LDR a shot before they will admit that they don't work - and a few people do it over and over and still never learn. Dating locally is better for everyone.

[DiegoO]

My ex actually did it again, with a guy she met in person. They lived in near cities. What I knew is that her father almost callef the cops after the guys. She didn't gave me much details. From what she explained, he was a controlling freak.

[snowgirl123]

maybe if you love each other you can make it work if the both of you try to change what you did wrong. if you or her don't want to be together anymore, worker harder with the next girl. I liked the things you wrote, it is good that you admitted your mistakes and want to change.

[DiegoO]

It ended years ago.

What I did back then has no excuse, however the relationship was toxic, due to a lot of factors. The time zone difference made it worst. I should ended it early, from year one.

[DiegoO]

I should* have...*

[snowgirl123]

then I hope you find someone who you can have a healthy relationship with. I hope you find someone with the same needs and wants as you, who is ready to give and to receive what you expect and want.

[CuriousJC]

Yeah your relationship was already ruined the moment it became a long distance relationship. I keep telling people it's pointless to be in a long distance relationship from any state from the next state or the next country. Emotions and desires build up inside of you like an overflowing kitchen sink and then eventually those emotions and desires stunts raging inside of you causing you to find someone else who can help you satisfy your needs and desires along with theirs.

[DiegoO]

It wasn'y necesary the sexual insatisfaction. It did contribute, but the economical imposibility to see each other was the biggest of all, however you are right; even if we did see each other, we would still be forced to go back to a LDR (due to migration laws), and surely it would feel 10 times worst. The breakup was gonna occur anyway.

[menina]

Thanks for sharing this. I can see that your LDR wasn't easy at all. You guys had too many differences that's why it didn't work out. I'm sorry. But I share one of her concerns.
I'm sure this take will help other people who are in a LDR.
Hopefully you'll have better luck in your next relationship. 😉😊

[DiegoO]

Hmm, it's hard to say how it would work out if at least the time difference wasn't a headache.

[menina]

As someone who was in a LDR with a huge time difference I can totally get that. It's not easy but some couples make it work. Perhaps you guys weren't meant to be.

[DiegoO]

I don't believe in the "meant to be"mindset. If it didn' work, it didn't work.

It could have worked, perhaps under different circumstances, who knows, but I am more than sure there was no chance for the relationshio to develop.

[menina]

Ok, but I do believe in it. I believe that when things must happen, they do happen no matter what.
I can see why you don't believe it.

Well you know more about your relationship than me, so I'll take your word.

[Djaay]

First of all , contrary to all the antics u may here , u can't adulify a relationship through LDR unless u materialize it quickly in accual person with one another. College... I'll spare my comments on that particular topic. The flame is peaking during u two just discovering each other. Be with each other quickly before the flame simmers downward like a pilot light. Cheaters ; others will NEVER forgive u , u will never forgive urself whether u admit to it or not. Its a revelation of urself u created but can't ever get rid of. Cheating becomes a REGRET that's permanate and life long. In fact it holds u to cheating again and again because ur worthyness towards another can't relesh itself honestly , so in order to find some one u have to resort to more cheating. As that's usually very quick and someone different each time , cheating becomes formalable and justified by yourself to experience another.

[Anonymous]

What bothers me is that with individuals you know, you get to observe their day from beginning to end and get a decent sense of who they are. In an online relationship, you just don't have that. Without meeting someone in person, how can you truly know what they're like?

[DiegoO]

You really don't know, but even so, feelings can develop. Accepting to be in a LDR is a jump of faith I am not willing to do again.

🤷‍♂️ Is better to date locally. LDR ara extremely complex.

An online friend met her LD boyfriend in person. Everything looked normal, until he started beating her. She ran away. LD are too much risk.

[Opinion Owner]

I really hate the culture in this country I wish I could meet someone different. sorry, I'm unloading this on you but you just seem really normal in your responses. It just feels so isolating nobody in this country has any education & no one wants to listen. hardly anyone has any interests in anything. its depressing

[pink_and_inlove]

You definitely weren’t ready for a relationship. Cheating is not okay I hope that you’ve changed and realized that it’s the worst thing that you could do in a relationship.

[pink_and_inlove]

However, the first step to learning from your mistakes is admitting your mistakes and you did that so that is good.

[pink_and_inlove]

Just don’t do these things again they’re very messed up and horrible you don’t know how much this could damage and hurt a person

[pink_and_inlove]

I also strongly think that you shouldn’t do a long distance relationship again i also wouldn’t want to be in one

[DiegoO]

I am not gonna justifye what I did, but is not like things were smooth with her. You're right, I wasn't fully ready, neither was her. We were both naive. Having a romantic relationship was something new to us.

[pink_and_inlove]

Meet someone not too far that’s way better and make sure that they’re looking for the same thing you’re looking for and that you have similar goals for the future (like having a family getting married etc.)

[DiegoO]

Lol, before I knew her, I had my previous experiences. None of them were serious (by mutual agreement). With her it was serious, we agree it was gonna be that way and that if in 3 years time, we didn't end the distance, we would breakup. It happens that 3 years later, the relation ended, naturally.

