Why can't 'old friends' stay friends?
Of course, every relationshp is different, and some people CAN bring off long term friendships with the opposite sex without complications. But it's not the way to bet! As my father used to say.
If you keep company for too long, share secrets that only friends share, know each other's foibles in detail.. you lose any mystery in your relationship, and no amount of flirtation can ever bring that back. In fact, flirtation in an 'old friend' situation most often leads to resentment, especially if only one of you is single.
Long married couples lose the excitement of the first encounter, and settle into a routine as well. Resentment builds up over small hurts and disappointments, and divorces are common if there are any major problems.
The same thing happens in a long friendship. For example, I really like one of my neighbors, and have had a crush on her for years, but now we are 'old friends.' We know more about each other than some married couples, although we've never had anything like a date, never held hands even.
And just because we know so much about each other, there is often friction. Comments I make about her lead to accusations of judging her; chatting with her son while babysitting him leads to accusations of prying into her affairs, or even...being a stalker!
And then, there was that incident with her sister..and the scene when her colleague that flirted with me in front of her..!!! These things build up when you've known each other a long time.
This build-up of past resentment doesn't happen recirprocally..On my side, I don't mind her babysitting my little one, and I find it cute when my daughter tells 'secrets' to my friend. Of course, my daughter is much younger than her son and niece and wouldn't share the sensitive secrets I've heard from her son, but still, I try my best not to let life's small annoyances change my attitude toward her.
Nor do I resent her past romances, and I never got angry when her boyfriend interrupted our conversations...I understood that he was the priority in her life.
But she makes NO such effort! Of course, she's a single mom, life in many ways is harder for her than for a happily married guy like me.
That's another problem. In a long friendship, your life paths diverge; often you find ourselves in far different places in life than when your friendship began.
She's made the stalking accusation more and more frequently lately, and even threatened legal or other action because of it!!
Now, if we were lovers, these little indiscretions that she calls 'stalking', would be taken as cute, as evidence of my concern...not as reasons to start an argument and threaten retaliation!
So although I admire and esteem her in many ways, I've had to put distance between us and am careful now not to make any remarks about her private life, although we both are well aware I know all about it and have my opinions..!!!
I haven't lost any of my feelings toward her, actually, still harbor a bit of a crush, though I never allude to it.
But naturally, as an 'old friend', she KNOWS my feelings and they irritate her as well!!! She often tells me not to be romantic toward her...though I never really am. But feelings can never be completely suppressed.
The only solution is to be a little less 'friendly' over time with someone you aren't going to have any romantic relationship with.
Sad, yes, but often, there's no other way.
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Very well-written story. Thanks for sharing your life experiences here.