My bf kissed my sister when he was drunk... What should I do and if it leads to breaking up how do I do that?

[Anonymous]

So I had just gotten my wisdom teeth pulled out and was on antibiotics... I figured it wouldn't be wise to drink with my sisters and our friends, which just happened to include my bf. Now he's told me countless times he cares anout me and wouldn't ever hurt me... I'm a skeptic in most cases regarding pretty words like that, but in this case decided to believe him.
Anyways, my little sister was with them all and she is very innocent for her age, which makes most of our friends protective of her. This time I don't know what happened, but a "new" member to our group was invited and ended up kissing her. Given that this was her first kiss and really special to her she freaked out and started feeling bad about it. My bf took it upon himself to take care of her as I was currently out cold due to painkillers. He was talking to her trying to calm her down and for some reason he thought kissing her would... It sounds bad and it is, but anyways it was a peck and she was so shocked she stopped crying. Now my bf is typically a good guy and thinks of my sisters and his sisters, though you wouldn't really kiss your sister. I don't understand why he would do it, other than being really drunk & possibly rolling.

I don't know what I Should do. He told me a week after it happened because my sister felt that I had every right to know & well I did. When he told me I wasn't that surprised.

We have been dating 5 months & there haven't been any real problems between us before. He is my first serious bf & well I do like him, but I don't know if he deserves for me to remain with him. If I do then I feel like I should change a few things & well I won't trust him like I used to.

The sad thing is that his ex cheated on him, but far more drastic & he knows how it feels. He feels a lot of remorse, I can see that, but that, alcohol, & posibly drugs, doesn't excuse the behavior.

[cluelesswriter]

This is quite a tricky situation. Whenever I respond to questions that deal with situations, I always try to put myself in the person's shoe so I can give an honest advice. But this is difficult. I'm not quite sure what I would do but let's think about your options.

You could stay with him - Maybe he was being a genuinely nice guy although I don't quite understand why he'd kiss your little sister in order to make things better, I'm sure there are other ways to cheer someone up. But we are humans after all and under the influence of alcohol, we don't really think about the reason behind things. If you decide that you want to stay with him, you're gonna have to sit down and have a lengthy conversation. You could give him a second chance if you're really up for it, but remember that if anything of this sort arrises again, you need to leave him.

You can leave him - His reasons for doing this doesn't seem to be logical. It's also rather strange that he only told you about it a week after. If I were in his shoes and it had been a mistake, I would've told you immediately. And he didn't do that so that's odd. You won't trust him like you used to, but after some time that might lessen or get worse if you get suspicious about his every move.

Above all, you need to think about what YOU want. This is quite a small event and I wouldn't consider it cheating. If you really like him and you want to work things out, go for it. If you think it's not worth it and it's too much heartache, leave him.

[Asker]

As far as your explanations. I agree and those are reasons I am unsure. I am having a hard time, even if leaning towards dumping him. It wasn't anything major, but if he did this when he was drunk, there really isn't a way to know he wouldn't do something else. I'm a skeptic and have been told many times. I told him don't break my trust because there hasn't been one person to gain it back.

As for the second chance I have friends saying that giving a second chance is ok. Everyone has faults and therefor people should have a chance to redeem themselves. If I stayed and he so much as did anything minor like a peck on the lips like he did this time, he'd be gone. Minor or not you shouldn't do that kind of thing, especially with a sister. My little sister is torn up about it because she thinks its her fault, but I know it isn't... but that is another factor making it hard for me to decide.

[cluelesswriter]

Look, I think it's best to just give him another chance. That can be a trial to see whether he did that intentionally or not and also to see if he really deserves the second chance. If anything else happens that may be concerning and you start to re-think your choices, feel free to message me and we can take it from there!

[Asker]

I'll take your advice into consideration. A friend of mine says torture him, by dragging out the decision, but I have no idea if I want to do that. Being vindictive on matters like this is not in my nature. I am a rather straight to the point kind of person and past "relationships" or interests, whatever anyone wants to call them, I was very able to decide what I wanted and end things if I didn't like what was happening. With him... I don't know for some reason or another he felt to be different and so yeah.

