Would you like it if your partner was obsessed with you?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

As of now I know my fiancée can be slightly possessive and obsessed with me, and I think it's flattering within healthy limits.
What about you?

Updates

+1 y

I really like it when she just clings to me and says that if it was up to her, she'd never let me go and we'd be together all the time, and her voice gets low and deep and she starts murmuring me all those reassuring and heartwarming things.

Updates

+1 y

I'm done with this site, and I'm done in general.

Updates

+1 y

She can be obsessed as much as she wants and laugh at me, but she'll have to respect my decision and listen to what I say.
Separate beds, no sex and no affections for the time being.

Updates

+1 y

Forget it, I'm sick of that perverse, corpsehumping and disgusting woman trying to get it on every damn time I'm feeling bad.
How the hell is even possible that all women I frequent turn out to be such perverse maniacs?
Please tell me all the other women are not like that, because I'm starting to believe it.

[Anonymous]

Slightly obsessed?
From your posts I read she's utterly obsessed with you, and you like it because you always fall in abusive relationships. You don't have idea what a healthy relationship is, all the women you engage with are manipulative and controlling.
Your girlfriend is way smarter than your ex. She doesn't abuse you physically or emotionally. She lovebombs you and at the same time cuts off your friends and makes you dependent on her, all while molding you into the ideal husband.
And the way she won over your parents show she's a functioning and charming sociopath, way more dangerous than your crazy ex.

[Goty123]

So many wise words, best thing I've read in a month

[Pamina]

This.

Asker, you should read this response very carefully, even if it hurts you. But you really need to finally come to your senses.

[Opinion Owner]

He keeps saying she helped him out when he was depressed and down.
The way I see it it's more a predator circling a wounded prey.

[Pamina]

Sociopathic people like her always make their victims dependent on them by "helping" them out. They take advantage of their partner's weaknesses and traumas in order to chain them to them.

Another very clear sign is them isolating their partner. Manipulating them into spending less and less time with their friends, turning him against them, gradually making it more and more into a "they are against us" thing. The more the sociopath has her partner for herself, the easier she can control him.

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina exactly.
OP mentioned that he didn't even want a relationship with her at first. She imposed herself and railroaded him on it.
The fact that he has sex with her only to make her happy and he doesn't enjoy it.
He keeps saying how much she's happy, but he never says he's happy.

Or the way he got salty about his 'friend' and wanted to ghost her. I bet there is some attraction or chemistry and he wants to keep her away to not be tempted.

Overall it's a bleak situation. His girlfriend may be the happiest she ever was, but OP is clearly unhappy and heading towards a prison marriage.

[Pamina]

"The fact that he has sex with her only to make her happy and he doesn't enjoy it."
- Yeah, that is just so fucking unhealthy and messed up.

"He keeps saying how much she's happy, but he never says he's happy."
- He doesn't know what happiness is, that's why. He's traumatized and would need someone who doesn't abuse and manipulate him. But he's stuck in this spiral of manipulation, dependence, obsession, control, and abuse and will continue to confuse these things with "love" and happiness.

"Or the way he got salty about his 'friend' and wanted to ghost her. I bet there is some attraction or chemistry and he wants to keep her away to not be tempted."
- There's 100% some kind of attraction going on between them, from both sides.

The thing is, thanks to his own obsession (daily posts about his relationship for months now, even the few posts that aren't about his relationship he somehow always manages to mention is fiancée "randomly"), we know A LOT about him and his relationship. And everything - literally EVERYTHING - he himself has told us so far are ultimate proof that she's a manipulative sociopath taking advantage of him, that he is completely dependent on her and thinks this abusive dynamic between them is "love", and that this whole relationship is highly toxic and will either end in another traumatizing catastrophe for him, or will go on and on and he'll never get out of this cycle of abuse.

Overall it's a bleak situation. His girlfriend may be the happiest she ever was, but OP is clearly unhappy and heading towards a prison marriage.

[Pamina]

Oops, left a copied line of your comment in mine at the end, sorry!

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina nothing about his relationships is healthy. He always follows the same pattern: older girl, controlling and possessive. Exactly like his overbearing sister and this adds a whole level of sadness and sick to it.

His obsessive posting looks more like a desperate cry for help. It's like he's begging people here to tell him it's okay and that's how a relationship should be. I don't think he talks with many people about those things in real life.

