Is mutual attraction just wishful thinking?

[ADFSDF1996]

You always see it in movies, tv shows or read it in books. Two people (mostly male and female) are instantly attracted to each other in the same way. However that seems to be more of a fantasy that people wish were true. In real life, it's mostly the man who is attracted to the woman at first because of her looks and then later on perhaps the woman will become "attracted" to him but not in the same way he is attracted to her because the man is attracted to her physical beauty at first while the woman is mostly drawn to him for his non physical attributes.

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

"men are visual creatures, some are not." This is why I'm not sure if mutual attraction is real unless that quote is false.

Updates

+1 y

*"Men are visual creatures women are not." There, I corrected the quote.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much. Let me break it down how things work.

1. Women see 80% of men below average in looks. What this means is that for most men, women find you physically attractive as they would find grass.

http://imgur.com/2MstAzl

2. Women care about 3 things mostly from men: Looks (Height and face), money, and social status.

To expand on 2. Consider the man a HS student applying for a college and the woman is the college. The woman has an entrance exam which are 3 papers (looks, money and status) that will be evaluated and a score given to see if you can get with her. For some women looks weigh more of the 3 test, for others money/status. If you pass the minimum requirement, you have a chance. If you don;t then you get friendzone or written off within the first 30 seconds.

In addition, women priorities change as they get older and money gradual becomes more important to them than looks. This is why a lot of average guys can snag up an ex-cheerleader or girl who was once super hot in her early 20's in their 30's.
assets.nydailynews.com/.../divorce5n-1-web.jpg

assets.nydailynews.com/.../molly-shattuck.jpg

[Ex. -Woman above is an Ex-NFL cheerleader who married a dad bod guy who is a lawyer]

3. Women have different criteria for ONS/relationship. Above I explained women weigh these 3 categories in determining if they want to associate with you. Well this applies for relationship and their standards and what they hold important will be completely different for ONS. For ONS, the guys who they find ACTUALLY physically attracted to (meaning don't need to take this girl out on X dates before having sex), they usually place more emphasis, and somewhat status (bragging rights to friends) and less so on money.

i.ytimg.com/vi/XW7BCop9fnU/maxresdefault.jpg

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/1h5qPiDvTF4/hqdefault.jpg

[Tinder studies from 2015, shows that most of the men who get laid on there are tall, muscular and confident.]

4. Dating game is basically prostitution disguised as romance. Think about it. You as a guy must plan, pay and entertain a girl until she deems you good enough for a date. Sure a girl may throw in some cash (for small stuff like coffee) here and there but for the most part you the man are paying out until girl deems you good enough to sleep with you. And the sucky thing is their is no guarantee. A women at any time can ghost you, or just dump you after spending down your money; few years back a girl used men for meals.

[Opinion Owner]

Just correction for 4.

"Dating game is basically prostitution disguised as romance. Think about it. You as a guy must plan, pay and entertain a girl until she deems you good enough for sex"

[OlderAndWiser]

The girl I am dating now. . . we both felt an attraction at our first meeting.

[ADFSDF1996]

Was it for the same reasons?

[OlderAndWiser]

The initial attraction was primarily physical but I have come to appreciate that she is a wonderfully nice, sweet lady, she has a good sense of humor and is fun to be with, she likes to be physically affectionate, and she wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her.

Stay tuned!

[saltwater84]

I dont know about this.
when we met , honestly time really has fuckin stopped. we locked eyes in the crowd , even it was embarrassing because i was with a date. we were drawn into each other , he walk to me , asked my contact, followed me around.
then we saw again each other randomly a week later at a diner party. we were both very much attracted but nothing happenned for like 2 months, he pursued me. i thought i was only interested in sex with him , and both thought, but we had a very strong connection beyond that , finally when we started to have sex he had already emotionnaly connected with me and me too. which i think was quite scary for him, cause he avoid emotional connection with woman. but because we became close before sex happened , something else grew.
and now we are both scared and not talking.

[ADFSDF1996]

So you didn't find him visually appealing?

[saltwater84]

I was answering to the point tat says girl are attracted by other means than physical at the beggining etc
me i was only and only attracted to him physically , (and treated him super casual for so long) until i realized 6 months later i was in love with him.
him was pysically attracted to me only too at begining , but same time goes by and he realized he was having feeling of attachement

[Billlewis]

Oh my goodness... we may, at long last finally gotten an answer to the question everyone's been debating for years -- who the luckiest guy in the world is, and I think this gentleman should receive strong consideration for that status.

[iuoala]

I don't think that's true. Many women get physically attracted to men in the beginning too. It is not exclusively a man thing. Also, I think that Physical attraction is not only linked to one's features. When I firsr spotted my boyfriend and right before he approached me, I was instantly attracted to him. Not just because he was hot but because the way he carried himself and walked and laughed clearly displayed so much confidence and positive energy that I didn't need to get to know him to notice. So you can say that we both got instantly and mutually attracted to eachother

[ADFSDF1996]

The truth is, I haven't even bothered to flirt yet. I see no point in dating her if she doesn't primarily find my physical features attractive.

