Is cheating basically normal?

[Anonymous]

I was reading a book about infidelity and it brought statistics that not only saddened me but also frightened.

The amount of women cheating from sometime around the 1980s ish to early 2000s increased along with men.

men cheat (generalized of course) in search for sex and unfaithful men often are as happy as a faithful man in a relationship

meanwhile women who cheat do it more for emotional purposes that are not provided by their husbands, leading them to be more distressed when cheating.

I read in the book an old lady had lived he whole life believing her husband was faithful, but it was not until he had passed away that she found out she was not the only woman her husband was seeing.

Updates

+1 y

I forgot to add that the roles kind of switched I think but that statement might be wrong (It’s in a book). But men now and days cheat emotionally and unintentionally with their friends

While women are now engaging in more sex

Updates

+1 y

Does common mean it’s normal?

[englisc]

It's not normal. About 20% of men and 15% of women cheat according to statistics, therefore most people don't cheat.

I have to say that the idea that women cheat for emotional reasons is complete bullshit thought up by people who don't understand female sexuality. Women are almost as capable of getting horny and having casual sex as man, and often it's just sex. This comes from the idea that women only have sex with guys they love and are emotionally connected to, that they have sex in exchange for love - yet many have friends with benefits and one night stands with no love or emotional attachment involved. They have sex just for the sex.

[Asker]

Where are your stats from if you don’t mind me asking?
Of course both can chest for physical or emotional reasons.

Back then there were restrictions on freedom though. Women weren’t expected to take on male dominated careers which today they are. Plus you could be friends with benefits bu haven’t you ever heard of the girls becoming too attached anyways?

My boyfriends friend had a friends with benefits and even she grew attacteched at some point and wanted more than that. When he declined, she left him. Later on came back though.

[englisc]

I can't remember exactly where I saw them, but many different studies show a similar result with a few percentage points.

I think that women do tend to be more inclined to become emotionally attached after sex, and do tend to be more relationship minded than men. However, my point is that women often do have one night stands and casual sex. Usually what happens is they sleep with the guy not intending to catch feelings but then they do - it still happened originally out of lust rather than love.

Often for example people think only men cheat because they're not sexually satisfied, but it can also be the same reason for women. Sometimes the guy might be very emotionally available and the girl will still cheat because the sex is bad and she's happy about everything in the relationship but that.

I also think that perhaps it's a way to justify female cheating. If she says "he wasn't there for me emotionally" that sounds less bitchy than "he wasn't good enough in bed".

[Spawnface]

Normal is a psychotic killer having endured so much stress they snap and go on a killing spree. Normal is the apathy towards the sick and homeless. Normal is also having affection for your friends and family. Normal is in no way a justification. It's normal for monkeys to eat the faces of the other monkey tribes in the jungle.

Cheating is as normal as can be. It's perfectly normal. Psychiatrists say Hitler was also absolutely normal. Normal is a problem. To be normal is to be prone to deterministic biology, to act like an animal. Humanity is the idea that we ascend from the bondage of our primal desires.

[DaDon72]

Ya know I always wanted to explain normal but never could and this guy nailed it!

[Asker]

Interesting 🤔 I like your take

[Lightning8]

word 👏🏾

[Bella117]

Cheating is not normal in my opinion. Now unless you’re in an open relationship that you and your partner both agreed on, then do whatever. But when your partnership is only exclusive to the two of you, then no, cheating is not normal. Cheating is a choice and a very horrible one. Cheating stems from insecurity and thinking you need more to be satisfied. It’s selfish, it’s mean, and just plain terrible. Why would you want to do that to someone, especially when that person has your best interest at heart.

[Asker]

Cheating comes from many places, not just insecurity.
In the book, the therapists and author speaks about how she thought cheating only occurred in unhappy relationships, but later she had clients that were loving and happy, but one let their boundaries down with their friend, which lead to emotional and physical cheating.
Some are emotional reasons that they’re not receiving from their partner etc.

But insecurity is definitely not the only reason

[Clo917]

I don't know if I'd say it's normal. Yes, the rate of cheaters increased a lot over the past couple of decades, but it's still frowned upon in the eyes of society and many people think very poorly of cheaters. So it's not necessarily normal, but it has become more common.