As for his constant fawning over his girlfriend, I think he's either terrified on her, or more likely he's that conditioned and thinks she's really the greatest woman ever and he's so lucky to have her.
I also think her obsessive control of him shows how much she's insecure, obsessive and lonely.

But in the end, it's up to him. He either understands and makes steps or he'll remain unhappy and increasingly isolated.
I don't picture his girlfriend being physically violent, but I think she has subtler and more refined methods to punish him if he steps out of line.

[Pamina]

He's desperately looking for validation here, that's the only reason he posts about it every single day. And he gets quite upset everytime someone dares being critical about it and telling him the painfully obvious things he doesn't want to hear.

I'm quite sure she doesn't seem like an abusive person at all from the outside and - like you said - doesn't abuse him in any obvious way (neither physically nor verbally). She absues him in very subtle manipulative way. Emotional blackmailing mostly

But yeah, he's a grown up, he'll have to figure it out himself. I hope when he reads our comments here he at least thinks about them a bit more self-critically than he usually does.

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina hopefully. Sometimes he has some flashes of realization, and he gets so upset because deep down he knows we are right.

I remember he had posted about overhearing her saying to a friend how she 'earned' a relationship with him and other stuff of the like. That was when he actually admitted to having doubts about the relationship.

[Pamina]

I have a feeling he will need one final major setback to finally wake up, although I don't wish that for him.

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina I hope it won't be when they'll be already married. She's getting things done fast.

[Pamina]

Read his update. I'm starting to think he's screwed beyond repair.

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina I think he read our comments and instead of replying directly he went for the update, to 'show us'.
Doesn't he realize what he wrote sounds so fucking creepy, I don't even want to imagine how that interaction is in real life.

[Pamina]

Exactly what I was thinking. And I'm pretty sure he purposely went over the top with his description, but that just further shows how pathologically incapable he is of introspection and taking outside criticism seriously.

Even for GaG standard's his head-in-the-sand reflex mechanism is astonishing.

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina at this point I don't even know. I've never seen someone so committed to be someone else's puppet.
He should rely on a support network at home, but he doesn't seem to have a good one or he has driven away those who care for him.

This is incredibly sad. A good partner is not like that, a good partner enriches your life, and doesn't put stops or limits.
It's legit scary how there are people like this woman who impose themselves in someone's life and in so little time manage to make their existence all about themselves.

I bet that if we asked her if she truly loves him, she'd say yes and mean it: people like her do love but in a very twisted way.
I don't doubt those people are capable of love but their concept of love is perverse and unhealthy.
But it could be he likes it that way and he's desperate enough to have someone love him, or he's addicted to it.

[Pamina]

Well said.

It's 100% dependence and in that sense addiction. His behavior is exactly like that of a drug addict. He will not listen.

It's indeed incredibly sad.

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina she's obsessed with him, and he's addicted to her.
She gets someone she can control and will worship her, he gets someone who gives him love and care.
That's why he won't listen. He thinks he's happy and got everything he could ask for.

[Pamina]

He will realize sooner or later anyway. But the later, the harder it will be for him and the less likely it becomes that he will break that cycle of abuse in his life.

I'm predicting he will get married to the sociopath, they will stay married for years possibly, and he will stay small, isolated, dependend, addicted, and incapable of improvement. He will miss out on many things in life, he will feel more and more worthless because of her subtle abuse and manipulation, which in turn will emotionally chain him more and more to her. Where that downward spiral will end? Maybe a sudden and extremely harsh awakening someday, but I think that's less likely. I think he will just gradually feel more and more and more miserable in his life. And that will be the end of that story.

How sad.

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina unless he snaps out of it, they'll surely end up married by the end of the year. And if he starts expressing doubts I expect that she'll either strongarm him into it, or more likely will 'unexpectedly' end up pregnant.

Speaking of which, it goes back to the fact he doesn't enjoy sex. He's either been sexually abused or a he's a repressed homosexual, but since his post ooze disgust about sex, I fear it's the first possibility. And the fact she never gave a damn in the first place it's the first serious red flag.

But I see it improbable he'll have a realization unless she does something drastic. He broke up with his ex because she started getting verbally abusive and hitting him.
This one is too smart to steep so low. I picture her as the type who gets sickly sweet and honeyed to get what she wants, or tears up and cries at will to make him feel bad when she doesn't get what she wants.

[Pamina]

Yeah, he has often implied he was sexually abused. I'm gonna say something very harsh now - but I suspect that deep down she's glad about it because it makes him extremely easy to manipulate and chain to her.

