Why does my boyfriend stare at other women in front of me? I've told him that it's disrespectful, but he still does it.. I don't get it?

[Anonymous]

It makes me feel so inadequate. Like I've lost something (my pride?) to a complete stranger (s). Is he trying to shred my confidence and make me feel like I'm not good enough for him? I'm beautiful. He's even said that the hardest thing he's ever done was to make a pretty girl like me love him. He brags to his friends that I'm always the most beautiful girl that every man wants when we go out... SO, why the hell does he stare at other women (right in front of me)? And the girls he stares at aren't always that great. Some of them are out of shape. I'm not judging, but I'm healthy, fit, and slender... some of the girls he stares at are flabby. If that's what he's into, why the hell is he with me? I never flirt in front of him and I expect the same consideration. I'm not into games or getting revenge... I love the silly guy, but does he even love me? Maybe I'm not his type?
I've never questioned my worth before this. He knows it bothers me and he still does it. I know I deserve better treatment and I'm pretty much left with two options: 1- never go out in public with him again (yeah right...:)), 2- Peace out... it's happened three times and I can't compromise.

I have one last question... what's the best way to act during these offenses? I always think everyone 'expects' me to be jealous of the other girl. I'm rarely jealous of her, but mostly hurt and confused by him. Should I walk away (I've done this)? Flirting with other men would be easy and predictable, but I've done this, too... I don't know

Updates

+1 y

Ok. Stop with the insecurity remarks. I'm very confident in my looks and in who I am. I'm a beautiful woman. Many men stare, smile, and even approach me when we're out together, but out of respect for him, I don't entertain. But that's just it...

Updates

+1 y

While I'm ignoring the attention from other men, he's STARING... not just a look of appreciation... I appreciate beauty, too... But he stares (he even repositioned me when we were dancing to have a better view of another girl)... Why?

[Socal1]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow your roll anonymous. This is a perfectly natural primal behavior for any male. This is science not fiction. May as well ask him to walk around blind. It will never change. Shame on him for not being more sly for I never get caught. Neither do my friends unless they want to. You're going to run into this with every guy sooner or later. So unless you want to keep jumping from one man to another I'd relax and let it roll off your shoulder. By the way, and I'm not judging here, but you are screaming insecurity when you react in this manner. What you are asking is the equivalent to asking us not to look at cool/hot cars. Yeah, we know we can't have 'em, and we'll never drive 'em either, but we'll never stop appreciating what are eyes will let us.

Let me ask you a question. Do you ever watch TV or movies with him? Because every chance a guy gets to watch hot women on TV we got all kinds of things going on in our head. It's like a buffet up there and it's all you can eat with what currently is being produced. So think about that. Not too much, just mull it over.

It's nothing. It means nothing. Unless you let it. He is with you. Loves you. That... is all that should matter.

In answer to your final query you should act (be nice if you didn't have to act though) as if nothing is wrong. But by the wording you have chosen in your post to describe "these offenses" I've a feeling your intent was rooted more in that of venting than seeking advice. And there is nothing wrong with that at all.

Finally if you truly cannot let this go, then you should move on. But beware of the-grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side monster. If this is your biggest gripe, maybe you should talk to some divorced women.

Good luck girl.

[relahvent]

You've seriously got to loosen up. It's natural for a guy's (and girl's) eyes to linger when they see someone attractive. Being in a relationship doesn't suddenly mean that he is blind to other women. You may be beautiful, but there are plenty of other beautiful women in the world that he's bound to notice as well. It doesn't mean he thinks any less of you. Sounds to me like this guys really loves you and is proud to have you as a girlfriend, so why are you worrying? He worked hard to get you so trust me, he isn't going anywhere. Just relax and realize that while his eyes may wander, they'll always come back to you.

[jeanbean]

I catch my boyfriend looking at other women from time to time. Are they hotter than me? Usually. Do I say anything? No.

I don't really give a damn about him looking at chicks from a distance when it's not a regular every day occurrence. Why? Because when I see a ridiculously hot guy walk by, I appreciate his hotness.

You need to work on being more secure. If a little rubber necking puts you off and throws you into a fit, you're clearly lacking confidence. I know there are hotter gals than myself in the world, and I know my man looks at some of them, but guess what? He's with ME. He chased me, caught me, and decided to love me. Not them, me. That's why I'm okay with him looking.

[Caren-Field]

The guys are right, it's a primal instinct for their heads to turn and their eyes to focus in on beautiful women, flabby or not. The best way to think about guys who look at other women in front of you is this: They are not doing it to you, it's happening to them.