[Asker]

If it’s common does it mean it’s normal? 🤔

[Clo917]

Like I said, I don't think so. It's become more common, not common to the point where nearly every person cheats. It's still drastically frowned upon, which is why I don't think it's normal.

[Asker]

Actually high percentages of people chest. Close to 50% on a study of about 300-500 people ish
I need to check the stats

[Clo917]

I'm not sure the stats either, but 50% does sound a bit too high. But I wouldn't count that as a high enough stat to generalize it as normal nowadays, it's not something that I imagine will ever be socially acceptable.

[Anonymous]

A couple of things here. I think the statistics reflect the fact that there is more research being done, more information being collected and it's simply more "normal" for people to be willing to share the truth about their cheating experiences. I think women have always cheated at roughly the same rate as men, but we just hear about it more now due to the factors I mentioned.

Also, I think the different reasons for cheating for men versus women that the author provided are a little misleading. I believe both men and women cheat because they are emotionally unsatisfied. It's just that sex leads to emotional satisfaction (or dissatisfaction) in different ways for men and women. But in the end it's really no different... both cheat because they are emotionally unsatisfied and are looking for sex with others to achieve that satisfaction. I hope that makes sense.

But to your question, I think cheating is more common than we used to realize, but I don't think it is r ever will be "normal". At least I hope not.

I do, however, hope that people will begin to recognize that women and men cheat at the same rate and that the stereotype that men cheat more than women is an inaccurate and unfair one.

[Asker]

I agree to some extent. Both can definitley chest due to emotional dissatisfaction and also for some, it just happens. In the book, it talks about how a happily married couple were too focused on their kids and careers, the husband began to desire conversations with his coworker... later he let his boundaries down and began to speak about thinks that shouldn’t be spoken of leading to emotional cheating.

I disagree the cheating at the same rate. It’s also mentioned in several studies that men tend to cheat a lot more than women do but the amount of women cheating has increased.

[Opinion Owner]

abcnews.go.com/.../story?id=13885519

[Asker]

That was 2011 here’s some updates

ifstudies.org/.../who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america
And also

[Anonymous]

I don’t believe “emotional” cheating is on par with real physical cheating. This is just a male POV. I’ve heard women say emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating. But one there is any contact with genitals it’s crossed the line.

I cheated on my first girlfriend in high school and made a vow to never do it again in my life. I haven’t. Now am guilty of being drunkenly flirty and slightly touchy/feely with other girls while in a relationship. Not right but even then I knew the boundary.

I’m also about 90 percent my second to last ex cheated on me one week before we broke up. In her mind she saw this as justified because “she’s moved on”. To me that’s no fucking excuse. Things are only official when they are official. She never admitted it to me but I’m very convinced something happened. She got a new job three weeks before we split and I noticed that is when she started acting different. I know she met some other guy there. I still always wanted to know what happened.

Anybody seen the movie “hall pass”? Wonder if one week is alright to get it out of your system...

[Asker]

I respect your point of view. Never seen it but is it on netflix?
And just curious but why do you not believe in emotional cheating?
It really isn’t okay once you start physically acting on it.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s not okay. I would be pissed if my girlfriend was getting emotionally involved with some other guy. But chances are he is 100% friendzoned (I’ve been that guy years ago).

But physical cheating is full tangible, biological act. That’s black and white.

It’s a good comedy with Owen Wilson. Basically two married couples agree to “take a break” on their marriage. It’s about letting them blow of some steam and the ramifications of it. Has to do with their exploits. In the end they all regret it.

[James_R]

These studies have many different reasons why the participants claim they cheat but when you get down to it, something is fundamentally wrong in the relationship. It has become too easy in the age of hookups to seek and find another person to give you emotional support or just sex. When you cheat, yes something is wrong in the relationship but the person cheating fails to engage and talk to their partner. It is difficult to have those discussions with our partners about what is wrong and harder still for us to fix what is wrong than it is to cheat. The cheater also does not want to risk the benefits of being in a committed relationship. If you talk with your partner about what is wrong in the relationship, you may lose him or her. Many would rather risk being caught than lose the benefits of the committed relationship.

