My boyfriend is going to leave me for accidentally injuring his best friend, unless I apologize when it wasn't my fault?

[Anonymous]

I have never liked my boyfriend's best friend, and lately we attended his boxing class together, where he was just getting in my face throughout. My boyfriend didn't stand up for me.
Well after the class, he jokingly challenged me to spar with him with which to his surprise I agreed. Now while I am not a avid sportsperson, the only fighting experience I had was when I took a female self defense elective in high school, with that stated, I wound up kneeing him where it hurts instinctively.
I had no idea that he would not be wearing any protective gear, nor did he establish that kicks were not allowed. We thought that he would be okay after a short rest as I barely touched him (it wasn't a hard hit at all btw) , but he was still throwing up and writhing after some time so we took him back home to sleep it off. He claimed his privates were still "in agony" by night, so we took him to a hospital where he was told he was going to lose one of his testicles because he waited too long to see a doctor, and he spent a week in bed with his legs in the air.
Now, he is insisting that I did it on purpose, and my boyfriend is backing him on it and has explained that unless I apologize to him, he will break up with me.
If anything, he should be apologizing to me for not standing up for me when his friend taunted and insulted me during the class! And it was a pure accident due to his personal negligence!
What should I do?

It is my fault and I should apologize.

He is being childish and it is not my fault.

[Anonymous]

What you did was really serious it's not as if you just hurt him there which you should also apologise for but to actually make him need surgery for it is really bad., what he done to you in the past doesn't excuse what you did, you had the choice to no longer be around him if you didn't want to be or felt uncomfortable around him. You should have apologised to him straight away not left it for your boyfriend to give you an ultimatum, you are putting you're boyfriend in a very tough position and making it easier for him to take his friends side by acting as childish as you are. As someone else mentioned about the medical bills, you are lucky that they aren't making you pay them and are only expecting you to apologise.
Do the right thing and apologise to him sincerely, and not just because your boyfriend will leave you if you don't, but because you actually done something that hurt him.

[RJGraveyTrain]

You're both in the wrong.

I mean, in general - if someone is sparring with you, you don't go for the nuts. That's a cheap shot and not what a real fight is about. However, the dude had no right to be a jack ass and rev you up, then ask you to fight without clarifying some ground rules. Also, your boyfriend should have said something, but you never know - he might have seen his friend's taunting as playful. So you two could've talked that one through.

You busted the dude's nut, and not in a good way, the decent HUMAN thing to do is to apologize because whether or not it was your fault or his, he has permanent damage from an injury you inflicted on him. Forget your boyfriend and think of your own decency.

Then I advise you either work shit out with your boyfriend or just dump him already.

[Asker]

It kind of is what a real fight would be about, the only difference is whether it is in a gym, or in a dark alley, right? I have told my boyfriend I didn't like his friend much, but he just ignores it and tries even harder to make us hang out. I guess it sucked for him to lose a ball, I heard from a friend that he won't be able to come properly because of it, but I just want some reassurance from my boyfriend before I apologise..

[Wonderer89]

You seriously injured someone. Whether it was on purpose or an accident doesn't matter - you hurt them.
All of your other problems are irrelevant in this case - if you had a problem with your boyfriends actions (which are crappy) you should deal with those with him. Not permanently maim his friend!

[Asker]

I mean, it was an accident. He left himself wide open, and I practiced what I had been taught. I did not imagine it would cost him one of his.. jewels. But if I apologize again, they will never see how my SO always does this to me!

[Wonderer89]

Then end the relationship. Take some responsibility for your life and your actions. YOU hurt someone; you take accountability and apologise. Just because it was an accident doesn't mean it has nothing to do with you. Apologising is the very least you can do.
You're asking your partner to be responsible for his actions towards you, yet refusing to do the same for a guy that you have permanently injured.
You can walk away from an asshole, he can't get his testicle back.

[Toad-1]

"Take some responsibility for your life and your actions"

Exactly! stop shifting the blame onto someone else and own up to it @Qa

[sharondub]

If you're sparring someone you shouldn't go for the nuts... I know you didn't intentionally mean to hurt him that bad, but he's still hurt... I think it's lame to apologize if you don't mean it and no one should force you to apologize. But if you feel bad wouldn't you just say you're sorry?

[Asker]

I didn't intentionally knee him there either, he was just charging me and my experience with a female self defense class kicked in and I raised my knee up sharply and the next thing I know, he is on the ground making faces. I do feel kinda bad, I heard from a friend that he won't be able to come properly and he will now have half as much hormones as before, sounds bad. But I just want some reassurance from my boyfriend before I apologise.

