I am not the prime candidate for a relationship. I have no experience with girls, so I'm quiet around the ones I like.
I am way too emotional when it comes to this stuff. So I doubt I would handle a breakup at all.
Not to mention that my ideological beliefs are so strong and controversial, that no moderate person would even consider anything serious with me.
And to top it all off, I don't think I look that good. Yeah, not a monster. But not good enough.
So, I have since 2016 had a strong gut feeling that I'll never take a chance. I won't ever meet a person who is attracted to me, accepts my beliefs, and who I am attracted in return.
I know it's not the end of the world. But it feels like an immense personal defeat. It's something that I consider essential to the human experience.
I'm not going to say that I don't believe it could possibly happen. But I am just accepting the fact that I am not in a good position at all.
My main concern was not about finding love by itself, but finding true love... I won't lie to you, given how the Western culture has sunk into the most abject decadence, it is really hard to find a woman who isn't a complete mess. And vice-versa, for them it's also difficult to find a decent man. It's because that in the West, we live up to materialistic and hedonistic social expectations that leave no place for love, we are expected to be money hungry, attention seekers, promiscuous with a senseless, kilometric sex bucket list and - ultimately - immature. How could love grow in a such corrupted environment as that?
I realised that, and I tought "what did the future hold?"... I'm no different than you.
My friend, do you think anyone is better than you?
In what ways?
I will answer for you... No one is better than you. You are just facing the same uncertainties that everyone who is like you is also facing: for being a decent person, for being honest, for not let themselves be engulfed by this culture of mediocrity. At first, it gives us a bitter sense of loneliness, a sense of imminent defeat... Well, I mean, what power do we have against the crowds of people who just gave up to their higher ideals and embraced all the cheap values of these crazy times? You would be praised if you choose to be like them, but is it in your best interest?
You think you are not attractive, I really doubt that women see you in the way you do yourself but, anyway. Do you think attractiveness could really save your day?
Well, it didn't save mine. I'm easily an 8.5 good looking man, it didn't prevent mediocre women from treating me like garbage in the past. But you know what? I pieced myself together again, every night. I accepted the fact that I have to be strong, because this world is merciless. I've chosen to be patient, to improve myself and to keep my mind undisturbed.
After dating up to 50 mediocre women (that is the shit test, many men end up losing faith by that stage), I met a very dear girl, beautiful and good-hearted, almost 6 years ago... And she stole my heart! All sorts of difficults in our way, all the odds against us, but it just has strengthened our love and loyalty to each other. I have not failed +50 times with the women who came before her. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those +50 girls couldn't make my life better as my wife does.
Don't fear to try too!
At first, try not overthinking, occupy your mind with something positive... Try charity, face to face. Help people around, maybe voluntary service. This will rekindle your self-love, it always start from that point. Spend more time with nature, pets, listen to good music, and keep yourself undisturbed. Just love yourself, love others, improve your life and wait.
In the sad times, be glad you still can cry, how many of our ancestors did not have the chance because they died in senseless wars or in misery?
i suppose i'm in the same position but the difference is that i care even less than you do. i've been let down by women so many times that i don't see the point anymore. even the really great ones tend to get bitchy in the end. if you've had one then there's really no need to pursue another lol
bro... you look exactly like what women want. will you ask someone out the next time you're out? will you do that for me? i'm a guy telling you that you have a higher than average chance at getting a date in a single day if you tried harder.
hmmm... interesting. that's probably why it doesn't bother me that i'm alone. i know the signals too well.
i'm gonna try to give you my advice and i've never explained this before. the gist is girls like it when you're disinterested. get really good at talking to girls that you have no attraction to. then apply that to the ones you are attracted to. that will come naturally if you do this right. plus, those girls that you made friends with have attractive friends.
My main problem is that I have a pretty severe and irrational fear of physical intimacy that I'm unsure if I can get past. At first, I thought it was something I would outgrow or eventually get over, but I never did, not even now at nearly 24. I would never be comfortable forcing myself to do anything I wasn't comfortable with, but also know that a lack of physical intimacy would be a dealbreaker and unfair to guys. If there was a chance I could get past it if I found the right guy, I'm not sure how long it would take, but it would certainly take a very long time. I don't open up emotionally to people easily as it is, and anything physical would take much longer.
I also have a very low, nearly nonexistent sex drive that doesn't help matters any, either.
I'm also very inexperienced and quiet, and don't really meet new people very easily because 1) I work in an isolated environment, and 2) I'm too nervous and shy to really be anything but a wallflower when I am around people.
