Why You Should Never Let Your Guard Down

[CHARismatic110]

So I'll be the first to admit that I have trust issues. In fact, that's a serious understatement. I do not trust people. Period. I keep my guard up at all times. Here's why:

People Are Tempermental

People's moods and attitudes change at the drop of a hat. One day they can love you and the next they treat you like a stranger. Without a thought. Or a reason. And you're just left to figure it out on your own. That's why I don't really like to be too open with new people. It seems like once a level of comfort is established, things switch up. You could think that things are going great with someone, and then you just never hear from them again. A few times of that happening and then you'll start to wonder what it is about yourself that causes it to keep happening. I'd rather not go through that.

People Prey On Weakness

Sad, but true. The moment that someone figures out your weakness, they pounce on it. And you may not even realize it for a long time. People take what they can from you every chance they get. You could be a person that's too open with their feelings. Or their money. People see that and they milk it. They ask to "borrow" something because they know you'll say yes. They'll make you feel guilty about being upset about something they did wrong because they know you'll stop blaming them and start blaming yourself. It's not worth it.

You Keep From Getting Hurt

My biggest thing with keeping my guard up is that it keeps me from getting hurt. Once you let someone in, you give them the power to hurt you. And they will hurt you. One way or another. Because that's what people do. I learned the hard way. People always want you to be open, but are never fully open themselves. Are there times that I wanna drop it and let someone in? Of course. But I know how I am, and I know that I'll regret it.

I always tell people that I don't lower my guard for anyone and they get mad. Or they try to see if they can be the one to crack the code. And fail. They tell me that I'll never find love that way. And what do I say? Good.

[xHoneyxBeex]

This take resonates so much with me. I've had a lot of bad experiences with "friends." It always seems like when I make a new friend and we actually become close, they ditch me. And typically, it's when they make a new friend and then they start talking to me less and eventually not at all. Either that, or they end up backstabbing me (talking about me behind my back and just not being a very good friend overall).

It really sucks and that's precisely why I limit myself to new people and rarely let anyone get too close to me. I definitely have trust issues and I can admit that. But with a track record like I have regarding friends, there isn't much incentive to try to get over my trust issues. I keep reminding myself that people are different and not everyone is the same, but it's really hard to keep that mentality when the same things keep happening and I keep losing friends. I'm starting to think it's just a problem with me that I haven't identified yet...

[CHARismatic110]

I completely understand. I used to love making new friends. Until I started feeling like the friendships were one sided. I'm a person that will do anything for my friends. People know that they can count on me to be there. And they use that. I'm also clingy in a sense that if you're my friend you can count on random "mushy" texts because that's how I am. Or was.

I started realizing that people weren't treating me how I was treating them. No one was ever around when I needed them. And they would tell others that I was annoying behind my back. And I started constantly thinking "maybe it's me".

I got tired of getting my feelings hurt so I stopped putting myself out there. I definitely get where you're coming from. It's hard to understand why it keeps happening.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Yeah, it sucks to feel like a friendship is one sided. In my case, I have always felt like the friend people "settle" for just because they have no one else to talk to at the moment. Mainly because as soon as they make new friends, they start talking to me less and less and then usually stop talking to me all together. So, I guess that's why I feel like it's just an issue with me. So, yeah, I understand where you are coming from also. I still like meeting new people, I just don't really get close to anyone anymore.

[CHARismatic110]

And that's exactly what I mean when I say people will take what they need from you and just toss you aside. That's definitely not how friendships work.

Someone told me before that I was too eager for friends and that's why they don't last...

[xHoneyxBeex]

I agree, it does seem like people only use others to get what they need. Being eager for friends is not wrong and that doesn't make a friendship not last. That's just ridiculous. It's not your fault that other people in the past chose to use you instead of being a true, real, friend to you.

[CHARismatic110]

That's what I said. I genuinely enjoyed meeting and cliquing with new people. Who doesn't? Finding things you have in common and connecting. Like I don't know about you, but I think that's dope.

But when they told me that I'm like well maybe that's just me. Maybe I am coming on too strong. Or too eager. And so I stopped.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Yeah, I agree with you. Most people enjoy making new friends. But yeah, I disagree with whoever told you that. I can't imagine that simply being eager to make new friends would cause the friendship to not last.

