My girlfriend has slept with over 20 guys. Should I break up with her?

[Anonymous]

We recently had "that conversation", you know, the one about our past sexual adventures and what not. For a guy, mine is pretty normal. When she opened up to me though, I couldn't help but feel grossed out. She's had over 20 partners, most being one night stands with guys she didn't know too well or barely knew at all. I think of this as a red flag, should I?

I'm a traditional guy though, and I feel that my future wife has to be "pure" and feel special to me. Giving herself to 20 plus guys before me sacrifices that. I'm not into slut-shaming but I just wouldn't wanna marry or get committed to a girl that's slept around - it's seen as a red flag at least by most men.

Is over 20 guys normal for girls though? I always assumed girls didn't sleep around much and were quite picky/conservative with who they slept with - I guess I was wrong? Like if it's normal that's a bit weird for me as I didn't think over 10 partners was common for girls.

Anyways what should I do? Most guys don't wanna date "sluts" or promiscuous girls, ] so that must be for a good reason right?

*Also we've been together for 8 months, so not much will be lost*

Break up. That's a red flag

Give her a chance but be very cautious

Her number means nothing, don't worry

[Logorithim]

That number wouldn't faze me (although I'd assume it's well above the median for a woman her age), but a recent history of cheating would (I assume she hasn't cheated on you since you didn't mention it).

It should also be pointed out that she has apparently been honest with you about her sexual past, which is positive. If she had lied about it, that lie would have strengthened the case for breaking up with her.

I honestly don't see any real difference between her having slept with 10 guys or 20, or even 5 and 20, and we all have a sexual past. If you are otherwise happy in the relationship with her, I'd advise you to stay with her. You're not committing to marriage at this point anyway, and if she is a good, loyal girlfriend over a long period of time and you're compatible personality-wise, I daresay she would be someone you should marry (unless there is some other big red flag).

[Asker]

Fair enough. Sounds reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I beleive I am the only one speaking from experience here. I have dated women with high numbers into casual sex, as have some of my friends. The story always ends the same. You find out she is cheating on you with someone from work or someone online, or a guy whose "just a friend." this is reality, and not " judging" anyone. Its true you can't turn a ho into a housewife! If you dont want to be hurt end it now!

[Opinion Owner]

I also, find it disturbing the number of people, especially women, who say past history doesn't matter. Of course it matters, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This is why you have so many people, men and women, who come on the internet crying and can't figure out why they were cheated on... Because most were stupid enough to believe past actions don't matter!

[Anonymous]

I have always said, here on GAG, that when faced with it, guys (and girls, too) have an in built number, where over that and it is a red flag. For these girls, it was fun at the time to sleep around, but they never had any thoughts about their future.

No one can say whether this number of 20 is a red flag for you. Only YOU know that. Just be careful, that is you accept it, that you are not number 21, followed by a 22, 23, etc.

One question I would always ask myself: "What makes ME so special over these 20 guys?"

[Asker]

It feels like the guy the girl wants AFTER she's slept around is just a guy she's using. Like a guy she's just settling with as she doesn't wanna be alone when she's older. Like, if random guys were good enough for her before, it musn't be hard to get her, you know what I mean?

[Opinion Owner]

I know exactly what you mean. She has had fun, now wants to settle down.

[Asker]

So you don't think I'm on the wrong?

[Opinion Owner]

I think if you stick with this girl, you should be careful.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHG!

[MlleCake]

I think most of this issue is in your head and resides with your prejudices. You can choose to change your mind if you want to.

A woman is not an object that gets given, or diminishes in value. Your traditional sense of things is really unfair to women.

But if you're going to treat this woman like a pariah, I certainly hope you have the balls to break-up and not just go on silently thinking the worst of her.

[Asker]

No. The fact that she slept around means she doesn’t value sex ans thinks giving herself to random guys she just met is OK. When it comes to looking for a wife, a woman who isn’t gonna cheat, steal all your money and take your kids - guys want classy women. Don’t put this on me. Girls shouldn’t give themselves to tons of guys they just met - it’s gross. Those guys pretty much used her. I’d rather not date someone that enjoys that. Besides you didn’t answer my question, whether 20 partners is normal or not. I’m sick of women putting this on guys but maybe if girls didn’t treat guys so badly these days guys would trust them more. Why should I “change my mind” and be a cuck just to please liberals and wacky Feminists. No thank you. Girls even slut shame each other. Sorry.

