Why do people get so possessive and insecure in relationships?

[Ellie-V]

[Anonymous]

I believe people that are insecure in their relationships are either insecure about themselves so they feel their partner can do better and are just waiting for the other shoe to drop or they’ve been burned before, either by a previous partner or the current one.
In the case of being burned again it’s really unfair for the person you’re with to pay the price for what someone else’s done, I’m sort of in this category. I don’t think my boyfriend will hurt me the way my ex did but my past has caused me to have trust issues and just be kind or paranoid. It’s just that sometimes my problems creep up on me and cause issues like that in my current relationship. Luckily for me he’s very understanding of this and as long as we’re talking about it it’s something that can get worked out without much or any friction.

[561Aloha]

They bring that into the relationship already, from probably a history of being broken hearted and the more into they are feeling something for the other person in the relationship the more their scared because they’ve been in a similar situation and got hurt when they let their guard down.

There’s also the a**hole who is pocessive because they aren’t mature enough yet. They don’t understand it’s two human beings and two thought processes going on. And is self absorbed in their thoughts / feelings they try to control things because they want to be the one in charge ( power move ) and this is based off his insecurities about her leaving him for another guy or something

[KingAra3]

Human emotion can never be predicted. You can't say "oh I don't get jealous" because sure you don't get jealous at the first stage but once that person gets connected to you on a different level, things change and you can not predict that. Once a person has made what I call a "Line" then they are bonded to you on a level of comprehension only truly 100% known to the beholder. This could be things like virginity, first love, longest love, and even big things like a first experiences. Once these get created then emotions grow like jealousy, possessiveness, attachment and amendment issues, things like these.

[4pple]

Because they consider the other person very important and valuable, they don't want to lose them and are worried that they could, especially if their past involved them being left or betrayed it's more likely they'll be scared of losing you. How would you feel if you knew the person you love more than anything else could leave you or cheat on you overnight, with no previous warning?

[Drumlin2001]

People have their own insecurities, if communication in a relationship isn't open and honest it can start to play on these on both sides and cause issues. Posessiveness comes from an uneasiness in relationships born from insecurities. It comes down to communication

[ccp16]

I think it has more to do with the clingy partner than anything. I stress so much to younger people that you need to love yourself and feel comfortable with yourself before you can stablly share your life with another person in a healthy manner.
Unfortunately, my little sister is is like this... she hates being single and feels she needs a relationship to have a happy life- but of course this leads into clingy behaviors and driving guys away and creating a negative loop.

[TacosRAwesome]

I think moments of insecurity and possession are fully normal (I'm referring to the occasional day when you have a bad day and want to cuddle or doing something to show your partner is yours) but if that is your constant attitude it becomes annoying and destructive.

[Northern_star]

i have been in a posessive relationship once, she was intelligent, beautifull, caring.. i had no problem with her insecurities, i took the time to speak it out every single time. And it worked, i think if you really love someone these little "flaws" can't stop you, its a matter of patience and caring. but maybe thats just me.

[JayMarbles]

Because I've been fucken lied to in the past and i think everyone is cheating on me.. but i need to get the fuck over it because not everyone is out to get me.. I don't know I've been through a lot.. also i dont like fucken sharing whats mine.

[Neelie1]

Speaking from personal experience, the competition for partners is so intense, and the fear of losing out only to get back into a life of dreaded loneliness would make anyone want to hang on as tight as possible to what we already have.

[ChgzDaniel]

It's like when your a child and you have that super awesome toy that you love. Then your mum tells you to share and then some snot-nosed brat rips it out of your hands and breaks it.

[crazy8000]

The person doesn't feel totally safe and secure with that person for some reason. it can be the other one as much as the insecure struggling forom some own shit on the inside.

Normaly is that person insecure from the start in some way that probably had a front to hide it to appear strong and stable to get a partner.

[Anonymous]

My exGF was very insecure, had emotional baggage from her previous relationship which she couldn't let go that manifested into her becoming possessive and later trying to be controlling. Over time it got worse which I grew very tired of hence the reason I left her!

[LifeEqualsLove]

- Not mature enough to be in a serious relationship
-Fear of loosing their partner to someone better looking
-They're not sure what a real relationship looks like
-They are really control freaks
-They don't know

[lovelygirl1234]

Because they get wrapped up thinking about past experiencies or things their friends say like " Oh all men cheat" " all guys who are X are not faithful"

[princessfromjupiter]

I've only had one relationship and I feel like I wasn't possessive enough...

[Turtlewax1994]

It’s the fear of loosing a person that drives us to insecurity

Can you answer mine please? It’s on my page

[Jjpayne]

You find someone that you don't want to lose and you fight for them. It's hard because sometimes it's not meant to be and even when you have fought your hardest the relationship still dies :(

[Mesonfielde]

Because they are all socially retarded and emotionally unaware, while also being distrustful. Lack of empathy and general consideration of the other person's feelings.

[ChronicThinker]

Lack of self-worth is usually the culprit. If you feel you can't offer your partner enough, you become afraid of them looking for something else.

[Jemini_Crocket]

Fear of losing their loved one, being cheated on or simply being that kind of a possessive person.

[CarpetDenim]

I dunno, I guess cuz when people finally get something good sometimes they get scared of losing it.

[Branwenn]

Because they are insecure to begin with. When they sense the slightest thing wrong it sends them off the deep end.

[Anonymous]

Having been cheated on, any secretive behavior causes paranoia when it comes to me. Uncertainty makes me curious and kind of spawns insecurity and doubt.