so my boyfriend and I are both seniors in college. We've been together for 7 months now. Lately, my boyfriend has been telling me he hasn't been able to sleep every other night because he is bothered by the thought that I'm not talkative much around him and he doesn't know if he completely knows me or not. I told him I'm sorry and that I was unaware I wasn't being open with him and its because I have PTSD from 10 years of being bullied and emotionally abused in public school until I graduated out of high school. Being severely bullied for that long (being told that I was so weird, ugly, teachers telling me my disability doesn't exist, and the majority of my classmates anonymously telling me to go die and ways to kill myself), so I closed myself from others and it always took me a while to open up to others. I was crying in my bf's arms while telling him this and he comforted me and said he's glad that I opened up to him and that it's okay. Lately, he's been looking like he's sad and so I asked if he was okay and he said that he's okay and I asked if he was sure since he looked sad and he said he's just sleepy from staying up too late with his friends playing videogames. I don't know why this stupid insecurity popped up that what if he's starting to become unhappy with me and one day just leaves me for someone else. The only reason I feel like I'm having this stupid insecurity is that we are out of the "honeymoon phase" of the relationship and into the reality phase but a huge reason I feel like I'm having this stupid insecurity is that I've been rejected 7 times in my life; the 7th was the worst cause the guy asked me out on a date (1st year of college) and I said yes and he ended up dropping the date 2 days prior to it in order to pursue someone else, he was my bf's current age. I trust my boyfriend, I'm just having these stupid insecurities pop up just cause of my past of people telling me that no guy will ever truly love me and that I should just die because I'm ugly
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in which the ugly part I never believed, but the guy part I did because of how I've been rejected so much. I've been through therapy long term in the past but it never worked much except for that I'm able to give trust even with my insecure thoughts in my head. I know I can trust my boyfriend because he's told me in the future he wants a family 2 years after college and is financially stable in which that's the same life goal as me, and it doesn't want to screw around and he said that himself. I don't know
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what should I do? this sounds stupid to talk to him about. what is your all's opinion on this? thank you