[MlleCake]

You're right, plenty of people are just awful to women for being sexual. There's no logic to it. It's just more sexism, and your choice to follow along with or not.

Personally, I think your girlfriend deserves better.

[Asker]

Did I ever say that women enjoying sex was bad? No. So stop putting words in my mouth. The fact that she slept around makes her "easy" and the fact that she slept around means she doesn't value sex. Guys are refusing to marry girls for a reason and every guy should be able to have as high standards as he wants, and not become a cuck just to fall in line with man-hating Feminists. The answer is very simple. She slept around, if random dudes were good enough for her than our relationship means nothing. I'm just another "dick" to her. If she just bangs guys here and there than she doesn't respect men and thinks of them as sex toys. That's why. How dare you judge me. If women can sleep around without being judged (even though men are judged too) than why can't I have standards without being seen as a bad person and sexist?

[genuinlysensitive]

This is a typical feminist "shaming" technique. Unless you approve of women sleeping around and engaging in emotionless, meaningless sex, you somehow "hate women" or are saying "women can't enjoy sex." The truth is sex with someone you love is so much better than the casual interactions they push it simply can't be compared. If they truly enjoyed sex they would seek out a man who they love, as would men with women. The goal here is to encourage female promiscuity, and shame any who disagree.

[MlleCake]

Except it doesn't show that she doesn't value sex. That's simply a prejudice you hold.

It's your choice to feel the way you do about it. You're the one with the issue. You thought she was a good person until you found this out. She didn't change. She's still the person she was. You've just made up your mind to reject her.

You should probably have done this before you started dating.

[Asker]

Of course it shows that she doesn't value sex. How DOESN'T it? She thinks sex is not connected to intimacy and love and thinks letting a guy go up in you after one hour after meeting him is Ok, than she obviously doesn't value sex. If she doesn't value sex, she'll probably cheat. The more and more women sleep around the less and less men wanna get married. It doesn't work. Women are to blame as to why every guy is becoming a fuck boy. Because women like you attack men for having preferences, even though women literalyy have the same preference. Guys no longer want to get married because why should he lose all his life earnings and his kids just to please the Feminist agenda - who by the way hate men and want them destroyed. You are out of touch with reality as everyone, both guys and girls, sex-shame and don't want partners with high counts. Yes girls slut shame too. Anyways dating is dead for a reason.

[MlleCake]

So, this comes down to your insecurity based on outdated beliefs about women, sexuality and intimacy. That makes it your issue.

She hasn't made an issue of it. You have.

It's your choice to feel the way you do about it. Don't put it on her. You want to believe all this nonsense and trash an otherwise good relationship over your own insecurity, then that's up to you.

But you should be a man and own it instead of blaming it on her.

[MlleCake]

No one has attacked you. Correctly identifying your prejudices is not an attack. I haven't called you names or condemned your gender. That's you who is doing those things. You lost your right to whine about being attacked, because you're essentially impugning her - attacking her - only you're doing it the passive-aggressive way by posting about it here and not talking to he directly.

I'm pretty sure you'll stay with her because you like that she's sleeping with you and being an otherwise good girlfriend. You're just going to go around with this resentment that belongs entirely to you, but punish her for it through your relationship.

You shouldn't do that. You should stay chaste and date only women who have also remained as chaste as you - if THAT'S what you value.

[Asker]

"Outdated", yeah right. Everyone slut shames, girls too. Girls always slut shame each other as well as guys their dating. I love the way you didn't even address most of what i said about marriage because it's true. Girls and their "new" way of sleeping around and treating men have killed dating and marriage, hence why every guy is becoming a fuckboy. You are saying that I am prejudice because I don't want to follow a Feminist agenda (who once again hate men and like to see them destroyed) because men lose all their money and kids to modern women. But whatever, keep thinking guys have to "bow down" to women's wishes otherwise their "sexist", lol who gives a shit. Everyone has preferences and many women wouldn't feel comfortable with a guy that has slept around but are they called sexist and prejudice? Of course not. You need to get in touch with reality and stop hating on men.

