How to get close to The Avoidant/Dismissive Attachment Style ?

[Anonymous]

For an anxious Attachment style I find it hard to keep up my current relationship with a partner that has the opposite Attachment style : Avoidant Dismissive.
He is usually least comfortable with high levels of intimacy and strongly values independence.
He is more hesitant when it comes to trusting and opening up in a relationship.
He has an innate need for independence.
I on the other hand am the opposite I value intimacy, open up and tend to trust others.
opposites do attract but I'm not sure how long I can keep this up.
I'm spending too much energy and time on this. It's stressing me out. and I'm not emotionally satisfied...
any advice
Thank you.

[btbc92]

Get out of there. There is a reason why he is avoidant. Your jusymt getting emotionally abused and people like that should NOT be dating until that is resolved. Yes, this is coming from somebody who also ended uo as Avoidant/Dismissive. Don't fall for the hype! It's not an attachment style of love. It's an attachment style of abuse depending on why they are like that in the first place! The reason why I ended up like this is because of the abuse I dealt with in my life from family, peers, bullying etc. And the so called guys in my childhood days who were ablut themselves. I became a celibate women afterwards besides for other reasons because of that. If he wants to keep this relationship then he needs to go get counseling and help. If he won't do it, move on! You will NEVER get your emotional needs met from somebody who can't or refuse to provide that. Please move on and find the strength to leave before it gets abusive.

[btbc92]

This is from emotional abuse from the past.

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice

[btbc92]

ask her you welcome and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. the point is not everybody who goes to that kind of situation is bad they don't always do it on purpose but they have to want to change and you have to show them that you're not the type of person that's going to hurt them. but if you can't do it and be responsible for it don't waste your time. you're not God you only human being and you're not perfect there's only so much you can do before you end up getting sick yourself. And your description are signs that it's time to leave. It will hurt, especially if it is proven he feels the same way and loves you as well. But it cannot be if he won't budge to try. Otherwise, if he knew he couldn't do it, why did he get involved with you? Ask him that. Because is a life changer.

[btbc92]

Asker*

[Asker]

I ask myself the same thing over and over again. If he can't why even bother... why stay. why even start. why not just leave.

[Anonymous]

Wow so you have your values and you should date a person who has similar values when it comes to a relationship. The body language he is giving you distance and avoidance your relationship won't last. You're settling you know what you want someone who is passionate so if they don't meet those requirements why waste your time? You should know if you want someone to have the same spiritual and emotional values as yourself. You can try but people don't change and you can hope one day he will be the things you want but subconsciously you know he won't. That's why you asked this question you stay and be unhappy or you figure out what you want and address them and if he can't give you that leave. STOP SETTLING

[Asker]

Yes... I guess I just didn't want to admit it.
Thank you