Is mutual attraction just wishful thinking?

Question

You always see it in movies, tv shows or read it in books. Two people (mostly male and female) are instantly attracted to each other in the same way. However that seems to be more of a fantasy that people wish were true. In real life, it's mostly the man who is attracted to the woman at first because of her looks and then later on perhaps the woman will become "attracted" to him but not in the same way he is attracted to her because the man is attracted to her physical beauty at first while the woman is mostly drawn to him for his non physical attributes.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Pretty much. Let me break it down how things work.

1. Women see 80% of men below average in looks. What this means is that for most men, women find you physically attractive as they would find grass.

http://imgur.com/2MstAzl

2. Women care about 3 things mostly from men: Looks (Height and face), money, and social status.

To expand on 2. Consider the man a HS student applying for a college and the woman is the college. The woman has an entrance exam which are 3 papers (looks, money and status) that will be evaluated and a score given to see if you can get with her. For some women looks weigh more of the 3 test, for others money/status. If you pass the minimum requirement, you have a chance. If you don;t then you get friendzone or written off within the first 30 seconds.

In addition, women priorities change as they get older and money gradual becomes more important to them than looks. This is why a lot of average guys can snag up an ex-cheerleader or girl who was once super hot in her early 20's in their 30's.
assets.nydailynews.com/.../divorce5n-1-web.jpg

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[Ex. -Woman above is an Ex-NFL cheerleader who married a dad bod guy who is a lawyer]

3. Women have different criteria for ONS/relationship. Above I explained women weigh these 3 categories in determining if they want to associate with you. Well this applies for relationship and their standards and what they hold important will be completely different for ONS. For ONS, the guys who they find ACTUALLY physically attracted to (meaning don't need to take this girl out on X dates before having sex), they usually place more emphasis, and somewhat status (bragging rights to friends) and less so on money.

i.ytimg.com/vi/XW7BCop9fnU/maxresdefault.jpg

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/1h5qPiDvTF4/hqdefault.jpg

[Tinder studies from 2015, shows that most of the men who get laid on there are tall, muscular and confident.]

4. Dating game is basically prostitution disguised as romance. Think about it. You as a guy must plan, pay and entertain a girl until she deems you good enough for a date. Sure a girl may throw in some cash (for small stuff like coffee) here and there but for the most part you the man are paying out until girl deems you good enough to sleep with you. And the sucky thing is their is no guarantee. A women at any time can ghost you, or just dump you after spending down your money; few years back a girl used men for meals.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

The girl I am dating now. . . we both felt an attraction at our first meeting.

saltwater84 · Accepted Answer

I dont know about this.
when we met , honestly time really has fuckin stopped. we locked eyes in the crowd , even it was embarrassing because i was with a date. we were drawn into each other , he walk to me , asked my contact, followed me around.
then we saw again each other randomly a week later at a diner party. we were both very much attracted but nothing happenned for like 2 months, he pursued me. i thought i was only interested in sex with him , and both thought, but we had a very strong connection beyond that , finally when we started to have sex he had already emotionnaly connected with me and me too. which i think was quite scary for him, cause he avoid emotional connection with woman. but because we became close before sex happened , something else grew.
and now we are both scared and not talking.

iuoala · Accepted Answer

I don't think that's true. Many women get physically attracted to men in the beginning too. It is not exclusively a man thing. Also, I think that Physical attraction is not only linked to one's features. When I firsr spotted my boyfriend and right before he approached me, I was instantly attracted to him. Not just because he was hot but because the way he carried himself and walked and laughed clearly displayed so much confidence and positive energy that I didn't need to get to know him to notice. So you can say that we both got instantly and mutually attracted to eachother

POTAYTOPOTAHTO · Accepted Answer

I don't see why you think it doesn't exist just because it may take longer for one person to get to that point than the other. So what if it's instantaneous or if it takes a month of getting to know that person? As long as they both end up on the same page and are both attracted to each other it sounds like a good ending to me.

coachTanthony · Answer

Mutual attraction is real.. instant attraction not so much. Women need a little more convincing then just the looks of a man. But once that hump is hurdled over then let the mutual attraction begin.

FireWaitingToCatch · Answer

It can happen, and when it comes to building a long-term relationship it's a nice perk to have going in. Then again, so is having the same work schedule & living in the same area.

Attraction can take multiple forms; every gal who said she was drawn to me said my sense of humor was part of it. When I was doing online dating gals started contacting me noticeably more often after I took a really attractive-looking selfie one day and made it my new profile pic. My wife told me it was a big reason she was initially interested in having that first date, and she's always found me really damn hot.

Meanwhile, I certainly enjoy my wife's appearance but she's actually not the specific type of person that has always caught my eye (that would be really androgynous women). She is also the second person I have ever fallen in love with; I fell for her based on who she was as a person, and wouldn't trade her for anyone in the world.

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

It's very rare, but it happens. Both have to have the looks, styling and body language that the other person likes and you both have to be in the right mood too. When it does happen you won't notice it half the time because so many women are painfully shy when it comes to these things and will go out of there way to mask their attraction.