The cheater chooses the easy path rather than dealing with some uncomfortable truths and risk the committed relationship. I do not believe, however that cheating is normal. What I do believe is people need to start being more honest with each other. Find partners that are also your best friends who you can say anything to and they'll stick by you. Communication is key, especially in the long haul and we need to aim for that instead of focusing solely on the person who looks the hottest, gives you the best sex, or has a fat wallet. Do that and you'll have a far lower risk of a cheater because that person will love you.

[Idonthaveausername]

I agree with this. Communication is the key to solving problems in your relationship and you need to feel comfortable enough with your partner to talk about them

I read a study about prairie voles that eventually discovered something they called the cheating gene. More men than worm have it and it accounts for the majority of cheating in men. Those are the men who cheat in good relationships. So while cheating may be normal for those men, they were still able to be faithful if they wanted to. About 25% of men have this gene

[Finchie40]

Pretty much everyone cheats , cheating doesn't only occur in actual sex, cheating occurs with just flirting or having an emotional connection with someone other then your partner. It comes down to how you behave when your in a relationship. You might be happy with your current partner and things are going great then 1 day you are out with friends and you run into someone that catches your eye that you find very attractive , even though you tell yourself i am not going. to cheat on my partner you still flirt back with this other person thinking it's just in fun , but the reality of it you just cheated , this stuff happens all the time even at work , you might have a co worker that you really like and you for a connection with them, even though you feel it's innocent that co worker might be thinking other things. So again it mainly comes down to how you behave. When people get into relationships you should always make your partner your number 1 priority if you can't do that then u shouldn't be in a relationship , every person has selfishness in them , so removing selfishness when you get in a relationship will help your relationship grow , if ypu can't you my as well be single , you should always put. yourself in your partners shoes when facing and decisions, vice. versa , but sad thong is most people can not do that considering people think grass is greener or they get bored

[hellionthesagereborn]

Statistically 20% of the population will cheat, that then is not the norm as the norm would require it to be above fifty percent. Two, men do not cheat because of sex, they cheat because something is missing in their relationship (almost always intimacy and sex) but because they love their partner they do not want to leave so they try to "fix" their problem by finding some one who will provide them with that sex and intimacy outside of the relationship while women cheat because they no longer care about the relationship (its not always the husbands fault, seriously why does every person want to place the entire blame on the man and then act like women don't screw up, that women can also be at fault?) "He cheated so its his fault, she cheated so its his fault." That's absurd, she is an adult and she can take responsibility for her actions. Yes he may be negligent but then so can she, they can both be to blame, or one of them for how the relationship deteriorated, but both are responsible for their actions i. e. who ever cheated cheated and they must own that. So no, its not common, its not normal.

[kingakuto]

When women cheat it is suggested that it is for emotion or sexual gratification that their husbands or boyfriends can't meet. The latter suggestion isn't a reason to be unfaithful to a person as founding a relationship just on sexual gratification isn't a stable relationship, as when the sex gets stale she leaves this is just wrong. Human are emotionally dictated beings so emotional support is necessary for a good relationship. However, this doesn't mean cheating on your peer is justified. The use of emotions as a justification to cheat is wrong as it's just a justification to allow people to feel better about the I fidelity they're having. This a rant about women men do the same as women when cheating but more prone to sexual gratification and domination of women. In this era, we live where sex is given more priory in a relationship, people cheat out of their own selfish desire to satisfy themselves even they know it will hurt their spouse. But many don't care as the thrill and the sex satisfy their ego and their want for attention.
To conclude cheating has been around I don't how long but longer than the Roman empire, nothing can be done to stop it as people sadly feel that they are entitled to certification more so than spouse or partners which makes the topic infuriating to discuss. I my opinion if a person in your relationship can't meet your emotional or sexual needs, talk to them rather cheating on them, because that does more damage the cheater would expect.

[Rashad]

To try to understand why people cheat is kind of trying to figure why people have developed a certain character, or why others find one person attractive in comparison to another person. What I am trying to say, is everyone has a certain reason why they cheat.
In societies where sexual health of a person is given priority, they cheat because they are not conpataible with each other sexually. They cheat because they don’t get enough sex at home. but all of that is just a reason to cheat. I know women that cheat or break up because of the financial issues that they have at home, even if the sex is more then great!
Or others that cheat because the husband is not home enough, and doesn’t get enough attention.
All of those are just noises, the fact is that they were unfaithful to an institution that they consider family! Which is a no-no, especially for woman!

