I've seen so many people hating on me for saying that I prefer being obidient to my girl or wife. I prefer having a female led relationship where the girl has the last word. I feel way more happy and comfortable this way. By obidience I don't mean blind obidience where if she told me to suicide I will do it...
It DOESN'T make me weak, a brave strong knight who killed hundreds of enemies on the battlefiled kneeled before his queen and obeyed her
What's the problem with being an obedient BF/husband to my girl/wife?
A problem to me if I understand where you're coming from is that bravery of the sort you describe is not a particularly interesting quality. There are countless forgotten soldiers who died bravely on the battlefield in human history under orders. There were countless forgotten slaves who broke their backs obeying their master.
Rarer qualities are those like leadership, charisma, dominance, things of this sort. That's what separates the squad leader from the squad, the general from the army. They're admirable qualities because they're much rarer.
But a bigger problem for me when talking about relationships between men and women is that if you reach my age, and you see the "pussy-whipped" husbands as many call them, is that they put an undue burden on the wife. They might obediently act like boys while the wife resembles their mother, but in just obeying their wife, they've effectively transferred a great deal more burden and responsibility to her.
They might still step up to the plate and protect her in dangerous situations (or not, I don't know with those guys), but it's not like there are dangerous situations all that often in the first place. Instead, they make the wives feel responsible for everything: kids, household, financial responsibility, everything. And it's no wonder to me that the wives often look miserable and dissatisfied, including some even revealing to me that they sometimes fantasize about a strong and independent man (I'm friendly with both the husbands and wives in this context) while they preoccupy themselves all day trying to tell their husbands what to do.
So I see it as ultimately about a man failing in his responsibilities to a woman if he just turns into like an obedient servant. It's the same if you ever become a boss in a firm. It's not necessarily the most blindly obedient workers that make the best workers. The most obedient ones usually tend to be tedious because you have to micro-manage and tell them everything they have to do, making your job as a boss harder than it should have to be because those types require you to get in there and micro-manage everything as opposed to more self-sufficient workers who can take some initiative and absorb some of the responsibilities for themselves.
Oh, yeah. There's nothing wrong with it at all, I'd do the same... Would even prefer for the wife to be the one bringing home the money while I take care of the house.
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Anonymous
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I like it being equal in a relationship. I couldn't date someone like you because I have no patience and get extremely irritated easily, I wouldn't handle it for very long to always have to take the leading role. My ex was kind of like that and he is now in a relationship with an older woman, that's probably working much better for him and I don't judge him or other men like that for it. I just don't want to feel like i've got a child, I want a partner. Anything else turns me off and pisses me off in the long run
What a strange question. Do you really mean it as you phrased it, I wonder? Could it be a language translation difference? I think maybe so - you are listed as being in Egypt.
In North America we would never use this word anymore/nowadays, unless it's a bedroom preference. Over here, it's about equality.
"I prefer having a female led relationship where the girl has the last word" and "obedient". We would not say that here in 2019 North America. That's all.
Nothing wrong. In fact I prefer submissive men. Guys who want to dominate and control girls are pussies who want to overcompensate for their inferiority complex and are worthless, abusive pieces of shit.
A man who truly loves a woman will want to lead the relationship to the best place for both of them. A man who is pleasure and comfort driven will want to be the submissive one, and in a real marriage you'll see he's going to be a dead weight that's incapable of making choices. Many marriages fail for the same reason - because the man doesn't know how to lead. In many ways, I like dominant women too, but I'll keep fetishes separate, and real life separate.
@jayden888 Point 1: Being obedient to a woman does not mean that the man can't exercise the role of protector/provider and that the woman can't exercise the role of caretaker/nurturer.
Point 2: Many submissive men are in happy marriages. You're entitled to your preferences, but I think it's pretty dense to say that male submissive men are doomed to be failures.
In the end, it's up to both partners to decide what their needs are and what works for them. It's not your place to say how two people should operate in their relationships. Thereby, I stand by my opinion that dominant men are pussies with inferiority complexes since they probably wouldn't have the balls to try to control someone stronger and bigger than they are.
@jayden888 Many marriages fail because of compatibility issues-not necessarily because the man didn't know how to "lead". Just to clarify, leading is not the same as being submissive. A man can be submissive/obedient and want to lead in other aspects of the relationship while letting his wife boss him around if that's what he likes.
I am not saying how people should operate in their relationships. I'm starting something women feel but don't say and something that eluded me for a long time.
