My mom (43) is dating a much younger guy (27). Does the age gap make them incompatible? Should I tell my concerns to my mom to prevent heartbreak? (Page 2)
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You should come up with something that actually makes them incompatible besides, "Well his number is this and your number is this, mom!"
The older you get, the more you'll realize that age and maturity are two different things.
It could very easily be the case that your mom is the more immature of the two.
He has a significant maturity gap with my mom. He's a lot more impulsive and is a bit egotistical. I'm not saying he's drastically impulsively impulsive and egotistical, but it's certainly enough that there's a fair maturity difference between him and my mom. He also still likes to go party on weekends and be a little wild. Again, I'm not saying that he's extremely like this, but he's enough like this that it shows a significant maturity difference between him and my mom. Furthermore, he's just finishing grad school and she's already established in her career/she already has 2 kids and he has none so they're at very different stages in their lives.
Don't take this wrong, but I think the things you are pointing out that you think make him seem immature actually reveals more about your own immaturity and lack of understanding about what maturity really means.
You're too young yourself to be able to accurately judge his maturity compared to your mom. Actually, I think you're judging him by female standards of maturity or behavior. If he was a 27 year old woman partying on the weekends, yes, that would seem to indicate immaturity, but for a man, the same behavior fulfills a whole different set of social needs and obligations.
I'm assuming here that when you say he parties, you mean like drinking and hanging out with his male friends, not like partying at the club with strangers.
Why do you think your mom is less concerned with his behavior than you are? I think she has vastly greater perspective and can put his behavior into context instead of just labeling it as immature.
I feel you should talk to her and voice out your concerns politely. Personally, the age gap does seem wide but if your mum really is happy with her boyfriend and if he truly loves her and treats her well, I dont see the problem.
You kept thinking they are out for a fling, that it's nothing serious. Why? Just because of the age gap? Then I think you are not being very fair to them.
What if the situation would be the opposite? Would you have liked that if your mom telling you to stop seeing a guy and all? Wouldn't you have found this offensive? Wouldn't you have made a big deal out of it? Wouldn't you have said that it's none of her business? Just like that, it's none of your business. Your mother is a grown woman, has seen more world than you and can take care of herself.
To be clear I'm not saying I'd all out say that she should stop seeing him. What I'm thinking of doing is pointing out some red flags in their relationship and asking her if she really wants to go at it in the long hall with this guy
Let her live her life. she is an adult.
You don't have to interfere with her choices. Just be there if things go wrong. That's how you support your loved ones.
But what if I'm right and I could stop her from a lot of potential problems down the road?
It's not about whether you're right or not. It's about your mom's right to do whatever she likes. I know that you care about her and don't want her to get hurt. But in the end, it's her life and she has every right to live it on her terms. Yeah, you can tell her if you want to but don't force your views on her. Because it can damage your relationship.
First, they're both adults. It's a little drastic but not unheard of. Getting between them will most likely end up poorly for you, it will cause resentment and making your mother choose between the two of you (and no matter how you approach this It'll be perceived that way) will just cause bad blood. You've sometimes just got to watch the train wreck and be there to pick up the pieces.
It's healthy to communicate with her since she's your mom after all and you're only looking out for her. Nothing wrong with voicing out your concern as her kid. But also remember that she's a grown woman who has probably thought about those things before getting into it. You can't prevent heartbreak. Interfering in her business might hurt her more than letting her relationship run its course. At least right now she's happy.
I think,, from an older guys perspective, that if you are as close to your mother as you seem that sitting her down and actually talking about your impression on the pregnancy issue would be a good idea. I think you may be correct in the ticking time clock child thing. However the age Gap may be irrelevant in maturity issues. Speaking of only myself I was mature and had a different outlook at a very young age. My own income at 7 my own child at 15 married at 17 then the Marines. That said,, there are some men/women my age that I'm amazed they can tie thier own shoes. Maturity depends on the individual,, not calender years.
No reason to be alarmed if he's also excited to have a kid with her. The age Gap is big but it's not necessarily a deal breaker lot of people make it work.
