Is saying “I need space in this relationship,” just a non-confrontational way of saying..."this relationship is over until I say otherwise”?

[laurieluvsit]

... or is it more a way of saying..."I want my cake and eat it too"?

In other words, you still want her, when you need her, but when there is another girl that you want to fool around with, you want to be able to do that without consequence to someone else that has feelings for you?

A. Yes, most people that say such a thing are wanting to stop a committed relationship and look for another one

B. Yes, their partner is too possessive, or clingy, and they are feeling trapped so that is a way of saying they want out

C. No, that is a sincere feeling they are having so the other person should let them have some "time-out" of the relationship for a while to see if things come back together again

D. They may, or may not, be trying to get out of the relationship but you should be free to look around then and not be stuck waiting to see if they will come back into your life, or not

E. OTHER, see my comments below, or just open the "Space Needed" survey

[Moonchild714]

Everyone is different, I can say for me when I have said I need space, it meant that we don't see each other as much I'm feeling suffocated. I would say this with guys that wanted uscto spend all our free time together. And their idea of free time was if I wasn't at work then I was free, my idea of free time is I have nothing planned in this timeframe which rare, so to make him happy I had to give up other things that made me happy and that's how I would start feeling suffocated.

Now sone people find it easier to use the Space phrase than say need a break ending things all together; while others it may mean they want to explore other options.

I would say regardless the reason you should start looking for something else to fulfill you because rarely do relationships that one person needed Space get back on track. You could just say you know why don't we just call it quits this way you have made the decision and not in limbo. He'll think twice about using that line ever again...

[laurieluvsit]

Wow... another Gold Star Opinion!!

Thank you!

[Moonchild714]

Thank you for the compliment and thank you for MHO.

[laurieluvsit]

You're welcome, thank you for another great opinion :)

[Moonchild714]

Always glad to help.

[WhiteShoulder]

Interesting. Some guys do do that.

[laurieluvsit]

Yes, I think it is just a way of saying I want to date others, but why don't they just come out and say it?

[WhiteShoulder]

Cause he wants you and her both

[laurieluvsit]

That's what I think

[ZackBan]

Whatever the cause may be. For me when two people decide to commit to a relationship they are now bound by a promise to stick together through thick and thin and overcome all issues they might face as a couple.
If a problem becomes too big that someone has to call for a timeout and try to bypass it that means the relationship is Herby over. Doesn't matter if they connect later on something will always be missing. Like when you cheat on a test, you might pass but you'll never know if you were smart enough to pass.

[ivbnlknfru]

Its usually 1 or 2 reasons
1. Getting too close and a fear of commitment, wants to see how it feels without you to see if that's what they want.
2. There is someone else involved that they need the space to make a choice between the 2 or not and move on.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the couple.

With my only relationship I said it after he had cheated, I had taken him back and eventually realised that there was no point in continuing the relationship.
I wrote a myTake on this.

I never really loved him, I know that now because my feelings for another guy - who I, interestingly, never met in person - were much stronger. I thought I loved him at the time and should have never taken him back.
My feelings were gone after he got this other girl, fucked her and told me it was nothing.
When I took him back, the feelings I still had were solely platonic.

When I said "I need space in this relationship", he didn't take it well at all. I then texted him "I feel like a break would be a good idea", which was meant as a suggestion. It came from me thinking a lot about the relationship, and when he started an argument about it, I knew that it was done. I was done.

I haven't looked back since this happened, I tried to rekindle the relationship I had had three years ago with the guy I actually love to this day, but this didn't work out.

I'll always regret not having said "This relationship is over and means nothing to me anymore" sooner.

[MrOracle]

Needing "space", in my opinion, has nothing to do with getting with another person, and I don't know of many people who do that. "Space" in my view means needing more time to take care of my own personal issues, which might be business or family responsibilities or it might be time to think and sort out my feelings. But the commitment to the other person, romantically and sexually, are still very much in force.

What you are talking about is a BREAK - a (presumably temporary) suspension of your commitments to each other. I don't do "breaks." We're either together, or it's over, and if it's over, it's over PERMANENTLY.