[CHARismatic110]

Yea, I don't get it either. I also don't see why people would just stop talking to you altogether. I mean if there was a problem, then why not say that? Smh. People are stupid.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Ugh, I know. They just start fading out of my life, like it's nothing. I don't understand it, especially people that I was very close with at one point. I mean, clearly they weren't very good friends if they can just not talk to me like that, but it's still hurtful.

[CHARismatic110]

It's very hurtful. I will never understand how a person can be so hot and cold. One day you're best friends and the next they hate you. Same for relationships. Don't even get me started on that.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Yeah, it makes no sense to me. I also don't like conflict and I suck at expressing my feelings so I never confront them to ask about it either to really figure out why this happens. I just kind of let it go and move on with my life.

[CHARismatic110]

Right. But if you're anything like me, you're constantly thinking about it. I don't like conflict either. I just express my feelings to my journal.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Oh definitely, I think about it a lot. And usually when I'm upset about something, I become closed off to that person anyway. I will just find other outlets such as physical exercise and I recently discovered that writing helps me a lot too.

[croxy]

You don't need to open up to people and let them "in" to be friends with them. Everyone doesn't have to be a best friend. Just keep a healthy normal relationship, then people come and go, like it is for everyone, not that much of a loss when people go.

[CHARismatic110]

Writing helps me tons. I'm almost certain that I'd be locked in a padded room if I didn't find an outlet in writing.

[xHoneyxBeex]

@croxy It's not about that. I have plenty of acquaintances, that's not an issue. The point of my answer is that I have no close friends anymore due to the reasons I mentioned.

[croxy]

Didn't find the word for acquaintances :P Well those are more important then close friends.

[xHoneyxBeex]

@croxy Lol Really? Why do you think that? If I may ask :)

[CHARismatic110]

@croxy I'm not really into having a million acquaintances.

[croxy]

Because it keeps you busy. Nothings as bad as having "nothing" to do. Sure you might be close to someone, but they won't always be there as they have their own life. If just know plenty of people you'll never sit there feeling empty and alone.

[croxy]

Oh and you don't need a billion. Just enough to keep yourself busy as mentioned earlier.

[CHARismatic110]

@croxy but I feel like those are empty. Like I can't go to acquaintances for the same things I go to friends for.

[croxy]

No you can't, but you can go to them to stay active, not feel lonely, stay entertained etc, the only thing you really can't do is have deep open conversations.

[CHARismatic110]

@croxy I mean I get it, but I can do all that with friends. I just always felt awkward with acquaintances. That's probably just me tho.

[croxy]

Yea, ofcouse you can, but no one really have have THAT many real close friends anyways, so they won't always be available.

[CHARismatic110]

@croxy I guess that's true. Still doesn't change much.

[Talya123]

This was so awesome to read, its actually funny I stumbled upon this because I always am so guarded based on the fact that I feel like I've been so hurt before. Having my guard up has definitely taken away some things from me but honestly I feel like they were taken away for good reason, and I learned that later on :)

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you! And I feel the same. I'm sure being guarded has kept some bad seeds away.

[Braveheart4321]

This is really sad, letting people in is how you grow as a person, getting through the pain makes you stronger the next time. You have decided that you are just going to hide away and never let anyone in. This is going to leave you stagnant and keep you from becoming the best person you could be. Overcoming a broken heart makes you stronger and better able to handle it next time, being manipulated teaches you where your weaknesses are and allows for you to bolster them. By locking everyone else out, you are locking yourself into who you are right now.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree with you but where I am right now is that I don't feel like I can come back from another broken heart. So to keep my sanity, I have to keep my guard. It's detrimental. I used to use the pain as fuel but it became overwhelming.

[Crazyced]

I sometimes wonder if men and women experience the same realities when it comes to friendships (of same sex anyways).

I've had a couple of featherweight friends in the past, but nothing approaching this kind of experience.

[CHARismatic110]

I personally don't think that they do. I feel like guys don't think as hard or take things as personal as females.

[Crazyced]

While 'don't think as hard' doesn't sound very good for us, I agree with you. It also seems like men and women base their social dynamics on different things. While guys mostly base it on skills and accomplishments, girls seem to put much more focus on the personal circumstances.