You don't have to take it personally and there's nothing to be offended about; he's human. And, it seems he's been really clear in telling you about how he feels about you.

The best way to act in a situation like this is to smile sweetly, breathe deeply, and think about how manly your guy is!

[washize]

You should date another guy who isn't so obvious and careless with his wondering eye. Its normal to be attracted to other people and look. However, its disrespectful to do it in front of a partner who asks you to consider their feelings.

If he doesn't care enough to gauge his behavior in a way that will benefit your relationship, I'd say move on. It'll only get worse.

[washize]

Also don't take that "he's a man bullshit". Men aren't retarded apes that can't control themselves. If he can't control what he stares at what other simple task is he imcapable of doing? We all have vices and things that we enjoy doing. That doesn't mean those things are acceptable in a relationship dynamic. I enjoy having sex with men and eating whatever the fuck I want. That doesn't mean that my boyfriend whom I'm in a monogamous relationship would/should put up with that. You let people treat you how you wanted to be treated. My guy looks at other women, but he doesn't do that shit in front of me. ITs a different scenario if you're in an open relationship, of if you as a partner/your partner isn't offended by it.

[washize]

Thanks for MH! As I said there are plenty of guys who don't do that shit espcially if you ask them to stop. We all know that we enjoy the glance or two of a beautiful/man or woman. However staring while holding your hand and literally moving you out of the way so that he can stare at other women is bullshit. Find someone better. I've never dated men that pathetic.

[BlueFire876]

I am so glad to see that you gave this girl the most helpful badge, question asker. She is absolutely right. Experts like to say "focus on what YOU can do." They don't mention that even though you do everything right, it can still fail if the other person is not giving back. They want you to feel like as long as you know what to do, you can get any man you want in any way you want. This is simply not true.

[Anonymous]

Why?
Because he's a man.
We're always going to stare. You might as well get used to it.

Brad Pitt is married to Angelina Jolie. You don't think he stares when a good looking woman goes by? Of course he does. He's a man.

You place WAY too much importance on a mans look.

Best way to deal with it? Treat it unseriously, because it's not serious. Slap him in the arm, and say "Eyes front, soldier"

If you're going to walk away because you think there's a guy out there who won't do this, get thee to a nunnery.

[Anonymous]

First of all, if he's flirting with other women in front of you that's hugely disrespectful and you should dump the d-bag.
However, if he just looks.. All guys do that, they do it subconsciously. He's not meaning to hurt your feelings, and I'm sure he feels bad that he's upsetting you. They can't help it, and honestly sometimes i don't even think it's about arousal or that they actually get anything out of it. They just see something in passing, register what it is, then get distracted by thoughts of food or sports. That's why some of the girls he looks at won't be anywhere near as hot as you. Cause it's not about that, it's not about being turned on or anything like that. It's just a thing their brains do..
Reason number 45. of why it's better to be female:)

[Shmusername]

In my experience, I've done it and not even realized I was looking at someone. It has nothing to do with disrespect, and unless he already has a history of infidelity, don't worry about it. It sounds like he's legitimately happy to be with you, and if so, he isn't going to consciously screw that up.

[findingdreamland]

Well you should not be worried about in my opinion. He likes you, he finds you attractive this is why he is with you.

Still you get offended by his behavior and yet he continues. I don't what is his problem.

Lol Can you at least act as if you don't care? Later, you will not take that serious actually. This will become natural.

Seriously dumping someone just because of this is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend stops everything to stare at women on tv. They are usually half his age, fake looking and obviously sexualised.
My ex had more sophisticated taste than this to get his attention.
My boyfriend would be striking my arm and stop literally like a moth to a flame.
He does it but lies about it constantly.
I never thought in my late 30s I’d be dealing with this shit!
I’ve lost respect for him and think it’s unbalanced the relationship. He is getting something sexual / visually that I’m not. Without sounding like a 6 year old why shouldn’t I even things up?
Your boyfriend sounds awful, I couldn’t deal with that. How can he value you and be so desperate to cop an eyeful. And if that’s how he acts in front of you, what’s he doing behind your back?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

The real issue is your insecurity that him looking at a girl destroys your self esteem.

[jmmmfi]

If you've already brought it up to him and he still does it right in front of you the next time he does it just fuckin that's bullshit I wouldn't want my girl checking out other dudes right in front of me

[Anonymous]

Everyone looks at people other than their partner. Do you want them doing it in front of you or behind your back is the question.

[MattSX]

ha, ya said it all. agreed

[Tassos]

Because women are just so visually appealing nowadays it's just hard not to look.

[spoonbiscuit]

Because he thinks that they are hot

[Anonymous]

Drop the douche and date someone else