With men , it’s a bit more different, even wife’s that have cheating husbands love their men more if the husband cheat discretely. Because the guy feels more dominant, when he is able to dominate more women etc. and allows him to build a more likable caharcter and woman fall prey to that. Including the wife that is cheated on. This isn’t the case with all men, but in some instances.
The men or woman, have not changed, they are all the same. Some are just a bit louder. Femaist woman have always been around, cheaters have always been around too!

[Anonymous]

If I were to take my entire friend group from the last 3 years then narrow it down to couples I know well, the percentage of that group that I can confirm at minimum contain one partner who attempted to cheat is over 60% and I’m being conservative. And I’ve been an extremely social person these last few years. From what I can tell that data is spot on. Most of the guys I know did things just because it was available and he thought no one would ever know. Usually alcohol or some other substance was involved. The women however I have more first hand knowledge of because I was often a target for their attempts. Most of the time it felt as if they were really just trying to see if they could since I was known as the attractive yet perpetually single guy. At times it felt almost like they were setting up contingency plans. I can’t say how many would’ve gone through with it if I had responded to their advances but it’s kind of the main reason why I’m perpetually single. That and my ex who cheated on 4 of her boyfriends and at least 2 out of the 4 fiancés she had in the 5 years I associated with her. So I can’t speak for all people but cheating pops up around me a lot. And I’d like to believe I’m not the one causing it but who knows.

[lightbulb27]

That's heartbreaking honestly, something is so wrong... and to find out in old age. That is the pain cheating costs.

Lot of things are normal, but not right. I don't think it is normal and I know men I don't believe are cheating nor will... as long as relationships are good.

Emotional cheating - yes, I've been accused of that and was honestly true. Not physical cheating, but emotional, I didn't even know what it was when I was accused... and my definition in my mind may differ than standard. Either way, I recognize the pain it caused the women I was dating.

I kinda wonder if the environmental corruption, societal corruption (possibly intentional) is the cause. Our hormones drive emotion, hormones are messed up by stuff in the environment, plastics and such! Our emotions and makeup is influenced by those around us and the media we take into our sub conscious.

There was corruption 10,000 years ago. The scale may seem larger now that there are 8 billion people.

[Asker]

I was definitley reading this with a pain in my chest. Being deceived is my worst fear.

I’m the book, it actually talks about how people often have a different idea of what cheating is! I never realized how important it was to make sure you and you’re partner are in the same page. I didn’t know either until I experienced it for myself. I felt I was cheated on but my boyfriend thinks it’s pure jealousy. People dismiss it due to the same concept as the Boy who cried wolf. Once something actually happens, it’s avoided.

I’m not sure what it is. Like you, some people don’t mean to do it in the first place. Even I myself have probably slipped a little without understanding. I also read somewhere humans naturally are not monogomous, we invented it prevent certain consequences. I’m thinking maybe that has to do with it? Cheating isn’t ever an excuse for anything, but perhaps there’s something in human nature? I’m just hypothesizing

[lightbulb27]

I do think need to define cheat and agree. Some women are very sensitive to security. So if he "looks" at other girls, it may set you off. probably so, nature is... animal, spread your seed far and wide and you win , etc.. vs our greater self of committed unfailing love. Commitment is taught by parents, if they had it, church, cultural norms. Our society has really gotten out of hand with lots of options to satisfy our needs, rather than how to get and have a great relationship (. e. g pick the right person, compatability, work, forgivenes,, etc..) no training...

Gets into the question of why people cheat. some thoughts...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q

I watched a video about rather than cheat, basically use others to pump up your marriage so remains... vibrant. not saying that's good, but you can see the challenge that it can take work to keep relationship alive, committed by both.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sYguTPLpHE

[lightbulb27]

watch first one with your BF!:)

[Browneye57]

It's not 'normal' per se - there is always a reason people cheat. Mostly it's something they feel or think they're missing from their primary relationship.

I've been on both sides of this and somewhat of an expert, both from study and analysis as well as anecdotal.