Women aren't less visual than men and if you go to clubs or bars you'll notice it's just as common for the woman to be the first one to be attracted while the man is more like "meh, maybe if you make the first move". You'll see them stealing glances at you but you're not that impressed, at least that's my experience.

browneyedgirl88 · Answer

No, of course not every person you are attracted to will like you back, but I've had plenty of experiences where I've thought a guy was cute, just to find he thinks the same of me and we hit it off. I'm definitely immediately physically attracted to some guys, though females do tend to put preference on personality and other traits, that would be what kept me attracted to someone after initial attraction

ATuairiscean · Answer

I think it may happen - Two friends of mine say they experienced it - There is a weird back story, they both had done a first year in a smallish university in Ireland and had no recollection of ever seeing each other when they met in New York while both on a J1 visa in the summer and felt that it was love at first sight - 27 years and 3 kids later they are still together.

InfoBot · Answer

I agree with you that men will be the initial chaser in more cases than not, but mutual attraction can and does happen. I have direct experience and I've also seen it from an objective standpoint, when two people meet and they are pretty much together from moment one.

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

I instantly tried to get my man's attention when I first saw him because I thought he was hot. ... So am I a living fantasy or?

RealandGenuine1991 · Answer

it was the opposite for me, I met my now husband at a Wal-Mart store. he and i were customers there, started a random conversation about the groceries , I started liking him right away. you never know who you might meet ☺

madhatters4 · Answer

i think it definitely can occur in real life. i high school there was a girl i crushed soooo hard despite not having talked to her. one day she walked up to me and started chatting and said she liked me from the moment she saw me

WhereIsMyMind · Answer

Definitely possible, but I think even these relationships often don't work out because underneath they are different people and something between them clashes. Nothing to do with physical attractiveness.

Anastasiya00 · Answer

I think it happens very often. I've felt that myself with guys, but the problem here is to keep that attraction, cause either one of them gets over excited and screws things up, or gets possessive too fast

Anonymous · Answer

Almost all of my relationships were because of mutual attraction. It's also not just wishful thinking because I don't know how many times a woman who I am not attracted too at first starts flirting with me. And these women have nothing to go on besides my looks and how I carry myself.

Sara413 · Answer

For some People, it might be haha

But I can say from personal experience that mutual attraction is most certainly a thing... my current boyfriend and I were mutually attracted when we first met. As were pretty much everyone I have dated.

deraz24 · Answer

It happened with me once but I backed off bc of other factors but eventually went to each other

AlwaysBelieving · Answer

No I don't think it's wishful thinking. While I agree that some women are attracted to a man's intelligence first, I think it's a person by person basis. Yes, I want mutual attraction.

Z-Spark · Answer

I voted yes its just wishful thinking, why?
Cause every girl i liked and was interested in showed a lot of interest in me, and i showed interest in her and it was obvious we have a thing for each other, but usually she turned out taken and it didn't develop into anything, so its wishful thinking yes, cause we someone shows so much interest in you but is not willing to go any further then its fake.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Um well I mean it's not like super common but it does happen.

prozmay · Answer

Yeah women are pretty much demisexual, which is different to being straight.

IsenhowerJ · Answer

It's 100% real. Some may take longer to realize it than others, while others find it right off.
In the Civil War Era novel Gone withe Wind, It took Scarlett years to realize that she loved her husband and not the man she swooned over for years

WillT91 · Answer

About 100% of the time I had success with a woman, she showed me attraction from the start. It made it very easy to put the moves on her because I had no fear of rejection.

Astoriana · Answer

Most if not all of my relationships have begun with instant mutual attraction. Perhaps you're barking up the wrong trees, as it were, and pursuing women who would never find you attractive.

zxcded · Answer

I felt a connection with my crush right away, the first time I saw him and we talked. So it's possible. There is love at first sight! It's crazy to think that we like each other so much! :)

COCOCHANEL · Answer

it's rare.  i have always dated boys i find most attractive. it's up to them.

williamsa1997 · Answer

it actually takes 2 weeks on average to fall in love, so realistically you're looking at 3-4 weeks of seeing someone regularly

meatballs21 · Answer

Instant ridiculous attaction is extremely rare but is so awesome when it does happen, people want to capture that in the movies.

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

I thought my boyfriend was really cute, its the reason i asked him out.

Anonymous · Answer

Women may think a guy looks "good" like a flower but I doubt they feel the intensity of attraction men do?

Rjsurya846 · Answer

yes majority cases it will happen but they don't carry on because they mightbe already in a relationship

Anonymous · Answer

I guess for me, it's both personality and looks, but looks come second. I don't think mutual attraction is just wishful thinking because it happened to me before.

TheSpartan · Answer

It happens, but it takes a perfect storm of conditions for it to occur, kind of like a tornado.

Anonymous · Answer

It happens all the time but only to good looking males (top 20-15% of males) who dress decent at least. To the rest of 80-85% of males it's just wishful thinking

SarahsSummer · Answer

Mutual attraction happens.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it is for good looking people.

disgustingweebtrash · Answer

Yeah

thesunstillshines9 · Answer

I think it's possible

DapperDanTheMan · Answer

Yes. Romantic love is wishful thinking in itself.

Eternallylucky · Answer

Yes it's normal

Finni · Answer

I hope it isn't

Nahid1234 · Answer

I am not too sure

dogfish · Answer

um nope

justiceee · Answer

yes.

Is mutual attraction just wishful thinking?

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