I wish my boyfriend was hotter.. what should I do?

[Anonymous]

okay, so i've been dating this guy for maybe 8 months (we're only 17/18) and i really like him, but i have a few problems. in the past he's said that he feels like i'm ashamed of him (not wanting him to meet my friends/ family super quickly) but i brushed it off chalking it up to his insecurity or my anxiety about social interactions/ taking things too quickly. but now i'm starting to worry that maybe he was right. he is less attractive than me and doesn't go to the gym/ exercise like he used to, while i dance and try to eat a proper diet. he is starting to not turn me on and says things that put himself down (which unfortunately make me see him in a worse light). he is super smart, confident in speaking and debating, and really funny; but i'm really worried that if i can't be attracted to him any more then the relationship might end. am i a horrible person for this?

[jennifer_bloom]

Before you break up - tell him how his behaviour effects you - that when he tells you he is ugly -he makes you believe he is ugly - that when he neglects his appearance - it causes you to believe you can do better. I believe that before a break up - the person should have an opportunity to change their behaviour.

[Asker]

this is so true if he had more confidence in his appearance and exercised like he used to i wouldn't have any problem. i just feel like a bad person telling him to change his behaviour for me.

[jennifer_bloom]

Tell him - if you are worried it will hurt - you could send him a letter or try hinting at the issue before you tell him - for example - if he goes to grab a donut - you could comment on how donuts make you fat - or if he says he wants to eat at KFC or Taco Bell - you could suggest that he eats somewhere more suitable for him like Salad Works or Chop't

[ryryryan]

Tell him he should start working out every day pushups and pullups the more the better,, if he wants to stay w u, and lots of sex with him helps his muscles grow and that should make him a halfway decent sexy man, if u really want him to be hotter 👍

[Asker]

oh my gosh this is the best solution. thanks for your fine input

[ryryryan]

Wishing u two the best

[Eros01]

Just ask him to start exercising bit by bit and then escalate to working out. He doesn't have to go the gym to just like I didn't.

[Asker]

okay, thanks for your advice very muscled person!

[OlderAndWiser]

The problem starts with your idea about how hot you are and he isn't. Think about that.

[Logorithim]

Ask him if he wants to get back into going to the gym.

[Ripper_E]

You want him to be hotter or you want him to take care of his body?
If it's the latter, that's fine. If it's the first, why are you with him. Break up so he can find someone better.

[Therisinghero12]

Enjoy what you got for now, if it doesn't work it doesn't work and that's natural, but for now don't worry about it, lots of problems are only worsened by worry.

[Asker]

this is a very wise statement. for example i was worried about my friend's scary new boyfriend coming to my party but it turns out she was away for the weekend so they didn't even come and i wasted so much time being nervous. this is so "facts" as the toronto youths say

[Therisinghero12]

Never heard something be called so "facts", but thanks xD

[Asker]

cool i think it must be a pretty centralized slang term then! 'facts' means true, you could also say 'ahlie' if you're less basic

[Therisinghero12]

Is that more northern slang

[Asker]

yeah, toronto is a pretty urban place with a large downtown area, 2 universities and a diverse cultural mosaic so we have our own little slang language. i used to not even understand the people i met at jams because of how many colloquialisms they used (you can find articles about it online kinda cool)

[Therisinghero12]

Never knew, I live in a small southern town 😂

[Asker]

wow that's cool, i visited texas once, it was super pretty and there were large cows. like a normal cow but someone decided to make it verrrry intimidating for no reason

[Therisinghero12]

More muscle means more meat! That’s the best part of it 😂

[Therisinghero12]

Ya’ll not have cows up there or something?

[Dionigi]

So he changed, but he can still exercise again and become attractive again. Inspire him to go to the gym again. This will also strengthen your bond.

[Asker]

i guess i'm scared to sound shallow and mean?

[Dionigi]

You fell in love with a different person. Who do you want him to be? The guy who seduced you or something else?
Ask him why he stopped exercising first. Understand how he feels and what he thinks.

If you don't want to be shallow, Focus your concerns on him and your relationship.
Stooping exercising may be bad for his health. Have you ever thought about it? If you have, you're not shallow. So start by saying that.

[Anonymous]

then lift him up

or be the like the rest of these bitches lol
women

[Asker]

i think most of the people commenting on this are men haha. also im def not at the point of leaving him, but i also dont think i could lift him up, i have never had great upper body strength and he is taller than me.

[Anonymous]

Well he isn't taking care of himself. Its natural to want someone that cares about themself

[scooogy]

shove him in the oven, turn it on and wait a bit

[Asker]

oh haha you amuse me with this pun, i was initially concerned cause im a dumb bitch but i then realized you had created an amusing twist of wordplay. bravo!

[elite665]

Date me

[Asker]

its possible this would hurt the relationship.. I don't know. strange solution 5/10

[DECENTSCOTTISHLAD999]

leave him