[GaBQjason]

conflicting story here. a boyfriend should have stood up and protect his girl friend even if it's his best friend initiating the insults. so there's fault on him there. for a 1v1 there's no set of ground rules or protective gear used to keep people from injuring others greatly? fault there by both parties. instinctively dealing a low blow to a male. this would be unfortunate since you have muscle memory of drills on you but you should also have warned the other party of it or if the boy friend knew of it he should have at least told the male to be careful. if a guy gets hurt in the balls and throws up with intense pain he should have went to the doctors to see the damage. also, damn girl you kicked a man in the gonads. in all honesty he reaped what he sowed for getting into a fight with someone that had self defense classes, even if he *busted a nut*

[Asker]

They both know that i have trained in how to protect myself from males, and he actually constantly picks on me for it, believing that none of my technique would work on a well trained guy like himself. Apprently it did not occur to him that he should have guarded his lower body until he went cross eyed..

[Levin]

It's slightly disturbing that you could seriously and permanently damage someone like that, and not appear to give a shit. As long as your ego doesn't get offended, eh?

Also, never agree to a spar when your ego is seriously in the way and you're unable to be in control of the situation. That's always a bad idea, and I'd always reject it. It's totally stupid to spar in that situation, because one person is always going to play by different rules. If there's antipathy, personal resentments, and a lack of trust for each other in that situation, then obviously, something is going to go wrong. It's not a joke or a game, there can be life changing consequences.

All of you seriously need to grow the fuck up and take accountability for your actions.

[BiPolyAlan]

You injured the guy, pretty bad by the sound of it. Of course it was an accident, but you can still apologize. You can be mad at your boyfriend for not sticking up for you, but his friend deserves at least an apology. No disagreement is worth someone's body parts.

[madhatters4]

how is it anyone's fault but your own that you injured him? perhaps he provoked you. perhaps he should've stated no kicks to the groin (but seriously you need to be told not to do that?), perhaps he should've been wearing protection but the fact is you injured him severely.

he may owe you an apology for instigating or antagonizing but there is no doubt that you injured him, its your fault and you should apologize for that

[RJGraveyTrain]

I'd have to agree - most people can assume kicking the groin isn't allowed, or at least isn't in good taste.

[Anonymous]

What kind of guy would challenge a girl to a fight like that? He was clearly picking on you. Good on you for showing him up, although it is unfortunate what happened with his junk. But as they say, he knew the risks and he chose to fight you. Your boyfriend is just angry because it is his friend. Plus, he might be feeling threatened by you now, maybe?

[Toad-1]

of course there's gotta be some girl to back her up, face it she was clearly in the wrong here, she has to own up to it

[Opinion Owner]

@Toad-1 i am being objective. Of course you are backing him up, you're a guy so you must know how he feels. And i know how she feels likewise, he took his chances challenging her, if he didn't want to get hurt in any way maybe contact sports isn't really for him.

[Toad-1]

you are not being objective at all, lol. You're just trying to shift the blame onto him.

THE GUY LOST A TESTICLE, does that not make you sympathize with him?

[Opinion Owner]

@Toad-1 Um I guess that sucks for him, but like I said, he put all his eggs in one basket, and he lost it. Him challenging QA to a fight, and being so overly aggressive he prompted her into kneeing him there, all point to him being a potential woman beater. I have had my experience with guys like that, and I only regret not having the training to do what QA did

[Toad-1]

you're very cruel then

[Opinion Owner]

@Toad-1 Unless QA changed some facts, and indeed did it on purpose, or if he is really a nice guy and she is the one being a b! tch here.

[Toad-1]

and all he's asking is for her to apologize for it anyways, like come on just do it. He's not asking her to pay his medical bills or something which i can see that happening if they were really really pissed at her

[Cruizer]

@Opinion Owner "if he didn't want to get hurt in any way maybe contact sports isn't really for him " you're a fucking moron.

[Asker]

I think that both of you are quite muddled up i did not openly say i was not remorseful for what happened to him but this is not a RIP testicle thread, and i am trying to find a solution for my problem. His ball is gone, but my relationship is still here

[Cruizer]

You're so self centered. you're a horrible person. smh.

[Asker]

@Cruizer This would not be his first transgression against me. Would it make a difference if I told you he nearly groped me while he was drunk many years ago?

[Cruizer]

"nearly" "drunk... many years ago" no difference what soever. we all do stupid shit when we're drunk. you've done irreversible damage.

[sharondub]

I have sparred with guys before, it's not that uncommon. I just think it's kind of weird how hell bent you are on not apologizing yet trying to save the relationship :/ I think it's fucked up he groped you at a party... it should've been dealt with at the time. Honestly, your boyfriend should've defended you in the beginning and it shouldn't have had to get to this point. But it did. And he was severely hurt. An apology isn't so bad?

[Cruizer]

He didn't grope her. He nearly did.

[Asker]

@sharondub @Cruizer I just want to be sure that everything will be addressed, and that he won't just sweep it under a rug once I apologize. And I do know how he feels, it must be horrible since now his junk probably won't function as well as before..

[midnightcavern01]

It may have been an accident but under the circumstances it does appear you went a little too far. of course unintentionally but if you wish to save your relationship I would apologise and perhaps make a truce with his best friend so you guys can at least be civil to keep your man happy.

[Asker]

I mean, he was not going easy on me and left himself wide open, so my instinct kicked in and well, I kicked him. I didn't have the slightest idea that he would suffer that much. I have to stand up for myself, neither of them admit that his taunting me and my SO not standing up for me was wrong.