"I picture her as the type who gets sickly sweet and honeyed to get what she wants, or tears up and cries at will to make him feel bad when she doesn't get what she wants."
- Absolutely. She's a master-manipulator, a classic sociopath through and through. But these types are never perfect, they do make mistakes. So maybe she'll do something drastic one day. Seems like that's the only way for him to realize it.

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina at this point I fear she may even be sexually predatory.
He did say she's very aggressive about it and wants sex on her terms and demands.
In the best case she doesn't give a damn he doesn't enjoy it, at worst she likes it as a tool of intimidation.

The only drastic thing I see her do is her saying something really bad behind his back and him overhearing her.

[Opinion Owner]

OP thanks for mho selected by the system.
I hope it gave you food for thought even if you preferred to play indifference and pretend to ignore us.

[Pamina]

He read every single word we wrote. But it all hit a brick wall probably.

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina I take the fact he didn't delete my opinion like he did other times as a sign he at the very least thought on it.

[Pamina]

Good point. I hope that's true.

[Opinion Owner]

If he has any doubts, he should share them with someone trustworthy and that won't manipulate him.
I don't know what's the deal with his parents they don't really seem to be that involved in his life.

[Pamina]

I'm kinda worried he doesn't really have any truly trustworthy people in his life.

[Opinion Owner]

@Pamina if he feels the need to share everything on gag it's because he probably doesn't talk with many people about these things.

He becomes a jerk when we break his dream bubble, but I don't think he's such an asshole like he seems he is.
I really think he's someone who's been isolated and abused for years, and is desperate to have someone to love him and don't make him feel hurt.

Deep down he's a little and scared child.
I can't really get angry with him because I pity him so much.
He's awfully broken and in the hands of someone that's delighted in having such a malleable and damaged person for her joy and pleasure.
I really can't feel anything but pity for him.

[Pamina]

And indeed he hasn't attacked us yet for this, so maybe there's hope.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

You two are two hateful, toxic people.
You are utterly disgusting and your whole discussion is delusional, alongside the idiots who agree with you. I'm getting rid of all the crap you wrote and then report you.
You don't want to help, you just want to mock and insult.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

You should just admit that you like mocking me and that you think I don't deserve to be with my fiancée.

[Opinion Owner]

What the fuck?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Shut up.

[Opinion Owner]

Literally what

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@Pamina anyway, I'm happy to see that your insults don't get deleted when I report them, but when I rightfully complain my question gets deleted.
I admit that maybe my reaction has been too harsh, and I apologize for that.
But this is just more confirmation there's no help to be found here and that the situation is hopeless. I'm done with this.
I admit that you are right on everything you said, but I can't leave my fiancée. Even if I got in a relationship I didn't want, I do sincerely want to make her happy because that's the only thing I can do with my life, everything else is ruined and it's not worth it.

[Opinion Owner]

At this point I don't know what to say.
I'm sorry but that woman has a rotten soul and rotted you out as well.
Go away. Suffer in silence and don't bother this community anymore.
You are sucking the joy out of everything and we don't need that.

[Opinion Owner]

Dude.
Only she is like that, not all women.
Good that you are in for the rude awakening, but don't become a misogynist.
You only had shitty women in your life, but I assure you that most women aren't like that. They are stable, healthy people with solid morals and good intentions and would be glad to make you happy and for you to make them happy.

Please, don't become a woman-hater.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

No, I think obsessive behavior can be unhealthy and even possibly lead to jealousy and controlling behavior in some circumstances. I also hate being clinged onto and would probably get sick of it very fast.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

OP, what do you mean by "done in general"? Feel free to PM me if you'd like someone to talk to.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you but no.
I'm don't do PMs anymore.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Alright, just making sure you're okay.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I appreciate the concern but I'm not talking with anyone on here.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Okay, that's fine! I know you said you're seeing a therapist, so please don't hesitate to talk to him/her if you need to for any reason.

[Avicenna]

I want her to be very much in love with me, but I have learned the hard way that being possessive and obsessed is a bit too much for me. It came with a lack of trust and confidence in herself and our relationship, and for me those things are important for her to have. If she does have that confidence and trust, then it would be fine for her to be somewhat possessive and obsessed.

Very good question.

[TantraSerge]

I think most people are the same... we are attracted most by what we cannot have and oblivious to what comes too easily. When a woman is too “obsessed “ by me, I tend to back off and need space. On the other hand, if a woman likes me and is interested and interesting to me, then I’ll go to great lengths to take it further. Maybe it’s just the competitive self in me...

