How can I get my boyfriend to stop playing d&d?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend plays d&d. I don't like the game and I could ignore it if it was just a hobby. but he's obsessed with it! he spends all his money on books and other d&d stuff. he spends all his free time playing or hanging out in game shops. all his friends are d&d obsessed too, so whenever I'm around his friends that's the only thing they talk about. his idea of a date is me sitting around and watching them play. on the few rare occasions I get to be alone with him, he speaks about everything in d&d terms!

i've tried talking to him about it, but he always gets mad at me and says I'm trying to change a fundamental part of him. that always leads to me snapping at him and telling him to start living in the real world with me instead of the fantasy world he created. is there any way to get him to stop playing?

[tkatlavendier]

I'm currently going through this right now with my husband. When we started dating he really only got into xbox. Wasn't a big deal because we were going out on dates and just having normal conversations. We got married and moved because he's in the military. When we moved he got into pc games and started playing world of war craft. We went out less but still had some normal conversations. We had a baby. So I was pretty much taking care of her most of the time. she's two now and he's been doing D&D for half a year and its changed our entire marriage. Our daughter won't go up to him, we dont go on dates, can't have a conversation without it actually being about D&D and that only. He's also military so because he spends so much time playing it he doesn't go to the gym and has failed his pt tests. If he fails one more time he's out. He started participating in discord servers that were made for D&D and got into NSFW channels and started participating in sexy role plays. I told him to stop and i didn't like it. He said okay. A month later I found out he was doing it again, this time in multiple NSFW servers. I got fed up and because it's the military and i brought up its affected his Job and his PT test to his col. and his 1st sht. He got called into a meeting, talked, and then they sent him to mental health. Now I know not everyone can force their husband into counseling, but before this I had just threatened to leave and it would snap him out of it. If you threaten to leave and he doesn't care that mean's he would rather pick a game over you. So find someone who will treat you better than that. If not, explain to him how it makes you feel. It starts to cause you to feel lonely, and he's there for that purpose. You're together to be together and be happy and you can't be happy if you're lonely and he doesn't care about your feelings and doesn't address that he has a problem. Definitely tell him to think about getting some counseling, or asking if he can reduce the time he spends on the game so you can go out on dates, or go for a walk. If he's not willing to compromise with you on that, he doesn't really care about you at all, and he's a pos human being. If nothing works, get you a man and not a little boy.

[selfishstars]

I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that he played D&D even before the two of you got together. D&D is a big part of his life, and he isn't going to stop playing. In fact, he shouldn't have to.

No, I'm not saying that devoting all his time and energy to one hobby is necessarily a good thing (if someone has a legitimately unhealthy addiction to something, you shouldn't supoort that), but it's his life and it's his choice what he does with it and he isn't going to change things unless HE sees it as a problem.

All you can really do is sit down and have a mature and respectful conversation with him (telling him to stop living in a fantasy world is not something that people are very receptive to, so saying things like that isn't going to help you). Tell him you like him a lot, but you want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to spend time with you and you don't feel like you're getting that in your relationship with him. If he wants to be with you, then hopefully he'll be willing to come to a compromise (maybe something like spending x nights a week together (without any D&D talk or play). If he isn't willing to make more time for you, then you need to decide whether or not you want to be with him. Is it worth it? Do you really have that much in common if the only thing he wants to do when he's with you is play or talk about D&D? I'm not saying give him an ultimatum (either stop playing D&D or we're breaking up), since that will likely just cause him to be bitter and angry, but tell him what you need from him, see how he responds, and then decide whether or not you're satisfied with the outcome. Do whatever is right for you.

[pokeraddict]

you need a different boyfriend. let him find someone who matches him instead of trying to change him. my boyfriend is a dnd nerd too and there's no changing that... it is part of them. get over it and let him be himself or realize he's not the right guy for you.

[KarKingJack]

LOL, THIS IS DESPARATE. Talking to you in Dungeons and Dragons terms.

I'd tell you not to try and get him to stop playing, since that's his passion like, but just tell him, like, 'IM NOT INTERESTED IN IT. I've tried, you know. I really have. But I want to have sex or something.'

