I just found out a guy I’ve been seeing for 1 1/2 years has actually had a live in girlfriend for 11 years. How do I handle this?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing a man for 1 1/2 years and recently a woman came to my door looking for someone with my first name but a different last name. I told him and he said oh that’s my girlfriend I’m so sorry. Then decided to tell me he knows I’m in love with him and isn’t in love with me and is going to give his relationship a chance for one year and see what happens. I never went to his house because of his kids there. We were not super serious but we talked for hours a day via text and phone. I’ve known him for 4 years and had no clue. He coached my son and nobody else ever knew he had a girlfriend. She never came around. So how do I handle this. My heart is broken. I actually love him and I’m in shock.

[Iwillneverunderstand]

You handle it like a unbothered fool, cause honestly how well could you have known him within 1 1/2 you didn't realize something was off. You should just cut ties, no words needed and work on your ability to be a SO & the things needed to have a relationship.

[Asker]

Honestly I have kids too. I never brought him over. We hung out on our own, went on dates, talked all of the time and my kids are so upset with the divorce I didn’t want to upset them more. One of his has autism and the other is a problem teen so I just figured it was best for now. We talked whenever and it was like he was single. From being on 3 teams together not one parent knew he wasn’t single. Just crazy.

[Iwillneverunderstand]

Just goes to show how dysfunctional some people can be. Calculated or just mysterious and secretive. I would honestly, unless you have some heartfelt reason to not leave it be; just leave ths pieces at the door I wouldn't bother with another thought.

[Asker]

Thank you. That sounds like a great idea

[Taylor_C]

Been through something similar, wish I had any advice for you, but I'm still reeling from the blow myself.

[Asker]

How long has it been?

[Taylor_C]

Few months

[Asker]

I’m sorry. I’m confused why this man is so angry with me for falling in love with him.

[Taylor_C]

It seems he only wants you for a fuckbuddy and doesn't want any feelings involved.

[boggboss]

Not much you can do you have to move on as he clearly don't care about you so that's literally your only choice

[Asker]

I know. It just hurts and yet he keeps texting and arguing and is angry I fell in love with him. Why is he angry? Shouldn’t a person be flatterer?

[boggboss]

Because he wanted to fuck you you and that's it he never cared for you or your feelings

[Asker]

And he got mad because I fell in love and complicated it. What an ass.

[Asker]

Should I tell her?

[boggboss]

If you want but don't do it expecting him to want you

[Asker]

I don’t want him to. I just think she came to my door and was so distraught I feel like the woman deserves the truth. He’s a horrible man. He can’t go around doing stuff like this and get away with ig

[boggboss]

So tell her

[Browneye57]

You're what's called the 'backup plan', or the 'door mat'. It's amazing you'll go there voluntarily.

[Asker]

I didn’t go there voluntarily. I’m extremely hurt and heartbroken. I wasn’t aware of the situation until now! I’m not speaking to him. I don’t know if I should tell her.

[7773guy]

I would tell her. So he's left with no one

[Asker]

@7773guy I’m considering it. At the same time it’s come to light that he’s apparently cheated with several women their entire 11 year relationship! She knows about all of them but me so really, would it matter? I’m thinking not my problem. Karma will do its thing.

[Browneye57]

Stay out of it, mind your own business.
He owes you nothing. Your duty in dating is to get to know, properly vet them. You dated a guy for a year and a half and didn't know he had a live-in girlfriend? This is on you. And now you're just gossiping.

[7773guy]

What is this guy a God? A vampire? I have trouble even talk to a female God forbid if I get in a relationship with one last maybe 4months topS

[Asker]

Well I guess you would be the expert considering your profile says married and you’ve given 20,814 opinions on this site. I’ll take your advice and mind my own business then 🙄🙄

[Browneye57]

Well, thank you. And yes, forty years, second wife now at 30 years, the first one was a collassal mistake. And yes, over 20K replies. LOL
So here's the thing...
You got a guy that's a player, has a girlfriend but 11 known affairs. You have to ask yourself what the live-in is doing. I mean, if she knows about all but one, what will one more do?
And more importantly, somehow you've gotten yourself involved with these two with no way of knowing what other kind of dishonest things they get involved with. When I come up against situations like this I run. Away. As fas as possible, for no good is going to come out of any further interaction. You've been duped, taken advantage of, lied to, misrepresented, and probly a few other unknown things. So I would simply be thankful to get out alive and with your character and reputation in tact. STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE THIS. If this bimbo is staying with the guy you have to wonder what her shtick is. She has to be somehow involved in his dealings.

Good luck and be well. Find a new guy. NEXT!!

[Asker]

Thank you! I think she’s weak. She came to my house and was distraught. Just really sad. From what I’m feeling myself I bet he’s lied his way out of a lot with her. She seemed to be on a mission to find out the truth. It was sad. Here’s the thing, he texted me last night and said he’s working on things with her for the next year and would like us to remain friends. I almost died laughing! I said after 11 years of cheating you’re working on things? Wow! He didn’t respond. Just a sick man who was good at lying.

[Browneye57]

Well now, it's all starting to make sense to you. Bravo!!
Stay away. Very. Far. Away. For all you know he's an ax murderer too. LOL

[Asker]

Seriously! Like a Ted Bundy type! LOL

[7773guy]

Leave that sorry bastard. He makes us loyal and faithful guys look like shit

[R4vedave]

Easy, you cut him out of your life.

[Asker]

It’s so easy to say unfortunately it’s hard to do when he still keeps trying to talk to me.

[R4vedave]

T

It's the only realistic option when someone does something this heinous, unless you're looking to get hurt again.

Some things are forgivable, this is not one of them.

[Asker]

True. I’m just in shock. I don’t understand how someone can do this.

[R4vedave]

Greed, lack of empathy, lack of morals.

He's just an all around piece of shit, who's good at hiding it apparently. Sorry you had the misfortune of getting wound up in all this

[Asker]

Narcissist perhaps. Thank you. It’s pretty painful.

[Asker]

He’s also angry that I fell in love. Why would someone be angry someone fell in love with them?