She says i'm not 'protective enough' WTF?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend wanted me to come to this party one of her friends was having last Friday. This guy approached my girlfriend and started hitting on her. I just laughed it off and told him to do his thing while he tried to pick her up. And my girlfriend got pissed off, she ignored him and walked off and then she ignored me as well.

Next day she tells me that I'm not protective enough, she didn't give a reason but I know it was because of that. What BS, isn't it one of the most annoying things in a relationship to have an overly protective, jealous partner? I'm not going to do that. If her life is in danger, hell yes I'll get involved, but she could handle guys hitting on her by herself when she was single, I don't see why she can't do it now.

[super147]

Sometimes you can't win basically. If you get jealous about her guy friends she probably tells you to not be such a jerk. Then you don't step in when someone hits on her and apparently it shows that you're not protective enough.

Just tell her that you are absolutely protective of her and was keeping an eye on the situation. However, you trust her entirely and you trust in her ability to be faithful and to deal with guys that try it on with her. You can't be around her 24/7 so you have to be able to trust her with that, and you do. Tell her that if things had got out of hand you would have stepped in, but you didn't want to embarrass her or make her feel like you didn't think she could handle it.

If she still decides to be moody then tell her to grow up.

[Asker]

Those are my exact feelings about the whole thing. Thanks for the advice man, really appreciate it. We've been a little distant this week, mainly because I thought she was overreacting, but I'll try and talk to her and explain myself.

[FakeName123]

"isn't it one of the most annoying things in a relationship to have an overly protective, jealous partner?"

You go from one extreme to the other though. You go from "overly protective, jealous" to "I don't care if someone hits on my girl". A middle ground is desirable.

[lumos]

Both ends of the spectrum are annoying.
It's annoying to have a boyfriend who acts like a rabid dog if another guy even so much as looks at you. But it's also annoying to have a boyfriend who basically ENCOURAGES other guys to hit on his girlfriend.
You don't have to act all jealous and possessive. But neither do you really have to laugh it off and encourage guys to hit on your girlfriend. Even going over to her and giving her a kiss on the cheek would have probably been enough. And in my opinion that's not acting jealous or possessive.

[ninetynine]

Yeah, she could have easily just introduced you as her boyfriend to the guy. Not a big deal.

But then again, your reaction ("I just laughed it off and told him to do his thing") seems kinda strange... Did you actually tell him that? Why would you laugh?

In that situation, I think it would have been appropriate to stand close to your girlfriend, maybe put your arm around her, and watch the guy, and he would probably get the hint.

[Asker]

I knew he would never get anywhere with her so I thought it was funny to see him try and fail, which he deserved given he knew we were together. I'd rather see the humor in the situation rather than get all heated about it. Now I think about it I guess she may have felt like she wasn't important to me, which isn't true at all, I really care about her. It's just I trust her and feel she's capable of dealing with these things without me getting involved too I guess.

[Pepperjackcheese]

Maybe she's not used to someone handling the situation that way. I think in her eyes, it seems like u don't really want her or care about her because u didn't tell the guy to back off. Which to her, might signal that u don't care if she were to run off with him. Women are complicated.. sometimes we read too deeply into things that aren't actually there. If u care for her, just explain urself and apologize i guess

[Asker]

That's a good insight, I didn't really think too much into it. Thanks.

[Heythere2013]

If I happened to be in that situation, I would want my boyfriend to speak up, then again I would say I'm taken. When you laughed it off, you made it seem as though she isn't super important to you. Most girls and guys would def tell the person to back off of their boyfriend or girlfriend, at least I would in that situation.

[Asker]

Thanks, yeah.. I get what you're saying.

[scragbas]

I generally do the "sorry fella, she's taken" line if a guy is hitting on my lady. it gets the point across clearly without sounding aggressive. if the guy is a dick about it (which he probably won't be) then you can come across as more aggressive. your lady will probably like it.

[Maypai]

Maybe she just wanted you to tell the guy to take a hike. Or at least jokingly. I don't think it comes of as rabid or overly jealous if you tell a guy who's hitting on you girlfriend to cut it out. If you had said something, the end result most likely would have been him leaving her alone. Usually that's what boyfriend do when other guys are hitting on their girlfriend.

[snowangle]

I agree, I get a little annoyed when my boyfriend feels the need to chase guys off for me. But I've known girls who are a bit attention-seeking and enjoy watching their man get territorial over them.

Now, if the guy is persistent and not listening to my "no," then I'd hope my boyfriend would back me up. But as long as the other guy isn't harassing me, I can handle it myself.

[Izumiblu]

So he was hitting on her and you told him it was ok to keep doing it?

[Asker]

Yeah, haha, it does sound bad when you say it like that, but it wasn't like that.

[Izumiblu]

well honestly, like if it were me, id kind of expect you to say something, not that i can't handle it myself, but yeah that's kind of what i want from you. I dont know that id think of it as being protective per se, but if you just blew it off and was ok with it then yeah, id get mad. I might let it slide one time, the second time id be like wtf? All you have t do is say something like , hey she's with me, i dont expet you to beat anyone up or anything like that.

[Asker]

Thanks yeah, I see where you're coming from. I just thought it was funny at the time, I didn't really think it would make a girl mad. I'll have to talk to her and explain myself, lol.

[Izumiblu]

im really not sure how you explain that, im honestly confused by it myself, i mean if you werent close by and there was nothing you could do bout it, id appreciate you not being a jealous ass about it, but to be right there and seemingly encourage it... sounds kinda iffy

[Izumiblu]

and by the way, some girls will expect you to get worked up and jealous about it because they think it shows you care

[Asker]

I thought it was funny because he was wasting his time. I know she's loyal and she's not going to fall for some random guy. I can't get jealous or worked up about it though, I don't see how she could expect me to do that, it's just not me, I've very secure with myself and our relationship. Can you kind of see where I'm coming from?

[Izumiblu]

i guess, id just say that you dont wanna go down that path again, there are much better ways to show your trust that dont leave her hanging

[Asker]

Mm yeah, I see. Thanks again.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

She wanted you to stick up for her.
Maybe it's the whole "2 guys want me thing" or "He cares enough" thing I don't know but I know that I'd love it if my boyfriend got protective of me from someone hitting on me.

[selmo93]

Probably as she wanted the attention of you getting involved, being possessive as some girls like that

[Lyndsielee666]

I'd be annoyed also. Luckily my boyfriend says something to people that hit on me since its disrespectful as fuck

[AleDeEurope]

She sounds like she has issues... very insecure for sure.

[Anonymous]

I don't think she wants you to be an oaf, more to put your arm on her lower back and show other guys that this one is yours.

[TryingToWriteBooks]

Just get her a fake wedding ring :P haha

[Asker]

Haha, she'd kill me

[Anonymous]

Hopefully she's not one of those girls who expects you to start throwing punches.

[Anonymous]

attention seeker