I have been sleeping with a married man and fell in love with him. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

please, spare me any judgmental comments. I know what I did was wrong and I am completely aware of it.

I was 17, freshman and stupid and he was my psychoanalysis teacher. Like most of the girls, I had crazy fantasies about him. He was in his late thirties and was very sexy and funny and not boring at all and all university students adored him. He was very communicative and always listening and offered help to all of us. I had just moved from morocco to the usa for studies and I really felt lost back then. We chatted sometimes and he was curious about my origins and culture etc. That was all at the beginning. We had coffe twice then a drink one night and he told me he was very appealed by my exotic features and how genuinely I talked and how outgoing and open minded I was. He told me that if he hadn't been married, he would have wanted me to be his.

I was very flattered by his words, of course the fact that he was married shook me. But I had a big crush on him and his tipsy words really pleased me.

we kept hanging out (not just me and him, he hangs out with many of his students) like nothing happened, until this one day when he drove me home after school and I invited him in. We had a moment and I couldn't fight it, I really tried but couldn't fight the temptation. We had sex and it was my very first time. It happened so many times again later until it became frequent. Now he spends more time with me than with his wife, more nights with me than with her.

I fell in love with him in the process, I couldn't help myself. I really love him. I know he is married but I want him to be mine so bad. Whenever he goes to her I just cry the whole night although I knew it from the beginning and still chose it. I want him to stay with me, and I want to take care of him because she doesn't.

I really don't know what to do, please help me

Updates

+1 y

Well, thanks to everyone who tried to actually give me useful advice, you were so many to reply I couldn't thank each one of you individually.
Just to make one thing clear, I am almost 21 right now. I talked in the past tense, of how we met.
As most of you advised, I decided to just leave him but I had to talk to his wife before I felt like she deserves to know the truth.
I knocked on her door and her shocked face as she opened made me feel that she recognized me

Updates

+1 y

I still introduced myself and told her we had to talk about something really important that's been bothering me. She immediately understood and said "there's nothing new we can talk about. Do you think I don't know who you are?"
I felt very embarrassed and couldn't add anything but lots of apologies and promises of never seeing him again. Then she said that I have nothing to be sorry for, that she knew and was fine with me being with him for last couple years for reasons that

[Anonymous]

im gonna give you honest advice since i was with a married man, it never ends well and this is leading no where trust me, mine also said he loved me etc but the truth is your the side piece and he wants his cake both ways, the harsh truth is no matter how happy you make him or how he tells you how horrible his wife is he will never ever leave her, there is too much to lose with his wife and he is just using you, your just his bit of fun untill he goes home and sleeps next to her and likely bangs her aswell, think about it clearly this guy is playing his wife so he can play you too, and is likely sleeping and kissing her too, a married man does not belong to you the harsh truth is he will always belong to his wife who he made vows too, imagine how this poor woman must be feeling, imagine if you were married and your husband did this, and the wort of all is Karma comes trust me you will suffer for wrecking a marriage and have bad relationships after, this is leading no where, tell him to be with his wife and find yourself a single guy who appreciates you and only wants you, married guys are bad news, and the truth is even if he is gonna leave her it won't last between you and him because he will cheat on you as he did on her till he gets tired of you, i went through this and i didn't wanna listen to ppls advice and learnt the hard way, every one was right and i wish i would have listen to people who warned me, i left him and told him he must works things out with his wife because he is married to her so should be devoted to her, there is no question about this you must leave him there is no option, and his wife also needs to know the truth of what an asshole he is, its only the sex that is keeping you two coming back to each other trust me nothing else, it will never works this is the devils ways , you sshould respect they marriage and move on, hope you make the right choice

[abundantlyrich]

I wonder how many other girls did he say these sort of 'flattering' stuff before he met you?

First he's a teacher, he's supposed to have followed a code of ethics stated on his contract that in no way says he should cross that boundary between a teacher and student. It's a violation of a student's trust and emotional well being!

Second, he's married. I feel sorry for his wife. What's the point of getting married and saying vows to remain monagamous to the woman, he has promised to stay loyal and truthful to?

Do you see how clouded your judgement is about him? He has a seductive and manipulative charm that have you spellbound. I am very sure, you are not the first girl to totally infatuated about him.

This whole relationship between you and him is based on lies, deception and pure carnal emotions.

I wouldn't be surprised if he has manipulated other girls into secret trysts at the same time.