[midnightcavern01]

wouldn't it be best to think about choosing your battles. your man is clearly on his friends team this time so its back to back off for now.

[voldiemartin]

Even though he was also at fault here, you did do something permanently bad to his body whether you intended it or not. Take responsibility for it. Apologize, help with the medical bills, whatever.

Your boyfriend didn't stand up for you when you were insulted. If this has happened a lot, then the relationship is not worth it. If breaking up with him is the right thing, do it.

[voldiemartin]

If you still think that you shouldn't be apologizing think about what would have happened if the roles were reversed. If you were a guy that hurt a girl's privates like that... a girl that u didn't particularly like...

[DreamPhilosopher]

Honestly, I think you should ditch the boyfriend and apologize. Coz you did hurt the guy. But you deserve better than having a guy who wouldn't stand up for you. I mean what'll happen when you accidentally perhaps crash into a police unit and you're stuck with this guy who won't even stand up for you and protect you against his friend whose cruel to you?

[Anonymous]

You are self centred and disgusting. You just reduced a man's chances to breed by half and all you care about are your feelings? Screw your feelings, do you even understand how painful and embarrassing it is for him to get struck so hard in such a sensitive area, by a girl, that he requires a trip to the hospital? You can bet on it it'll take a long while for him to regain his self esteem.

[Asker]

You're just another one of those guys. You have no idea how devastating it feels to be heckled by guys like this all the time, and this wasn't his first transgression against me.

[Opinion Owner]

How it feels? Sure he deserves to be put in his place, but you practically castrated the poor man. Can you imagine how he and his future wife will have to cope with this?

[Asker]

You're exaggerating..

[Toad-1]

Umm no he's not exaggerating @qa it's so baffling how you can't get over your own ego to see how you basically crippled a man forever

[Asker]

@Toad-1 I didn't break up with my boyfriend in the end. We all still hang out, and he has forgiven me. Its my turn to tease him now, and I sometimes make fun of his half sack. He takes it all in good humour, and is always joking about how he should never piss me off again. All is well, except his new girlfriend hates my guts after I accidentally confessed to her that he lost a testicle because of me.

[Cruizer]

you've permanently damaged his body. leaving him with a serious problem. you would have forgotten about this bullying in a couple of months. he has to live with what you did for his entire life. I don't think you understand this.

[Asker]

I know, and remorseful as i am, i do not think i can compromise again and let my boyfriend put me down. His nut is gone forever, and i am trying to solve my problem with my boyfriend now which can still be saved

[Asker]

and it's not like i castrated him, he still has his stuff alright now. IT WAS A ACCIDENT

[Cruizer]

Nah. It was your festering anger that wanted to hurt him. You're so blind to your actions to the point of being apathetic. You need to take responsibility for your actions. Put your pride aside.

[Levin]

Was an accident? But your subconscious intent, fear, resentment and anger spoke. I agree with this answer.

I don't think you understand the significance of this. The guy is likely to be sexually traumatised for life, his sense of self and masculinity effected, and I'm guessing losing a testicle can't be good for one's health, given its relationship to male sex hormones.. I'm guessing you're be pretty pissed if you lost an ovary?

Not trying to make you feel bad. I just don't think you're apologetic at all.

The relationship seems a triviality in relation to that, and indeed, a selfish concern.

[Iraqveteran666]

You kicked him in the balls. Your boyfriend is right

[fueledbythc]

Biggest problem is you. You are bad so apologize and get the fuck out of their lives. Stay far away from men until you stop being so god damn selfish.

[jacquesvol]

Just apologizing may not be enough, for the loss of a testicle.

[Thisperson98]

In martial arts, you never kick a partner in the balls. If you accidentally do it, you should apologize.

[Anonymous]

Wtf,, your boyfriend should be the one breaking up with you.

[fauchelevent]

I think that you should apologise for that.

[Asker]

Would it make a difference if this was not his first transgression against me? What if I told you he once groped me at a party years ago while he was drunk.

[fauchelevent]

Irrelevant. You can't use that to score points against him now, if you had a problem with that you should have fronted it out at the time. Him being a twat isn't an excuse for you to do the same thing.

[Asker]

I did not knee him in his special place on purpose, I was acting on muscle memory as I had been trained, and he was aware of my training. Also, I have had experience with being physically abused by a male in the past, and my determination to not have history repeat itself and a strong knee jerk reflex resulted in what happened to him. It was not intentional, and I had been in fact holding back, which surprised me even more in the repercussions on his well being

[fauchelevent]

That's all kinda bullshit. If you step on someone's foot accidentally, you apologise. If you bump into someone accidentally, you apologise. If you ever hurt or do something bad to someone, you apologise that's just how it is. The only reason you haven't apologised to this person is because you already had a poor opinion of him. That shouldn't matter. You fucked up and you hurt someone, it's up to you to say sorry.

[Anonymous]

You're a sadist and he should leave you.