Yes, I know some people may do things differently, but in my opinion, those people put themselves into messy relationships with messy rules and then wonder why things get messy. They have only themselves to blame. I have rules that protect both of us.

[normalice]

I can't speak for everyone, but if I were to say something like this I would only mean it as needing "alone time." Paying attention to anyone, no matter how much i like them, no matter how hot they are, no matter how perfect their bedroom behavior.. it is all ultimately taxing to me. I don't understand how anyone can be constantly energized by social interaction, but I accept that there are such people. I am just not one of them. So, if I tell a girl I'm with that I need space, I would only mean I need 2ish hours a day of no work, no friends, no noise, and (yes) not her.

[Finchie40]

Yes , when someone says they need space in a relationship it’s a selfish manipulating statement cuz the person saying it is only really thinking of themselves and it pretty much means they like you as a convenience., so best thing to do is tell that person to go fuck themselves and move on from them cuz if someone needs space from you then they don’t deserve you period. A relationship means you stand by each other as a team. When someone can say those words to their partner then they don’t look at them as a partner so get as much space from them as possible and walk the other way , I was in a relationship with a girl that said those words to me before and I said ok , I understand , I knew right there it was pretty much over , 2 days later she called me back and I said sorry I need more space and never called her back I ended up dating another girl that didn’t want space from me

[Ellie-V]

Well if someone fucked yo and the other person needs and wants alone time to heal and replenish their minds without them... that doesn’t mean they are the selfish one.

[Finchie40]

In which way did hey fuck you

[Ellie-V]

I meant fucked up*^

[Finchie40]

Not really , if you are in a committed relationship you shouldn’t need a lot of space if your partner fucked up , you should communicate with them and talk it out not run away , if you can’t forgive them then you end the relationship and give yourself the space

[soleil2666]

It certainly is a sign they don't really know where they are.
Now, whether they want someone/something else, whether they need to work something entirely unrelated out (i. e. towards their mom or dad), or whether they are busy getting over some wants (for others) that they simply never had to time to even contemplate - it's very difficult to know.
If a guy says it, treat it like a woman said it, and the inverse.
You could interpret it as being dumped, but then they could be back in 2 days or 2 months if you are a decent person - most people overestimate what they could get 'out there' based on mommy or daddy's secret wishes (you know the parents who got married and then kept imagining how much better they could have had it had they just remained single? Well those folks insist on thoroughly messing it up for their children - as crazy as it sounds in its triviality, that's largely all that there it)

[TacosRAwesome]

Depends on how much time you're spending together. If you're one of those couple that spend most waking hours together then needing space might simply mean needing time for one self to pursue a hobby / study / gym / something innocent that is not another person. If you already don't spend a lot of time together then it is a sign of trouble

[loveslongnails]

It's either A or B. "I need space" means "I don't want this anymore" about 99% of the time. There are rare occasions where you can take those words to be truthful, but it's almost always an attempt to back away softly until the fire cools to nothing but embers and it's easier to put it out.

[perislav85]

In most cases, that means the relationship is over. A person who said that maybe isn't sure, but it is rarely the case. Sometimes, in a few cases, they come back together.
Everything is possible, but most relationships are ended up with that phrase.

[Unit1]

Nein, nein, nein, so nicht!

This translates to "This relationship is over" without it sounding like a break up. In fact, this is a what I would call a masked break up.

As soon as you hear that, consider the relationship being expired there and then. Time to mass produce tears and then find a new and proper partner.

[pleasestopthis]

It could mean
1. "You're suffocating me"
2. "I want to date this other woman but with no consequences and come back to you if things don't work out"
3. "I want to break up without actually saying the words"

[laurieluvsit]

Agreed!

[Stevecs24]

I think it depends on the stage of the relationship and what that person means by "space. For instance, early on things may start moving quicker then expected and asking for space could be a partner suggesting not that they want out of the relationship but just to take a step back. If it happens later in, in an established, ongoing relationship, it probably means the partner is uncomfortable or having doubts and the end is likely to come soon.