For example, I cheated on my first wife because I was looking for a better option. Sure, it was wrong, but I was inherently unhappy and should have simply divorced her and moved on. Which I eventually did, but not before several affairs and finally leaving her for the last affair.

That last affair has been my current wife of almost thirty years, and have remained and true, and happy. However she has cheated twice. Her abuse history and consequent lack of boundaries went unchecked and she justified in her mind that was a viable option - to seek emotional connection from others. That has finally ended, she is much more well adjusted and happy. We both accepted responsibility for our part in them. -->cont

[Browneye57]

Some fun stats that may or may not have been in your book. And by the way, I woudn't put too much stock in one book - there are all kinds of opionions out there and not all of them have concrete validity. People can get really off on a tangent.

75% of marriages indure some kind of infedelity
75% of divorces are initiated by women.
Cheating is pretty well split 50-50 by gender, but women are better liars so the stats are (or have been) skewed to men. Those stats may reflect more accurately today.

The bottom line is that happy couples in love don't cheat. And while you can't blame the victim, there is always culpability for the failure of the relationship.

Some personalities thrive on NRE - you know, new relationship energy, or emotion. That feeling you get with a new lover. Once a relationship matures that goes away, and needs to be replaced with true love or there's nothing left. People stay in relationships even when/if they're bored to tears, but don't break it off, or shut down-->co

[Browneye57]

What many fail to recognize is that investing your emotions into another, like flirting or being virtual friends, or FB friends, and exchanging all kinds of personal information and feelings - is called an 'emotional affair'. They are just as damaging to a LTR as a physical or sexual affair, and many of these emotional affairs do end up becoming physical when the parties decide to meet in person and engage further. The desire and emotions can become irresistible.

Additionally, once an affair becomes full-blown the emotions run so high that it is impossible to repair the primary relationship without the affair coming to a full stop. The 'old relationship' simply cannot compete with the 'new one'. So couples going through this have mixed results with reparations. The affair has to come to an end.

The good news is that many relationships are rebuilt and become stronger as a result. Both parties need to come to realize their part in it and make changes. -->cont

[Browneye57]

So while many of these marriages survive we like to look at them like a shattered tea-cup. While you can glue it back together to be all whole and usable again, you can still see the cracks. It is never the same. A professional counselor can assist with this process - unfortunately not very many of them are any good, are able to relate to both parties of the broken marriage.

From your perspective, any LTR is a gamble. But it is my strong opinion that the burden of performance is on the man. If he fails to lead, be the strong person in the relationship, or fails to maintain is physique and health, his income, and his ability to entertain his woman, she shuts down sexually, cheats or bails through shear boredom. A woman will take the leadership role if he fails to, but they hate it, they loathe it, and will come to loathe their mate. Then when some great guy comes along and pays her attention, she sways. This can happen to couples in a very insidious way, without them hardly noticing.

[Browneye57]

And my final advice is...
Choose wisely, treat kindly. __Dr. Laura

[Asker]

Thank you for your response. It was very informative and learned from it.
But question, what happens if the man decided he does not want to be the leader? What is it then?

I enjoy learning about this as a greater understanding helps me feel a lot more stable in my relationship.

[Asker]

It is alarming though that these are high percentages

[Browneye57]

If your man doesn't want to lead then you have to. Women will do this if given no choice, but they hate it. It's a weakness, and women loathe weakness. A woman looks to her man to be her emotional rock - you know, a lighthouse in their storm of emotions. After all, you don't want him breaking down into tears every time you do, right?
An analogy that works well for many couples: He's the captain, she's the firstmate. It's a partnership, but somebody has to take the helm and steer. If he can't she will, but she loses respect. Gone to the extreme she loses her sexual desire for him. How many marriages have you seen this? And she treats him like he's an idiot, argues with everything, corrects him on everything. She'll even say he's worse than the kids. A sad state of affairs. And like I say, a good looking guy comes along and pays attention to her and now all of a sudden all that pent up sex drive has an outlet - she cheats or bails, with a good justification -->cont

[Browneye57]

You'll hear the famous "I love him but I'm just not in love with him anymore".

