Why do I constantly attract controlling men?

[Anonymous]

I am 23 and in the past year I dated two men who were both in their mid 30s and controlling.

The last one was my boyfriend and I just broke it off with him.

The one who was my boyfriend... he was divorced, and it was recent. It seemed he had a lot of resentment and hard feelings about the divorce even though he denied it and said he's ready to move forward. He ended up acting very controlling and disrespectful in the end-even though at first he seemed sweet.

I like to think the reason he was a jerk is because he is not over his divorce and harbors a lot of emotional baggage-not that he was always an awful person.

But, either way... it freaks me out, hurts me, and scares me that I have dated several controlling and emotionally abusive men.

With my boyfriend I ran away from the situation fast-but I truly thought he was normal at first. It scares me that I've been in this situation multiple times.

Is there something wrong with me?

I have a sweet, easygoing nature and people always say I am comforting and nurturing and kind. However it's not like I pursued my boyfriend or let him walk all over me. When he was disrespectful I called him out and then he didn't change after a few weeks so I dumped him. I am sure he was shocked.

But it still makes me feel bad.

Help? Am I just better off dating younger men?

[Junlian]

in today's dating world, woman tend to date 2 types of men. Its been proven over and over all over the social media and in real life, that they either go with A, the nice guy who is consider weaker for giving her his world easily and treat her better than her family would, or B, a guy whos a jerk, mean, player, who'll use the woman for her body and as a side chick but because they saw this adventurous, club hopping, nice sweet side of him he was worth the risk. And thats reality. you can't and won't get both and if ladies now'a days want to dismiess the nice guys then fine. I know they are not the most romantically attractive guy to be with but but better then typing out what your BF did, and more drama. Im just saying. its proven and no stick with experienced guys. cause younger guys nice or not will not understand you for who you are.

[KuriousMe]

I'd argue that... a guy I was talking to for a while was pretty much a adventurous beta. Slept with anyone who gave him the opportunity, was club-hoping and traveling, yet had "gay" tendencies and couldn't make a decision for himself if it killed him.

[what_the_hell]

There’s gotta be an in between

[srslyly]

Without more facts, it is impossible to determine whether it is something about you. What sorts of controlling behavior did these men exhibit? Were they similar in what they did or did they use very different methods? Give specific examples.

[joymtimmons]

That is a good question. You need to stay away from controlling men because they are not relationship material like good men are. If they start to control you, leave him. I do not mess with controlling men because I hate controlling men. That is why I am very rigid on what man I date, marry and have children with. Try a younger man because that is what I decided to do, but make sure they treat you right, mature, established in careers, make good money, a good person, college educated and have their own place, good husband and a father of your children, which is what I am looking for in a man. If you are 23, date a guy who is no less than 21 years old. You need someone that does not change on you. If you see younger men, I do not think they will abusive as much as older men. I hope this helps and thank you so much. Joy.

[Asker]

my boyfriend started to get controlling so i left.

[joymtimmons]

I am glad you have the strength to do that because there are lots of females out there who stay and it is not healthy. Try good younger man who will treat you better. Unfortunately, I loss my female cousin because she was an abusive relationship and she never left, which is why I am very rigid about what man I am with. Her boyfriend got a woman to kill her. I am still sad, but mad at her for not leaving that relationship. I Thank God and the Lord that you left him because you can do better than that. Trust me, it will come back of these abusive men. One day they will mess with the wrong woman. Abusive men do not need to be in a relationship because they are not mature enough to handle a relationship. It may be a tough decision to make, but you have to do what is best for you. Never stay in an abusive relationship with any man, leave the first time before it is too late. I wish you the best and good luck with everything. I hope your new man will treat you better. Thank you so much. Joy

[IHateBeingaMan]

because you love dominant men, deal with it