[POTAYTOPOTAHTO]

I don't see why you think it doesn't exist just because it may take longer for one person to get to that point than the other. So what if it's instantaneous or if it takes a month of getting to know that person? As long as they both end up on the same page and are both attracted to each other it sounds like a good ending to me.

[ADFSDF1996]

Because most sources imply women at not visual when it comes to attraction.

[POTAYTOPOTAHTO]

Speaking for myself, I grow to that point. More than once in my life I've met a guy and not taken any special notice of his appearance but then as I get to know him and his personality, feelings and a crush develop and then I look at him and see the cutest frickin human being in the world. Sorry if it isn't immediate like you'd like, but you can't tell me I'm not visually attracted in these instances cuz I surely am.

[ADFSDF1996]

That's what not being visual means.

[POTAYTOPOTAHTO]

But this process gets us to the point of both being attracted to each other physically. That's what you think doesn't exist right? It does. It's just not always instantaneous.

[ADFSDF1996]

Men can instantly find a woman to be visually attractive. Yet women need to know the man’s personality before she begins to like his looks, this is why I don’t think mutual attraction is real. Men feel much more visual attraction towards women than vice versa.

[coachTanthony]

Mutual attraction is real.. instant attraction not so much. Women need a little more convincing then just the looks of a man. But once that hump is hurdled over then let the mutual attraction begin.

[ADFSDF1996]

So women don't like how men look?

[coachTanthony]

yes but not the same level or attraction as men perceive

[ADFSDF1996]

Women aren't visual? That means women don't look at handsome men in the same way men look at pretty women.

[coachTanthony]

That's correct any other questions?

[ADFSDF1996]

Nope that's it, Thanks. I guess that means women don't actually find men sexually appealing. That explains why women never check out shirtless guys at the beach.

[coachTanthony]

they are more sophisticated and enjoy humor and wit... unlike guys... we are Neanderthals

[ADFSDF1996]

I don't think we are "Neanderthals", even though that's what the far left wants us to think. We are just mentally designed to appreciate female physical beauty. I just wish women could appreciate the physical appearance of males.

[prozmay]

That shows women aren't heterosexual as they aren't sexually attracted to gender specific traits. And neanderthals? That's not a great description of the gender that built society, invented 90% of all important inventions and hold higher IQs at the top of the bell curve.

[Astoriana]

Every time a man says "women need a little convincing", what I actually hear him say is "I'm a rapist who doesn't understand the word no."

[coachTanthony]

Good Question by the way

[FireWaitingToCatch]

It can happen, and when it comes to building a long-term relationship it's a nice perk to have going in. Then again, so is having the same work schedule & living in the same area.

Attraction can take multiple forms; every gal who said she was drawn to me said my sense of humor was part of it. When I was doing online dating gals started contacting me noticeably more often after I took a really attractive-looking selfie one day and made it my new profile pic. My wife told me it was a big reason she was initially interested in having that first date, and she's always found me really damn hot.

Meanwhile, I certainly enjoy my wife's appearance but she's actually not the specific type of person that has always caught my eye (that would be really androgynous women). She is also the second person I have ever fallen in love with; I fell for her based on who she was as a person, and wouldn't trade her for anyone in the world.

[JohnDoe3000]

It's very rare, but it happens. Both have to have the looks, styling and body language that the other person likes and you both have to be in the right mood too. When it does happen you won't notice it half the time because so many women are painfully shy when it comes to these things and will go out of there way to mask their attraction.

Women aren't less visual than men and if you go to clubs or bars you'll notice it's just as common for the woman to be the first one to be attracted while the man is more like "meh, maybe if you make the first move". You'll see them stealing glances at you but you're not that impressed, at least that's my experience.

[browneyedgirl88]

No, of course not every person you are attracted to will like you back, but I've had plenty of experiences where I've thought a guy was cute, just to find he thinks the same of me and we hit it off. I'm definitely immediately physically attracted to some guys, though females do tend to put preference on personality and other traits, that would be what kept me attracted to someone after initial attraction

[ATuairiscean]

I think it may happen - Two friends of mine say they experienced it - There is a weird back story, they both had done a first year in a smallish university in Ireland and had no recollection of ever seeing each other when they met in New York while both on a J1 visa in the summer and felt that it was love at first sight - 27 years and 3 kids later they are still together.

[InfoBot]

I agree with you that men will be the initial chaser in more cases than not, but mutual attraction can and does happen. I have direct experience and I've also seen it from an objective standpoint, when two people meet and they are pretty much together from moment one.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I instantly tried to get my man's attention when I first saw him because I thought he was hot.

... So am I a living fantasy or?

[prozmay]

I find most women are demisexual though, of course not all though. So for most men, mutual attraction is wishful thinking.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@prozmay I don't know most of my friends were attracted to their men. I had a friend literally see a waiter who she thought was hot and she fucked him like two hours later. Lol. I think women are just conditioned to not want to hop in bed with a man as easily, I don't think it's because they don't find men attractive, they're just conditioned to value relationships over sex, so they place higher value on personality. But I promise you a good looking girl will almost never end up with a conventionally ugly guy for a reason: because we value looks.