If I had to pick one common trait about most women I know, it's how their eye seems to light up when they realize I'm about to feed them a piece of gossip (usually about myself). Mostly about things male friends wouldn't give much of a second thought about. It's all about knowing as much intricacies as you can about a person. As opposed to men, who seems to work more on an 'need to know' basis.

Now I believe that sharing as much personal info and feelings that female relationships appear to dictate can certainly leave you vulnerable.

That's how I see it anyways.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree. It's less about personal similarities and connections and more about common interest in hobbies and things of that nature for guys. At least that's my perceperception of it.

But yea, it's kind of tough to think that you're close with someone and in the blink of an eye y'all are strangers again. Definitely leaves you vulnerable.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

The problem here is that you are encouraging people to take things too personally if they break their trust. You know that happens every time so we should be prepared for it and focus on the benefits being with people but we have to at least try to find and go with the right ones. It is not everyone's fault you have been in that pain. This doesn't actually mean you have to let your guard down but you have to be prepared and protect your weaknesses instead of avoiding it. You will develop better that way.

[CHARismatic110]

I'm not encouraging anything actually. I'm telling why I do what I do. Not telling you that you have to do it. This Take is really old and I don't know why they brought it back to the surface. I don't care to argue so please carry on with your life and don't respond to me again. Thank you.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

You are not saying you are encouraging but that is what you are actually doing. Even if you're not telling people anything, it crosses someone's mind that they need to have trust issues. I know i'm still going to respond even if you said i don't have to. If you don't want to argue then don't reply.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Just going to say this just in case you're going to block me after you say something.

[CHARismatic110]

I don't do that. I won't block you for having a different opinion. That's childish.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Glad to know.

[Gopnik]

my guard is always up, but i'm one of the people who has resources around my city, sometimes parents of friends have to ask is this kid dangerous? about me.
let's say i know some people and i have some family living in camps, or like americans would call them trailer trash.
i'm lucky i know some dangerous people but my guard has to be up.
friends can turn into backstabbers quite quickly and i have some personal experience with that.
trust & respect should be earned, it's not a given, not a right it's a privilege.
it should be that way for everyone.

[RoseBloom]

i really support with your believe , for i have the same thing its just i didn't push people its more like i build walls from keeping them closer but they still get to hang around with me and from time to time (unless i noticed those people back stab about others then i stop talking to them frankly you can notice by the person conversation who they are ) i open myself slowly to those who are worthy with a small information nothing more , i can understand your struggle especially the part where people just use your weakness against you , stay strong and dont bother other peoples opinion for you have your own choices in life.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for this. I'm not just pushing people away or keeping them at arms length for no reason. I know the hurt and pain caused as a result of trusting the wrong people. I'm not in a rush to feel it again. But thank you again.

[Tirana]

Indeed. This makes sense to me.

My (now ex) husband was a chronic cheater and all around moocher. My next fiance was pathetically desperate to make me happy, but refused to try to understand me (which is so very backwards...), and my fiance after that failure just couldn't get his shit together, wanted me to love and take care of his oldest child, allow his ex wife to move in with us, all the while not doing sjit for our baby. And those are just my romantic relationships.

When it comes to friendship, I'll hold you at arms length. I have to seriously, seriously trust you before I open up, and since you have to really be able to prove I can trust you, it doesn't happen often.

[CHARismatic110]

Ok so wow. I thought my ex relationship was bad. But I agree. I keep everyone at arms length. I can't afford to go through another heartache.

[dmmmmm01888]

I agree with this. People are weird, whether it be men or women. It really doesn't matter. I don't like when a guy starts telling me too many details, like their baggage, drama, etc. I get they are being honest with me, but in my case, I don't like having to deal with someone's ups and downs in their moods. They want to be miserable and down, I will leave them be. This goes for female friends as well. If they want to reach out to me, I will help them in any way I can, but if they keep doing the same thing over and over again, after my giving advice, I stop helping them because they will have to learn themselves on their own, unfortunately the hard way. As for men, I've met some moody ones in the past, so I tend to stay away from them, whether it be friends or dating.

[Browneye57]

If you have mental issues and hangups consider professional counseling. They're pro's at helping you breakdown your feelings on what is valid and what isn't. There's never anything wrong for asking for help.
A failed relationship does not cause most people to become so defensive - perhaps it's a mental breakdown for you.
Most people just dust themselves off and move on. You'll have many of them over your lifetime. They are not cause to fall apart.