[MlleCake]

I don't hate men.

[BeyonceFan]

Exactly! Have you been slut shamed for having a slutty past? It's happened to me but I always defend myself! I'm in a relationship now but I went through my "slutty phase" when I was single and I have no regrets. I actually kinda miss it. I used to have sex with guys at parties without even finding out their name and I found it empowering.

[justme360]

Its not in his head, its in your vagina and worse in your mouth, your not kissing my kids with those lips. if 20 other men already conquered her, wats left for you?

[sunshine1005]

I feel that you shouldn't judge her for her past. I think you should give her a chance with you. I am far from a virgin myself and I would hate it if a guy immediately jumped to conclusions about me based on past decisions. Believing that a girl should be "pure" for you is clearly an unrealistic idea, much similar to men remaining pure for women (it most likely won't ever happen). I believe that the right person will change their ways if they care deeply about their partner, meaning that if she loves and cares about you, she won't be having random hookups with other dudes in the future. Girls are human too and do have sexual desires, which can result in hookups with potentially random dudes. Why should guys be given a free pass with hooking up with random girls but if a girl hooks up with random guys, she is viewed negativly and slut shamed for it... just my personal take on the matter, no hate intended.

[Asker]

Guys are shamed too, although to a lesser extent but there's a reason for that. Yes girls are human and they like sex. But hookups aren't that pleasurable and and sex with a partner (even just a pruely sexual relationship) is much better. If a woman wants great sex, all the time, then going home with different guys in the worst thing she can do. So I would have to disagree with you there. For girls AND guys, sleeping around is not classy - and everyone wants their future life partner to be classy and respect themself. The fact that she slept with so many people means she doesn't value sex, intimacy and thinks of guys in a very sexual way. Not good especially when it comes to marriage as girls cheat and take all the guys money and kids so. Stop trying to make me the bad guy.

[mel1695]

Well she at least was honest about her number; you asked and now you know the truth. Why should it matter how many men she slept with? From what I’ve read, you slept with 18 females, your not that far from her. You guys have about the same number of sex partners, so I think you guys are perfect for each other and you shouldn’t judge her.

As a virgin myself, I kind of find it unrealistic and very hypocritical that you want a “pure girl” when you, yourself, have slept around. I personally don’t want to be with a guy with that much high numbers. It’s a turn off.

If the guy expects a virgin, he himself should be a virgin too. That’s being realistic.

[Jager66]

"Why should it matter how many men she slept with? "

If a woman's husband is her first partner she has an 80% chance of a successful marriage. That drops to 50% at 1 previous partner and continues to drop until 16% chance of a successful marriage at 6 previous partners.

"From what I’ve read, you slept with 18 females, your not that far from her."

The same trend in men is either non existent in the data or shows up at about a 1 to 19 ratio to women. So a man who has been with 96 women is the same as a woman who has been with 5 men.

Those are the facts. Biological differences in psychology.

[Jager66]

oh.. that's from multiple government agencies, including the CDC and from multiple western governments who've studied the issue. It's a well established fact at this point, even the Soviets found the same shit when they looked into it.

[mel1695]

@Jager66 that sounds like a load of bullshit.

[Jager66]

You may think it sounds like bullshit but it is in fact 100% true. Stats from the CDC, Stats Canada, Census NCHS, fourth national incidence study report to congress, thats just the start.. There is a mountain of evidence to support this from government sources in multiple countries.

This guy compiles it all in one video with some graphs and such, it's worth watching, I don't normally like his stuff but he did a solid job on this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um3EmS9DKsI

[mel1695]

I think this is just an excuse men who sleep around want to use. A shitty and hypocritical one.
You should stop because you are making yourself look like a fool.

[Jager66]

Uh what? that doesn't even make any sense.. It's better for both men and women to be less promiscuous, it just affects women a bit more strongly on a personal level, until she marries and then it effects her and her man equally..

Besides, you can dislike this all you want. It is 100% fact. Period. I mean you can deny science all you want but it's not going to make you right, just going to make you a fool.