[mrfoox]

Possessive talk to me is hot in bed. But when it's outside of the bedroom it doesn't sit well. Not if it's come up many times per week at least. Think we're all possessive at times, but when it starts being 'I don't want you to see x' etc... It's too far.

[aicarg]

See the words "possessive" and "obsessive" come with such negative connotations to it that doesn't define a healthy relationship. I don't care to be seen as some sort of object that is meat to be a type of possession or obsession over, I'm my own person and enjoy my own space at times.

Being cared for and adored, now that's diffrent. Having someone who cares and thinks of my well being and makes the most of our time spent together special and memorable when we see eachother is special.

[Jonny_]

I mean it depends on the level we're talking about, like being jealous or always being glad to see me doesn't bother me at all. I actually find it somewhat sweet that they care as much. Crossing the line is when it interferes with normality, like they always had to be with me or they couldn't function because of it.

[DizzyDesii]

In a way yes. I find the guy on YOU to be hot with what he does to show dedication (minus how he kills ppl)... so yea i rather them want me too much than not want me at all

[SarahsSummer]

As long as it's not negatively affecting the relationship or creating undue alienation among ones friends and family, I think both partners should be equally obsessed with one another.

[daisy56]

I feel as though I wouldn’t mind a healthy amount as it’s sort of flattering. But when it’s unhealthy and invading my privacy and friendships then it’s got to be a no...

[Agape93]

No way. If we broke up, having someone who knows me and where I live, and is obsessed with me, screams danger.

[bobalife]

That’s so cute about you and your partner.

Yeah, I would want or like someone who’s crazy about me just as I would with them. But in a non scary or unhealthy way tho LOL.

[perislav85]

No. I had that experience and nothing beautiful or good wasn't happen. Maybe in starting was some kind of interesting, but that never stops and there is no anything healthy into this kind of relationship.

[Anonymous]

No. I would like If he cared about me and If he displayed jealousy only in situations that are very hard to not feel this emotion. I don’t have a boyfriend, but I had a FRIEND ( only friend) that was a guy and he was very very controlling ( toxic behavior). Everyone told me that he liked me, but looking back then I think he was needy and that he just wanted my undivided attention. It was not love, he was showing he was really selfish. Love does not suffocate, It makes you bloom in every aspect.

[EleanorRigby]

Word obsessed has negative conotation, it implies something that is exaggerated, over the top.
Obsession doesn't equal love, and I prefer being loved rather than obsessed over.

[ashley1996]

I like him being possessive and being a little dominate. I like when other guys know they can look but not touch. But when he starts stalking me, cutting my initials in his leg, harming himself (all 3 have happened) I get really scared..

[qzar24]

My girlfriend lives me being obsessed/possessive but also clearly described what that means to her. We're exclusive, she appreciates it when I talk like she belongs to me (because she does 😉), and she loves how excited I get around her. However, I can't be controlling such as telling her what she can and cannot post on social media, demanding that she not hang out with guy friends, and that sort of stuff.

[pleasestopthis]

I think it's a bit normal when you're at the beginning, I guess? Like thinking about the other all the time, something like that? If so yes. But plainly obsessed is a bit weird for me and maybe unhealthy.

[Jok3r21]

May I give an example of being plainly obsessed? 😜

[pleasestopthis]

@Jok3r21 sure

[Jok3r21]

If you watched You Season 2 on netflix... When the stalker says : I wolf you 😂😂😂😂

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I think its a "careful what you wish for" situation. Obsession is a double edge sword; you love being at the centre of their universe, until you realise it means they're constantly in your orbit.

[Jjpayne]

I think it could be a good thing. But I agree there is a point where you need space for the both of you

[Jjpayne]

Id love that too

[SexyAshh]

Within limits, oh come on jean you know you love the thought of that😄

And yes i would, but i tend to never dump guys if i feel like they like me too much so idk🤷🏼‍♀️

[aziz222]

Don't girls hate guys who like them a lot and feel he is too much of a stalker, usually girls dump thus kind of guys. I am surprised by comments really.

[MuffinBoi]

Not really. I want them to love me obviously, just not obsess over me as that would probably feel a bit smothering

[Flower7]

Yes, I would like it as long as I was very interested in him too.

[Iwillneverunderstand]

Yes its flattering to say the least, little wholesome knowing someone you love shares the feeling.