The percentages are high because it includes all forms of infidelity - emotional affairs as well as sexual affairs, and from both parties. We already know some 50% of marriages fail. I say it is because people choose wrong, or prematurely, or have unrealistic expectations of what a marriage is, what it looks like, or what it should be. There are a lot of unhappy spouses out there, disillusioned about how their relationship has turned out.

At one point we have a very compitent marriage counselor. We used to argue, A LOT. He said, "Gee, you two really like to party don't you?" We learned that if you can't have a discussion on a subject without escalating then table it for later, come back to it. You may have to do this several times, or simply agree to disagree. You will NEVER agree with everything with someone else. EVER. So you have to put the relationship above petty differences. -->cont

[Browneye57]

You have to make your relationship more important than either individual. If you don't do this it fails.

And the reason women file for divorce is because they are usually more willing to cut their loses and move on. Men, with their more stoic emotional state, will tend to keep the status quo, hoping things will improve. A woman will get a point of 'enough is enough' long before her man does. They have an easier time justifying change in their own mind.

[Ecco939]

No, common doesn't necessarily yeild normal. A norm is a regularity across a system or tendency. That a thing is common is more short lived by comparison. Also such tests that usually lead to the conclusions that would indicate commonality of cheering are easily influenced by the one asking the questions. Such are also heavily dependent on the sample they are running. As a whole it is not really an accurate business. Cheating is probably the same as always we just see a larger scope with the world wide web. Take into account as well that there is more information and temptation now as well.

[Asker]

Definitley. Not to mention we have phones to connect with many more in the world

[wiseyoungman]

I think it's actually going to move in their other direction soon. Cheating probably spiked in the 90s because of all the white weddings in the 80s. Now that people aren't as societally pressured to marry, they're more free to have honest relationships. Fort done that will still be marriage, but others can now engage in ethical non monogamy

[Asker]

The book I’m reading specifically focuses on how people accidentally fall in love with friends. It’s not intentional or anything but it happens when you begin to forget boundaries.
But it also makes me question... what if you just connect more with someone else than your current SO? But I’m just learning so I don't know

I hope you’re right though!

[wiseyoungman]

If you connect more with someone else and you think you can't stop yourself from sleeping with them.. That's fine! Just do the right thing and leave your SO before sleeping with them.

[Asker]

Pretty much! I’m not sure if the book addresses that but so far it doesn’t. Just a thought. And thanks for answering!

[mandy97]

I once was surrounded by a group of friends that normalized cheating so much that I ended up believing it was even beneficial and fun (before that cheating gave me nausea and when I found out jay z cheated I cried for 3 days). The alpha of the group was very manipulative and cheated on his girlfriend with me and the rest of the group like 10 people knew and approved and we hanged out many times with his girlfriend. Everyone would know and even helped in the lie, she didn´t ever notice. He broke up with me because he wanted to see other girls too and I found it excessive, she still doesn´t and will not know. She is happy tho, in her eyes he is a pretty fantastic boyfriend, if you wouldn´t know what is happening you´d want a relationship like that.

[wildneko]

That is terrible! I saw something like that happen last year, but it made me so sick that I ended friendship with the cheaters.

I was never a friend of the girlfriend, never liked her that much, but she is the one I still wish all the best and talk to from time to time.

I'm so glad she ended with him, I wasn't able to say anything because all my other friends did the same as yours. And that is so fucked up. At least I now know not to trust them for shit.

I hope you know better now.

[mandy97]

@wildneko yeah went he broke uup woth me I was sad for a few days but I then started to realise the toxic relationship we all had because of him in the group and the awfull things we did, I will not do them again, even though I didn´t know her at first, we later became friends and she trusted me, and that is so fucked up and makes me so bad of a person, I also tried harder than him for her not to realise (when he gets drunk he starts not giving a fuck) so I became in parties a bit like a babysitter to protect her from his behavior and its so fucked up. She is literally the nicest girl I know and pretty and has an amazing body and studies medicine and is fun like she is perfect why would anyone cheat on her.

[Asker]

Oof that would make me sad 😞

[mandy97]

she will never know so

[Asker]

But fucked up no?

