Boyfriend told his friends I was a virgin and said it was a turnoff?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend was my first, when I told him about it he got quite nervous and went limp so we ended up talking about it instead. Then a week later we did it, afterwards he said he was honoured to be my first and that he really liked it because it felt like it meant so much more. A few weeks after he told me he still couldn't believe I hadn't had sex before because of how I look and that I apparently was good at it and etc. I asked him if he had told anyone of his friends that I had been a virgin before him and he said no because he didn't feel like it was anyone else's business.

Now, nearly two years later he let it slip that he had told several of his friends. Eight of them to be precise. It bugs me big time that he lied and then went around and told that many of his friends. He actually discussed it with one of them who said he thinks it's a turnoff when a girl is a virgin. You know what my boyfriend answered?
"Haha, yeah! When A and I were about to have sex for the first time and she told me that she was a virgin it quickly went from hard to limp haha!"

I'm really hurt about this because I feel like it was all a lie, he obviously has lied to me several times. I feel like he doesn't respect me and that I'm a turnoff to him as well.

Any thoughts on this? I'm in need of some advice.

[SinghSong]

He was clearly just insecure about his own inability to perform, and about how he crumbled under the pressure as soon as he found out that it was your first time (as well as his?), so he tried to make out that it wasn't his fault, and seized upon his friend's personal turnoff to claim that that what was why he'd had that erectile dysfunction episode the first time you tried to have sex. It's pretty clear from what he said after you actually did it that, even though he clearly lied, you clearly weren't a turn-off to him- quite the opposite. If you were, then he wouldn't have gone around to all of those friends bragging about how good you were, would he? So no, you're not a turn-off to him, and virginity most certainly isn't a turn-off to most men. But yes, he didn't respect you. Does that mean he doesn't respect you? It's been 2 years since then, after all, and you're still in a relationship with him- that's a pretty long time. And he's now told you that he did- did he let all of that slip accidentally, or did he open up and give you all of the details of who he'd told voluntarily when you asked him?

[Asker]

I don't think he bragged about me being good, I understood it as more gossip-y like "you know, A was a virgin before me".
He accidentally let it slip that he discussed it with the one who thought it was a turnoff. I then asked him what he answered and he then told me. He acted like it was the no big deal that he discussed that kind of personal stuff in a degrading way, and that makes me even more annoyed.
It's not the first time he's done something like this. He once facetimed his friend when we cuddled but I didn't want to be in it, he then went along and told his friend "I just fucked her" his friend then said "I would expect nothing less".. 😒

[SinghSong]

Oh. Well then, I'd say it's pretty clear that he doesn't respect you, and that you can do better. But on the plus side, it's also clear that you're not a turn-off to him, and you can be confident that you do turn him on and that you are sexy.

[Spiorad_Aisce]

Sounds like a bit of immaturity to me - Talking to others about your sex life in a derogatory way about the girl is not nice - Him going limp was probably a reaction to being your first was probably the extra pressure of making sure to be gentle and helping you etc, more likely a sign of his inexperience - Maybe he was putting his version of events out in case the story of him going limp got out - All round he behaved very badly.
To your question, to nearly all guys virginity will not be a turnoff - It is just a thing if we learn about it, we take extra care.

[Popo21]

Screw him
You're sacred and rare
You're a gem
Save your virginity for someone special bc everyone wants it
Leave him

[Asker]

Maybe I wasn't clear but I lost my virginity to him 2 years ago, we're still together. I just found out that he lied to me. He's not only discussing it with eight of his friends, he practically told one of them it was a turnoff when I told him I was a virgin.

[Popo21]

Lol that's mean! He's basically talking shit

[selmo93]

I'm not surprised. It's private. Also saying it's a turn off is disrespectful to you

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend seems a bit immature
Maybe his friends are jealous because he has the opportunity to have sex with a virgin (trust me it's kind of cool to open a girl for the first time)😊
And maybe he said all that just laughing and kidding with his friends nothing serious
Just don't make a big deal out of it