[Screenwriter]

People need time and space to regenerate, just in general. Doesn't mean they're saying fuck off. In a more mature, longterm relationship, you should be able to express the need for alone time, quiet time... It's healthy.

[elite665]

I thought about they the other night and it’s a mix tbh it means yes you still want her but need space meaning you want to see what else you can get and experience time without her while still technically staying in touch and being able to go back

[elite665]

Think of it like a bank loan that you may never have to pay back

[broken_heart_at_48]

Odds are he's wanting to have a free pass but only he really knows until it all comes to light but either way you should make him clarify if that means you're allowed to date during the break. Just asking that question might knock some sense into him

[Jjpayne]

I have never experienced it but it is all relative to the person. I would say that, people don't even think about it being a permanent break but in their subconscious they have already given up

[Secret6620]

I don't think this line means it's over but that there seriously needs to be a change in the relationship. Time allows for effective communication and problem solving🖤

[TahoeHiker]

I've never said it but have been told that a few times. Every time I would smile confidently , and say sure take all the space and time you need. Knowing that they'll realize that they can do a hell of a lot worse.

[Anonymous]

In my experience it is usually a way of softening the blow, it’s the “pre-break up.” I think people say it so they the breakup doesn’t totally blindside their partner. The two times I’ve heard it, we broke up within 2-3 weeks.

[Jupiter1]

One girl I used to be in love with told me that and referred to it also as cooling off. She needed to do some soul searching is what she said. Good thing I didn’t wait around for her come back because she never did.

[Gbabequestions]

It means the party requesting for space isn’t completely sure. They want the space to see whether the feelings they have are real or whether it’s time to find someone else. The space will give them the answers they need.

[Iwillneverunderstand]

That's the hopeful side of it.. he's probably interested elsewhere

[OhThatsMorgan]

Some people will take a break just to breathe and actually take a break, and others will use that break to do other things with it. You never really know for sure...

[Bananaman177]

It means they need YOUR space so they can give it to somebody else.

[NatePsychologyMajor]

It depends or it could be all of the above. Depends on these individual, really.

[jasco]

For me if I say I need space it's most likely cause I am going threw something or I just want some peace of mind

[Ianto]

They are saying "I'm pretty sure I can do better than you, but I'd like to keep you hanging round for sex until I find someone."

[Aquariusmystery]

It’s a way of saying we’re not together but we’re together unless I find someone better

[Liam_Hayden]

No sure, but if I dating a lady and she says it I give her space, permanently.

[Supermosh1990]

Yeah majority of people that say that usually are wanting to end it.

[btbc92]

As I always say, it is always about the INTENT.

[rajesh_leo]

That sentence shows that the person in question is totally irritated by his/her partner's constant nagging or interfering behavior. It's the time for the other partner to mend his/her ways of handling the relationship.

[laurieluvsit]

Venus and Mars... lol

[rajesh_leo]

Right dear

[esotericstory]

You are never alone to decide if a relationship continues.

[Smf1989]

their partner is too possessive, or clingy, and they are feeling trapped so that is a way of saying they want out

[Athena098]

I think they need break from each other not break up sometimes me time.

[LovelyLolatheBirch]

This never happened me. Yet they kept me around. I already knew they cheated. Yet karma is a bitch. Hope to god. That all cheater die

[laurieluvsit]

I am so sorry that you were hurt so badly Ms Lola :(

[LovelyLolatheBirch]

I had made different accnt. this my dog name. I love my dog so much more then people. animal are forever

[rockrewls]

I think it varies depending on the situation and couple, so no one answer will do.

[Anonymous]

Omfg no. What is so offensive about one partner needing some breathing room?

[Thatsamazing]

It means their partner may be too clingy.

[Exorcist_Rampage]

Yes. Most people may think of it that way.

[FrenchyRomain]

@jellyroo your thoughts?

[ask4any]

Until I say otherwise! Laurie your the best!!!