My boyfriend doesn't show much interest in me

[Anonymous]

First off, I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 27. I'm kinda at a loss at what I should do. Currently, my boyfriend lives in my home, for a long time already. We seem to be leading completely separate lives, though, and I'm not sure that what I want is what I can ask for. I'm so confused. I want to spend time with him, talk with him, have him involve me in what he does. But I can't seem to get him to do that. I ask him to involve me in his interests, but he usually doesn't make an effort. He also plays games. A lot. And I get insecure about myself, my looks and our relationship because of his lack of interest in me and because of the hot, sexy girls in his games. He dresses up girls that look nothing like me and plays games where he "has" to have sex with the girls in them. You know, maybe this wouldn't bother me so much if I felt more... wanted by him. We don't even have sex! At most, I'd say we 'do it' once or twice a month, only because I keep asking/trying to seduce him. He likes it, though, but he never feels like taking the time to get in the mood for it. Now, I'm not saying sex matters so much, but for me it just feels so great do something together, so close... I wish he wanted it as much as I do.

During the day, he just does his things. We spend probably 4 hours of the day together (mind you, we live in the same house and are both at home the entire day in our current situation!). I do the dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc because he hates it. Sometimes I cry doing those things because I wish he found ME worth the little effort to spend 15 minutes helping me. And again, this also probably wouldn't bother me as much if he showed more interest in me.

I have talked to him about it so often. I'm usually calm and scared when trying to talk about this and he gets defensive and starts talking crap about himself and asks me "what else I hate about him". I don't understand this attitude. This all confuses me. I want to be in a strong, loving relationship, but I keep feeling turned down. He loves me, I don't doubt this. Not for a second. But his way of showing it... is not enough for me, I guess? I really don't know what to do anymore.

[NoOneListens21]

Why not ask him to help you out with some of those things? like you can wash or dry and you guys can talk about things like your day or what's going on..maybe go out once in and a while. maybe dress up like the characters that he dresses up...maybe he's into well yeah he's into that kinda thing. maybe have him teach you how to play those games...maybe a different one? haha.

Tell him it's not about hating him or what you dislike but it's about certain things that you wish that he'd do for you because you want to feel like he loves and cares for you because you would try and do certain things for him because you love him. In the relationship you should be feel loved and appreciated and lately you haven't been feeling that and it tears you up that you care about him so much but wish that he would just try a bit more for the sake of the love that you both have spent building for one another. hope it works out =)

[Asker]

Hi, thank you for your comment. I've talked about this with him many times, though... it... doesn't seem to change anything.

Also, I play games too. And I've played the games he plays, in an effort to spend more time with him. I also stayed up 'til 5 in the morning for him before because he doesn't like going to bed 'on time' (which is 12am for me).

I also asked him if he'd like me to dress up like a girl from his games and he isn't enthusiastic about that... at all. :(

[NoOneListens21]

yw. Maybe he thinks you're not serious...do you really want to stay with someone who doesn't really consider your feelings? I know you love him and he may love you but if he is not willing to make an effort or care about your happiness then do you really think you can go on feeling like that? Sometimes it's hard to walk away but if they won't change what are you suppose to do? maybe you can tell him that you want to take a break or break up to take some time to think to see what is best for you 2

[Lett0385]

You just need to communicate with him, if you don't ask he won't know, sometimes we women expect our Boyfriend to know what we want but we forget that the only way he'll know know is by us telling ( giving them sights doesn't work either) speak up!.

Also if he wants to play games let him play games let him still do things he likes to you and you should go out and spend time with friends or family, let him miss you a little bit, change your routine specially right now that you guys are home most of the time.

[CrystalMinds]

How do you know he loves you? I'm sorry to ask it like this but if I had a boyfriend and I was in your situation, I'd seriously have my doubts about his feelings for me. He's not making any effort, he's not helping you, he's not making you feel good (which is kinda important in a relationship to me), he doesn't do sh*t, he just hangs around, takes up your space and doesn't do a thing.

How long are you two together? Was he like this all the time or has this just recently started?

[Asker]

He tells me he loves me, but not as often as in the past. This confuses me too. I feel so sad and insecure, then he says 'i love you', making me forget all about my worries for the moment. I feel like my emotions are being tossed around.

We met 6 years ago and have been living in our current situation for 2 years. One year ago, we didn't go to bed or wake up at the same time and saw each other for an hour at most. (He always stayed up gaming and I often begged him to come to bed, which he didnt)

[CrystalMinds]

Honey, actions speak louder than words, and words are easy. Stupid example: if I told everybody I were a lesbian, but if I would still date guys and have relationship with guys, would people believe me?

Sounds to me you really need to talk about this, and if he's not willing to even listen for 5 minutes... then you deserve a lot better than this.

[Anonymous]

OK hun first he lives with you knows everything is there for him , do you wash his clothes
fix dinner , fuck him all on his time he keeps enough rope to know if going to far
Think about it he sense he by certain looks tone of voice mood
well I better fuck her to keep her satisfied for a while
Ever like to chat p m sexual conversations and masturbating

[GymStatus]

ask him to help you...

[Asker]

I do ask... and it becomes a drama because he really hates doing the dishes for example. (his exact words) So I decided I should give up on asking his help. It's not worth all the arguments, right? =/