She loves me but has a boyfriend? Extremely Complex Situation!

[Anonymous]

I was hoping for help with my current situation.

I've known this girl for a little more than 1/2 a year--at first we'd meet just to do schoolwork together, but over the past few months, we've spent more and more time together. We've gone out to dinner together, spent time talking and watching TV together, and I can tell that she is very happy and comfortable around me.

I found out (from her) that she'd been in a relationship with the same guy for 2+ years, but they "broke up" over the summer. About a month ago, I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I feel about her and then asked her how she felt about me. She responded by saying that she does like me, but even though she broke up with her boyfriend over the summer, they are still together, so it would be unfair to start something we me, so we should just stay friends.

Recently, I've been noticing that her boyfriend makes it a point to show up just to kiss her/touch her affectionately when me and her are together--something that didn't happen a few weeks ago.

Yesterday, I gave her a love poem I've been holding onto for a while (how cliche, right), and when I saw her today she said to me "what I wrote was the sweetest thing anyone has ever given her, and she'll keep it forever." I asked her if she felt the same way about me as I do about her, and she said "obviously I do, but let's just stay friends". In spite of this, it seems like we're just moving closer: now she'll hug me goodbye whenever we split up for the day/night, recently she's always been available when I ask if she wants to meet up and she's asked me to walk with her to and from different places on campus when a few weeks ago it was me asking if I could walk with her.

Even though she's never referred to this other guy to me as "her boyfriend" from what I see it seems pretty obvious that the reason we are "just friends" is because he's still in her life. But how can she say she loves me like I love her, but that she wants to remain only as friends? And even though we are "just friends" I seem to be a constant presence in her life--we talk on the phone/text/see each other almost (if not every) day.

How do I handle this situation, as I am pretty confused at the moment. Does she really love me the way I love her, or did she say that so as to not hurt me? And if she does love me (as she said) then why is the other guy still in the picture?

Also, looking toward the future, do you think there is a possibility that we will ever be more than friends? Logic tells me that they've been together too long to break up, but my gut feeling is that even though she wants to stay as friends, she really does like me as more than that.

[authentic]

"Does she really love me the way I love her, "

No.

She made it clear, she JUST wanted to be friends (i.e. someone to talk to) with you.

Your happiness is YOUR responsibility, not her's.

Suggestion: Distance yourself ASAP, swim back ashore, i.e. away from the deep waters. What you want isn't what she wants.

Until she can get over her ex-boyfriend 100%, steer clear of the deep waters. This is the case of "you are your biggest enemy". Any weakening on your will's part ensures your getting hurt.

[ALWAYSclassy]

If she loves you why is she still dating him? She can't leave her boyfriend? It sounds like she enjoys having her boyfriend and she wants to have you as her friend and I'm sure she likes the affectionate attention and knows you like her. She can't have her cake and eat it too. Either she breaks up with her boyfriend or you should just move on. Don't try to come between the relationship, if it was that bad then she should be the one to end it.