My boyfriend often snaps at me. It is really upsetting. What do I do?

Question

Sometimes I ask my boyfriend the same question repeatedly because I am trying to get him to think outside the box on the dead-set answer he gives. There is nothing threatening about my tone of voice, it's more of a thinking out loud kind of thing, brainstorming if you will. I am a skeptical person, and it is part of my nature. I question everything. After I ask about five times, he snaps and his voice turns cold and angry "LYDIA QUIT f***ING ASKING ME THE SAME DAMN QUESTION, I ALREADY TOLD YOU MY ANSWER!" He claims that when he gives an answer, it is after he has thought about it enough and that it is his final answer so he doesn't need it questioned.

How do I get him to understand how this is hurting me? And how do I get him to stop?

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I was in the same shoes as your boyfriend during my last relationship. It was the same thing for 4 years, and it truly is annoying to be questioned about every answer I give. "Do you love me"... If I didn't, would I still be standing here?..

There were points where I would question her back, or be a smartass, just to get her to shut up.. It was annoying me to the brink of insanity. She wouldn't take my answer for an answer at all. Honestly, I think it would be for the best if you tried to break that habit. That's the only reason that I was able to survive her after year 2. It was literal hell.

You can't change another person, you can only change your approach to a situation. People tell me that "changing for another person is bullsh*t".. But to be honest, I've seen what that quality did and how bad it frustrated me.. It's not a good quality to have, at all. And I strongly encourage you to get rid of it.

The process I had me and her go through, to work on it:

- We each would get our time to "talk" during conversations.. Questions/etc came after

- Most her questions were repressed by her own choice, she was really trying to change

- I would try to be more detailed in the way I answered my questions, to give her reassurance

etc

Stuff like that, is called compromising. And just cause you have this trait, doesn't mean you should beat yourself up. Everything you've ever learned has been through repetition. You can learn to break this habit simply by replacing it with a new habit. For example, when your wanting to "brainstorm", maybe you could encourage you guys to talk about something else.. Say: "Babe, I'm trying to do that brainstorming sh*t again. Let's go down to the park and have some fun".. Get COMPLETELY away from any spots where you can be judgmental or analytical.

That's really all I can tell you. Hope it helps,

~ ArtistBBoy

Distant · Accepted Answer

Sometimes, when something is repeated too often, it will annoy people very much causing them to snap at you like this. Tell your boyfriend in a calm situation that you're really, very sorry for always repeating a question. Explain to him that it's just your inquisitive nature to reconsider questions and just ask him to have a little more patience with you when it comes to this. At the very least, ask him not to snap at you as it hurts your feelings.

~Distant

ShootingStar5 · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I'm gonna say the problem is you in this situation, no offense. I would be pretty annoyed if somebody kept asking me the same question over and over and over again too. If his answers never change and he says that he thinks about it enough to know his final answer before giving it to you, then that's probably the truth. If I were you I'd just stop repeating the questions. You ask once and get your answer. Then that's it! You know where he stands, and he doesn't have to be annoyed with you and snap. You'll both feel better if you can try to do that.

art84 · Answer

If a girl kept asking me the same question , I would probably snap as well. Its kinda like a little kid who keeps on bugging you until you give in. Maybe give his space or say your sorry for bugging him. I am sure he doesn't ask you the same question 5 times as it would annoy you as well.

WeaponZero · Answer

Have things always been this way or is it a recent thing?  That's kind of important to know to answer.

Skeptic · Answer

You should be quiet and stop asking the same thing. I understand how that  would annoy him if you posed all your questions 5 times. Sheesh!

Anonymous · Answer

Just deal with the answer he gives, but if he starts hurting you in other ways not sexually you need to get away from him fast, if he beats you go to the cops

My boyfriend often snaps at me. It is really upsetting. What do I do?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said