[cluelesswriter]

I believe that you have this situation under control. You have a very logical mindset and that's wonderful, specially when it comes to delicate situations such as this one. I think that whatever you decide to do, you will manage to get things right.

[Asker]

Well, if I need any advice I'll look for you.

[cluelesswriter]

Please do. Best of luck! x

[cluelesswriter]

Thank you for MH!

[Asker]

No problem in reality you are the only one that actually analyzed the situation more than just the information I've presented.

[cluelesswriter]

It was necessary or else no solutions could be generated!

[Lovelygirl559]

I came across this as I googled an answered to my situation the same exact thing happen to me with the difference Of me drinking as well. I must tell you that after 1 year and a half it stills kills me to know that he would do something like that and that I’m not okay with it and problaly will never be. It is hard to put it behind. I love him but I can’t seem to get over it. My advice to you is to let go. As I will as well

[melissa2]

First off how old is she and how old is your bf? And honestly, you KNOW what you're doing is wrong when you're drunk. He knew what he was doing. It's only been five months and he's already kissing your sister...I would dump him now. And how in the world is kissing a drunk and upset girl a way to calm her down?
Anyway you should just tell him that you can't trusy him anymore and is over.

[Asker]

She is 18 and he is 21. Believe me I know what you are saying. When I'm drinking, no matter at what level or state I'm in I know what I'm doing and can keep myself from doing the wrong thing. For crying out loud I take of all the drunks when I'm drunk, not including everything else.

I'm leaning towards dumping him, but then again it isn't like most other times where I can walk away really easily.

[melissa2]

It's never easy to break up with someone but is in your best intrrest

[Anonymous]

I hear men and women all the time whining that what they did wasn't their fault because they were drunk. When they say that, they are admitting they can not be trusted while drunk. So it is clear that they shouldn't drink, or else they need to stop blaming their misdeeds on something they choose to put into their body. Unless they are drugged against their will, people are fully responsible for how they act.

Lets say someone doesn't realize that drinking will effect them like that. Now he knows and he has no further excuse. Unless he is willing to never get drunk again he has already admitted he can't be trusted. It is doubtful he would be willing to agree to a lifetime ban on drinking, but you could try.

As for him taking a week to tell you, that doesn't mean anything. It would take a lot of people that much time to work up the courage.

[Rusty83]

Maybe have a threesome?
No joking, he kissed your sister! Punch him in the nuts and tell him were to go!

[queen-b]

Dump him now , its only 5 month , if you fell for him harder and he did anything like that again , you will have greater pain , and its gunna be hard on you , good luck ,

[queen-b]

Hard for you *

[Keyspirits]

I LUV ma queen. Will never do such thang and be very reconsiderate wif her x)

[queen-b]

Hanhahah oh key

[Anonymous]

LMAO. Yeah I don't think that was innocent. He was just making excuse. If I were you, I wouldn't be able to bear looking at him. I'd feel so humiliated, I'd dump hm

[Anonymous]

Can you forgive him? Just love each other.

And stop getting drunk!

[Asker]

I have only been drunk twice. I don't like to drink excessively or extensively... I'm the one that drinks one beer and watches out for people. On occasion, like the two instances mentioned earlier on this post, I decide to drink more, but it isn't something I do often. I don't want to ruin my life with unscrupulous antics. As for other getting drunk, that is not in my control, you can only advise people, but in the end they are the ones to decide.

Forgiveness is something that is not easily obtainable, for one even if you say you forgive them a small margin of anger can linger, which in turn nulls the point of forgiving. Another is you may forgive entirely, but your mind may never forget what happened, and in turn maybe feelings of resentment will arise. This too nulls the forgiveness. In order to forgive it must be done wholeheartedly, but that is no easy feat for any person as we are all full of feelings & emotions, some that may be well out of our control whether we want or not.

[DoctorFeelgood]

If your boyfriend kissed your sister, he should be forced to marry her.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I say you leave him.

[CommieDearest]

Leave him.