[prozmay]

I don't think social conditioning would stop you from being attracted to a guy for solely his looks, stop them from acting on it yeah, but they should still feel immediate attraction.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@prozmay Most people I know do, I know one girl with a guy who she wasn't initially attracted to but she had issues.

Well the girls I know, they reject dudes who don't meet their physical standards like most people. That'd be pointless if they didn't care about their looks.

[COCOCHANEL]

same here, every single time

[RJGraveyTrain]

@COCOCHANEL right?

[JohnDoe3000]

@prozmay

The social conditioning doesn't stop them from being attracted, it just makes them rationalize it towards non-physical attributes (for the majority of women, a minority, like @RJGraveyTrain will simply admit they find looks important, another minority really is demisexual). If you pay attention you'll see how often a woman will say she likes men for their humor, etc... and that it's just a complete coincidence that all those "funny" men she's been attracted to just happen to be tall with chiseled faces. This can get very cringeworthy sometimes.

[red324]

What did you do to get his attention?

[RJGraveyTrain]

@red324 Well I was working at a wine store so I offered him a sample, smiled and tried to talk and joke with him

[red324]

I remember one time I was making a delivery for my job and I arrived at the place at like 8:30 in the morning and there was this cute girl working their that took my delivery, who was the same one that came to my job a couple times and I didn't even know that was where she worked, so I was caught off guard. Anyways, she was all friendly with me and was like oh, we have some water also if you want some and was commenting on the weather since it was pouring down rain. It kind of seemed to me like she was bored and wanted me to stick around lol, but I wasn't sure and just said oh no thanks like an idiot and left. I take it this is an example of girls giving out subtle hints that they're into you?

[red324]

I never even talked to her at my job, just saw her come into the warehouse a couple times, so it wasn't like she was friendly because she knew me already.

[RealandGenuine1991]

it was the opposite for me, I met my now husband at a Wal-Mart store. he and i were customers there, started a random conversation about the groceries , I started liking him right away. you never know who you might meet ☺

[ADFSDF1996]

But did you like him for how he looked?

[RealandGenuine1991]

yes I did and also for his voice

[candyaurora]

Wow.. and who did the approaching firat?

[RealandGenuine1991]

I approached him first

[madhatters4]

i think it definitely can occur in real life. i high school there was a girl i crushed soooo hard despite not having talked to her. one day she walked up to me and started chatting and said she liked me from the moment she saw me

[Naydyonov]

that;s cool

[madhatters4]

@Naydyonov it was. it definitely felt like something out of the movies

[Naydyonov]

and now? what happened with her?

[madhatters4]

@Naydyonov we dated for about 11 months and broke up. we are still friends though.

[Naydyonov]

that's cool

[WhereIsMyMind]

Definitely possible, but I think even these relationships often don't work out because underneath they are different people and something between them clashes. Nothing to do with physical attractiveness.

[Anastasiya00]

I think it happens very often. I've felt that myself with guys, but the problem here is to keep that attraction, cause either one of them gets over excited and screws things up, or gets possessive too fast

[Anonymous]

Almost all of my relationships were because of mutual attraction. It's also not just wishful thinking because I don't know how many times a woman who I am not attracted too at first starts flirting with me. And these women have nothing to go on besides my looks and how I carry myself.

[Sara413]

For some People, it might be haha

But I can say from personal experience that mutual attraction is most certainly a thing... my current boyfriend and I were mutually attracted when we first met. As were pretty much everyone I have dated.

[ADFSDF1996]

So you found him attractive for his physical appearance at first?

[Sara413]

Yup. Thought he was cute when I first saw him. Turned our he was a lot of what else I was looking for as well.

[deraz24]

It happened with me once but I backed off bc of other factors but eventually went to each other

[AlwaysBelieving]

No I don't think it's wishful thinking. While I agree that some women are attracted to a man's intelligence first, I think it's a person by person basis.

Yes, I want mutual attraction.

[Z-Spark]

I voted yes its just wishful thinking, why?
Cause every girl i liked and was interested in showed a lot of interest in me, and i showed interest in her and it was obvious we have a thing for each other, but usually she turned out taken and it didn't develop into anything, so its wishful thinking yes, cause we someone shows so much interest in you but is not willing to go any further then its fake.

[Phoenix98]

Um well I mean it's not like super common but it does happen.

[prozmay]

Yeah women are pretty much demisexual, which is different to being straight.

[IsenhowerJ]

It's 100% real. Some may take longer to realize it than others, while others find it right off.
In the Civil War Era novel Gone withe Wind, It took Scarlett years to realize that she loved her husband and not the man she swooned over for years

[ADFSDF1996]

So women aren't visual?

[IsenhowerJ]

I was just using an example that everyone is different.

[WillT91]

About 100% of the time I had success with a woman, she showed me attraction from the start. It made it very easy to put the moves on her because I had no fear of rejection.