[CHARismatic110]

Where in there did you read anything about a failed relationship? 🤔 I've always been guarded, before I ever even thought about entering into a relationship. So there's that. And this Take is old AF. I wish GaG hadn't put it back in the spotlight. But thank you for your input anyway.

[Browneye57]

"People's moods and attitudes change at the drop of a hat. One day they can love you and the next they treat you like a stranger. Without a thought. Or a reason. And you're just left to figure it out on your own. "
Your words. If this isn't a failed relationship I don't know what is. And don't call things 'issues', call them what they actually are.
If you don't want any more comments close the 'take. I've heard this before - nothing has changed, so I don't know what the beef is. Nothing that has been said changes regardless of how old it is.

[311WasAnInsideJam]

Be cautiously comfortable.

People you think are your allies can just as easily be your enemies. People you presume to be enemies could be your only allies.

[CHARismatic110]

Indeed

[Giggletr0n]

Fair points, I mean you miss out on a lot of opportunities to grow as a person but not everybody needs that kind of growth I suppose.
Personally I just never let anything get to me, if a friend or partners feelings changed randomly one day then that's cool, not like I can change it. People have always told me if I was anymore laid back I would fall over 😅

[Ottey]

it takes a lot of courage to be open about ones character. I respect that and i respect the fact that you are honest about it. Whe i read your post, it reminded me of my friend. One minute she was bubbly and happy, next when she was upset she "try" to say it, but quickly retract and be very detached, as though she didn't know me. I can't be like that. I always thought that, even though im a guy, i care a lot bout others and the people around me. Im that kinda guy that even though i may be treated like thrash, i would be offended yet can't help but still have that amount of concern for others. It's just who i am. There is wisdom in your decision and i know all too well the experiences of those unfortunate. I don't want to force others to change or dictate how they should live, so i understand your decision. But if helping, encouraging others, connecting with someone means getting hurt... then i dont mind carrying a bit of hurt now and then :)

[CHARismatic110]

Don't get me wrong, I have a huge heart. It's full of love just waiting to spill over. Even now, though I don't really show it. My guard being up has become a defense mechanism. To protect myself. I get what you're saying. Who knows, maybe things will be different later on in life.

Thank you for your input tho.

[Johnnyjay]

im learning that people are not perfect and they will do things that bug you. but you will to them too. separate their actions as their choices and not something you did. meaning if they flake on your or don't want to be your friend then that is something wrong with them, not you. people are entitled to make mistakes. it doesn't mean you have to shut everyone out though. because then you are only hurting yourself.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree. People absolutely are entitled to make mistakes. And I may be hurting myself, but at least that's hurt that I can handle.

[Johnnyjay]

whats got you feeling down?

[CHARismatic110]

Just tired of getting hurt.

[Tdieseler]

I can see the logic behind this, its simple. But at some point, either you let someone in willingly, or someone will worm their way in. With willingly, you can at least keep an eye on them, with worming their way in, things get sneaky and before you know it, you have to refer to the alone logic again.

[CHARismatic110]

With willingly, it's worse in my opinion. Because if and when they do end up causing hurt, there's no one to blame but yourself. You let them in. With them worming their way in, if they manage to get in then it was out of my control. Just means I have to reinforce the guard.

I get what you're saying tho.

[Tdieseler]

well, there's no wiggling around that. it is what it is. a little tit for tat helps too... you have something on me, i have something on you..

[CHARismatic110]

Right but that's where I'm different. I can have everything on you, and still won't use it against you. Even if we stop being friends or being in a relationship. Not a lot of people think like that tho.

[Tdieseler]

Kind of blows that there are people like that that can just betray trust on a whim. its sad.

[CHARismatic110]

Very sad.

[R3d_Anonymous]

Life is too short to worry about getting hurt. The best way to live is to wear your heart on your sleeve. The basis of any romantic relationship is trust. This is you want to love and take part in romantic relationships. It's cost and reward. The risk of getting hurt is the price you pay. You decide if you think the reward is worth the cost. Most think it is.

[R3d_Anonymous]

In my opinion, you are wasting the one life you get if you live the way this take owner proposes.

