Why do people get so possessive and insecure in relationships?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I believe people that are insecure in their relationships are either insecure about themselves so they feel their partner can do better and are just waiting for the other shoe to drop or they’ve been burned before, either by a previous partner or the current one.
In the case of being burned again it’s really unfair for the person you’re with to pay the price for what someone else’s done, I’m sort of in this category. I don’t think my boyfriend will hurt me the way my ex did but my past has caused me to have trust issues and just be kind or paranoid. It’s just that sometimes my problems creep up on me and cause issues like that in my current relationship. Luckily for me he’s very understanding of this and as long as we’re talking about it it’s something that can get worked out without much or any friction.

561Aloha · Accepted Answer

They bring that into the relationship already, from probably a history of being broken hearted and the more into they are feeling something for the other person in the relationship the more their scared because they’ve been in a similar situation and got hurt when they let their guard down.

There’s also the a**hole who is pocessive because they aren’t mature enough yet. They don’t understand it’s two human beings and two thought processes going on. And is self absorbed in their thoughts / feelings they try to control things because they want to be the one in charge ( power move ) and this is based off his insecurities about her leaving him for another guy or something

KingAra3 · Accepted Answer

Human emotion can never be predicted. You can't say "oh I don't get jealous" because sure you don't get jealous at the first stage but once that person gets connected to you on a different level, things change and you can not predict that. Once a person has made what I call a "Line" then they are bonded to you on a level of comprehension only truly 100% known to the beholder. This could be things like virginity, first love, longest love, and even big things like a first experiences. Once these get created then emotions grow like jealousy, possessiveness, attachment and amendment issues, things like these.

4pple · Accepted Answer

Because they consider the other person very important and valuable, they don't want to lose them and are worried that they could, especially if their past involved them being left or betrayed it's more likely they'll be scared of losing you. How would you feel if you knew the person you love more than anything else could leave you or cheat on you overnight, with no previous warning?

Finchie40 · Answer

Because they are insecure themselves , and have a hard time trusting their partner because they were probably burned before in a previous relationship. The problem with possessive insecure people is that they are More than likely the ones that end up cheating , so if you or someone you know is in a relationship with some that is possessive and insecure , you are best to end that relationship immediately, you will never be happy and content being with someone like that. They need serious mental therapy before dating anyone again

Drumlin2001 · Answer

People have their own insecurities, if communication in a relationship isn't open and honest it can start to play on these on both sides and cause issues. Posessiveness comes from an uneasiness in relationships born from insecurities. It comes down to communication

ccp16 · Answer

I think it has more to do with the clingy partner than anything. I stress so much to younger people that you need to love yourself and feel comfortable with yourself before you can stablly share your life with another person in a healthy manner.
Unfortunately, my little sister is is like this... she hates being single and feels she needs a relationship to have a happy life- but of course this leads into clingy behaviors and driving guys away and creating a negative loop.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I think moments of insecurity and possession are fully normal (I'm referring to the occasional day when you have a bad day and want to cuddle or doing something to show your partner is yours) but if that is your constant attitude it becomes annoying and destructive.

Northern_star · Answer

i have been in a posessive relationship once, she was intelligent, beautifull, caring.. i had no problem with her insecurities, i took the time to speak it out every single time. And it worked, i think if you really love someone these little "flaws" can't stop you, its a matter of patience and caring. but maybe thats just me.

JayMarbles · Answer

Because I've been fucken lied to in the past and i think everyone is cheating on me.. but i need to get the fuck over it because not everyone is out to get me.. I don't know I've been through a lot.. also i dont like fucken sharing whats mine.

Neelie1 · Answer

Speaking from personal experience, the competition for partners is so intense, and the fear of losing out only to get back into a life of dreaded loneliness would make anyone want to hang on as tight as possible to what we already have.

ChgzDaniel · Answer

It's like when your a child and you have that super awesome toy that you love. Then your mum tells you to share and then some snot-nosed brat rips it out of your hands and breaks it.

crazy8000 · Answer

The person doesn't feel totally safe and secure with that person for some reason. it can be the other one as much as the insecure struggling forom some own shit on the inside.

Normaly is that person insecure from the start in some way that probably had a front to hide it to appear strong and stable to get a partner.

Anonymous · Answer

My exGF was very insecure, had emotional baggage from her previous relationship which she couldn't let go that manifested into her becoming possessive and later trying to be controlling. Over time it got worse which I grew very tired of hence the reason I left her!

LifeEqualsLove · Answer

- Not mature enough to be in a serious relationship
-Fear of loosing their partner to someone better looking
-They're not sure what a real relationship looks like
-They are really control freaks
-They don't know

lovelygirl1234 · Answer

Because they get wrapped up thinking about past experiencies or things their friends say like " Oh all men cheat" " all guys who are X are not faithful"

princessfromjupiter · Answer

I've only had one relationship and I feel like I wasn't possessive enough...

Turtlewax1994 · Answer

It’s the fear of loosing a person that drives us to insecurity  Can you answer mine please? It’s on my page

Jjpayne · Answer

You find someone that you don't want to lose and you fight for them. It's hard because sometimes it's not meant to be and even when you have fought your hardest the relationship still dies :(

Mesonfielde · Answer

Because they are all socially retarded and emotionally unaware, while also being distrustful. Lack of empathy and general consideration of the other person's feelings.