[newPython]

Don't ask questions that you can't handle the answers to. What she did was in the past. Doesn't matter if she fucked 300 guys. That was before she met you. Focus on the present. I wouldn't hold it against her.

On a personal note, I would prefer a woman who fucked 300 guys over a woman who fucked 50 guys any day. I would rather have a women experienced in bed than a nun who is too scared to suck a cock.

Feel grateful that your woman is honest and open with you. And if the sex is mind blowing, don't be an ingrate and bitch with her about the number of guys she fucked (that's why the sex is so good). If you are going to scold her for this, in the future she will lie to you to make you happy.

[Blackbrowny]

First thing: she is 100% honest to you, dont make her regret this.
second, it didn't matter that she slept with those guys, she obviously loves you.
third, unless you are a no sex until marriage guy (that would be a red flag for me) maybe jsut see here an upside? :D

[Asker]

Her number means she doesn't value sex and intimacy. She compares sex to just a "fun" thing to do. That's not a good trait for a future wife now is it? Bear in mind that women cheat on their husbands, file for divorce and take all his money and his kids - so guys shoudl be as cautious as possible.

[Blackbrowny]

jeah and you bear in mind that husbands to the same too.
guys and girls are both humans. Hell , i love having sex, there is an illness called sex addiction according to some statistics about 5 % of european men have it in some way. Do you really demand us to stay like nuns?

I mean yes sex is something when you trust the other person, i am personally not a big fan of hook ups i dont know. But thats my opinion and i can absolutly understand your girlfriend. i mean. how old are you 2 anyway? if you are both 18. Ok maybe its to much than. if you are mid twenty? no problem at all.

[Asker]

That's YOUR OPINION. Yeah if sleeping around is just human nature than lets call it a day fro dating/marriage and everyone can just fuck everyone and never date. That's pretty much what you're saying now. No, the fact that she slept around means that she doesn't value sex and that I'm not special, I'm just another "dick" and I'm just her "settle". I'd rather not be a loser like that.

[Blackbrowny]

She just sees sex differently, and only because she is out going doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. Jeeez.
Did you expekt to be her first one? no.
Only thing that matters now is that both of you value your feelings for each other and dont cheat. Because you are in a relationship. yes, this means trust. i agree.
But it doesn't mean, that her decisions in her past should matter to you. Because she is your Girlfriend now, and she probably doesn't plan on having sex with another 20 guys.
No you are not another dick for her, she clearly values you as a person.
But actually you really act like one.

[LegendarySir]

Break up. You two aren't compatible. If this is such a big red flag for you, then find someone that has a smaller number, and she could find a guy that doesn't mind her number.

Neither she's better than you, nor you're better than her, you two just have different opinions in a very important topic. If you can't look over this issue, it's better to break up.

[justme360]

Things change in life, people too. you can't expect that either off you are gonna feel the same way in 15/20 years time and therefore you can't predict weather or not this might be a problem in the future.

a Licentious lifestyle where a lot more acceptable in the 70/80's but is frowned about in the millennium. Statistics shows more virgins are getting married today the in the 80's.
The sexual revolution off the 80's, equality off gender, only give woman the responsibility off choice, to respect themselves, they're body's, and to take power off they're vagina's. It never where a ticket for a promiscuous and unprincipled lifestyle.

If this bothers you now its always gonna be somewhere in the back off your mind. That would be unfair on both off you.

Sorry dude, I think you're relationships is fucked, at least she is.

[genericname85]

has she ever cheated on someone? if no, then what are you worried about? i mean if you think about it, sex with 12 peple a year is not really that much. you're only fucking once a month and if it's all one night stands... you'll be at 20 pretty quickly. however you can talk with her about your concerns in a respectfull way. maybe this will clear things up for you.

[Asker]

Sleeping around means she doesn't value sex and it makes me feel like a 'last resort' - like all those guys were good for her before and she only wanted sex and now suddenly she wants one guy?

[genericname85]

In most cases sleeping around is a phase maybe she wants to close that chapter of her life. Better talk it out with her

[Asker]

Hell no. I ain't being her "settle".

[genericname85]

Lol whatever Dude. Good luck finding someone else.