[CHARismatic110]

Wearing my heart on my sleeve is what got me to wear I am. Life is also too short to spend crying and feeling like crap because I got hurt, again. I understand everything you're saying. The basis of ANY relationship is trust. And I've paid that price way too many times to count. At this point I'm all out of funds.

[CHARismatic110]

Where*

[Texas_born]

I thought I was the only one with strong guards and tall walls around me.
So glad to now I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Very cool take.

[CHARismatic110]

Nope. You are definitely not alone. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

quit reading my mind, I relate to this on all points, it's all stemmed from me being little my dad well there'd be times I didn't see him for years so I learned to have my guard up, and I push anyone away who gets to close, I'm to scared of being hurt 😯😯😯😯😢😢😢😢😢

[CHARismatic110]

Lol sorry. But yea, that sucks. Being hurt really freakin sucks. Being hurt multiple times? Yea, I'm over that. I do not allow myself to get close to people. I'll push you away with the quickness if I feel that you're getting too close. Or if I'm feeling like I wanna drop my guard.

[Opinion Owner]

me too sad face I hate it, between family hurting me, friends and guys who I've cared, I'm starting to accept that I'm never going to have that happily ever after

[CHARismatic110]

It's really sad to think like that, but I feel pretty much the same. I'm not willing to keep getting hurt to MAYBE find a happy ending. I can't deal with anymore heartbreaks.

[Opinion Owner]

oh I know girlie, being cheated on while your pregnant with his baby for 6 month's, a failed engagement, physically hurt, dating your best friend then it not working out, those were 4 different relationships. .. I'm over it

[CHARismatic110]

That's so weird. I've been cheated on, he got SOMEONE else pregant and he was my best friend before anything else. All ONE relationship.

I'm finally over it and he's been trying to "reconnect". I'm like no thank you. Your kid is SEVEN now.

[Opinion Owner]

he married the girl he cheated on me with, been together ever since he cheated on me

[CHARismatic110]

Yea see no. That's why the guard stays up.

[Opinion Owner]

so agree girlie so is the dude still with the bm

[CHARismatic110]

No. They were on the rocks before she even had the kid. Which makes it even worse. I would've rather they'd stayed together. No, you threw it away over some bullshit.

[Opinion Owner]

yikes

[SweetEvilKitty]

I do not keep walls up because I don't fear emotional pain.

[CHARismatic110]

That's nice

[SweetEvilKitty]

Getting over pain helps you become stronger and better able to handle situations in the future.

[CHARismatic110]

Getting over pain and not putting myself in the position to be hurt again are totally different things.

[SweetEvilKitty]

Also letting your walls down doesn't mean someone can control you or even hurt you.

[CHARismatic110]

True. But it also means they can.

[SweetEvilKitty]

Not necessarily. I have opened up to people plenty but they can't use my past or anything about me against me or control me.

[CHARismatic110]

Everyone is different. And this Take is old. But thank you for your input.

[Lightning8]

Interesting Take. As easily as I let people in, I've been feeling more and more like I can't afford it anymore. Timely.

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah. It definitely helps to be protective of the energies you let in.

[AdoringFan]

I am the same way, but I don't think it's a good thing. Sure you won't get hurt by people, but it will be very hard to be loved by people as well. And i'm not sure if that is something i want to miss out on.

[CHARismatic110]

Well I don't really believe in love so there's that. I get what you're saying tho.

[AdoringFan]

Do you believe you would not be able to love or be loved? Or is it the entire concept of love that doesn't make sense to you? Just wondering :)

[CHARismatic110]

More the whole concept. I feel like love has lost its value. It gets thrown around like it's nothing.

[Queen_naki5]

I don't mind holding my guard in some circumstances, but you always need a balance. You can't be bullet proof all of the time, because how would you let people in?

[CHARismatic110]

I don't plan to. Letting people in means you get hurt

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

I've dealt with so much shit from people and life that i never let my guard down anymore.

[dE_logics]

What's the point of being in the relationship if you don't start trusting him?

I'm too in the same league, but I'll put it down later on with caution (after she has slept with me).

[CHARismatic110]

This isn't just about relationships. It's in general. I'm not getting into a relationship without establishing trust tho. That's foolish.