I've accepted that it will be unlikely for me to enter a relationship at least anytime soon, but I've found peace with it and have learned to be happy by myself. I have friends and family for company, though sometimes I do still feel alone.
But, you are young and there are 7 billion people in the world. There may be someone out there who finds you to be exactly what they're looking for. That person may come along when you least expect it. In the meantime, just learn to make yourself happy and find peace with your current situation.
Nahh don't give up on these kind of stuff... I've seen worse looking guys finding love.
in my opinion most people, if not everybody, has had that thought. Humans are complex so it's pretty normal to think that you won't ever find anyone. But it's far from the truth. Ofc you will have to make compromises if you want to engage in something serious with someone.
Tbh I recently thought that I will never find love again but that's just not true. It all depends on how you handle it. If you keep dwelling on those things, they will automatically sort of get ingrained in your personality. You will miss out on many things in life
I am 27, almost 28 and never dated my entire life. One thing I will tell you is this from what I have learned from 27 years of singleness:
1. You cannot find love. Love must be within you. And it must be something you are able and willing to share and give in return. Selectively. 2. You do not need any experience with guys just to start dating. It is a simple matter of building relationships with the people around you and appreciate those who enter your life. Both the good and the bad. 3. I am also a quiet person. And there is nothing wrong with being quiet. Some are attracted to our quietness, others are not. So why pay attention to those who hate me being quiet? Quiet doesn't always mean shy. 4. You need to be around those who appreciate you and actually shown to value you. As an INFJ I have learned that not everybody would be able to handle the spiritual experience and actually experience life as I do. And it can leave you really alone. Not all personality types are the same. Just like no two INFJs are the same. 5. Despite what anyone says. Your looks don't matter. Attraction should be from within and show forth inside out. Not outside in. Shallow people are shallow people.
A person that really wants to be with you will see your heart and spirit. Not your flesh and earthly body. Date a friend who really knows and cares about you. Not some stranger.
I feel like I'm not ever good enough for people to love me in general.
there's a strong need to give to others, and feel bad for yearning for return.
It sucks.
I am beautiful I've come to finally realize - not gorgeous, but men aren't far off by any means when it comes to physical attraction to me.
But,
I can't open up. I automatically assume nothing will come of us, because I'm deeply gothic, making potions and such, as well as so into anime I cosplay like daily, and sadly I'm smart having two degrees, make almost three times what most 20yr old guys make, and work 60-102 hrs a week.
My career is like my husband really lol. I grew up poor, and never want to be poor again.
Top that off with my feisty hood girl mentality that pops in and out, and guys JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF ME.
Its literally nerdy or dark culture guys who can't go to hip hop clubs or accept that part of me, or kosher guys, who dont get the goth life or think anime is stupid.
No happy medium.
It sucks because everyone who has ever been in my life, benefit from my love and care.
You're only 19 years old you have the rest of your life to figure it out you'll be just fine my friend try not to worry about it. Go to the gym get in shape or stay in shape that helps a lot more
Work out, eat natural, dress stylish and learn how to be funny, chill and confident. Seriously just confidence alone does so much for you. Something you clearly have none of.
by the way use turmeric on food and/or increase your zinc intake. These items raise your testosterone which will help with your work outs and to make you less sensitive.
Do it and itll not only be interesting but effective.
Also learn how to defend yourself too. Women also like it when they feel safe around a man. Of course feeling safe around a man is far more than just being able to defend yourself and her but its still part of it.
Hmmmmm I have the same problem. I am the male equivalent to a incel. Well I am a femcal... It is terrible being a female incel I literally have no options in dating despite lowering my standards super low and I'm still single. It's terrible and I don't understand why I was chosen to be a female Incel.
What is it that you hope a relationship will provide? It will not fill that “perceived hole” in your life. In fact, it’s more likely that you will have to give. What do you have to offer to modern women?
Please can we talk? I feel like crying, I just made a post about this. What are your controversial beliefs? And yes, you are ok looking enough brother. So many people get into them. I feel just like you
You don't need to fuck around to find love. If it doesn't come to you, you need to go out and look for it, it doesn't matter if you find it in a bar or a strip club. If it's love, then it's love, and you'll know it when you feel it. Just be nice and all that shit.
You too? Not to sound intrusive but you guys will live forever.. Spend this time growing and accumulating knowledge and skills become masters of something that will make you gleam. Love will find you at the summit of personal success
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