[DiegoO]

I mean, I am done with online dating. I don't care if a girl I meet online, lives a block away from my house. I rather go oldschool.

My ex, I am not sure if she learned from our experience, and another experience she had later on, where she actually met the guy, but I told her to be careful with online dating, one of the last times we had contact.

[pink_and_inlove]

I mean I met my boyfriend online and he’s the best guy I’ve ever met in my life. We’ve been together for over a year now we go to the same college but we met on bumble it was the best decision I’ve ever made

[DiegoO]

I met my ex on a chat room. I wasn't even looking for an online relationahip.

My respect for those like you, who meet their partner online. I understand that is the modern way for dating, but I found serious flaws with online dating, I am not willing to experience again.

[pink_and_inlove]

Yeah I was ignored by a lot of people and got ghosted before I met him

[Zygum]

Mostly long distance relationship is not successful, both partners have their either family or financial problems, hardly long distance partners have met and married in practical, mostly their relationships have broken, I myself have very bad experience, I spent money for my long distance girlfriend, but I could not get her with me, I blamed her for betroyal but she continously refused, but I feel that she is liar and cheater. So I advise readers to avoid long distance relationships

[MedAsianGirl]

What did you spend your money on for your long-distance relationship? I was thinking about the financial aspect of a LDR but I haven't had the chance to really make it happen yet haha

[Zygum]

@MedAsianGirl, The girl was a Christian and was friend of a Muslim girl, the Muslim, took oath on Holy Book about the character and intention of relationship of her Christian friend

[Zygum]

@MedAsianGirl, that girl took oath to be sincere to her commitment, she sent me certificate of conversation, I do not know, real or fake but she requested money for her mother to help food when she will travel to me, I sent her money for all her immigration requirements including one way air ticket, but on the date of departure, she informed me that she had met accident, and she did not come to me, she could not prove any accident, so I was cheated and bluffed by the girl in spite of her and her Muslim friend 's oaith, I told her, about her cheating and bluffing but she refused, so I forget that girl, so I advise others to avoid such relationships, As for you only you know, I do not suggest you , I have mentioned my bitter experience

[MedAsianGirl]

@zygum Awh I'm sorry to hear that all the above happened to you. I hope you still get to find a better woman someday!

[Zygum]

@MedAsianGirl Thank you for your care, now I hate long distance women

[Starwitch23]

I loved reading your Mytake. Everything you said are quite accurate.

[DiegoO]

Thanks!

[litty]

So what are you going to do differently besides those 5 things? Are you still looking for love in chatrooms or are you going to date locally?

[DiegoO]

*My last MyTake.

It's only a short final thought were I leave at the end the links of the MyTakes related to what I experienced. You'll have your answer there.

In total I wrote around 5-6 MyTakes about LDR.

My thoughts and experience with LDR ↗

[Jamie05rhs]

A couple of thoughts:

1. Did you actually ASK her to do a video call with you? Why were you waiting for her to suggest it?

2. You said you were interested in sexting while she was not. Do you think that could have been a reason why she was hesitant to video chat with you (if she was in fact hesitant)? Because she expected you to want to be nude during the chat?

[DiegoO]

Actually, I suggested it from the start. Sometimes I use to put my cam on, while she only had her mic.

*As for the reason she didn't want to do video calls at first, well, she said she was bullied in highschool. Is why I didn't presure her in the beggining, or even suggested something sexual. Later on, about 4 months later, I went nuts and not even bother to bring up the subject, because she was not considering to open her cam, after agreen that the relation was going to be exclusive.

Honestly, I almost believed she was a catfish, and even after I saw her on cam, there were some things that I considered strange. I will only chat about it in PM.

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay.

[jessicnapa]

FOLLOW BACK

[DiegoO]

@jessicnapa?

[nella965]

Long distance relationships are not for most people. You would have to be a very rare type to actually be able to maintain a long distance relationship.

[jillybeanns]

May I also add that the road to personal development doesn’t always start immediately. Sometimes peoples desire for growth will hit later down the road.

[jillybeanns]

Sorry this was meant as a reply under anonymous girls post.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never heard of toxic optimism. I like this take. Thanks

[DiegoO]

Thanks.

The official term would be toxic positivity. I used optimis, instead.

[MedAsianGirl]

I've dated 2 guys who had toxic optimism during the initial days of conversations. I killed their toxic optimism, and turned them into much more humble and patient people LOL

[DiegoO]

@MedAsianGirl How you did that?😮

[MedAsianGirl]

@DiegoO For the first guy I just ignored him when he was showing toxic optimism lol he later realized and became more humble and patient. For the second guy, that I’m dating right now, I told him and hinted him directly. Because I feel comfortable enough around him to do so:) And he has corrected his toxic optimism and become more humble and patient now too:)

[DiegoO]

@MedAsianGirl cool.

[Browneye57]

Optimist? More like an idiot. LDR's are a complete waste of time. Plus, stats are that within 90 days one or the other will find someone else.
It's always suspect why someone chooses someone they can't really see or be with. Why not go for someone you can? You would get WAY more out of it - I guarantee it.