You asked what to do? Drop him stone cold and cut off all contact from him. He is not healthy for you in all levels. This is some sick dark twisted porn inspired fantasy of his, you are fulfilling for him. There's really no gain in the long run for you there. You will have a hell lot more to lose than him if this affair blows up in your faces.

[Livinglogical]

Wake up honey, he is a teacher and is supposed to be in a position of trust, he abused it by well, abusing you. He even let you drink alcohol around him (probably to make you feel mature and like he see's you as a mature women... when technically, you aren't). ANNNNNNND he has a wife. The guy is one sick puppy. None of this is your fault. But you need to report this to the school and possibly even... the authorities asap. You might not see it now, but the truth is he has taken advantage of you. 10 years from now you will be disgusted by him.

Everything else aside - his poor wife!

You are still young, but now is the time for you to be mature about things and draw a line under this. How can you even be sure he is not sleeping with other girls? Perhaps even younger than yourself. Get some support, tell a parent or better still, a guidance councelor and they will know how to proceed. Good luck. And please, wake up and smell the creepy science teacher for what he is! A predatory creep.

[Paris13]

It's hard to be with Someone, hun, who is Plain and Simple... Taken.
many times, down the Fine Lines, he will Never leave his Wife and Kids, no matter what he May Say to you.
You need to be Strong Here, dear, and Remember that our Heart from the Start, is Fragile, and the Mind Many times can just snap, where you Might even Retaliate to be Mean, in Between, and End up Turning him in for Statutory Rape, Plus being this Professional from the Past and maybe Then... Your heart will be Able to go on, after the Damage is Done.
Other than that, Focus on You, Stay Clear, dear, and Socialize More outside the Door, by keeping your Mind Busy.
Good Luck. xx

[Paris13]

Thank you, Gag, for the Vote of Confidence in this sticky situation at Hand with this man. xx

[martyfellow]

A lot of psychologists/psychoanalysts have affairs with their much younger patients. It's very exploitative, taking advantage of your being lonely, and impressed with his status, and of course he has studied for YEARS how to manipulate people. That's what psychoanalysts DO, use words and tactics to get close to people emotionally, to help them.

OF course having affairs with vulnerable young girls is not going to help them. Now you will always have a crush on him, most likely. It will of course compromise your later life; not every guy you meet is going to be sympathetic to your story, and figure you'll run off with the next older guy you meet.

His wife is used to it, he does it repeatedly, that's why she wasn't upset.

[ravedave]

Get the fuck out of the relationship and move on. You've got no empathy if you don't feel remotely bad about what you're doing. Imagine if you were married and your husband was cheating on you. Both you, and this dude are pieces of shit.

[ThatDudeWitt]

He is never going to leave her but he will drag you along as long as you allow him. This guy will never break it off for you unless you become crazy and start to make him think you're going to tell on him or cause his wife to find out. I know it will be hard and you're going to have a broken heart, but that's the choice you made the day you started sleeping with a man that cheats on his wife. Even if he did leave her, he is not worthy of your heart or time because he is a liar and he cares about himself more than others. Walk away now. The more your prolong it, the worse it will be. Because the moment you compromise his marriage or start to show signs or crazy, he will treat you like shit and tell you to leave him alone. That will hurt even worse.

[AaronTupaz]

Well first I'm not gonna judge you. But just being realistic, there's no way you're gonna get him to leave his wife for you, at least not until you're no longer a student of his and you two would have to lie on when you two met. There's also the harsh stigma of getting divorce, especially for men. Now one could argue that they should get divorced already cuz he's been cheating on her with you, so if you can live with yourself, you can always provide evidence that you two are sleeping together and get the wife to find out. But there is no guarantee he will be with you if you break them up

[Miyuki28]

I know it's hard for you. But as far as I know these situations never end up well.
I once read a question like this on some forum, and everyone who experienced this said that the man even promised then they would divorce, but it always just kept going that way and nothing changed. Eventually women ended up even more broken in the end.

Can I advise you to watch an anime (even if you haven't before or you usually don't like them) that may help you? It's called Nana. You won't regret watching it and it will help you. I promise.

[mi2precious]

options
1. marry him (if u can be sure that when u grow old he will not start fu**** a new student) (decide now otherwise he will keep using u and u both will never have a real family life ) and when he dies get rich with his money and then may be marry someone else.
2. Seems he made relationship with u when u were underage. consult a new therapist preferably a woman and report his misconduct anf get him kicked out of the uni/school u will find a lot whose life he has already ruined, go meet them and listened to what they have to say and dont ruin his wife's life.