Or whatever. And tell him you'll do it on a turn-based system, too. Then dress up as an elf, in some revealing glass norse barbarian-style armour and lead him out into the woods, tie him to a tree and TALK to him. And make him TALK to you. About normal things, like. And then tell him that's sex, because he probably won't know any better, LOOOOLLLLL!

Nah, I'm taking the p*ss. Dungeons and Dragons players aren't all virgins, anyway, and it can be pretty fun. I favour text-based roleplaying, personally, 'cos its a bit more lucid. Annnyway. Basically, just tell him you'd like to have some normal conversations. If it wasn't for the fact that he's always doing it, you'd probably support his passion for the game, so tell him you support him playing it just not live, because it doesn't interest you, and you'd like to share with him alone more than with his friends. If he's not like, durrrrrrr, he'll probably understand.

[KarKingJack]

Plus, if he is one of those daft dungeons and dragons people, who are obsessed, and you can work it out with him, then he's totally set, like. Roleplayers quite often find it difficult to get girlfriends, due to their dedication to their art, so if you can provide him with a healthy relationship, he's actually all set. Like, he'll want for nothing, hahaha.

[KarKingJack]

I guess you could essentially treat this like an addiction. Perhaps he wants to treat you better but it takes over completely. If your compared to work with him and try and help him, then do that. I've seen addiction to roleplaying before, actually, its a pretty huge thing. People underestimate it. (Dungeons and Dragons is a form of roleplaying if you didn't know, but I expect you do, since he's always stabbing you with lingo?)

[Melliot]

You can't choose what he spends his money on, what friends he picks, how he speaks or what he does in his freetime. Because that isn't your right, its immoral. Plus humans are creatures of habit, just because a girl asks him to stop playing, doesn't mean he is going to leave something behind that has been with him longer than she has.

But you can say that when he is around you, you would prefer that he doesn't talk about d&d.

And you could do things to prevent him from talking about D&D. Kissing, going to see a movie(don't see a chickflick but also doesn't have to be a guy flick, for example inception, scott pilgrim vs the world, piranha 3d, he might really like scott pilgrim lot of video game references), go-karting(though if you beat him, don't rub it in), play video games with him. If you could do something active with him, many d&ders tend to lead a very potato couch lifestyle.

[HaroldO]

The problem isn't the game. The problem is him. He's not giving you enough attention, you can call him on that. He's taking you to bad dates, you can call him on that. But what he does with his money, with his friend, on his spare time it's his business as long as he isn't causing harm to him or others (including you).

If you can talk to him to reach a compromise instead of just telling to quit altogether, great. If you can't you're just as part of the problem as he is. Guys like games. It's just in our nature as our sex drives. Some what sports on tv, some play real sports, some game. Some let that get out of hand and it seems like your boyfriend is one of them. If he can make no compromise, then dump him. He needs his gaming, you need attention and only one is getting what one wants.

[HoraceB]

This guy has clearly decided to choose the game over you. It sounds like you've done a lot to try to get him to pay attention to you, & you've been very patient. At this point you need to decide if you want to put down an ultimatum (me or the game, addiction counseling or the game, etc), or move on to someone else who will appreciate you.

[DE4DF1SH]

Get a new boyfriend. He'll either find a girl who will play D&D with him and dump you, or he won't and he'll be a sad lonely old man. One way or the other, you'll find a boyfriend who actually shares your same interests, and you'll be happy you didn't waste any more of your time in a dead-end relationship!

[Ugliness]

Tell him that you'll send a troll to kill him

an ogre to eat him

and a wizard will whisk you off your feet and live happily ever after with you

if he doesn't cut out the crap.

[dreamishobby]

if you don't like d&d...you can probably make him addict to some other game...! lol

but there's no way out of game addiction!

[Anonymous]

Nope, he has to decide for himself, if you can't accept him as he is then find someone else

[exitseven]

would it be better if he was on drugs?

[Anonymous]

How did he ever ask you out? Why did you say yes?