A popular misconception about life is that love conquers all and that you can get through anything together.
I'm here to tell you that is not true. At all.
Can't decide where to live? One person wants kids but the other does not? One of you doesn't get along with the other's family? Both of you want to lead or both of you want to follow? Hate your partner's personality?
Well I'm sorry, but it's not going to work. None of that is ever going to change. It either is - or it isn't.
yea. this comes down to hard vs soft boundaries. people DO change, but it can be a lot of work and effort. You are dealing with an emotinoal programmed emotionally programmable being that is solidified jelly. Changing requires them to recognize why they are rigid, considering changing, then doing the work to change. It's very hard.
So yes, find the important values and direction in life to alighn. Things will turn up when you are married or as you change in life and your life or brain or health change, and you'll then need to roll with it to and grow together. so remain flexible somewhat.
No relationship is perfect. There will always be disagreements, personality differences, likes and dislikes. Just because a couple has some differences does not mean you should break up and leave. However, if those differences are key to a relationship, then maybe it's time to go.
That's about right. Can't argue about those particular issues. But if the disagreements are smaller, and you can come to a compromise. Who does the dishes, housework, takes the car in, mows the lawn, drives the kids to after school events.
Then it's likely you're talking about annoyances that have to be done, not serious unmalleable differences.
You don’t have any time to waste, at a tender age of 40. Half of your life is over. Your sperm is decreasing quality everyday.
Have children while you still can! The clock is ticking.
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He is 100% correct.
If you disagree Read his whole post...
You NEVER compromise on the non-negotiables! (there are always but a few anyway)
However, compromising on the mundane things of life is wise. But if compromising was the big secret everybody would be lasting.
Careful to not make mundane things non negotiables...
I have a whole philosophy on fulfilling and lasting relationships and I am telling you he is 100% correct.
If you undermine the fulfillment or non negotiables you will impact the ability to last. This is basic.
Now lasting isn't just about being in harmony on the 1 or 2 non negotiables you have but also having the right personality traits that cause harmony. Harmony isn't agreeing but instead treating the other person in a way that doesn't antagonize them. The key is to remain on the same team and in harmony with the vision. It's really simple. None of us like mean people. The philosophy probably wouldn't be understood by most but it is very simple once you do understand it. You have to understand change and how to alter your own conditioning. You have to understand what discipline really is and the key to it and I assure most don't. You have to know what you want so you can make the vision.
I am not saying people should become the same person but there are certain traits you need to win. The inability to be kind when it is inconvenient is a risk. The problem for most is they never set up an agreed upon joint vision and stayed in harmony with it. I've never seen any other reason why people breakup. If someone is asking a question about their husband or wife or girlfriend on this site you can bet they don't have a conscious vision. Asking us about what their partner is thinking... Or asking us why they won't do this or that.
If one still believes compromising on non negotiables is wise it is because they have a scarcity mindset. They are forcing shit because they don't think there is anyone else out there and many people do this. They are too scared to take a chance on what they really want. That is a wise mindset for an ignorant person but not for a wise one.
There are people who have gone through trauma or raised to think/live in fear…so they keep that and unable to let go to feel love or feel free. You will wither have to live with them or leave them.
most normal healthy people want love and can give love. Those are the bases of human behaviors…the norm is mental illness is spreading and we have to learn to weed them out of our lives. Most of us are not equipped to handle that.
Love is only one aspect of a romantic relationship…at the end of the day…two people come together to form unity and create a new family.
if family is not important …. Then none above matters.
if family is the goal.. we can all make changes to learn, grow with our partner and our children.
Anything we do, we make scrafices…our jobs, our living environment…
sounds like your last relationship didn’t work out. We leanr a lot about ourselves when it ends.
we reflect, grow and try again.
Be happy stay single for a bit..:once you meet the next person… there will be love and changes.
enjoy the journey. It’s beautiful 🤩
Not true , We are all incompatible people , we all come different paths in life , No one is perfect , not even yourself , for love to grow and for a relationship to last , both partners’ have to choose to commit to one another , it won’t always be perfect , you will both have your disagreements on things but as long as you both choose each other and make each other your top priority , that’s where love grows , Relationships don’t fail because of incompatibility , relationships fail because of immaturity , if you can’t sacrifice or remove selfishness for your partner , and understand you can’t always be right and they are wrong you are an immature person that only cares about yourself , your partner will not be able to do the same for you. Because you are a selfish immature person Most relationships fail because most people do not know how to remove selfishness for each other in a relationship, we are all selfish people one way or another , when you enter a relationship only wanting things your way , you will never experience true love , Relationships are a choice , you can choose to love someone or you can choose to walk away , If you choose
To walk away because things aren’t going your way , makes you a selfish person that only cares about yourself. You can keep choosing to be selfish but you will never experience Love , People that cheat , people that lie , people that can’t be honest , will never experience true love , they will only experience selfishness , You can’t expect someone to love you , if you can’t love them back in return
You are 100% right, and the same could be said about friendships too.
