Does my boyfriend have some anger issues? He kinda knocked me out yesterday

[Anonymous]

Well actually it's not as bad as it sounds up there. However yesterday I got into a fight with my boyfriend. It was about him being jealous of one of my guy friends (and I swear there's no reason to). So that friend walked me home after class (because his apartment is next to mine) and my boyfriend exploded. We got into a huge fight, and he started to get a bit rough... At one point he was pushing me so tight against him, that it did hurt, seriously I thought my ribs were breaking any minute. And as I told him that,he pushed me away harshly, and well not his fault, but I trembled, fell and hit my head at the table.

The next thing I remember is, me lying on the couch with him sitting next to me, apologizing even tough he didn't do it on purpose, he got so mad before, that it started to get scary, and I feel like he has some anger issues am I overreacting?

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

You're not overreacting at all. He's got serious fucking problem with his anger and I'd say that if you stay with him then you seriously have a fucking problem with his anger, because that kinda shit could end up getting you killed.

I'm gonna break it all down for you. So lets just ignore the anger problem for a minute. I want to talk about his jealousy. First off, Jealousy is NEVER a good thing. I can't stress the word "never" enough either. Some people think it is, but it's not. I can imagine you've seen his jealousy before, and I can only assume you've probably been putting up with it until now because you've been telling yourself that you can let this slide because he only gets so jealous because he loves you too much, or because this is just him showing you that he cares, or something along those lines. I only make this guess because I hear this alot, and it comes up a lot on this site.

The thing you probably didn't realize though is that jealousy is not about how much he cares about you. It's not about him loving you so much. It's not really much about you at all. It's all about him. Jealousy is all about being selfish, possessive, demanding, paranoid ,and controlling. There's nothing good about it. It's even worse when you compare it to an anger problem. Think about it. Some guy walks you home, a guy who already lives in the fucking neighborhood anyway, and he freaks. A guy who has no reason to set him off. Still he freaks because it's a guy who has some sort of contact with his girlfriend. That's selfish possessive paranoia hitting him right then and there.

t would be bad enough but he has an anger problem that you just got a taste of along with what it does to him, and clearly while he's enraged he doesn't have a problem hurting girls, because look what he just did to you. Now anger issues are extra dangerous. It's just another example of how unstable he is. A guy who can rage like that can be dangerous on so many levels, and personally I think you should take this guy's blowup as a fucking warning sign that something bigger can potentially happen. What he did is wrong and even you admit it scared you. In my opinion, you should break up with him as soon as possible.

I imagine you don't want to do that, and you might have something to say against it, but seriously it's what I would do. Then again I'm not one for giving second chances, because I've been through so much abuse in my life that I'm not so forgiving. If you can't dump him yet, I suggest talking to him. Get his attention, and tell him that what he did scared you and you're not gonna take it anymore. Tell him how bad he needs to drop all his jealous bullshit, learn to trust you, and to control his fucking temper or you'll kick him to the fucking curb. Also, if need be, make it clear to him that if he ever lays a hand on you like that you'll have him arrested. If he doesn't take you seriously, then you really should just leave him right then and there.

Good luck with this.

[Asker]

Wow, well ya thx. You're right I never saw jealousy that way.He has never been that like that before either, he's usually very sweet and caring but that night he went from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde, I don't know what set that off. However, I talked to him already and he started crying and said that he never meant that to happen and that it was an accident and I told him it was alright. But I still kinda see him a diffrent way since then.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Yeah I bet you would. You should tell him that. I know it sounds like you're pouring salt on the wounds but, he needs to hear you tell him what he did and how you feel about it. I think you should explain it to him in detail. From there he'll probably feel worse (as he bloody well should) and from there you have an opening.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

With this opening I think you should tell him how serious this is, how he needs to drop all his anger and jealousy, because relationships are about trust more than anything else, and how he needs to trust you. That this jealousy is just going to push you away.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Maybe while you're talking to him about it, you should see about getting him to promise to never hurt you like that again. Tell him that if he can't promise, or keep his promise, or if he can't stop getting so jealous, you're not going to be there for him anymore. You'll kick him to the curb so fast.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

All that good stuff. Seriously though you should hammer this one home and tackle this issue as hard and as much as you can right now while it's still relatively fresh, just to make sure he knows full well the weight of this situation.

[Brando]

No you're not overreacting. Your boyfriend knocked you out, plain and simple. By saying "it's not as serious as it sounds" almost makes it seem like you are defending him. Out of fear? Only you know. You need to get away from this guy, he is dangerous to you and can't be trusted. If you are afraid of what might happen if you break up with him, realize that if need be, you can get legal protection if it comes to that. Most of the time, things like this only escalate into yelling contests or stalking. It's doubtful that your boyfriend would cause a scene in public if he found you somewhere. So please don't worry about what he *might* do if you split from him. You just need to leave for your own protection. He has anger issues that he shouldn't be taking out on you.

[ilovemyman]

No way are you over reacting. My God, I know it sounds awful but I think you need to let that relationship go. if he thinks he got away with it once he'll think itz OK to do it again the next time something happens that he doesn't like.

[islands7]

How are things going (or not) these 3 months later?

If you are still working on it because he has no control over this, has no memory of events that lights that fuse, here's a tool that has helped friends of mine a couple of years ago:

link

the CDs are the easiest to digest and something to do in your car w/o getting bored

[Asker]

Well I broke up with him. Actually a few days later he got arrested after some bar fight. I'm not entirely sure what happened but he must have hurt that other guy pretty bad.

I'm seeing someone else now. Wouldn't call him a boyfriend yet but we're getting there.