ChronicThinker · Answer

Lack of self-worth is usually the culprit. If you feel you can't offer your partner enough, you become afraid of them looking for something else.

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

Fear of losing their loved one, being cheated on or simply being that kind of a possessive person.

CarpetDenim · Answer

I dunno, I guess cuz when people finally get something good sometimes they get scared of losing it.

Branwenn · Answer

Because they are insecure to begin with. When they sense the slightest thing wrong it sends them off the deep end.

lorenzomichael · Answer

Because there stupid asses that's why. if your in a relationship like that and you really care about the one your with depending on how long you want it to last you better fix that shit if not move on life is way to short for BS...
...

Anonymous · Answer

Having been cheated on, any secretive behavior causes paranoia when it comes to me. Uncertainty makes me curious and kind of spawns insecurity and doubt.

DheElon · Answer

I honestly think this happens when the sex or connection gets really deep

MrAdams · Answer

Because sooner or later some "better" guy will come around and i'm afraid that she will leave me for him.

MrKinktastic · Answer

Insecurity leads to fear, fear leads to grabbing on and trying to control things.

timidDot · Answer

they might be immature, afraid of losing their partner, or they could have a past of manipulation and abuse, or they've been hurt before. that can make people worry and put up walls.

1CentWorth · Answer

Great question. I got rid of that long ago and never looked back.

CubsterShura · Answer

I try not to be insecure but my brain always reminds me of what my ex did and then I just can't.

Massageman · Answer

Because people tend to look for approval from other people for their own, insecure selves. But, humans will let us down, hence the possessiveness.

MLGbreezy · Answer

Cause relationshipsbare fucking stressful but everyone goes about it in one way instead of considering other ways because of societal brainwashing

sapphire1219 · Answer

Sometimes that person tends to have had bad relationships in the past but when they feel like you're different and you're the one, they don't ever want to lose you.

MaximisPryme · Answer

People tend to get possessive, because they give up a lot for a relationship (Time, money, energy, love), and all they expect, is to have their partner to reciprocate that. Plain and simple.

abundantlyrich · Answer

I would say it has something to do with their culture or upbringing.

InTimoreDei · Answer

Got cheated on twice so there is always a fear of losing the person I thought loved me.

roseypopxox · Answer

They're insecure and are scared to be alone. It could even be that they've fallen in love with their other and care about them

EmHenz · Answer

I used to be very carefree in relationships and got cheated on twice and that thing just screwed me up.

LeonBburn · Answer

It's due to ones trust, there's a boundary that hasn't been broken yet, that is making them insecure of how much trust they can put into the significant other. Trust takes time, an open mind, and clarity between each other's concerns

BellaJagerfly · Answer

There are different answers depending on the relationship. In my experience, it’s has been because he was the one screwing up and figured so was I. It has caused him to become insecure as well as possessive.

worldscolide · Answer

I'm not sure... I would surmise there is a big fear of loss, that would contribute to it anyway..

Gojrai · Answer

Its not always because of jealousy... sometimes it's because of the fear of losing the person you love

hammeronfire · Answer

been cheated on before and swore that it will never happen again

jessture · Answer

What I hate is how acceptable it is to be possessive, such controlling behavior

rahul_24 · Answer

Care, when you cherish your SO so much. It's natural but think both should know and understand each other values and respect each other

mohit0094arora · Answer

May be because of baggage from past relationships. You cannot let too lose a relationship. You cannot hold it very tight either.

IsMayoAnInstrument · Answer

Because they're already that type of person. People have bought into the lie that love will completely fulfill them and they idealize one another to an unhealthy level.

valualty · Answer

Because relationships are the wrong drug to loneliness

inmensus · Answer

They were possessive and insecure before they got in the relationship.

Lance1965 · Answer

Probably because so many relationships are on the brink of failure.

VikMahesh · Answer

They are already possessive and insecure. Relationship only brings those factors at the surface level.

anametouse · Answer

Well I don't agree with it but it happens. You never know when someone might cheat 🤷

dylan1020 · Answer

They may have been hurt before making it harder for them to trust

Kevin_Gir · Answer

Because you don't want to lose the other person and you feel like your not good enough for them

Iamagoodguy · Answer

How is the last picture possessive or insecure and because they don’t feel like they can get anyone

333222111 · Answer

because theyre scared they might loose the other person

Slim57 · Answer

Scared of losing someone, been treated poorly, insecurity

justyourbasicgal · Answer

Because they themselves are insecure and have emotional issues.

AynonOMouse · Answer

If she isn't at least a little possessive I would feel like she doesn't really care.

YashUppal · Answer

Because they are worried and don't want to lose their partner to someone else.

DKS689 · Answer

They want to be perfect and don't want to share (if that makes sense)

Skullpool · Answer

Self insecureness. Been there and will never be again :)

Why do people get so possessive and insecure in relationships?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do people get so possessive and insecure in relationships?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.