[mandy97]

very very fucked up, there is so much more

[noubigdumbdumb]

No, I for one have never been cheated on (I've been in about 7 relationships, some short some longer, which might not sound like that much considering my age I guess it's quite a bit) and I have also never cheated. I don't really see the point of it, but I think usually cheating is something that happens your current partner can't provide you with something and that makes you seek others for that. Maybe it's because I've only liked or fallen in love with people who are more wholesome or perhaps because I am young and people my age don't really engage in that sort of thing, but cheating is most definitely not normal.

[jp612612]

Seven "relationships" eh?

[noubigdumbdumb]

Take it however you want, perhaps your definition of relationship is different to mine. I wouldn’t completely disregard someone else’s relationship/connections with someone just because they’re young.

[thottttiana]

how the hell do u have seven relationships at 17
how do u find 7 people to fall in love with
you must be attractive

[Cask23]

There is a fundamental societal role shift going on. Men are assuming more caretaker (beta male) roles and women are taking on more traditional alpha male roles. For example a guy being a stay at home dad while the women holds a high paying professional corporate job.

On the surface this appears to be a perfectly fine arrangement, however a number under the surface issues arise. This a arrangement is in conflict to the natural characteristics that attract the opposite sexes to one another. Women naturally desire to be a caretaker and to be dependent on a strong man who has alpha characteristics. When they don't get that from their beta husband the wife ends up eventually resenting the husband and ends with a high chance that they will end up cheating with high powered alpha males they make frequently contact with in the work environment.

[Sweetheart64]

Just because it's common, it shouldn't be normal. People are unfaithful for a lot of reasons and nowadays are just too scared of confronting the issues behind cheating in hopes to spare the other person's feelings. I'm not sure what book you read but I think the statistics also depend on what cheating is defined as, and what people think cheating is.

You don't fall in love right away after meeting someone and often it takes some time for a person to decide to cheat, I say decide to cheat because you don't "accidentally" have sex or kiss someone.

Relationships take work to continue to thrive and people are lazy and want it all, but are not willing to put in the time and effort it takes, people evolve as they navigate through life but rarely take the time to evolve and work on their relationship.

[normalice]

The following things must happen in order for cheating to occur:
-A sexual/emotional incompatibility between a couple
-A reason to not break up (kids, finances..)
-An opportunity to cheat discretely - I don't know how it is for girls, but for guys I'd imagine most girls don't throw themselves at attached men. And a guy can't exactly pursue anyone, or he risks the one he pursues going to his wife/girlfriend. He needs it to be the girl's idea so he can claim ignorance of flirtations.

Anyway, the point is that it is as common as it is for each of these three attributes to occur at the same time.

[MittenstheGlove]

Common, yes. Normal? That depends on your definition.

Monogamy already is abnormal. Marriage even more so. Don’t misunderstand me though, I like the concept of monogamy as it simplifies things in some ways for some people.

That isn’t the case for others. Especially considering the legal credence for marriage.

Morality is a human construct. Typically used to control the masses and for the weak to have an opinion on those on control. It seldom works out that way though.

Disapproval of certain societal constructs is what has driven up these different kinds of multi-partner relationships.

I do believe the age of Neo-Feminism has changed the roles of Chesters. Men are getting sidelined for inadequacy, which is becoming more common each year.

[ScottSummers]

Almost every person i know that are married cheated at some point on their husband/wife. Just few days ago my cousin who is married with his wife for 10 years and they have 3 kids found out she cheated on him with 2 guys in the same time. She feels no remorse and actually blames him for everything smh.
She told me yesterday when i visited that iam handsome and that i could be a male model i was like bitch stay the fuck away from me.
I think its not yet normalized cos most people frown over cheaters but the number of people who cheat is extremely high.

[momof2girls]

That is very sad

[GrayArea]

Post Christian culture has drilled the idiotic ideology into our minds to which any "good" relationship has to be a non-cheating endeavor. Meaning that if one's personal desires draw them to want to play with someone else, they run the risk of destroying the long-term relationship they have developed.
This is why in many cultures previous to this one it was not unheard of to have relations with others outside of one's own personal relationship, within moderation.
Now this of course wasn't favorited by all, but it does seem to ease a lot of tension within the relationship itself, and allows for a more full and vibrant expression of personal sexuality in the self.