At the end of the day all that matters is this; will u be satisfied when u will be old and the hormonal rush fades away and u will see what actual reality is? do what makes u satisfy in the long run.

[FakeName123]

1. It's been quite a whileand he hasn't left his wife. Aka he is a cheater and he will not leave her.

2. Do you really want to have a future with someone who cheats? He cheated on his wife. He would cheat on you.

3. You are just young pussy to him.

[Anonymous]

If you already know that it's wrong then you know exactly what you should do. It's been going on way too long and you already know that he is not going to leave his wife for you. I think you made a mistake telling his wife. I know she deserves and had every right to know, but now you have made her share your suffering with you. It's almost like you did it in hopes he would indeed leave her for you. Which you know he won't do. I wish you the best, but I really feel sorry you got tricked like this. He is a sharmoota. You lost your virginity to someone you knew would never be with you. You were used for sex. As bad as Moroccan men are, I'm surprised that you didn't know better.

[madhatters4]

you have to turn your attention elsewhere. this will be a situation where you end up hurt. he most likely will not leave his wife and you shouldn't be involved with a married person (think of how you would feel if your boyfriend or husband was doing the same)

[Hiphopcountrygirl]

What you did was really wrong you might want him badly but he is married anyway tell him how you feel and tell him you can't do this not only that if his wife knew trust is gone and there will not be a positive thing about this honestly stop seeing him I hate to say that but what if it was you and your husband cheated on you how would you feel what ever you feel it is how his wife feels

[Akash72]

please please get over it
You ruining so many lives right now
1. Yourself
2. The wife
3. The guy
4. If he have kids

Try placing urself as wife whose husband cheats here with much younger girl

Would want it for urself
then how could u do it to others

There is still time for stopping it
Move on u have so much of life ahead

[Anonymous]

I think you already know what to do, but it is difficult because there are feelings involved.

You said yourself that you think what you're doing is wrong, so already you're not happy with yourself. At your age, I think it is important for you to figure out what kind of person you would like to be. Do you think you could live with yourself if you allow this to continue? Do you really want to live like this, to have something to hide? Don't you feel bad for this man's wife (it could turn into an even uglier situation for yourself when his wife finds out)? Think about how you would like to be treated and how this man's wife should be treated by him. Do you really want to be used by another person? Don't you think genuine love, respect and commitment is what you really want?

I think it is best to leave this person as soon as possible before you hurt yourself and others even more.

[Opinion Owner]

Listen to a song by Taylor Swift called "Fifteen", it might help you.

"'cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen
Feeling like there nothing to figure out
Well count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know who you're gonna be
... But I didn't know it at fifteen

When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now
Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine

And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy
Who changed his mind and we both cried

'cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found that time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen"

[BeautifulPromisesx]

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[septemberangel118]

You can't ask him to leave his wife. That's not fair to her, especially if she doesn't know he is sleeping around on her and even if she does know, it would be very distasteful to ask him to leave her for you.

[girlinthisworld]

He is never going to leave his wife. That's going to be tough to get over. You're just his bit on the side that he's going to string along for as long as he can. Start being a decent person and end it now. His poor wife.

[Anonymous]

he broke your hymen and someday he'll break your heart too. good luck. by the way I remember someone who was been cheated on and I clearly remember her face till this day after she found out about it. and the way I felt for her sorry situation. don't make other women go through it.

[3timesaday]

Why do people think it's cool too hook up with a person who is with someone. You are both shitty for doing this tell him to end his other relationship first. Or tell his wife he's cheating

[bente2]

Tell him you can't go on like this. He's the one to make the decision here. Ultimatum: leave her or don't.

[hsg14002]

If i were you, I would stay away. Everything between you two is in secret for now, but this could really blow up and get ugly if his wife ever finds out or if someone else finds out.

[Midget_Hug]

Without reading the whole thing:

1. Wife probably knows.

2. You'll have to leave him but not really for the reasons you think you do.

3. He is cheating on both you and her with others.

Good luck.

[f1-caker]

I don't know your young and easily lead. if you think this the right move for both of you do it. he should know better though.

[ShaShank_Sissy]

are you 18 now? by the way i think u are goign to suffer in later part of your life... But I hope everything goes well... n this ends in a good way...