In the short time I've been on this Earth I've seen a lot of people ask dumb questions on this portal of "why is my partner doing such a such?" And "what does it mean when someone says such and such?". If these things they are doing/saying point to a lack of respect, or potential cheating then you can't fix that. If there are any outside factors like difficult in-laws, you cannot fix that either.
Your job is to inspect carefully before you commit to a person. There's a reason why there's a crew that checks planes meticulously before they take off, because once they take off it becomes very difficult if not impossible to fix any errors. Vetting is the most important part, and is often neglected by many, then you wonder why their relationships are not working. Prevention is better than cure.
Since people do in fact change by nature you can find someone who matches you perfectly in all these areas but if you don't learn to set rules and tolerate someone who doesn't your relationship is doomed regardless.
One of the virtues of arranged barrage was not only was the marriage arranged by people who actually had enough life experience to know what was important. Neither party had any illusions that they didn't need to learn to work together and follow rules.
That is why it worked for 10s of thousands of years whereas 'barrage' for 'love' does is not.
The inability to compromise and communicate is centered in self interest. If everyone thought this way, it would yield a society of self serving assholes.
Marriage is NOT happiness and bliss. Its work. Its giving up something for yourself to make another happy, and vice versa. Your advice is to bail? What if kids are involved? God, my marriage has been on the rocks several times. But we plowed through it. Figured it out. My wife is happy. And my kids are happy.
Giving up is for LOSERS. I suppose there's a lot of losers out there.
It depends on what your definition of love is. My definition of love isn't fuzzy feelings. It's commitment through thick and thin. My wife and I have many differences and it's a process of negotiation. If my wife and I were identical, we wouldn't grow together. Marriage and long term monogamy depends on how seamlessly the two negotiate. Running away when you clash and don't see eye to eye will lead you being single. Everyone will have their issues, and you have to ask yourself what kind of issues you're willing to deal with and work with. You sound naive.
Reading your post, I agree that with the level of "misalignment" you describe, it would be wasting one's time. On the other hand, there will always be some sort of conflict of some sort. So having to deal with some of it is inevitable over time.
When I was 40, I was dating a lady who was 38 and she wanted to look into having kids. I did not want to father kids at that point. So unfortunately we had to split up. So like you say, it probably wasn't going to work if we stayed together.
Why can't people just really LOVE their partners? One thing I realize is that people these days are way too selfish. They only consider THEIR needs and not their partners. If they differ in one area, they leave.
And who said love or relationships, even life is supposed to EASY!
Yes I agree. I was in a relationship and he wasted my time.
I want baby he don’t want baby
i want meet family he don’t want meet family.
all couples live together have baby meet families etc cuz they are on the same page. I know many people leave boyfriend cuz he don’t want baby. So they are not aligned with their partner.
My dad has always said “ Don’t settle for what you think you like but settle for what fits your life.”
Same goes for any relationship
Whether it's friends , siblings or even parents... if you feel being with them brings you down and effects you in a bad way... leave them!
Looks like someone is going to die alone, and refuses to accept that fate. There'a a term for that, it's called INCEL.
If you look for reasons to leave or move on rather than reasons to stay, you're fucking yourself if you want a relationship
I learned this the hard way. Major incompatibilities like those mentioned here will almost always not resolve themselves.
Accurate, though I would add that sub/dom dynamics don't work, both have to be equals who have the same hobbies, interests, goals, lifestyle, and personality, or it will fail.
1- People will never aligned never you will spend all your life looking for someone 100% like you
2-Marriage and life is about compromise not confrontation
3-If you don't agree live alone
Absolutely right, especially if there's no compatibility and any reasonable compromise.
wrong learn to compromise and ask a guidance counselor
Yea I agree, similarity with a partner is definitely important
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