But the fact that you're 22 means she's dating a guy only 5 years your elder and that might make things awkward for your future sibling having a sister as old as his dad. But still if she really wants to then let her try. Who's to say she will get pregnant
There are many relationships that work well despite of age gap you know women are way practical than men she probably knows what she is doing if you confront her she will just say that you are jealous so that you should be very careful with your words let her get what she wants from the relationship of she gets a heart break be there for her you cannot live someone's life on behalf of them you can only be the witness
There is that age calculator that says half +7. So half 40 is 20+7. On the brink. Maybe don't approach her with the judgment but you're curious so ask her if she likes him enough to be a father. Is this person genuinely kind to you or a worry? I think if there is a simple way to talk about it then sure. You don't talk about things often?
reverse the genders. if it was a 43 year old man dating a 27 year old woman would it bother you? If the answer is no than ok there is nothing wrong with it... If you say yes it would bother you, than yeah there is something wrong with it..
I personally see no issues if they are both happy.
Listen up! Your mom has needs. A younger gentleman can provide the coital pleasures she so desires. A young, engorged peen in your mom's sniz or backdoor is VERY satisfying to her. Stop c*ck blocking mom!
OK troll
I am not a "troll." You are being selfish. Leave your mom alone and let her enjoy life. It's not your business what she inserts in her body. Just because you plopped out if her doesn't make her body your business.
The age gap don't make them incompatible and you probably shouldn't tell her because it would either make her dig her heels further into this relationship, breakup with him and blame you for ruining her happiness; distance herself from you because she thinks you're a hater that constantly wants her as your mother to sacrifice her happiness for you even though you're no longer a baby. 🤷
I'm not trying to break them up per se. I'm trying to make sure she's not overlooking certain red flags because she refused to see the red flags.
How do you know that there not more than a sex thing between them maybe the age only bothers you for real. just because 2 people have an age gap dont mean they can't care about them and love them and her heart break what if he does truly love her and is there to the end. just saying. Think before you do something that might be making 2 people really happy right now and who is to say they haven't talked about it. And its none of your damn buisness does she interfere with your relationship/s
I know for a fact that it's more than a sex thing between them. They do have a real relationship beyond just sex. That's my concern. If mom was just having sex and wasn't considering anything long term I wouldn't be concerned at all. However, she is seriously thinking of having a very long term relationship with a guy a lot younger than her who I think has a few major maturity differences with my mom. Moreover, they're talking about having a kid together. That's my concern.
I said the "mom is thinking with her crotch" thing because I do think her sexual feelings for him (while certainly not the only feelings she has) are clouding her ability to not overlook red flags I think are going up
Its her life is she known for making bad decisions? You made it didn't you , ? And unless what 43 is to old to have a kid its her choice and you dont half to but probably wouldn't hurt to respect her and be there if and when you brother or sister is born. Right, wrong, or indifferent ether there happy together or there not sure she a smart lady and has a plan.
You can voice your concerns if it will make you feel better, but she knows already (or should). She wants this for whatever reason (s) and you're not likely to change her mind. She's ultimately going to do what she wants to do. But like I say, if it will make you feel better to talk to her, go ahead. She might also ease your mind.
I think your concerns of your mom starting a new family at her age is real. You may be having babies at the same time. You need to ask your mother, is she ready to be a mom and a grandmother at the same time? Its something to consider. Also is she really ready to start over, I mean your at an age that your mom is finally free to enjoy her life as a grown woman, that is provided you have no young siblings. But ultimately it is her life and her decision...
I'm not having babies anytime soon. haha.
I can pretty much guarantee you my mom would choose to have another baby over being a "free woman" in a heartbeat. She had her heart set on having 3 kids since forever. After she and my dad split her mind was dead set on having 1 more kid with someone else.
You can always tell your mother that you are concerned. That is your right as her daughter. (I feel it is strange considering that the guy is old enough to be your older brother, but who am I to judge). Additionally, I do not believe that the age gap is that much of an issue. If your mother and her boyfriend are happy together NOW, that all that really matters right?
It's quite a tricky situation, especially since for you that dude who is almost your age is now like your stepdad. Do you think that you can get past that? If you are really just worried about their plan to have a baby you could address that.
Why you getting in a way of her hapynes?
You think, that she is to old for new pregnancy?
Or is it just jelyousy?
Why you do not even consider, that it is good think happening to her, that she found someone who likes her and gives her enough action in bed and maybe even baby?
I’m dating someone that’s 57. I met him when I was 22 and he was 52. My parents voiced their concerns but I ignored it. Because I don’t really care. I say let your mom live her life. There ain’t nothing wrong with them dating
Objectively I find it a touch weird, but at the same time, they're both adults and they can do what they want. I'd just let them be happy together, you can find it odd, but that's your problem not theirs.