[candycanehearts]

what who cares, and she told you they were mostly one-night stands right? which means even if she's 'easy to get' for a night, she's probably pretty committed to you if she's been with you for 8 months, you're obviously not some random guy at the bar

[Asker]

It still means she doesn't value sex. And yeah, exactly, I'm the guy she wants AFTER all the other guys have had a go, how do you think that makes me feel? That I just have the "left overs" of tons of other dudes.

[candycanehearts]

What she hadn't even met you befor those guys right? so how was she supposed to know you would be pissed about it, and 'left overs?' omggg woman aren't food!!! it's her choice, but if you're so offended about it I would say break up bc you sounds very incompatible

[Browneye57]

It's called the 'cock-carousel', and she's been on it, now thinking she can find a worthwhile mate, or should, before she gets too old. And she's too stupid to keep her mouth shut - you NEVER kiss and tell. EVER.

Oh well, maybe YOU are the one that will keep her true. pfft.

[TheRealQuestion]

Personally I try not to judge. For me, the past is the past.

[Asker]

That doesn't make sense though. People rarely change and if she's so impulsive that she has to take some random guys dick, and can't even wait to get to know him, than she is probably more prone to children.

[DoctorWize]

Your girlfriend should have kept quiet. many girls masks the mistake of blabbering their number and paying the high price for it afterwards. Get over it or get over her.

[Asker]

If your number is something you need to keep from guys you wanna date - then something is wrong. People's number describes the kinda person they are and it's wrong to keep it hidden from a partner. Sorry man hating Feminist.

[Anonymous]

She could have lied to you, but didn't, doesn't that count for something.
If you love her and feel that she loves you too I see no problem. Why is it ok for guys to sleep around but not for girls?

[Asker]

Its not OK for guys to sleep around. Girls judge guys too. Also its easy for girls to sleep around. Its different for guys and girls when it comes to sex. If she slept around it means she doesn’t value sex

[Opinion Owner]

Says who she doesn't value sex? Why is it easy for girls to sleep around? I think your pride is the one that's hurt the most. You're affraid to be compared to some other men. Trust me, I'm married for 18 years and my husband is still most affraid of me being liked by some other men and I never gave him a reason to suspect me. All you guys are the most sensitive of your manhood having a reason or not. And if we love you, we sure do value sex with you, no matter how many guys we were with before you.

[Asker]

She doesn't value sex as she slept with lots of different guys who meant nothing to her. That's why. Also it is way easier for girls to sleep around, that's why they're judged slightly more harshly. Why? Because girls always get hit on and pretty much have to do nothing to get laid. Just let the guy do everything and then open their legs. However when it comes to guys, the guy must be attractive, charming and be good at seducing girls, otherwise no sex for him. Make sense?

[Opinion Owner]

You got totaly twisted point of view of women. Your pride doesn't let you see farther than your nose. You are so young and so full of bitternes to women that I think it would be better to leave this girl, but not because of what she did, but rather to save her from you. But it's not where it ends for you. Every girl you ever meet you will find something to resent her. I highly recomend you find professional help, for your own sake. No hard feelings.

[Asker]

Oh get out of here. Most people (both guys AND GIRLS) don't want to marry someone who's slept around. Both men and women 'sex-shame'. I guess you must have been quite the promiscuous woman therfore you're triggered by this question. If you can't accept that everyone 'slut-shames' to BOTH genders than maybe YOU need the professional help.

[Opinion Owner]

I, m 44 years old, 18 years married, seen all sorts of people, but you're piece of work.
If you know the answer to your question, and didn't need any help, why bother

[Lance1965]

The average number of men an woman will sleep with in a lifetime is 7 according to a recent survey so no need to say more. I would run like hell.

[Asker]

Yeah that sounds about right to me, which is why I asked.

[Exterminatore]

I’m afraid 20 guys these days is normal. I’m also impressed you got a straight answer. I never even bother having this conversation because women lie about it.

[Asker]

Maybe she lied? Also no 20 is not the norm, not for most girls anyways. Maybe back in the day but millenials have less sex than their parents generation. Most people have around 5-10 in a lifetime.

[Exterminatore]

Now that can’t be right. The generation of instant gratification and entitlement having less sex partners? I just can’t see that.