Women when it comes to long-term relationship, marriage want a man who can lead and assert that position. Even dominant women say the opposite but when it comes to their own relationships go for a man who will lead (not dominate). This is because it is that position that makes life easier for them and the relationship more secure. A "submissive" or "obedient" hubby seems like a dream because you are imagining the opposite which is a rude, bossy, violent man - but that's not what I'm talking about.
I used to be of the opinion too, that why should it matter. Then I realized from women themselves that male lead relationships weren't because of "male ego" as I was told, it was because women wanted a man who would step up to the role as it made them more secure and happy. Again, not telling how you or anyone should live their life, just the fact that people publicly deny. Women love being wooed, love being secured, love being with a man they admire who knows his stuff. They may want an obedient man for a respite but marriages don't work because such men leave the women to do all the decision making and along with the naturally added challenges that come with a family and kids for a woman (roles a man can't do), it will dampen their happiness.
by the way, I think dominant men are pussies too. If anyone has to force their opinion throughout the span of a relationship it means they aren't in a healthy or happy relationship.
It's not about being alpha or beta, it's about being able to lead when necessary. Sorry irrespective of what a girl says, in an ideal relationship, that's the man they are looking for - one who can lead (when necessary). It makes them feel more secure. Not a man who is bossy, not a man who is dominant (that sucks too), but one who knows how to take charge of a situation when the need comes.
The relationship between a bf/gf is very different from that between a man/wife. I covered this in the comments in another question, but here it is to your question in specific.
1. You can be an obedient boyfriend, but you still have to take the role of the de factor head of the family or union in situations that are critical or in crisis, because as the man it's your role to establish that security. If you can't do that, you put that burden on your woman and if she has to make those choices all the time, it's going to hurt her.
2. So yes, you can be obedient, so long as YOU KNOW what is happening too and can reverse the shots if necessary. If you don't know what's happening, say good bye to your girl and relationship sooner or later. Not because she's going to cheat on you, but because you not knowing things will affect the decisions taken - she'll be burdened and the intimacy in your relationship will dwindle. You'll be no different from another kid in the house (a resourceful one nevertheless, but still a kid) or a pet human.
3. A bf/gf relationship is like who massages whom, who goes down on whom. Easy decisions, you can do them for her pleasure. Be a good boy and make her happy, no problem. Now you are married. You want to keep her happy in a marriage too obviously. So where to buy a house, how to negotiate the prices, where to buy a car, how to negotiate the prices, how to get work done around the house, how to tutor the kids, who brings home the dough, who cleans, how you discipline the kids if they are acting like brats (remember they'll do the same/similar things you did with your parents because they came out of you) -- if you are "obedient" with your girl through your relationship you'll fail to master these skills that are key to a man in the real world. The relationship will become burdensome to her and your intimacy will surely take a hit.
4. If she is your princess/queen, you will instead take the reins and then do the necessary things to make her happy. This doesn't mean bossing her around as many feminists think it means. It means you rise to the level of a truly wise and sensitive leader. So sure, you do things as she wants so long as YOU KNOW what is happening. But since you have the reins, you must also have the wisdom to disagree if necessary and take the relationship to the best place for the whole family (as mentioned in point #2). You should become worthy of being given that position by her conscience. Otherwise, the marriage will fail as it will become too stressful for her with either she making all the decisions or having to argue with you because you don't know what needs to be done.
This role is not one of arrogance, nor is it to disregard your woman's wise counsel, it's to be well informed that she feels the security that you'll make the right decision, that you'll bring home the dough and working for her is optional (depending on her interest).
I responded to your other response before reading your answer. After reading this one, I agree. I think everyone interprets the term "obedient" differently. To me, obedient doesn't mean giving every single responsibility to her. A guy can let a girl have her way, let her make the decisions under his guidance as long as they are both willing to maintain their traditional roles i. e. him providing/protecting.
not so sure about that knight if he was obedient to her.
In general, most women want the man to be the leader. The Bible conveys in Gen 2,3 how the woman lead... in a sense.. the fall of mankind. The man was standing there and followed, bad move. Ok.. it's a story but... that's what I learned... and it mirrors relationship.
The woman does want the man to submit unto her, but she wants him to lead... try dancing with a girl and find out real fast... needs to be a leader, and most the time, she wants you to do that... and she will follow. Sure she wants the Knight to bow to her, that means he gives himself to her best interests... her offsprings best interests... exactly what she wants. It doesn't mean she's in charge of everything... although some women are and are very bossy. Even when they are, they still want the man to take over at times.