If she lied it would be a decreased number. This is why I never ask that question and refuse to answer it. Women tend to down play the amount. Also play word games and not count Bj’s and handy J’s and the like. So I don’t ask and in part because I don’t care.

[Asker]

No it's literally a fact, millenials are having less sex than their parents generation. And less partners too.

[Exterminatore]

I’ve got to fact check that one. That’s so hard to believe.

Or is it they take advantage of all the free porn that’s been out there for the last 15 years or so and don’t even bother to find a partner.

[Anonymous]

are you pure? if not that should not be a problem for you also I don`t think a pure girl would have a guy that is not pure and if that was important you should had asked her before dating her

[mel1695]

I agree with this. I’m a virgin and I wouldn’t date a guy that is not “pure “ because if he slept around, I find that kind of gross tbh. He shouldn’t expect a pure girl if he, himself, is not pure.

[Asker]

@mel1695 exaclty, many girls don't want a guy who's slept around yet they complain about girls getting "slut-shamed", even though girls always slut-shame each other too.

[mel1695]

I’m not calling anyone a slut. I personally wouldn’t date men who slept around. For me that’s gross. Like I said, you can’t expect a virgin when you are not one. Virgins most likely want to be with another virgin. That’s a realistic and a reality. You have about the same sex partners as her, so I don’t see the problem. You are just being a hypocrite.

[Asker]

... and women are massive hypocrites?

[mel1695]

That’s the best thing you got to say? Ha! You know you’re a hypocrite but you want to put the blame on women? Please... stop. You’re making a fool out of yourself.

[MasterDaddyUK]

ask your self this... would you want her to break up with YOU if you had slept with 20 girls?

[Asker]

Many girls would. I would probably be labelled a "fuck boy" and she wouldn't want me for more than a one night stand.

[MasterDaddyUK]

well if you don't want her, send her my way! lol

[kaskas19]

If body count matters that much to you, yeah. Let her find someone that isn't shallow.

[Asker]

Oh shut up. Most people (including women) care about body count. Just because you probably were a massive hoe doesn't mean girls who don't sleep around shouldn't be valued. Putting a high price on your body and being conservative/selective with who you sleep with is classy and it should be respected. Feminists and hoes think differently but that's because they aren't a classy girl all the guys wanna marry, they're the hoe all the guys used and now they wanna be treated like a classy girl. Get over yourself.

[kaskas19]

Nice assumption. You're really insecure. I would be embarrassed if I were you.

[Asker]

"insecure"? By wanting a classy woman? Well with how marriage is these days and how badly women treat men I'd rather be "insecure" and marry a classy woman than obey your feminist commands and marry some hoe, just for her to cheat, take my kids and all my money. Fuck no. Also girls must be very insecure as well guess what! - girls slut shame too! Get over yourself.

[kaskas19]

I'm not reading your essay on why your feelings are hurt.

[Asker]

You're not reading it because you know that girls slut-shame too and that it's just a part of life. If you wanna be treated like a classy, wifey-material girl, act like one. All you hoes wanna be hoes and then be treated like that and when you find out it doesn't work that way, y'all get mad and start blaming society and attacking "slut-shaming".

[kaskas19]

She had 18. Sounds like you're just as bad as her. Maybe y'all both get sloppy seconds from eachother.

[Asker]

Exactly. Girls slut shame too so stop only putting it on the guys. I'm tired of girls hating on men, when when the guys do the same thing girls do.

[kaskas19]

No shit girls slut shame. How does that correlate? If you're making this big of a deal about it then just end it. I wouldn't want a pissy child for a boyfriend. It would have been different if you actually brought an argument to the table instead of just assuming things and acting like a pussy.

[kaskas19]

No one just puts it on the guys. I don't see an issue with people having many sexual partners. Some people don't like it, others dont mind it.

Why is it okay for you to get pissed at her for her "body count", but yours is okay?

[Sampan2017]

If you are not in same boat
I mean not cheating her then move on

[Anonymous]

Break up, she sounds like a whore who will cheat on you

[hornymike6969]

hey she liked lots of dick before she meet you thats good experience. she should be damn good at sucking dick now