Here's what you may not know for your mom hides it and the sisters.. you may not have perceived it. ... females are moody as their hormones change... it's a monthly thing, a lifetime thing. The hormones drive the emotional circuits in their minds... and thus, you can get different "persons" out of her. She may behave one way on a day, and feel different on another. Read the book Moody Bitches... that should keep you away from girls until after college. Written by a wo-man.!:)
I also want that kind of relationship to be honest, like a knight serving his queen, and truth to be told, I think it is stronger to be willing to put yourself under someone else's leadership, rather than always feeling that you want to be at the top of everything all the time.
However it seems most people have this idea that a relationship dynamic is not right unless it fits what 'they' think it should be like, and a lot of them think a man is defined by if he desires to dominate a woman rather than who he is, they think kneeling before a woman and placing himself under her charge is somehow a sign of weakness (that kind of attitude actually seems disrespectful to women in my opinion.)
I tend to think it shows a great deal of love, respect and admiration for her for a man to think so highly of her as to willingly place himself under her, to serve her like that, as opposed to the usual attitude most guys seem to have toward them (treating them like servants.)
If thats what you want to do, go on ahead. Just because me and other men might not want that doesn't mean you have to live the same way.
Personally, I dont want any relationship where one person is subserviant to another. Relationships are meant to he built on respect and on balance. If your partner expects obedience, it usually means they dont respect you as an individual as much as they should.
But like I said, nobody minds if you want to be obedient. But likewise, you dont have the right to tell other men what they should want in a relationship
The first reason people give you shit for it is that you're 14, you have no idea how relationships really work, nor men and women, male-female nature.
The second reason is that being obedient to your wife is the opposite of masculine. As a masculine man you're supposed to be the protector and the provider. As in the picture with the man in an apron carrying a baby, you want to be the female in the relationship.
You can point to exceptions if you like, knights kneeling before Queens etc. But most men who believe what you believe only believe it because they're weaklings and cowards. They're incapable of being the man in a relationship so they take on the female role instead.
I would protect her but that's exactly again the knight thing. There is no such thing as being a man. You're a man or a woman according to your genitals not the way you behave
Not really. Biological differences matter. The people who say that being a man or woman only has to do with your genitalia and not the way you behave are women who are useless at being women, and men who are useless at being men.
With protection for example, you're contradicting yourself here because the reason you'd protect her is because you're a man and she's a woman, therefore you still think that there are certain things a man should do. What's the reason a man protects a woman? Why has that always been the standard for men? Because we're naturally bigger and stronger than women, better designed for combat. A natural side effect of testosterone.
If not, then you probably also think that the woman should protect you too. The only way a guy thinks this is if he's an idiot and he denied biological reality, buys into feminists beliefs that men and women are just as strong as each other when they really aren't... Unless he's weak as shit.
Exactly, I agree on that part. Men are biologically stronger this is a fact. And women are mentally smarter that's why they should tell us what to do so that they can profit from our strength
Women are not smarter than men. Men and women have the same average IQ scores. The main difference is in the way they arrive at that average. The majority of women hover around the average score, whereas there are more men at the top and bottom scores. So there are more smart men, more stupid men, and more average women. If you're not as smart as most women then, you're admitting that you're below average intelligence.
I know many depend on the individual, but studies have shown over and over again that women are smarter. They get better grades at school, they're more successful at work, they make better teachers, and they have a better memory
On the one hand if you're happy then more power to you. Personally I wouldn't be happy with that relationship.
I think the man and woman should be the proverbial king and queen. Not queen and minion or king and servant. There's nothing wrong with bending the knee to your partner as a sign of respect. But as a sign of submission isn't palatable.
At your age it's not a big deal. But as you get older it becomes sketchy. Mainly because the older you get, the chances of a women willing to be in that relationship strictly for sadistic reasons grows.
There's a reason Male led societies outperformed female led societies throughout history. You can say times are different now to deflect that and that's true. Times do change, but humans don't. Everything happening in society now has all happened hundreds of times before. Only the faces and tools have changed.
I think their is a line to being obedient and being whipped and most guys would call you whipped and make fun of you. To do things because you love your girlfriend/wife would be a great way to live your life and I believe we should work more at this. I know when I'm with a girlfriend or even a friend that's a girl I get them pop, go get the food, wash the dishes, ask if they want something because I'm a nice person and like helping. Now you just can't be the guy that kills for your girl cause they said so kind of thing, just dont go overboard is all I'm saying and you have the perfect mind set
You do you but in my idea of relationship me and her would be equal. No one is above or below. I serve her and she serves me and it's all good.
Generally speaking the problem is that if you let her rule you or let her walk over you in any way, she'll likely lose interest in you, may view you as weak, she'll likely loathe you for not being able to lead. Some call this putting her on a pedestal. Worst case scenario (and it's most extreme form) she may put your tool into a chastity device, lock it, will have the keys to it and could be looking into ways how to "cuck" you.
It's really not rule in the sense of slavery, she doesn't own me she simply makes the decisions, nothing that extreme. For example if we will buy a house she decides when and where, if I will get a new job I ask her first, I ask her before I hang out with someone etc...
No, since from the beginning of the relationship i will make sure that she likes being the leader and is into guys like me. Many girls that I personally know search for an obidient guy and don't have a boyfriend now because they're searching for an obidient one
What you will discover is that women are very fickle. Today's treasure is tomorrow's trash. Also, a woman will say one thing and even believe that it's true, but they are often mistaken about what they want and what they like. A woman's heart is always changing and she cannot describe or predict her own feelings and desires.
You are placing too much trust in women's own representation of themselves, when everything they say on the matter is totally inaccurate in the first place and soon to be outdated in the second place.
What @Bananman177 is saying is, she'll ignore you and find another person who is obedient. That's why the relationship isn't valuable when you are always there without a question. A woman likes to be challenged in some ways, she find a man more attractive then. And I know it's true, I've seen that too.
You are young I assume, apologies for the assumption, and if so time will answer your question in a more difficult fashion than necessary. My advice, if it is any conciliation, stand beside what you want as well don't just give in to your partners wants. A relationship is a 50/50 investment and endeavor. If you get into the habit of giving up what you want for others, a noble and respectable notion from time to time, you will subconsciously will yourself to be walked on by others. Not everyone will take advantage of you but more than you think will, and in a few cases this is mundane and futile to the greater aspects of life but if you develop said habit you will find yourself in situations where the outcomes of being "obedient" can be extremely detrimental to your morals, beliefs, and your own personality. In short you will never become your own person if you rely on another to tell you what you want with your life or fail to stand up for your own beliefs and ideas...
In a healthy relationship there is conversation. No one "obeys" the other. They discuss things and acknowledge that each person has thoughts, needs and desires of their own. Obedience would imply submissiveness, subordination, empty headedness and lack of character. Do you want to be a Stepford Husband?
"a brave strong knight who killed hundreds of enemies on the battlefiled kneeled before his queen and obeyed her" He was sworn to do so under an oath and if he failed to do so - his master was at liberty of either killing him or stripping him of his titles.
It doesn't make me weak, I do it because I like it. I can be dominant but i don't want to, if I'm in such a relationship I would be bored as fuck and I might even literally commit suicide
" I can be dominant but i don't want to," You do realize that there's no way anyone would believe you? Dominance revolves entirely around action, not words. You can't just say that you can do it but don't want to - that's like me saying that I could pilot a plane, but don't want to, you just have to believe me that I can.
"I might even literally commit suicide" All the more reason you're not dominant and instead are weak.
You can know how to fly a plane and don't want to. It isn't that hard to be dominant, I tried before and I tried to change the way I think and I can but I am not happy that way.
To be truly dominant you know when to step up and when not. At this point you sound like a cuck and your girl could do whatever she wants and run over you. Be a man take some control over the relationship. You can't be bored if you're leading.
That wasn't the point. The point was that no one has a reason to believe you can be dominant if you never show it and simply excuse it with ''I just don't want to."
Eh that “obedient” word is off putting. You’re not a dog and I don’t like when either gender subscribes to that kind of thinking... however... I get your point. Just do you. There are a lot of women out there who will be more than pleased with your desired partnership.
The problem is that in 2019 we still have rotting old traditional roles. Fuck that, it's nobody's business what you do to your partner. Whatever makes you happy as long as you respect and love each other 🤷
There’s a 99.999% chance that your girlfriend is not on the level of a warrior queen. Such positions are either earned by fighting macho guys in hand to hand combat or because her dad was a warrior king & knows she thinks like a dude.
In no part of that is an azz kissing man involved in creating her or identifying her.
If you’re happy being a butt kisser, go for it. But don’t come crying when she tosses you aside. And she will
Its good to be obidient but more of it can led to one's supremacy If male supremacy is not good thn female supremacy is also not going to make ur way to heaven If she asks and u allows for club is good but if she asks and u r allowing her for continous hundred times thn it can result in her bad habit and on 101th time if u tell her not to go there even with a valid thn this may result in her thought tht u r not loving her as u were there for her before Also u will never be able to understand tht u r being used or ur girl relly like u
There shouldn't be a problem. People have different dynamics in their relationships, what works for one couple might not work for another. Don't worry about what others think, have the kind of relationship that makes the both of you happy.
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